Oct 02, 2011 - 10:01 pm
Three weeks before our wedding I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. This is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives. We both cannot stop crying. It's so unfair. How did we get here?
I'm 44! I was the good girl all thru high school. It wasn't until my 20s that I finally gave in to peer pressure and attempted smoking. That didn't even last long but the damage was already done and it has lead me to this situation. I am so angry! I waited for marriage before considering children and now feel like my morals don't count.
I have a sister that is battling breast cancer for nearly 14 years. She has wrote and finished her "bucket list" at least 4 times that I know of. She is so hopeful that she will continue to survive. She has encouragement with all the research that they have found for breast cancer. Why isn't there anything found on lung cancer? I'm irritated with this situation. All I read in chat rooms and blogs is that I am going to die and soon. This is so unacceptable.
I am confused. I haven't felt ill and after our honeymoon came back with a cough that wasn't there before. My first chemo cocktail will be administered on Tuesday. I have plans to go back to work and act like there is nothing wrong. It just seems easier that way.
I am tired of crying, looking at my new husband wondering what I should say, questioning when do I shared this sickness with the rest of my family and friends, looking online for answers, getting a pat from my doctor with only the words of I'm sorry.
I need HOPE! I need to BELIEVE that something will be there for me. I need MORE than a band aid and a kiss on the forehead. I need to LIVE. I feel like this curve ball hit me at the wrong time....but when is there a right time for cancer.
Please someone....everyone send me something REAL. I want to know what treatment options are use using....any clinical trials/drugs that you are using...are you able to exercise....do you use pure oxygen to help you sleep at night like someone with sleeping disorder...do organic foods help....what does your diet consist of....does ginger and hot pepper's really help....I am willing to do anything to stay on this earth longer...with the love of my life.
Please help me cope.