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I am 25 year old caregiver to an active duty soldier and can I say Wow this really takes a toll.

jenniferleitner25
Posts: 2
Joined: Sep 2012

Back in 2010 we found out my husband had mds/aml. I was pregnant with our third child and he was getting ready to deploy, I mean basically when it rains it pours. My husband has always been very healthy and active, independent, and a leader I mean goodness he has been in the army for 12 going on 13 years. Some days I never know if he is in a good mood or a bad mood. The first go round of chemo back in January of 2012 was horrible they thought he had the shingles he broke out in a rash in the hospital and then it just seemed like I could do nothing right, everything I did he didn't really appreciate it well he stayed in the hospital for 45 days my one year old was 12 hours away with my mom and I just felt like a wreck not only did he lose 45 lbs but i went from 100lbs to 82lbs. I remember us arguing in the hospital and I am a southern woman raised in louisiana and what I felt like I stooped to was just unbelievable. I cried myself to sleep the next morning I felt guilty but at 4:30am I got up packed my things and said you know I am leaving to go make me a doctors appointment because I can't do this alone mentally and off I went I had an emotional/nervous breakdown while driving an hour to my house, I seen a doctor and found out I wasn't going completely crazy that this was all part of it. I returned back to the hospital 3 days later and felt a little better and his attitude was alot better. Anyways his second chemo went great for him and me both. I didn't stay just about the whole time, call me selfish but I couldn't do it. I felt like I am also a mom and I also needed to take care of myself and daughter first. I would visit him one day a week and would stay the night, we got along a lot better. So now he has went through his third round of chemo and did 3 days of radiation full body, and on friday september 7, 2012 he had a double cord blood transplant and it went great, then saturday evening it hit he had severe nausea, really watery bowel movements, and a severe migrane needless to say he ended back in the hospital. They can't seem to figure out what is causing this migrane or headache that won't go away. I am right across the street this time and when I feel an argument coming on I just leave. I kiss him tell him I love him and say I am only a phone call away. My daughter is with my dad this go round and she is only 5 hrs away which is way better than 12 hours but she is my angel/rock and I hate I have to let other people take care of her. I also hate the emotional roller coaster that goes on with my husband I mean one day he is fine has a great attitude and very appreciative of me and the next day he just wants to argue. I am a christian woman and I pray for strength to get through this but there are some days I want to scream at him or throw something but I know this is a phase and I am hoping it gets better. Because I know I am a good wife and mother but I don't know how to be a good caregiver. Because when he is sick my motherly instinct takes over but yet he won't let me help him. I am a very nice person and I have a back bone to strangers or other people I know just not toward him, I understand I am suppose to be in control but he doesn't really allow me has anyone else felt this way with their spouse

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I saw your other post as well as this one, and I just wanted to let you know I am here and adding my prays to yours. I am sorry you have become a part of this club none of us ever wanted to belong to, but I am glad you found your way here. You have a lot on your plate right now. Being a mother is hard. Being the spouse of a soldier is hard. Now you are also a caregiver. That's hard, too. Nothing you have written here sounds out of the realm of normal for caregiving. Guilt, fear, confusion, you name it. We have all experienced it. Your husband is a leader, so it's hard for him to let you care for him. He's angry and grieving for the life he had before cancer. He hates putting you through this. You are the person closest to him, so, fair or unfair, he is taking some of his frustration out on you. Hang in there. Come here to seek support or just to vent. Know that you are not as alone as you feel. Fay

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