Ghost

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dmj101
dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
I am starting to feel like a ghost in my own life.. do you know what I mean.... i feel like I am watching all this happen... it can't really be happening...
but I feel like others are leaveing me out of things. I see these postings on FB that I would normally be included in and I have not been invited anymore.. it's like I am already gone.. just cause I told them I can't do the sun or heat..
I have one friend who tries to include me but I feel wierd with her.. she makes me feel like I am pitty friend.. so I try to avoid her.. but now it seems like that is all I have to count on..
getting depressed and lonely...
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  • Semira
    Semira Member Posts: 381 Member
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    oh girl...
    ... I feel with you. Reminds me of some "friends" who don't even call since my husbands diagnosis. So sad and disappointing. Have no advices for you just a gigantic

    H U G
    from Germany
    Petra
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
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    The worst part is I can't
    The worst part is I can't really hide my cancer anymore.. I feel like crap so much of the time from the meds that even I the great actress can't pretend anymore to be fine.
    I won't have a date for a long long time if ever again.. as no one will want to date a woman with cancer. I guess that last kiss I had in may before I freaked out about my treatments starting was it.. never again.. I know I would run from someone too with all this gCoing on..
    I guess I am just having a Feel sorry for myself day.. I try so hard not to get caught up like this.. but today I can't seem to turn it off..
    I just wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me this will pass and I'll be better soon.. but I don't.. and I probably won't be..
    I have another treatment to endure before my scan.. but I don't know what will come then..
    I don't know.. and I guess that is what I am getting caught up in. the unknown.. I am so tired of having to just move forward.. that is what everyone expects me to do.. but no one I want to go thru this with me are there for me. and I feel like a jerk using those that want to help me as they are all so new in my life and not long time friends or even close just really acquaintances..
    I didn't really start feeling this way till last week or so.. I was drowning in trying to keep up with work.. and then when ACS asked me to speak at the regional wrap up dinner for Relay.. Can I talk about feeling like crap ane lonely.. no.. I have to somehow show strength and power.............when I feel drained..
    Sorry you are reading this from me.. but I needed to write it..
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
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    dmj101 said:

    The worst part is I can't
    The worst part is I can't really hide my cancer anymore.. I feel like crap so much of the time from the meds that even I the great actress can't pretend anymore to be fine.
    I won't have a date for a long long time if ever again.. as no one will want to date a woman with cancer. I guess that last kiss I had in may before I freaked out about my treatments starting was it.. never again.. I know I would run from someone too with all this gCoing on..
    I guess I am just having a Feel sorry for myself day.. I try so hard not to get caught up like this.. but today I can't seem to turn it off..
    I just wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me this will pass and I'll be better soon.. but I don't.. and I probably won't be..
    I have another treatment to endure before my scan.. but I don't know what will come then..
    I don't know.. and I guess that is what I am getting caught up in. the unknown.. I am so tired of having to just move forward.. that is what everyone expects me to do.. but no one I want to go thru this with me are there for me. and I feel like a jerk using those that want to help me as they are all so new in my life and not long time friends or even close just really acquaintances..
    I didn't really start feeling this way till last week or so.. I was drowning in trying to keep up with work.. and then when ACS asked me to speak at the regional wrap up dinner for Relay.. Can I talk about feeling like crap ane lonely.. no.. I have to somehow show strength and power.............when I feel drained..
    Sorry you are reading this from me.. but I needed to write it..

    Don't be sorry
    It's hard to put on the brave face every day especially when you feel like you have to be strong for others on the days when you someone else to take that job. It's even more difficult to do this without that intimate someone to hold you and tell you that while it might not be all okay, at least you can face it together. It bloody sucks being the only person in the infusion room that doesn't have someone sitting with them. To me, the most important weapon we can have in this fight is that special someone. A phone is cold comfort, dear Donna, but you have my number and can call me when you need.
  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
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    Semira said:

    oh girl...
    ... I feel with you. Reminds me of some "friends" who don't even call since my husbands diagnosis. So sad and disappointing. Have no advices for you just a gigantic

    H U G
    from Germany
    Petra

    Friends
    You were right to put friends inside quotes. Obviously they were just acquaintances! Isn't it sad how often people let us down? My definition of a friend is :when you tell them you need $1,000 as soon as possible, they send you $3,000. Don't have many, but do have a few.
  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
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    dmj101 said:

    The worst part is I can't
    The worst part is I can't really hide my cancer anymore.. I feel like crap so much of the time from the meds that even I the great actress can't pretend anymore to be fine.
    I won't have a date for a long long time if ever again.. as no one will want to date a woman with cancer. I guess that last kiss I had in may before I freaked out about my treatments starting was it.. never again.. I know I would run from someone too with all this gCoing on..
    I guess I am just having a Feel sorry for myself day.. I try so hard not to get caught up like this.. but today I can't seem to turn it off..
    I just wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me this will pass and I'll be better soon.. but I don't.. and I probably won't be..
    I have another treatment to endure before my scan.. but I don't know what will come then..
    I don't know.. and I guess that is what I am getting caught up in. the unknown.. I am so tired of having to just move forward.. that is what everyone expects me to do.. but no one I want to go thru this with me are there for me. and I feel like a jerk using those that want to help me as they are all so new in my life and not long time friends or even close just really acquaintances..
    I didn't really start feeling this way till last week or so.. I was drowning in trying to keep up with work.. and then when ACS asked me to speak at the regional wrap up dinner for Relay.. Can I talk about feeling like crap ane lonely.. no.. I have to somehow show strength and power.............when I feel drained..
    Sorry you are reading this from me.. but I needed to write it..

    Understand how you feel
    You are not alone with these feelings. My support base has been more friends than family and I have kids 20 and 22.
    I feel I have a limited base to talk to about what I am feeling and the loneliness with this disease.
    My mom even told me 'We don't know what to say to cancer patients' she volunteers at a hospital..
    Some of my friends send joke emails and that's kind of empty too.
    It's hard to find a balance when you don't feel up to certain activities.
    I think what you are feeling I have too.

    I find myself wanting to do so many activities but can't because of chemo.

    I try to look up things to do on my own and also plan as a distraction to keep my mind from thinking of the what's
    next.

    I probably didn't offer comfort but thank you for letting me post on these feelings.

    I have felt the same thing many weekends...I am not back at work yet so I think the feelings intensify.
  • TheDirtyColon
    TheDirtyColon Member Posts: 13
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    dmj101 said:

    The worst part is I can't
    The worst part is I can't really hide my cancer anymore.. I feel like crap so much of the time from the meds that even I the great actress can't pretend anymore to be fine.
    I won't have a date for a long long time if ever again.. as no one will want to date a woman with cancer. I guess that last kiss I had in may before I freaked out about my treatments starting was it.. never again.. I know I would run from someone too with all this gCoing on..
    I guess I am just having a Feel sorry for myself day.. I try so hard not to get caught up like this.. but today I can't seem to turn it off..
    I just wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me this will pass and I'll be better soon.. but I don't.. and I probably won't be..
    I have another treatment to endure before my scan.. but I don't know what will come then..
    I don't know.. and I guess that is what I am getting caught up in. the unknown.. I am so tired of having to just move forward.. that is what everyone expects me to do.. but no one I want to go thru this with me are there for me. and I feel like a jerk using those that want to help me as they are all so new in my life and not long time friends or even close just really acquaintances..
    I didn't really start feeling this way till last week or so.. I was drowning in trying to keep up with work.. and then when ACS asked me to speak at the regional wrap up dinner for Relay.. Can I talk about feeling like crap ane lonely.. no.. I have to somehow show strength and power.............when I feel drained..
    Sorry you are reading this from me.. but I needed to write it..

    Dates
    I know how you feel about that whole dating and friend thing. Some people just treat you like you are broken and step out of your life. These people are the ones who weren't friends anyways and you can do so much better without. All I do is keep my head up, be thankful to God for the real friends I have, and take one day at a time.

    God bless, it will get better!!!!!
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
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    dmj101 said:

    The worst part is I can't
    The worst part is I can't really hide my cancer anymore.. I feel like crap so much of the time from the meds that even I the great actress can't pretend anymore to be fine.
    I won't have a date for a long long time if ever again.. as no one will want to date a woman with cancer. I guess that last kiss I had in may before I freaked out about my treatments starting was it.. never again.. I know I would run from someone too with all this gCoing on..
    I guess I am just having a Feel sorry for myself day.. I try so hard not to get caught up like this.. but today I can't seem to turn it off..
    I just wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me this will pass and I'll be better soon.. but I don't.. and I probably won't be..
    I have another treatment to endure before my scan.. but I don't know what will come then..
    I don't know.. and I guess that is what I am getting caught up in. the unknown.. I am so tired of having to just move forward.. that is what everyone expects me to do.. but no one I want to go thru this with me are there for me. and I feel like a jerk using those that want to help me as they are all so new in my life and not long time friends or even close just really acquaintances..
    I didn't really start feeling this way till last week or so.. I was drowning in trying to keep up with work.. and then when ACS asked me to speak at the regional wrap up dinner for Relay.. Can I talk about feeling like crap ane lonely.. no.. I have to somehow show strength and power.............when I feel drained..
    Sorry you are reading this from me.. but I needed to write it..

    Nothing to be sorrry for...
    ...Donna. I am sorry that you are going through this. I know it's not the same but I am sending a virtual {{{HUG}}} your way and hope that you will be feeling better soon.
    And I believe (like my Grandmom used to tell me when I was divorced for a long time and had been alone for so long) that "someone will come along." And that someone will be special like you are, someone who can look past the cancer.
    ~Aud
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
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    sorry dmj101 :(
    Cancer can make you feel very alone...........
    However, sometimes the HALT acronym comes in very handy, and it stands for not trusting your thoughts when you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
    Here are some suggestions, maybe to look at tomorrow after a good night's sleep?
    * Tell a friend with a big mouth how you're feeling and that what you need more than anything is everyone's continued support and friendship.
    * Throw a small party on your off-chemo weekend. Maybe a bbq after work on a Friday, and let everyone know how much you appreciate what they've already done.
    * Find out if there's a IN PERSON cancer support group through your hospital.
    I get the sense you need some caring human contact, and these three ideas popped up.
    Hope it helps...and I'm sorry you're feeling so low.
    Tommycat
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
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    dmj101 said:

    The worst part is I can't
    The worst part is I can't really hide my cancer anymore.. I feel like crap so much of the time from the meds that even I the great actress can't pretend anymore to be fine.
    I won't have a date for a long long time if ever again.. as no one will want to date a woman with cancer. I guess that last kiss I had in may before I freaked out about my treatments starting was it.. never again.. I know I would run from someone too with all this gCoing on..
    I guess I am just having a Feel sorry for myself day.. I try so hard not to get caught up like this.. but today I can't seem to turn it off..
    I just wish I had someone here to hold my hand and tell me this will pass and I'll be better soon.. but I don't.. and I probably won't be..
    I have another treatment to endure before my scan.. but I don't know what will come then..
    I don't know.. and I guess that is what I am getting caught up in. the unknown.. I am so tired of having to just move forward.. that is what everyone expects me to do.. but no one I want to go thru this with me are there for me. and I feel like a jerk using those that want to help me as they are all so new in my life and not long time friends or even close just really acquaintances..
    I didn't really start feeling this way till last week or so.. I was drowning in trying to keep up with work.. and then when ACS asked me to speak at the regional wrap up dinner for Relay.. Can I talk about feeling like crap ane lonely.. no.. I have to somehow show strength and power.............when I feel drained..
    Sorry you are reading this from me.. but I needed to write it..

    Dear Donna
    No need for apologies for how you feel. For each of us without a spouce or significant other it is tough. What is even more difficult is to have those we felt a special connection with just fade out of our lives after diagnosis.

    I wish I had some suggestions for you, but the well is dry. The only thing I know to do is to concentrate on getting and feeling better so that you once again feel up to searching for special friends.

    You mention that ACS has asked you to speak at their wrap up dinner. That is a wonderful testament to their admiration for you. You say you can't talk about how you are feeling...why not? Seems to me that is a great topic, because most don't recognize that this situation comes up all too often. You can encourage those supporters to reach out to those diagnosed...to be the friend to someone in need. Who knows, there may be someone there who will reach out to you as a true friend.

    Hope you are feeling emotionally better soon.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
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    Doc_Hawk said:

    Don't be sorry
    It's hard to put on the brave face every day especially when you feel like you have to be strong for others on the days when you someone else to take that job. It's even more difficult to do this without that intimate someone to hold you and tell you that while it might not be all okay, at least you can face it together. It bloody sucks being the only person in the infusion room that doesn't have someone sitting with them. To me, the most important weapon we can have in this fight is that special someone. A phone is cold comfort, dear Donna, but you have my number and can call me when you need.

    i don't really mind beinh
    i don't really mind beinh alone so much during the infusion.. I don't need an entorage.. I laughed at this womane the other day that had 5 people with her.. she seemed rather healthy.. more so than I..
    I really don't need anyone to see me tied to that pump being given poisen.. I liken it to watching some one get the death penalty.. and seeing the leathal injection.
    But maybe one person would be nice.. but I hate to tie someone up for 5 hours..
    i know you are there for me Ray.. thank you..
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
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    danker said:

    Friends
    You were right to put friends inside quotes. Obviously they were just acquaintances! Isn't it sad how often people let us down? My definition of a friend is :when you tell them you need $1,000 as soon as possible, they send you $3,000. Don't have many, but do have a few.

    I've never asked for money..
    I've never asked for money.. they would really run..
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
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    tommycat said:

    sorry dmj101 :(
    Cancer can make you feel very alone...........
    However, sometimes the HALT acronym comes in very handy, and it stands for not trusting your thoughts when you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
    Here are some suggestions, maybe to look at tomorrow after a good night's sleep?
    * Tell a friend with a big mouth how you're feeling and that what you need more than anything is everyone's continued support and friendship.
    * Throw a small party on your off-chemo weekend. Maybe a bbq after work on a Friday, and let everyone know how much you appreciate what they've already done.
    * Find out if there's a IN PERSON cancer support group through your hospital.
    I get the sense you need some caring human contact, and these three ideas popped up.
    Hope it helps...and I'm sorry you're feeling so low.
    Tommycat

    After I wrote this all .. I
    After I wrote this all .. I took a nap..
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
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    dmj101 said:

    After I wrote this all .. I
    After I wrote this all .. I took a nap..

    Thank you for listening to me..
    thank you all for your compassion..
    I really am happy being able to talk to all of you and know you get it..
    Thanks,
    Love to you all...
    Donna
  • RaineySkies
    RaineySkies Member Posts: 10
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    dmj101 said:

    Thank you for listening to me..
    thank you all for your compassion..
    I really am happy being able to talk to all of you and know you get it..
    Thanks,
    Love to you all...
    Donna

    I hope you are feeling a
    I hope you are feeling a little better. I know it maybe be lonely without a partner, but sometimes its lonely with one too. Maybe a good one just hasn't came along. Wait for a good one, wish I had
    I am married, but in all honesty he has made it harder. I have lots more housework, which he doesn't help with, stresses me out 24/7 with his drinking and has never went any of my appts., chemo,he did show up at one of my sugeries. I stay because financially I have no other choice at the moment. I read about all these awesome, supportive partners, so obviously they are out there. Hopefully you will find one.
    I get why you don't want to speak about the loneliness and when we are down. Whenever I hear a survivor speak it seems like they make it sound like a walk in the park. Well I am strong, but it hasn't been easy. Maybe you need to speak about what it is really like to live with cancer. There are good days, but then there are bad oned too.
    Accept the new friends that want to help, and someday they will be old friends.
    Best wishes and hope you are doing better
  • JayhawkDan
    JayhawkDan Member Posts: 205
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    I hope you are feeling a
    I hope you are feeling a little better. I know it maybe be lonely without a partner, but sometimes its lonely with one too. Maybe a good one just hasn't came along. Wait for a good one, wish I had
    I am married, but in all honesty he has made it harder. I have lots more housework, which he doesn't help with, stresses me out 24/7 with his drinking and has never went any of my appts., chemo,he did show up at one of my sugeries. I stay because financially I have no other choice at the moment. I read about all these awesome, supportive partners, so obviously they are out there. Hopefully you will find one.
    I get why you don't want to speak about the loneliness and when we are down. Whenever I hear a survivor speak it seems like they make it sound like a walk in the park. Well I am strong, but it hasn't been easy. Maybe you need to speak about what it is really like to live with cancer. There are good days, but then there are bad oned too.
    Accept the new friends that want to help, and someday they will be old friends.
    Best wishes and hope you are doing better

    I joke
    that I'm now the guy that nobody knows what to say to. I didn't know what to say to people with cancer before I got it. You feel dumb and inadequate, and probably say dumb things. Of course, I know better now and I try to let people know they can be at ease with me -- and joke. But my wife and I have not been invited everywhere we were before. There are 3 couples, one of them my wife's sister and husband, that we would do things together, travel together, and we found out a couple of weeks ago they went to the nearby city for an overnight. We didn't even know they were going. We went to a wedding this past weekend and people that normally would have sought us out to say hello were nowhere to be found. I don't know, it's weird. And you can see it in there eyes if you run into folks in the grocery store or gas station, like "oh sh!t, what do I say!?" And I don't know if I should tell them things are going great or tell them I feel like crap half the time. You don't want to blow smoke up their wazzu, but you don't want to make them further avoid you because all you do is b!tch. I guess I try and strike a balance, where you basically tell them the "tempered" truth. But I feel like I'm reinventing the wheel all the time on how to handle friends and family and answering the "how ya doin" question. One close friend I told, "if I tell you I'm great, I'm telling the truth, if I tell you I'm fine, I'm lying." Then I told him I was "good." At least I got a laugh.
  • steved
    steved Member Posts: 834 Member
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    Feeling alone
    I am sorry you feeling so low and alone at present- illness really does make us feel very vulnerable and support is important in helping you cope. It is vital you are allowed to feel these things and voice them here as many share similar experiences. In fact despite having a very supportive family (esp a very supportive wife) this illness still leaves me feeling very alone and lonely at times, as it really is only me that can have it (similarly my wife can feel very alone in facing the huge challenges that being a carer for some one with cancer faces). In truth we all face this as individuals struggling to find our way forward and to cope with each day.

    However, it is important that after allowing these feelings to surface and be expressed you also don't let them dominate your every day. We all hold horrible feelings at times and they can't be denied but they can be controlled. Ultimately we need to move forward in our journeys and live our lives the best we can in the circumstances we find our selves in at that moment. Without being simplistic (as I know how hard it all is) there are times of pulling ourselves together, giving ourselves a stern talking to and doing something positive. Wallowing in these feelings for too long doesn't help. Find those things in life that still give you pleasure and balance out your days with some of those. Find the people who you do trust and can talk to and voice your feelings to them but don't let it be the only thing you talk about to them- keep normal conversations and postive topics alive too. Having a separate place to talk about cancer eg one of your support groups, sometimes stop it being the topic when you are socialising.

    Cancer makes you feel all sorts of things and managing those feelings is a huge part to being a 'survivor'. I wish there was more acknowledgement and help around the psychological components of living with cancer as they are too often put aside to focus on treatments and the physical. Thanks you for being brave enough to be honest here about how you feel. I hope it doesn't feel like I am simply telling you to 'pull yourself together' as it isn't that easy but make sure that those negative feelings and thoughts are balanced by some positives which I am sure still do exist in your life.

    Ultimately only you can live your life- having people around us is nice at times (I personally have never wanted anyone there for treatment days- bloody boring for them and I just wnat to get it done and get on with life) but ultimately it comes down to us deciding are wegoing to let this illness live our lives or are we going to get on with squeezing out the pleasure from each day?

    steve
  • Vickilg
    Vickilg Member Posts: 281 Member
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    steved said:

    Feeling alone
    I am sorry you feeling so low and alone at present- illness really does make us feel very vulnerable and support is important in helping you cope. It is vital you are allowed to feel these things and voice them here as many share similar experiences. In fact despite having a very supportive family (esp a very supportive wife) this illness still leaves me feeling very alone and lonely at times, as it really is only me that can have it (similarly my wife can feel very alone in facing the huge challenges that being a carer for some one with cancer faces). In truth we all face this as individuals struggling to find our way forward and to cope with each day.

    However, it is important that after allowing these feelings to surface and be expressed you also don't let them dominate your every day. We all hold horrible feelings at times and they can't be denied but they can be controlled. Ultimately we need to move forward in our journeys and live our lives the best we can in the circumstances we find our selves in at that moment. Without being simplistic (as I know how hard it all is) there are times of pulling ourselves together, giving ourselves a stern talking to and doing something positive. Wallowing in these feelings for too long doesn't help. Find those things in life that still give you pleasure and balance out your days with some of those. Find the people who you do trust and can talk to and voice your feelings to them but don't let it be the only thing you talk about to them- keep normal conversations and postive topics alive too. Having a separate place to talk about cancer eg one of your support groups, sometimes stop it being the topic when you are socialising.

    Cancer makes you feel all sorts of things and managing those feelings is a huge part to being a 'survivor'. I wish there was more acknowledgement and help around the psychological components of living with cancer as they are too often put aside to focus on treatments and the physical. Thanks you for being brave enough to be honest here about how you feel. I hope it doesn't feel like I am simply telling you to 'pull yourself together' as it isn't that easy but make sure that those negative feelings and thoughts are balanced by some positives which I am sure still do exist in your life.

    Ultimately only you can live your life- having people around us is nice at times (I personally have never wanted anyone there for treatment days- bloody boring for them and I just wnat to get it done and get on with life) but ultimately it comes down to us deciding are wegoing to let this illness live our lives or are we going to get on with squeezing out the pleasure from each day?

    steve

    Big Hug
    Sending you a big hug! I am one of the lucky ones with a suportive husband and daughter. I have found out in the past 3 years who are true friends and who are not. As much as I have told people that I am find and treat me like normal, some just cannot handle it. My husband's side of the family have gone on several trips where they didn't invite us (thank Facebook photos for finding out). I never said anything until last week when I spoke to his sister about it and call them out on it. I told them they had no clue what their brother was going through and that he needed his family. That he is a good man and that I don't want to leave him alone and that they need to start including him even if we sometimes say no because I am not feeling good. I made it clear that they needed to step it up. It seemed to work. He didn't know what I did but two of his siblings called to get together. Of course now I will feel like they elephant in the room but still... this is about my husband not about me. Basically its the cancer we are mad at for ruining our lives. People have and will always be shallow. I had a "friend" just the other day tell me about two people she knew were cured of cancer and then asked me why they couldn't cure me. Really? So you learn who to talk to and who not to and your circle becomes much smaller like a protective womb. And to be honest, I don't want to waste the precious time I do have left on this earth with fair-weather friends. Just don't be afraid to call people out on things - they may have no idea or maybe they do - don't be angry just explain your side of the story. One last thing, I always notice the fair weather friends are the ones that want to know all the details of treatments. I use to be naive and share thinking they cared. I don't anymore. They lost the right to be in my inner circle (they cannot longer sit at the popular table - lol).

    Put a smile on your face honey. Church is a great way to meet people. They have so many different groups you can join.
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
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    dmj101 said:

    i don't really mind beinh
    i don't really mind beinh alone so much during the infusion.. I don't need an entorage.. I laughed at this womane the other day that had 5 people with her.. she seemed rather healthy.. more so than I..
    I really don't need anyone to see me tied to that pump being given poisen.. I liken it to watching some one get the death penalty.. and seeing the leathal injection.
    But maybe one person would be nice.. but I hate to tie someone up for 5 hours..
    i know you are there for me Ray.. thank you..

    Company vs a crowd
    Can't imagine having 5 people sitting around while getting chemo, that would drive me nuts. But, it would be nice to have someone sitting there to hold my hand and talk with whatever the doc had to day. Maybe split a pizza for lunch (on the rare occasions when I feel like eating) but most important to just talk with about non-cancer things.
  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
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    Vickilg said:

    Big Hug
    Sending you a big hug! I am one of the lucky ones with a suportive husband and daughter. I have found out in the past 3 years who are true friends and who are not. As much as I have told people that I am find and treat me like normal, some just cannot handle it. My husband's side of the family have gone on several trips where they didn't invite us (thank Facebook photos for finding out). I never said anything until last week when I spoke to his sister about it and call them out on it. I told them they had no clue what their brother was going through and that he needed his family. That he is a good man and that I don't want to leave him alone and that they need to start including him even if we sometimes say no because I am not feeling good. I made it clear that they needed to step it up. It seemed to work. He didn't know what I did but two of his siblings called to get together. Of course now I will feel like they elephant in the room but still... this is about my husband not about me. Basically its the cancer we are mad at for ruining our lives. People have and will always be shallow. I had a "friend" just the other day tell me about two people she knew were cured of cancer and then asked me why they couldn't cure me. Really? So you learn who to talk to and who not to and your circle becomes much smaller like a protective womb. And to be honest, I don't want to waste the precious time I do have left on this earth with fair-weather friends. Just don't be afraid to call people out on things - they may have no idea or maybe they do - don't be angry just explain your side of the story. One last thing, I always notice the fair weather friends are the ones that want to know all the details of treatments. I use to be naive and share thinking they cared. I don't anymore. They lost the right to be in my inner circle (they cannot longer sit at the popular table - lol).

    Put a smile on your face honey. Church is a great way to meet people. They have so many different groups you can join.

    Church
    Church groups are the best way to meet people. I"m biased, met my wife at a church group. Met her in 1956, married her in 1957, and still married to my first wife.
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425 Member
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    danker said:

    Church
    Church groups are the best way to meet people. I"m biased, met my wife at a church group. Met her in 1956, married her in 1957, and still married to my first wife.

    Donna sweetheart....I don't
    Donna sweetheart....I don't know what to tell you, going thru this at a young age I cannot imagine what that's like. Everyone has given you bits of good advice. Only thing I can think of asking, is if there is some kind of cancer support group for young adults in your area?? Hope you're feeling better.