Jul 27, 2012 - 5:39 am
Well, I finally started back on chemo yesterday but I'm so embarrassed for myself. I cried most of the way there and when I got there I found a recliner by a window in the corner of an area that nobody else was in yet. I sat down and the tears just kept pouring out. I don't know when was the last time I felt so alone. The nurse came over and accessed my port to draw blood. She used freeze spray but it still hurt; I guess because it's still really sore. She seemed oblivious to the fact that I was crying like a baby. My quiet area soon filled up and I still sat there crying. Nobody ever tried to comfort me (not that it was their place to do so or anything). Everybody seemed happy and was going on with their lives while I on the other hand felt like it was the beginning of the end of me. I had to see the NP before my chemo could begin and she prescribed an antibiotic, two different kinds of nausea meds (just in case because I told her I was afraid I will spend the weekend vomiting), and of coarse an antidepressant. I've always rejected the antidepressants but I think I will try it this time. I have to go in every week for blood work and I don't want to be crying every time I go. So the current plan is Ixempra once every three weeks and two weeks of Xeloda followed by one week off. I will go through three cycles and then they will do some scans to see how "things" are going. Hopefully I will feel better once the soreness in my neck goes away and I can stand up straight again. As someone always says......I'm thinking it's VickiSam.....I need to get my GRRRRRRRR on. This crying in public crap is just not me.