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Sorry girls...one week out from last chemo and

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

in a stinkin' bad mood. My mouth is better but still hurts and can't taste food. I am SICK SICK SICK of chemo! I am tired of being sick and fatigued and boring. I don't go anywhere because I CAN"T. I can't plan any vacation to get relief because it is impossible to plan even an hour ahead. I am broke from the hospital bills, and my little cushion in savings is now a joke. My daughter is history, preferring to forget me...a nice little eye opener I will tell you that! The love I showered on her and the grandkids...gone.

OK, if you babies can't take a little glass throwing from me please move on to the next post about recipes. I am in a FOUL mood today. I know I need light hearted conversation too, but sometimes we gotta face the truth.

I apologize early for screaming. If you were here and saw me bald no make up sitting in my natty robe typing on this computer in my old house maybe you would laugh. It is pathetic.

I need a drink and I don't mean frickin coconut water either.

AnnieTherese's picture
AnnieTherese
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2012

All I can say to you is.... H U G S !! xxxxx I can't imagine how you feel, I won't even try, but it sounds to me as if you have every reason to be angry and hurt and to feel like total garbage. I think anyone in your situation would feel exactly the same way. You have a right to feel that way. And it's ok not to want to feel good and happy and bright all the time....it's ok to be ANGRY...!! And sometimes we don't want people to say nice things to us, we don't want them to encourage us, we just need to SCREAM....and cry and feel like....#########.

All I can offer is...xxxxx and hugs.

Annie

salls41's picture
salls41
Posts: 340
Joined: Apr 2012

Rebecca let it out, cause other than your daughter, I know every single thing you are saying!I couldn't eat, I couldn't go anywhere, even getting from the couch to the bathroom was a major trip. I had no savings when we started.. facing bankruptcy now.You dear are sooooo not alone in your fight. You can deal with your daughter later when you are well.
Chemo absolutely sucks..it is killing you girl! But now get ready cause I am coming after you.... YOU HAVE ONE LEFT! You can do this... your effects of chemo are cumulative, you are absolutely gonna feel worse before you feel better. What is your alternative feel sick and tired from cancer???? Knowing with the cancer and no treatment chances are when you are done being sick and tired you are done?? Sorry my dear friend... feel bad, throw things sit on the pity pot as long as you need to, then tie up your boot strings and go for a walk~ because when you are done with this chemo and you look back on your journey and all that you went through, you are going to feel very proud of yourself. And you will know that you did everything possible to save your life. HANG IN THERE!
xoxo
Sandy

lynn1950's picture
lynn1950
Posts: 2573
Joined: Jun 2008

Go ahead and rant. It's good for the soul. Keeping it bottled up leads to no good. xoxoxo Lynn

missrenee's picture
missrenee
Posts: 2137
Joined: Apr 2010

You feel like absolute crap right now--I so get that--and I didn't have all the other things to contend with like you do. Soon, this will be a memory (maybe a bad one, but a memory none the less). You're almost there, honey. The finish line is in sight. The light is visible at the end of this miserable tunnel.

Hang in there--any way you can. You will do this. Ask your higher power for some help. We're all with you, Rebecca, all the way.

If you lived near me, I'd be over there right now, letting you vent away.

Take good care and keep posting.

Hugs, Renee

aisling8's picture
aisling8
Posts: 1264
Joined: Feb 2010

Sending good thoughts and positive energy.

xoxo
Victoria

camul's picture
camul
Posts: 2045
Joined: Dec 2010

with the exception of the daughter. No matter how shi*** I felt, I was a total mess when I was told a few weeks ago no more chemo, told to nest!

I agree nothing like a nice refreshing Margarita, hold the salt please.

Glad there is only one treatment left.

Hugs,
carol

mamolady's picture
mamolady
Posts: 795
Joined: May 2011

I never understood why people expected people who are sick to stay chipper. I had a friend that was end stage cancer and everyone kept pushing her to smile and stay positive. When I talked to her that was the one thing that pissed her off.
It really is ok to be ticked off, or pissy or whatever. Cancer alone is a hell all to its own.
We all know how crappy we felt after chemo. It seemed like I would never feel ok, Then surgery and rads..... ugh! It will get better I promise.
At some point, direct the anger and frustration at the cancer and there will be no stopping you! Try ACS for resources for financial help or the local church? You never know where you may find help.

Cindy

aysemari's picture
aysemari
Posts: 1587
Joined: Dec 2009

Been there drank that... .No not frigging coconut water (:
AND I danced.... with my almost bald head. It was my first
Time in a club after cancer. There is a lot to live for so get mad
At cancer for holding you back. And laugh in its face as you
Dance in you living room, downing a bottle of something
Something, all the while singing on top of your lungs -
Hey Becca you're so fine... you're so fine... Can you hear it?
Do whatever it takes to shake off da funk. Be silly.. it helps
I was in your shoes, alone and broke. Concentrate on staying
Alive... staying alive... sorry slipped

Love you even in your foulest of moods
Big hug
Ayse

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8255
Joined: Aug 2009

chemo SUCKS big time, and it is NOT easy.

I had 18 consecutive TCH infusions -- every Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. no breaks, no
holidays -- toward the end I fainted, I threw up no stop, lost toe nails -- as
if I were not ugly enough with no hair on my scalp, or no eyebrows. I had
issues with WBC counts, then again, I had NO breaks from chemo -- no 1 or 2
weeks to regain my strength, personality, or zest for life.

I watched for 9 months as the world went by .. friends, family, and strangers
went to work, went about their business -- without a care in the world.

Is this fair, NO .. Why me .. yes, I did go there many times -- but, it
did not improve my outlook, or personal growth.

I decided after many miserable months to transferred my anger to getting better, and recovering from breast cancer --

I started list of things I wanted to accomplish or do -- and set my sight on
personal growth, and development.

... Two -- of my personal favorites ..

Walk for 5 minutes .. twice this week.
Go up and down my stairs 3 times each day ...

Yes, I was this fatigued ..

Hang in there... and screw ....cancer!!! Don't give in, and Don't give UP.

Vicki Sam

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

After yelling at the hubby all day and my nerves so bad. I tried to make dinner for him but he didn't want it either..can't blame him. So I made a drink and went to bed. Newbies, Becky was very bad to do that so don't you even try it...alcohol is not allowed during chemo. Becky was not herself...

I have 2 more chemos to go, not 1, but it doesn't matter if I had 15 because I have to do it or die, like Sandy said. And if I went through the whole thing without chemo I would have been feeling a lot worse because there would be no sliver of hope.

Its the money that is the problem. I know when it runs out so will the level of care. The hospital is gouging the insurance company with the bills and the insurance company is gouging me with what they won't pay. They aren't holding up to their end of the bargain for why we have insurance in the first place. Sandy, I am sorry to hear that at the end of this whole ordeal that bankruptcy is a possible option. At this stage of our lives after raising kids and grandkids and working all our lives to be laid so low in the poverty level is unthinkable. Its like the angel Clarence in "Its a Wonderful Life" said "oh, we don't need money up here!" and George Bailey responded: "Well it sure comes in handy down here BUB."

Money isn't everything, but it is SOMETHING. When I got another bill for $1700 after just dishing out $2000 I just fell apart. And of course not feeling good is making it worse. I didn't have the Neulasta shot this time because I thought the added pain was too much last time. I hope that wasn't a mistake because I feel so much worse this time.

With no family, it is scarey to think what would happen to me if this doesn't work. I would have been there for my daughter as I always was in the past if the situations were reversed, but she left me to die on the tree lawn with the garbage. How did I raise such an unfeeling creature? Like Sandy said, I will deal with that after this is over.

Thank you girls for slapping me back to reason...I was off the deep end yesterday and looking for a life preserver. You are my backbone.

Love,
Rebecca

RozHopkins
Posts: 464
Joined: Dec 2010

I'm English and though not perfect by a long way our medical system is so much better. Everyone pays from their wages automatically so when things crop up nothing comes out of your savings. I find the system here barbaric and terrible for a civilized country. There now I'm venting........... Heaven help you here if you aren't armed with an Insurance Card.

Chemo, I remember I looked at a pile of ironing and thought I'd rather commit suicide than tackle it. Could hardly move so exhausted. But I slept when ever my body told me to because I new it was a healing process and felt no guilt. Gosh I napped all the time for a long time.

My son who loves me I know, couldn't talk about the cancer and did not want to ever see me with no hair until I finally said I couldn't stand being too hot when he visited and I took the hat off. Infact he did 't want to touch me as if it was catching. No one understands how we feel who haven't experienced this. I'm sorry you have a bundle of things happening all at once, this a rotten time for you. I am hoping you have some strong friends who are supporting you, women need to share. I hope your pain relief works soon, nothing worse when so much on your plate. Keep posting because 'we get it'.

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

Let me live where YOU live! My strong friends are mostly here on the board. However, I do have a friend from the animal shelter where I volunteered when this bomb shell hit me and she is a trooper. But she has never gone through it and also doesn't understand how tired I am all of the time. They seem to think that if they ask how you are and you respond in the affirmative that that is how you will feel 10 minutes from now when you are in the bathroom busy with one end or the other!

I totally agree with your assessment of this country's medical problems. Greed brought it on I think about 30 years ago. It wasn't this bad before then. I have no clue as to how it could be resolved.

Thank you for your understanding!
Rebecca

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2283
Joined: Jun 2010

I did not mean to flag the above. I'm on my phone. So sorry

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2132
Joined: Jun 2010

I take a form of chemotherapy for another condition and have been told not do use alcohol. A drink now and then all my doctors agree won't kill me as long as it remains now and then. You needed that drink and don't feel guilty about having one. Sometimes it cleans out the sludge in us.

Why don't you talk to someone at your cancer center about the bills. There should be a person or two who can help you. That is their job. There are funds available to help women in your situation. Talk with your oncologist or her nurse and ask who it is and make an appointment. Let them handle any fight with the insurance company, they know all the tricks in handling them.

You have a husband and that is family. Your daughter did not leave you to die on the lawn with the garbage as you are online posting. She might be a little immature in the caring factor or is totally afraid. Deal with her later when you are back to normal. You will be back to normal again.

Make up with hubby, he sounds like a very good man.

Best,

Doris

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

My husband is a very good man. He has forgotten our fussing and on we go. The drink really did help. There will also be a new normal now concerning my daughter when I get past this. I am afraid that the relationship was just a pipe dream on my part.

bluwillo
Posts: 113
Joined: May 2010

like your daughter. Obviously, she's adult enough to take care of herself and her kids. Good job! I know it breaks your heart that she's not there for you, but save that fight for another day. (Or, you could make a drink, toss it back, call her up and say "Shut up and listen!" and dump all over her. Chances are good that you'll say something you can't take back...so that may be fun to daydream about, but won't bring you the closeness you need. You could also write a poison-pen letter and then put it away...read it in a week, then burn it.)

You can't really control the $$ issue, but you can get in contact with you hospital social worker. They can help with the $$ issues.

And, ya gotta finish chemo! If only to have "that talk" with your daughter. Right now, you need to concentrate on getting better. Being in pain and feeling like crap makes it hard to realize that there will be better days ahead. And props to your hubby....although I must ask, is cooking your favorite thing to do? If he knows you're in a bad way, dude needs to step up and at least EAT THE DAM MEAL you cooked for him! LOL!

Glad you're feeling better...anytime you wanna come here and scream, feel free! A lot of us are screaming right along with you.

Now, go look up the phone number for your treatment center's social worker. Then watch a movie or read a book (have you read Hunger Games? I though it was just for teens, but it's a really good book!) Put your feet up and tell anyone who cheeses you off to pizz off! Rock on!

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

I like your suggestion about calling my daughter after "tossing one down". That was funny. But, you can't make someone love you, can you?

And the "eat the dam meal" really made my day! No, he (and I) just fussed too much to make anything taste good on a tense stomach. I was nauseous and he was just nervous. I am not a good cook at all, but I make up for it with effort, and he usually eats it. He won't eat if I don't fix something. I even have to make his breakfast and lunch for him or he won't eat! Even being sick, I still have to do that. But sometimes I wonder where my little helper is to care if I am getting the right nutrition, or pack my lunch for me, or get up and make a piece of toast for me. Oh I should just shut up.

Thank you for your kind concern too about the money. I just haven't reached out to the social workers yet because I am not on empty yet in the savings. I have spent thousands already, and expect the amount to be $10,000 by year end. Then it goes back to $0 in January and I have to start paying all that again if I continue with any kind of treatment...which I am hoping will be over with by then.

smalldoggroomer's picture
smalldoggroomer
Posts: 1181
Joined: May 2010

Let it out all of it. I know how it feels to be stuck in the house and can't go out or do any thing. I have had a recurrence and am oxygen dependent right now. Only go to the Dr that's it. I am also in chemo again too. So I say Yell scream rant and rave. I'm here with you and we will yell together. I think some times we need to be angry just get MAD. Because this isn't fare. So go ahead a vent all you want we will too right along with you. And understand it. Your feelings are true and warranted. I'm with ya sister
Take care Darlin
Kay

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

Thanks Kay. I am working part time so I have to drag myself out and do it to keep the damned insurance which doesn't pay for everything. It is really a catch 22. If I could do what I want I would just stay home and read, or come over there with you and put a puzzle together while our dogs played in the yard together. Everyone keeps putting things on me to do...lets go out for breakfast, lets do this birthday party at work, lets do another company picnic. Everything requires so much energy and no one thinks I look sick so they are just running over me. I am not a victim, it just seems like it happens so fast and I get stuck. And I feel so sick this time.

Thanks for your understanding.
Hugs,
Rebecca

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

I think we've all been at that point where we just want the roller coaster to stop and let us off...I hope you are feeling better today.

Hugs,

Linda

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

You of all people know the roller coaster. I ache to feel better. It feels like a very long time ago that I had "fun" and felt good. I wouldn't go through all of this if I didn't think it was for the good and I would get better. Do you ever feel good?

Love,
Rebecca

47ronin
Posts: 16
Joined: Aug 2012

Hi, I'm new to the board, but your post struck a chord with me. I had to stop chemo at 4 rounds instead of 6 because of all the side effects. I never knew I could be so exhausted. The money worries make everything worse and this has got to be the hardest thing you could deal with. It's understandable that you want to scream and get drunk; I'd want to do the same.
I'm so sorry that you feel that your daughter abandoned you. If you don't mind advice from a stranger, I wouldn't expect help from your family. My own family (husband and 2 sons) haven't been any help to me after the surgery and chemo--they don't know what to do and don't have a clue how to respond. I think it's more sensible to talk with other survivors--either online or through support groups at your hospital.
I do hope that things get better for you; I hope it helps a little to know that there are other people going through the same hell.
Best wishes for your recovery.

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

Thank you for your understanding. I am coming to grips with my daughter leaving my life, and the grandkids too. It is hard, but I realize that she hasn't got it in her heart. I do find support here as my safety net. I am sorry that you had to quit the chemo early, and wish that I could. I am so sick all day, the sickest I have been yet and I keep crying. Everyone says tell the Oncologist and ask them what to do but I have an arsenol of pills in there and I start crying when I look at it because I don't know which one to take. I really need a personal nurse!!! I am so confused night and day.

How are you now after your 4 rounds? Have you gone through any surgeries? I wish the best for you, too, my new sister.

Hugs,
Rebecca

Frankie Shannon
Posts: 457
Joined: Oct 2011

My heart goes put to you Rebecca ,there is a light at the end of the tunnel gust hang in there. It's all right to be mad and rant and rave i'm so sorry about your daughter and grandkids i just can't image one of my kids just walking away as they where my life line thorough out all this cancer mess,kick it to the curb so to speak.My prayers go with you and lots of hugs coming your way.
Hugs Frankie

47ronin
Posts: 16
Joined: Aug 2012

I'm sorry I didn't reply before this; somehow I screwed up my log-in and password information. (I blame chemo-brain). I hope that you're not feeling as low as you did a couple of days ago. I'm fighting a tough depression myself, and it's hard to pull out of it.

I can empathize with being overwhelmed by the arsenal of pills: I stopped taking the antidepressant my Onco prescribed because I just got so sick and tired of taking one drug that causes a side effect, and taking another pill for that, which causes another side effect. I do plan to try to get another antidepressant on my next trip, because it was dumb of me to go off of them all at once.

I just saw a PS yesterday about reconstruction. I had originally signed up for DIEP flap reconstruction, but my job is giving me a hard time about taking more time off, so I'm going to do implants, which have a shorter recovery time. I'm hoping that my hair will come back soon, because I can't stand my current job, but don't feel very confident about trying to line up something else when I'm wearing a wig and have (badly) drawn-on eyebrows. I wish that worrying about insurance and medical bills wasn't such a huge part of this experience.

I am so sorry for all the sh*t you're going through now. I really hope that things get better for you soon.

Pat

sdukowitz
Posts: 250
Joined: Nov 2011

Leave the daughter thing go for now ....... my college kids just left for colleges out of state.... and I was a bit relieved to say the least we did go to counseling which helped daughter has a worse attitude than son , better with counseling, but it will take time Hope you can hang in there for your own health we are hear to listen to venting ... we understand! Sue D

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2283
Joined: Jun 2010

to at least offer some support and understanding, but I'm away and finally got the computer going so I don't flag posts from my phone anymore! Sheesh!

So, here it goes. I have (at home and I'm not there) a spreadsheet/checklist a friend had to help with remembering when to take meds getting through chemo. If you (or anyone) will send me a PM with their email address, I'll share it - but I won't be home until Sept, 2. And I'll have to find it. I just rememembered I have this. I remember how impressed I was with it, but I don't remember if it will help you or not.

I wonder what would happen if you called your daughter and asked her to help with something specific? Or if her dad did? Like taking you to an oncology appointment, or help preparing some meals, picking up something from the store, etc. If you think you'd get a negative response, don't do it. You don't need to add anything else to upset you. The thing is, no one seems to think having breast cancer is that big a deal anymore because they all know someone whGive o had it and is "just fine". We know differently. Add to that the naiveity of youth and the self-centeredness of youth and it can be an impossible situation. If you want to maintain or repair your relationship with your daughter, you may need to put that on the back burner until you're feeling well again. And you will feel well again even though it seems impossible now. I had a similar experience with my only sibling. Sigh.

My only advice is to give yourself a break. You're sicker than you've ever been and you can't do everything. Only you know how to take care of yourself and that should be your only responsibility now.

Gosh, I hope you can feel better soon. You've had a long haul with chemo. Just so you know, I've been sending out some prayers for you and I will continue to do so.

Hugs,
Suzanne

PS Let your husband take care of you - he either prepares food (sandwiches work) for the both of you or he starves. He'll figure it out

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

Here comes a PM with my email for the meds help. After years of living with my dear inept husband, I think he would starve, and actually be surprised that the food didn't just materialize in front of him. Thanks for the concern and help!

Love ya,
Rebecca

MsGebby's picture
MsGebby
Posts: 659
Joined: Oct 2011

I've been away and just now read your post. O M G!! How my heart sunk. I wish I was closer so I could help out.

I also would say that you need to talk to someone at the hospital and medical facility where you are treated about the finances. Being sick should not bankrupt anyone. Our country and politicians need to take care of our own! This is one topic that boils my blood! (telling myself to stop)

Please try to finish the chemo. I don't know what it feels like because I was fortunate enough to be able to bypass that treatment. What I do know is that you have to do everything necessary to get well. I need you Becca. It's selfish of me. But I have come to know you as a dear friend and I want you to get well.

Sending tons of love and gentle hugs. You are loved ....

xoxo
Mary

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

You know I love you too. I am glad you bypassed the chemo. I am going to finish it but it is like taking poison, it kills so much. I hope it is killing the cancer. The tumors have shrunk, and that is good. But the chemo is too much. I don't know what to do but move forward.

So grateful to know you, my friend!!
Rebecca

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4606
Joined: Feb 2004

Becky I did not read all the posts here so I may make suggestions others have already made so I am sorry in advance if I do that. First let me suggest you let people know you cannot do extra, you in fact should be doing less you are not well yet and are working hard on getting well. If need be have your oncologist write a note to your employer suggesting what your current limitations are (there is no shame in this I had to do it when I went back to work because my energy was so sapped), stop using metal utensil's~switch to sturdy plastic ones to help limit the metal taste due to chemo it may help to enhance the taste of food, contact your daughter and tell her you could use a bit of help that he chemo is wearing on you and you could use her help. Perhaps she could come over and do some housework for you, bring you a few meals to freeze so I difficult day's you will have an easy meal. I would also suggest you contact your local ASC and tell them what your situation is and ask if they know of any local monetary support that you could draw on. Ranting is okay, there is no shame in it we have all been there and we certainly understand how you are feeling. You say you have two chemo's left so you are almost there, keep working on getting through this you can do it, it is doable and you will get through this!

Now if you still feel super lousy call your onco and tell them how you are feeling, they may be able to suggest a medication that will ease your discomfort a bit. Do not suffer without checking to see if there is something they can do aide you. I will be keeping you in prayer, hang in there, it is worth all the discomfort and pain to have a future!

♥ RE ♥

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

RE: I thank you most of all for the prayers. I wish I knew how to tell people so they would listen that I can't do extra. I feel almost like I am begging these people to please remember that I have BC and am going through chemo and can't do even what I used to do, let alone the extras. But they seem to think I look healthy so I must be. They are cutting me no slack. But if I have the Oncologist write a note for work that would endanger my job if it appeared that I could not do it. There are others who would gladly take my place.

My daughter lives 3 hours away, so I think that she is happy she has an excuse not to come and help. She hasn't offered any because "she lives just too far away".

My Oncologist has already prescribed meds, and my cupboard is full, and when I am sick I look at the cupboard and cry. I don't know which one to take. I was so achy all over so I wondered if I should take the Vicodin, but then I had to take a Prilosec for the stomach that was in pain, only to take Advil for the miserable headache. Then to take a stool softener for the effects from the Vicodin, and an Ativan for my shaking nerves. I feel like flushing the whole cupboard down the toilet where it belongs. She gave me 2 mouth washes for the sore mouth..it was beyond sore...it was agony. But they are different and I am supposed to use each of them 4 times a day. I don't know how when the one says don't eat food for an hour after using it. Well, I guess pills don't count as food.

You see my dilemma. I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!

GrandmaJ's picture
GrandmaJ
Posts: 209
Joined: Nov 2009

Rebecca, hope by now you are feeling a little better. Several things helped me get through the initial ugly shock of having BC. One was my surgeon's nurse who was my angel and "held my hand" through the chemo, surgery and radiation. Second was a psychiatrist who put me on Lexapro and helped me understand my feelings of anger and sadness and kept me calm.

Third was the American Cancer Society who put me in touch with a "support person" in my area who I could talk to on the phone and who had gone through the same thing. I also had the support of friends, family and my children and husband. However, I must say I got nothing in the way of support from my mother. She chose to just pretend I didn't have breast cancer. She's in her 80's and I just think she was afraid and couldn't handle it. Maybe that's how your daughter feels.

You'll feel much better about things after your last chemo. Good luck.

Judy

MAJW
Posts: 2515
Joined: May 2009

Please don't say you hate your life.....:(......You're having a really bad time and we certainly understand.....but you're one chemo away from having some light at the end of the tunnel.....it will get better....it takes time....I couldn't help but think of our pink sisters who have lost their battle with bc....they would gladly feel like crap if it meant they were still alive to feel crappy....I so understand how you're feeling, we all do and you have every right to vent your feelings! I think that helps emotionally...we're here for you...Always!

As for your medication, I have found the best help there is the pharmacist.....talk to them about what to take when....I have a wonderful one....if not for her I would be screwed!

As for your daughter, as others have said, as bad as it hurts, let it go for now...I know easier said than done....is she your only child? if she lives 3 hours away and has small children, perhaps she CAN'T make herself available to you...I don't pretend to know what caused this separation, but perhaps try looking at this from her perspective....my daughter was 36 with 3 kids when I was first diagnosed ....I thought she would lose her mind....she lives an hour and a half from us....she felt so torn....I told her, her husband and children came first....when I had my first and second recurrence again she about went over the edge.... I'm stage IV but thanks be to God I am in remission....and chemo for the rest of my life....as maintenance.....our son is a shrink, so I get lots of "advice" from him...lol

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends...women aren't good at this...but sometimes we have to swallow our pride and reach out....as for your "inept" husband....if he won't eat unless you fix it, let him go hungry! lol.....after a while he'll get the message! You're the sick one not him! I am so blessed with my husband, he cooks when I don't feel like it...now granted, it maybe a Marie Callendars frozen dinner but it fills us up....lol actually they're pretty good....you make a slit in the top, put them on a baking sheet and pop 'em in the oven for 45- 60 minutes, and bingo, there's dinner! Send him to the store with a list and stock up on them....if he won't go to the store, ask a friend to go...people like to have a specific task to help
out...

I hope I haven't come across as preachy, but my heart breaks for you....I care....but please remember you won't always feel this way...but it takes time....allow yourself time...you wil feel better....

Oh and here's what my Oncologist told me last week....they are trying to get weight back on me....lost 35 pounds...he asked me if I liked wine...no I don't...so he said what do I like alcohol wise..I'm not a drinker, but do enjoy a bloody Mary and or a margarita now and then.... He said, then have it! Alcohol has mucho calories...he said just not the day before, the day of and the day after chemo! Okay...I've had one this weekend.....

Heavens this is way to long! We're here for you...
You can do it, sweetie!
Hugs, Nancy

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

I really thought about the frozen dinner one and decided to go that route after last night. I had a craving for salad with broccoli and egg and onion. It was a side to go with (once again) left over lasagne that has been reheated too much for my husband. In the time it took about 10 minutes to make both salads I couldn't stomach the sight of it and John didn't want his either. In the garbage it went. The cost of food makes that a crime. So thanks for the suggestion, this weekend I am stocking up on some of it.

Thanks again!
Rebecca

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5340
Joined: Oct 2010

sorry your family are not treating you well! You can vent away all you want...we all have our good and bad times. I did not have chemo so I can only imagine what you are going through. I wish you the best.

Denise

AngieD's picture
AngieD
Posts: 504
Joined: Sep 2011

Oh, dear Rebecca, I just found this thread and I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time.

I believe you're following me on the treatment path and just have 1 or 2 more chemos then rads. (?)

My advice sounds like and is a couple of cliches, I know, but it's sincere:
"Just keep on keeping on"---you will get through it
"Just say NO"---when asked to do "extras" can't you say "No, it's taking all I have to do my regular job and get through this cancer treatment" ?

Cancer center social workers have lots of resources for financial help depending on your situation. Don't wait til you're tapped out. Ours suggested we file with the hospital/cancer center to see if we could get a discount on co-pays since we are "high volume" users--me and hubby. We filed, but haven't heard anything yet. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Is your husband disabled? If not, can you say to him, "I need you to help me get through this. Here's what I really need from you."

And, as others have said, just leave the daughter issue til you're stronger. Please don't burn any bridges.

I hope you don't mind me saying these things. I just want you to feel better SO much. I know what a caring person you are with all of us here. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Angie

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

No, my husband isn't disabled. He is like Gagee's husband below. He is doing much better since I have been diagnosed and going through treatment. He is just having to do somethings he never did before and needs practice!

There is one thought I would like to bring out about bridges that has been on my mind all night. It seems to me that I am the one that built it in the first place, and have spent years on it trying to put out the fires coming from the other side. After a while you just have to admit that the bridge isn't wanted. I won't light a fire on my end, but I am tired now of putting out the smoldering embers from the other end and can't do it anymore.

I love you Angie, and hope that you will stay and visit with us as the Lord puts new wind in your beloved sails!!

Hugs,
Rebecca

gagee
Posts: 321
Joined: Sep 2010

I sort of know what you are going through. My surgery was 8-04-2010 and both my daughters said it is only a small cancer. They were not with me for dx,surgery or even now. My husband needed them when I was going through treatment but they weren't there for him either. We have great memories of them as children and our grand kids and that gets us through the days that we have hurt or bad feelings because of no contact with them. Had my appt. last Friday for 2 year check up and both docs gave me great news. So I take that and try to be happy. Don't get me wrong I get peed off at the girls but ..... My husband has been there and you need to let yours know you need him. In 45 years my husband didn't lift a finger (more or less) to help but these past 2 years he has been a jewel. He reaches his end of the rope with the cancer and the kids but we get through it. Friends help and coming to this site has been great. Even though I don't post often I read all the time.

Know my prayers and everyone here is pulling for you,
Diana

rallendorfer
Posts: 245
Joined: May 2012

wow, we sure have a lot in common!

Hugs,
Rebecca

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