Hi, hope everyone is hanging on. I wanted to share this feeling I have. My stomach is queasy and I feel overwhelmed. today when my husband awaken and was getting ready for chuch I heard his voice. His voice sounds muffled-as if his throat is sore. THis has been happening for a while but he got upset when I mentioned it. It sounded clogged. As I watched him, he struggled to get dressed, out of breath just going from the bathroom to our bed- about 15 feet. I get this queasy sick feeling when I watch him. I see a frighten young man-constantly on med. The up and down cycle is taking a toll on me. Sometimes I feel like I want to drink or take a drug to ease my mind. Please pray for us.
One day if he is drugged up well enough, he is good...He has starting to blockk me out again. Not letting me know what he is feeling. Tell me he feels okay, but hardly say 3 words to me if we are in the same room. I am so on edge for him. One day he talks about dying, the next day he talks about driving to Los Vegas. His dr told him the other day that he was amazing and that he beat the odds. My husband asked how many more treatments...and the dr replied--until we see the disease is progressing more or the patient says enough... My husband said, he understands why people say enough and he understands why people kill themselves. He also asked the dr to speak at his funeral, and he asked him not to let him suffer at all. Well, I got this sick feeling when I see my husband, when he hurts, when he cries, when he struggles to put a sock on (he can't). When he can barely get up out of his chair, while he struggles to push his walker along. When he spends hours trying to cough up a little phlegm---he did that last night. Wow....My heart goes out to all of you....all of you. I am so sorry.