Feb 08, 2012 - 10:34 am
I went back to the time I first started posting on CSN to reread what I have wrote and all the great replies. I saved them to my computer to reflect on the Journey that my loving husband took in 2011. I still miss him so much. I have a journal that I write in daily to Mark. I constantly cry crocodile tears from the time I wake up 'alone' in the morning til the time I go to bed at night 'alone'. I absolutely hate my new life without Mark. I have never ever experienced this pain of a broken heart in my life. Everyday is a reminder of last year's events.
I have been going to a support group on Tuesday nights (except for the last two) and have a grief counselor come by once a week or every other week. I am constantly sad and everyone I know has accepted the fact that I will never be the "same old Kelly".
Yesterday I went into one of our bedside drawers and found all the cards that Mark got for me during our life together. I brought them out here and I am going to display the ones for the time of the holiday eg: Valentines Day coming up. He put so much thought in these cards then and they still have great meaning to me to this day. I am having a real hard time with him being gone...wishing that this was just all a bad dream.
My Mark is a very unique person and I know I will never find another man like him. He is one of a kind. A friend of mine posted this below as a message for me. It made me think of our togetherness a different way.
"Kelly - Hey you - When you were here, you said something that stuck with me - you wondered how God could find you the perfect man, give you six years, and then take him from you. I kept pondering that statement you made and asked God why He would do that - although He always has a plan for our lives - this is what I felt after a few weeks of thinking on it. I believe God was a part of the two of you being together, but God knows our beginning from our end and He KNEW Mark was going to die in a few years. Try looking at it His way - Instead of God giving you to Mark - I believe He gave Mark to you - Mark needed to find the love of his life before he left this earth. God gave him that in YOU. God made Mark's last years of his life the happiest years of his entire life - He did that through you. Know that you made his life on this earth finally worthwhile. God gave him YOU. I love you and I want to see you at peace again. Your FB postings show your sorrow, but God used you - Find honor in that. Hope I worded this right - wouldnt want to make you feel worse or insulted - love you Kelly-Donna B."
Sorry this is so long, I felt that I needed to type.
Everyone take care and God Bless!!