We are 2 days away from our 3 weeks holiday to San Francisco and LA. After our second child was born in 2006 hubby and I pencilled in this trip for this year for our family. Both girls would be old enough to enjoy the trip. It will be 3 years this December since we lost him to GBM. I decided at the start of this year to go ahead with the trip in spite of the expense.
I realised yesterday though that I am still carying out plans we made together. In the last 3 years I have discovered a new me, a me created because of the relationship we had and because of my new reality but this new me has made no new plans yet.
I know there is no manual and no right way but I am wondering if it may be time to do new unplanned things.It scares me and makes me pine for what we had but its a bit like not letting go of a favourite well-loved item. I will always love him but really I do him, his memory and our love no justice by refusing to grow because it may take me away from what we had.
I am just going to let this sit for a bit. I am off to our first family holiday since we lost him and I think its time to relax for a bit and allow joy back into our lives.
Love and light