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Daughter taking care of sick mom

ana2012
Posts: 3
Joined: Jun 2012

Hello, I am new to this site, I have tried to write something for a long time, but it is so difficult to acknowledge what is happening. My mom has stage IV pancreatic cancer, she was officially diagnosed last february (she was feeling sick for more than 2 years, but all her exams came out negative). She went through 4 chemio treatment but the last one gave her severe side effect and after that she was admitted to hospice (in her home) with a very bad prognosis. I have been through all this ordeal, the primary caregiver, I have a brother but he has left al the decision and care to me. It has been a year that I have been taking care of my mom, and this has been such a terrible thing to go through. I have to face her and try to be normal, like everything is fine when everything is so bad and when all I am thinking is that she will die soon!!! everything is in suspense waiting for what will happen tomorrow, even in the next hours. I am trying to be strong for her, but this is draining me emotionally and physically. I have been the one facing all situations with her and the doctors, being their for her, but I am so tired of just not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow...this is so difficult.... My husband and children (18 & 20) have been very supportive, they give me all the strength I need, but at the end of the day I am the only one doing everything for her, I had to hire someone to help me with her, because hospice only sends a nurse to check on her twice a week, since she didn't want to take any medication and was feeling ok. My mom has hope and she is fighting this cancer with her soul, she has been so strong and it kills me everytime the doctors have to tell her the cancer is growing and there is nothing they can do...it is not fair...this is hurting me so much just being there and not being able to help her more...

BenLenBo's picture
BenLenBo
Posts: 138
Joined: Feb 2012

ANA2012,
I just read your post. You are getting burned out, now is the time to ask friends,family and
even a support group in your area to help. Anyone from your church willing to spend a couple hours with your mother. Even your mother might enjoy have others around. If she is able to get out,
go for coffee, walk in the park, or even just a car ride around the area. Your brother should beable to help in those areas. He is apart of the family, ask him if he can help, and what
he would feel comfortable doing for his mother.
Talk with your hospice nurse that comes, they have volunteers that will spend
time with your mother, and she may enjoy seeing a new face.
Being a caregiver is one of the hardest moments in life that one faces, but it can
also be very rewarding. Please take time for yourself!

Take Care!

Carol

ana2012
Posts: 3
Joined: Jun 2012

Thanks Carol for your suggestions, I will try to do that, and will take time for myself. I am taking her out sometimes, when she feels with energy, It does help to change places and not just being inside her house. I have tried with my brother to help but he has a new job and has to travel, so it makes it even more difficult for me to tell him to be with her. I agree totally with you, that being a caregiver is the hardest and overwhelming experience one can face. Thanks for listening and posting, It sure makes me feel relieve to know that there are people out there that understand what I am going through.

snk1787
Posts: 4
Joined: Jul 2012

Hello ana,

I am new to this site also. Like you, I am a daughter caring for a sick mother and I have yet to write what I am going through because it can be so hard to put into words. You're entirely right. It isn't fair. This disease is completely unfair.

Another suggested turning to family and community. This sounds like this might be a good option for you. You could have a support system to aid in visits with your mom, or even a support system to help you take care of you and your family.

I will think of you and your family. Sending good thoughts and prayers.

ana2012
Posts: 3
Joined: Jun 2012

Thanks for for kind words, I had to hire someone to take care of my mom, when she was admitted into Hospice, they told me she would last 2 weeks, but it has been more than 2 months since then. She has a strong will to live and to be honest, beside God's will, her courage and strength is keeping her alive, she has not accepted that she is dying... But it is so heartbreaking seeing how she is declining, as much as she fights the disease is progressing...

I honestly don't know how I am managing, my family has been very supportive, but everytime I spend time with my mother, it drains all my energy and I get a mix of emotions, to the point, that I feel numb...I can not describe what I feel...

Whenever you want to tell me about your story, I will be here to listen...it is comforting to listen to others that are going through this terrible experience...

my thoughts are with you also..

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