Jul 16, 2012 - 9:41 pm
Hello, I am new to this site, I have tried to write something for a long time, but it is so difficult to acknowledge what is happening. My mom has stage IV pancreatic cancer, she was officially diagnosed last february (she was feeling sick for more than 2 years, but all her exams came out negative). She went through 4 chemio treatment but the last one gave her severe side effect and after that she was admitted to hospice (in her home) with a very bad prognosis. I have been through all this ordeal, the primary caregiver, I have a brother but he has left al the decision and care to me. It has been a year that I have been taking care of my mom, and this has been such a terrible thing to go through. I have to face her and try to be normal, like everything is fine when everything is so bad and when all I am thinking is that she will die soon!!! everything is in suspense waiting for what will happen tomorrow, even in the next hours. I am trying to be strong for her, but this is draining me emotionally and physically. I have been the one facing all situations with her and the doctors, being their for her, but I am so tired of just not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow...this is so difficult.... My husband and children (18 & 20) have been very supportive, they give me all the strength I need, but at the end of the day I am the only one doing everything for her, I had to hire someone to help me with her, because hospice only sends a nurse to check on her twice a week, since she didn't want to take any medication and was feeling ok. My mom has hope and she is fighting this cancer with her soul, she has been so strong and it kills me everytime the doctors have to tell her the cancer is growing and there is nothing they can do...it is not fair...this is hurting me so much just being there and not being able to help her more...