Nov 29, 2011 - 12:26 am
Remember how I mentioned that we were going to get a dog (puppy) for David? David said that his apartment manager would make an exception for him and allow him to have a dog if David got a note from his doctor. I'm assuming that the note should say something like a dog would be a good companion and would ease David's loneliness and lift some of his depression--or whatever the doctor may think a dog could do for David. I don't think it's a big deal what the doctor says exactly.
So we have been asking and asking our dr.'s head nurse to write a letter. We are supposed to get the puppy on 12/8...David has been counting the days....and today our NO's office called us and the head nurse told me that they don't think David should have a dog....much less a puppy. I couldn't believe it. She said that someone on chemo, with a compromised immune system, should not be cleaning up after a dog. I told her that he wouldn't do it with his bare hands...he could use disposable gloves, and a doggie doody bag.....whatever. She still refused and I was like, are you serious? You guys are pumping chemo in him and you are worried about him dying from dog germs? I said that dog germs might be a better way to go. We went back and forth about it and finally....I just snapped. I totally lost it. It was bad. I screamed at her and said, "My son is going to die, and if he wants a #%$&*@% dog for the last year of his life, he is going to have that dog if it means I have to move in with him!!!" I told her that he was going to have that dog even if she didn't write that letter and David had to break his lease and move into a place that allows dogs. She said, "I know as well as you do that your son is going to die. I am not telling you anything that I wouldn't tell any chemo patient. And you need to get control of yourself." I told her I had control, and I also had control whether or not David got a dog, not her. I like her personally, but I HATE how callous and jaded they are with David and us...like when she told me I should not be emotional or upset about David not getting treatment because the insurance denied it, etc. Really? I should not be upset about that? I think that these professionals see so much of cancer and death that they have lost touch with the humanity side of being health professionals.
But....screaming and yelling and cursing is not who I am, and not who I want to be. So I had a thoroughly rotten, lousy day, hating myself and just feeling miserable. And I don't like how I just snapped liked that. I didn't even feel it coming. It was like a dam burst. I think that there's a lot more going on under my surface that I am not really aware of. I do know that the holidays are hard for me. But I should be grateful because David seems to be doing a lot better. Today he was going through the college catalogs because he feels like he can go back to college next term. And he was talking about how glad he will be when the six months from the date of his last seizure are up so he can drive again. He had been talking about selling his car because he didn't think he'd ever be able to drive again....it's like he has some hope again, and that is a VERY, VERY good thing. So it's STUPID of me to let my outburst with the nurse wreck my little patch of happiness. But I just can't shake it off. I can't wait to get in bed and pull the covers over my head and cry myself to sleep. A total pitiful pity party for me.
By the way, the nurse said that Dr. Neuwelt didn't know a thing about David getting a dog...but she would write the letter and see if he would sign it and it would be in the mail today or tomorrow. I told her (not nicely---more like a threat) that if there was some problem with him signing it---to CALL ME TOMORROW. Don't wait a week and then tell me. I can't believe how long we've been asking for that letter and then today she drops the bomb and tries to get out of giving me that letter.
I know this is all so petty...but this dog has been like the one bright spot in David's life. He's been reading dog books and talking about dog classes and names for the puppy, and he's been actually counting the days until he can pick up the puppy. It's a big, big deal to him. Like I told that nurse....David can't drive, he can't ride his bike, he can't work, can't go to college....I'm not going to tell him that he can't have a dog. I'm not letting cancer---or a nurse--take that away from him.
My husband totally supported me when I told him about my outburst. He told me not to feel bad about it and said that sometimes you have to get forceful and not let these doctors and nurses get a little carried away with their opinions and authority. He said that the nurse is probably not a dog person. Yeah, probably not. My husband thinks that Dr. N probably wouldn't even say that David couldn't have a dog.
Anyway, kind of hating myself tonight. I'll get over it......I'm sorry to whine about such a petty thing to you guys who are dealing with way, way worse issues than whether or not your loved one can get a dog. It's just that you guys are a safe place to vent......
Love and blessings,