My wife starts chemo on 2/27.

Advise?
As a mother and wife, I think I have always been the caregiver, when I had cancer, I still was the caregiver, the nurturer, the one to help my family through the "terrors" of cancer such as they be.
I think your wife will feel the same, HOWEVER, she will want and desire to be taken care of and some of the things that she will want is your hand laying upon her in the night, to know you are there, beside her, thinking of her even in your sleep, she will want as she lays there sobbing silently (as not to disturb you)in the night ranting and even raving at the cancer (in her mind, but not out loud, again so not to disturb the family dynamic) that has dared to invade her world, for you to awaken and hold her and tell her it will be all right, that the two of you are fighting for her together. When the sun rises in the morning and she is laying there wide awake, she will need you to brush the hair from her face and tell her that you love her. These are the most important things she will need. There are many others, but I think you will figure these out TOGETHER as you go along. I would say "be there" for her, but you already are, and that's a wonderful start.
Winter Marie

God bless you Bj
You are in a similar boat as I am...my husband wad diagnosed on Jan 23, 2012 with stage 3 rectal cancer, with some groin area nodes affected. he is completing week 2, today, of 6 weeks of chemo (5fu pump) and daily (week day) radiation. so far, the chemo has not had any side effects on him..we were told that it would not..so we are very pleased..we know that we can expect some soreness and other issues starting around the end of week three of radiation..We are very pleased that so far the tumor, which is about 6.5 inches long, is shrinking very well..we felt so wonderful when the process FINALLY began..it takes so long just to get things going..getting the chemo port put in & all the pre-chemo/rad labs & dr. visits..it was a relief to finally begin the fight! Arm yourself with whatever the dr.'s and nurses advise..and what you read here is very helpfull and comforting..I was afraid I would not have what it takes to be strong through this, but my husband is very strong, positive and upbeat, so I can be too! I have full faith in our Savior to pull us through..Prayers have been answered along each step of this journey so far, and I know they will continue to be answered..I will be praying for you and your wife along with your son...we also have a son age 16, and a daughter age 24..We are all in this together..lean on each other for strength & let them help..it gives them great pride to know they are in the fight too...stay strong..this is very do-able..learn to accept "one step at a time" and don't get overwhelmed with everything..that's one thing I am learning..God Bless
Lea

Hugs
she is very lucky to have you, so glad your asking for help before hand and not later on down the line when some find it more difficult. Everyone has given you good advice, but I would say make sure you look after yourself as well. Your family will need you during this time, but you can't over do it. Just take each day as it comes, and keep talking to each other that is the most important thing.

You will do fine. Just by
You will do fine. Just by the fact that you love her and want to be the best husband. I have been fighting this for over six years and couldnt have done it without my wife. I think it is just as hard on her if not harder. I have seen the pain on her face many times.

God bless

Jeff

My adult daughter, her
My adult daughter, her boyfriend and their newborn son along with my 17 year old son were living with me when I was dx'd. My caregiver however, was my 70+ mother who lived 3 hours away. My 3 sisters, also 3 hours away, filled in nicely for her. After the first treatment, my WBC tanked and I was hospitalized for a week with a blood infection. Each chemo treatment, the symptoms would be worse. I was hospitaled 2 more times during chemo- - I got weaker and weaker, the neuropathy in my feet and hands was a huge issue- and in all honestly I looked and felt like a cancer patient.

You will find a wide range of symptoms on this board, so please don't let me scare you with my experience. I am a teacher and did manage to work through that year, although most days were half days. What my caregivers did for me that was so valuable, was totally take charge of my house- from the meals, to cleaning the kitchen, to laundry, to thinking of things I might like to eat/drink or things to do. Example: my mother would mic Boost drinks for me in a coffee mug and sprinkle a bit of cinnamon on top. Most days that was all I could get down. She would make sure I took a shower everyday (I was so sweaty and smelly) and then we might go for a drive- go shopping, me in a wheelchair, go get plants she would plant for me in the garden, drive by the high school and watch baseball games from the car. Changed my sheets often- truly these seemingly little things made the time go by.

I ended up going to chemo on my own - the first time mom went, she looked so bored and kept asking how much longer. Just felt like I had to entertain her. So then I would go and sleep there or talk to other patients or nurses.

One critical thing- all of my caregivers made me feel like we were all in this together. All 4 very strong women, who all knew I was sick, but still treated me with love and kindness. Never once did any of them hint that I would not get through this- my mother's only comment early on was, "you are going to be just fine sweetie".

Hi and welcome~
One thing
Hi and welcome~
One thing that might be helpful to everybody in your home is for someone to start a meal train for your family--delivery of a homecooked meal a couple times a week. Maybe you have a close friend/neighbor/colleague/church member to get this going for you?
We used Lotsa Helping Hands and generous people marked off what dates they would be delivering meals. You can also blog on there to keep your friends updated, and request things like rides too.

joemetz said:

Advice
Hello bjones60

You have just added CareGiver to your list of names.
You are Son, Dad, Husband, Friend... and now CareGiver.

My wife is my caregiver and i've been going through chemo since 1-3-2012.

I have a couple things to share that make my day.

1. She is there with me at Chemo treatments. Not sure if you're able to do that, but it's so nice to NOT have to drive and to be as stress free as possible.

2. I have to be re-assured that I have not become a burden to her. So, as you get into this... assure her that you're there with her all the way. (if you look on this blog site, you'll see a couple conversations when the spouse takes off half way through the chemo as many of the great things in your marriage might be on hold for awhile..) her number 1 priority has to be to Get Better. And, you're committment to her will make her NEVER have to worry about losing you.

3. Have an agreement with her that you're allowed to make her laugh, whenever she's crying. And, its okay to laugh until you cry. This is a very emotinoal time.... and in the alone time, it's hard not to think negative thoughts. so, my wife keeps a close eye on me during those times... and she's there to make me laugh and it's wonderful.

4. Love her like you've never loved her before.

and, I know you will.

My prayers are with you and your wife... and your 15 year old.
we have four kids... and the best point on our teenagers... is straight forward honest answers. REmember, kids are better at Google than most of us. Remind them that NOT everything on the internet is true.

cheers.

agree
bjones i completely agree with joe here me and him have both just started all this and i am only one round ahead of your wife and my wife does the exact same thing for me that his does down to the letter and like he said do not be surprised when she thinks negitve just try to make her smile and turn to a positve thought mine does it without even knowing she does and in this process even tho i am new to it i have quickly learned that the caregiver is a very important role, cause with out her i know me i would have done slipped in to depression and given up and good thoughts and prayers are very important she has been at every thing for me the doc appointments the surgery and chemo with even a word on how it puts her out and trust me for her that is a very have thing to do cause she is a very blunt person and says everything on her mind and that is one of the things i love most about her, yes as for the kids my step daughter is 11 and we held back just a lil and like joe said the kids are better at google then most of us and she came asking questions so we told her every thing and now there is not a moment when she does not make sure i know how she feels about me and wishs me better. i am very thankful for that part of this as i do not get to see my sons much it is nice to have her here.
bright blessings and may the light walk with you both
john

druidshadow said:

i hope
hey i hope everything has went well today, did she come home on a pump and what not? any way let us know. i hope everything is good
bright blessings and prayers
john

Warm thoughts

Just wanted you to know that you and your wife were thought of today. Hope all went well. She is blessed to have you. Together, you can do this.

Cathleen Mary

bjones60 said:

Thanks much
She did fine today. She did come home with a pump. Has to wear it until Friday. I'm proud of the way she handled it. I rode with an "outlaw" club for years and thought I was a tough guy, not scared of a thing. That is until I met my wife and eventually all of you. I am humbled by your kindness love for your fellow man regardless of your respective situations. I can only hope that I can be half the person y'all are. Godbless you all. Brady, Brad,& Darline Jones

have been praying for her & you
Hi bjones60
i thought of your wife and prayed for you both yesterday..will keep her, you & your family in prayer. You will get through this..Trust in the Lord..Hold tightly to Him..He will not let you go, and will answer all prayers.
God bless & stay strong
Lea