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New to all of this....

Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2011

Hello, my 86yr old dad was just diagnosed with stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoma. Because of his already ill health, weakened condition, dr. is only giving us a time-frame of "months" (because dad does not wish any treatment or want to "fight" this). Needless to say, many many decisions to make very soon. I simply want to introduce myself here and I know I'll be coming here often for advice and answers to what I'm sure will be many questions :) We're all doing as well as can be expected for now, but my first question to all of you (My new friends I hope), would be what is the number one piece of advice you can give my sisters and me right now, in this earliest stage of our situation.

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

Listen to what your dad wants and work with both him and his docs to what is best for him. It's not a easy task, but better in the long run.

Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2011

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. We have made it very clear to my dad that all we want, is what he wants. We will respect his wishes entirely, no matter what they might be. It is all still very new and right now the drs are trying to make him stronger and healthier as best they can. He'll be heading to a re-hab facility and will try to get some strength back in his muscles. Then we'll see what the next step will be. We believe ultimately he would like to be at home as soon as possible, for as long as possible.

Barbara53's picture
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

It sounds like you come from a loving family. Even so, everyone will react to this change differently, and sometimes say or do things that will provoke ill feelings. Be prepared to forgive instantly, and to let small slights go. I also think it's wise to approach your father's death as a natural process. There is a book called Final Gifts by Callahan & somebody that is very enlightening and comforting.

I lost my dad to cancer ten years ago, and now I'm caring for my elderly mother. Good luck.

Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2011

Oh Barbara, have you met my sisters LOL! Actually as sad as it is to say, all of this so far has brought us much closer together than we've been since our mom died 6 years ago. God works in mysterious ways I guess. Thanks also for the suggestion of the book, I believe I've heard of it as well and I'm going to go now and see if I can find it on amazon.com. Thank you!

Faithful_Angel's picture
Posts: 88
Joined: May 2011

I too suggest the book "final Gifts" I was recommended to read that after my dad's diagnosis Stage IV stomach cancer *58 yrs old* It shed so much light and hope on the situation.. Please make sure you do read it..Very worth the time! Best of luck and welcome to the site that no one wants to have to be part of but very glad we are here..

Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi there. First I want to say, how very sorry I am for your dad's condition. I wish you and him, all the peace and strength need to deal with future issues. I have no real advice for you, I can only share, that I too, am in the same boat. I was just informed by my dad's doctor, that his cancer is no longer responsive to chemo. I am at a lost as to what to do, as well. I think, maybe just pray, and hope? Best wishes to you, and I hope to be able to correspond.

Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2011

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad too. It is not easy to watch a loved one go through this. I hope that you have support in your family and help in making the difficult decisions that need to be made. I'm very lucky to have wonderful sisters and we're definitely leaning on each other. I wish you the best as well, and I hope you and your dad can find peace and joy in the time you have together.

mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

My advice, if it hasn't been done already, is to get hospice involved ASAP. They will help your dad be comfortable and as pain free as possible to enjoy all the other suggestions that everyone else has. They can also give you a wealth of other information and support that will be needed as time goes on.

My only other suggestion is this: whatever your dad wants - to eat, to do, to not do, to not eat, to drink, to not drink - let him. You will have zero regrets. Also, forget all the little day to day stuff, and the big stuff if you can. Just enjoy each other.

If you need to vent, or need anything else, feel free to PM me.

Loves and Hugs,

Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2011

Thanks, getting hospice involved, or at least getting all the information as soon as possible was the way we were all thinking as well. I also agree that my dad should be able to enjoy whatever he wants, or not have anything he doesn't want. At this point, let him enjoy every single moment of his life without any hassle or someone telling him what he can't do or eat.

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