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Just venting...

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jun 2010

I am having a bad day or week. My mom was in the hospital over the weekend. She had excruciating pain on her left hip. She asked me to take her to the hospital but we ended up calling an ambulance because there was no way she could get to the car or in it.

She had a lot of tests and they determined it it bursitis. My mom is not a good patient. She also has a very negative attitude so she complains about everything. She tells everyone they didn't do anything for her and they don't know what is wrong with her. I correct her which she hates.

As her only child and since we live together I am resposible for her, which I don't mind but the negativity gets me down. I downplay my illness because I don't want to upset my mom or my son but my mom acts like everything is life or death. I brought her home yesterday and now she is experiencing constipation which she never has a problem with and she is beside herself. I am always telling her about what a big problem that is for me and the lengths I go through to be able to go to the bathroom. Her response is always, I don't have that problem. So I explained to her that she hasn't been eating much, she has been in bed and has been taking pain medication all which contribute to the problem. It falls on deaf ears.

She claims the pain meds did nothing for her but she thinks they will eliminate the pain. I have told her so many times that the pain has to slowly subside. She never sees the good in anything. I asked the nurse in front of her if we could expect this to go away completely and he said yes. But then my mom will get on the phone and say the pain is just as bad as when she went in which is silly because she couldn't even move that day.

I cannot tell my mom anything because she gets mad. After I told her to relax about the constipation she got mad and said I hurt, don't you think I hurt. I said yes I know but it will be ok, why do you have to act mad. I told her I am here for her and she acts like no one does anything for her. Well, she walked away (i told you she was better) and I followed her down the hall, crying, and said I am here for you aren't I, why do you have to act like your mad all the time. It didn't do any good. I went to my room and cried for a while.

I want to tell her, my God, I have cancer but I try to keep it together because I don't want to be upset or down. I want to be happy which I am. I wish I had a pain in my hip or just constipation. I have to take into account that she is 88 and has has a lot of pain because of rheumatoid arthritis but being negative never helped a situation.

I am going to have to just go along with the program as I always do. But her moods do affect me. I don't think it's fair that I spare her feelings but she makes no attempt to spare mine. Even when I was in treatment and as miserable as I have ever been I never had a negative attitude. Granted I was not jumping for joy but no one can say I was a grump.

She just got a phone call and said she feels terrible!

Sorry ladies, I had to vent.

Karen

davevg
Posts: 114
Joined: May 2011

Tell them your feelings and fears. I know its going to be tough on everyone but you can't walk around on egg shells ether. Stress is not a good thing for any of you ladies. You need support at home and your mom needs to know its not all about her. Sorry if I'm out of line here but its what I feel.

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jun 2010

I think that's the same advice I gave you but I really do handle my situation quite well normally. I have come to terms with each step of the journey. I am always hopeful and want to live my life in gratitude and peace. I do have people I share with but don't feel the need too often. I know what a gift life is, I guess I am always surprised when others don't. My mom is 88 and doesn't get it. I know everyone lives their own reality but I get a little irked when people complain so much about things that can be fixed. For a lot of us here that is not possible.

After a good cry I decided to fight fire with fire so I came out and was a little stern with her. Her mood seems better. I love my mom and she has been a great mother and "father" to me. She acts tougher than she is while I , being shy, have always been considered meek. People were surprised how strong I have been through this ordeal...called me brave...but like the rest of the ladies on this board, I appreciate life and fight for it.

You're right about eggshells, I have spent my life walking on them. I am a people pleaser and find it difficult to speak up at times. I choose my battles.

I am so glad to have this place to come to. It helps so much just to be heard.

Karen

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jun 2010

x

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1262
Joined: Sep 2011

Feel free to vent here any time! We're happy to listen to everything - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I feel for you. You surely have your hands full, not only with your own health but also dealing with your mom, who I know you love despite the aggravations. Sending big hugs to you and hoping that things calm down for you and your mom.

Take care,
Kelly

Glad to be done's picture
Glad to be done
Posts: 558
Joined: Jul 2012

This has to be tough on you I am sure. I can't even imagine how you get through chemo and take care of your mom. That is awsome. I know when I was in chemo there were days I couldn't even get off the couch....

Vent here. We will listen and we won't get mad. LOL

Eileen

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jun 2010

chemo right now, Eileen. I am taking Tamoxifen for my recurrence. I think if I was "chemo sick" she would tone down her attitude. But at this time I have no symptoms so I don't appear sick at all. I am feeling great which is why it is so important to me to enjoy this time.

She does appear to have had an attitude adjustment since this morning. I don't want to make my mom sound awful. In truth she is loved by everyone. It's in the last few years that she has gotten grumpier.

I try to overlook a lot of it because I know how lucky I am to still have my mom. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Karen

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

Karen, sorry your environment at home is polluted with negativity. It is hard to deal with your own issues with that hovering around. But bless you for your compassion for your mom. Kim

Glad to be done's picture
Glad to be done
Posts: 558
Joined: Jul 2012

Karen what is tamoxifin and what is it for? I have never heard of it.

kayandok
Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

that's what we are here for.
Hugs and prayers for you today, Karen!
kathleen

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1316
Joined: Nov 2009

vent away! I hope your Mom feels better soon for both your sakes. This is why I love all you ladies sooooo much. I can come here and be heard and understood and shake off the frustration of living in a world where few people realize our daily struggles. I wish I could donate a dollar for everytime I've heard "have you tried prune juice for that constipation?".... oh, if life was only that simple!
((((extra big hug))) Maria

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