Gone A While

Hi, everybody. I've not posted for a while and I'm sorry about that. It seems that everything built up and came crashing down on me and I have been really down. I have been experiencing a great deal of facial pain and I have been to numerous doctor visits to try and get relief. My main doc and my ENT surgeon think that I have both TMJ disorder and some nerve damage from the two surgeries and the rad treatments. Quite a bit of my right jaw muscle was removed during the January surgery for a second cancer. Starting about March, the pain began. Sometimes it is a horrible ache in the jaw/teeth/temple and sometimes it is a crushing pain in the right ear that brings me to the floor. Big strong men don't admit to crying, so I won't admit that. Okay, what the heck, I admit that also. I have been to numerous doctors and a pain clinic and I think the pain clinic may have finally given me some relief with the second of the nerve blocks that they gave me. Now, my throat gets sore when I talk a lot at work, and, of course, my first thought is that the beast is back and growing again inside my neck. My docs don't think that right now and they are debating on giving me another scan before my normal October scan. There were times when the pain was so bad that I thought I could not take it anymore. I have tried several different pain killers and my body does not much like pain killers. So, I am hoping that the nerve blocks will help with this misery but nobody is giving me much hope of getting better. So, I have been depressed and withdrawn and some days I am afraid the cancer is returning to kill me and some days I think it won't be soon enough. I am a strong man with excellent support from family and friends and I have no intention of giving up yet, but it has been very tough for me. I intend to start posting again since I am sick of the whimpering couch potato I have become. Sorry for the rant, but this is by far the toughest fight I have ever had and like a lot of us, I am still scared and insecure.

Roger