Why do people assume.
The 1st thing they mention are the healthy foods you should have eaten, vitamins, exercise. GGGrrrr excuse me. This has happened to me more than one time.
Last week a very overweight diabetic man starts telling me what foods I need to eat. Now I would like to tell all you kind hearts that I took the high road, but I would be lying. I was not in a high road day mood that day. I was not my nice self that day. I pretty much told him to keep whatever he had to say to himself. I wasn't interested.
I really feel no need to justify my health care habits to anyone. What are some snappy comebacks when being faced with this assumption?
Comments
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There are all kinds of
There are all kinds of people with all kinds of opinions. I've done some ranting on this in the past. I dont recall anyone telling me what I should have done to prevent cancer but I had plenty of opinions on how to handle it. It was plain frustrating and I didnt want to hear it so I would basically say I dont want to discuss this, lets talk about something else, or I would say, I have great confidence in my medical team and together we are doing everything we need to do. I didnt want to hear about anyone else's cancer, their treatment etc, etc, unless I specifically asked, I wanted to get thru my treatment with very little idle discussion.
People think they are helping by offering opinions that are not asked for. I guess its human nature to want to share your knowledge and perhaps in their minds help you feel better. I'll I wanted to hear was I'm thinking about you and I care.
Sometimes we just need to say what we think and move on, an it sounds like thats exactly what you did. Good for you.0 -
How to Respond to Rudeness
What if you were to say (in an exaggerated tone of voice) something like, "Really, you must be a GENIUS. Wish I had known." Then proceed to walk away.
IRENE0 -
Chen I ABSOLUTELY LOVE yourchenheart said:I have been known to say:
I have been known to say: "Boy am I surprised!! I thought that by living on Wonder Bread, Velveeta and Twinkees, the preservatives in them would preserve my health! My bad!" and then I turn around and walk away...
Chen I ABSOLUTELY LOVE your response. I may have to try that sometime, but in my case it sounds like my diet, pass that velveeta and those twinkies - it's just a little bit of heaven.0 -
Chen, I kind of like achenheart said:I have been known to say:
I have been known to say: "Boy am I surprised!! I thought that by living on Wonder Bread, Velveeta and Twinkees, the preservatives in them would preserve my health! My bad!" and then I turn around and walk away...
Chen, I kind of like a twinkie from time to time! laugh!0 -
I am sure I would have
I am sure I would have raised an eyebrow and said, "Followed your own good advice, didn't you?" People are amazing. My sister came out, and 8 of us went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant, I ordered a Margarita before dinner, the waiter had a weird look on his face and asked if they let me drink during treatment, my sister didn't miss a beat, told him her treat, make it a double. He turned red and didn't say another word. My boys cracked up, I drank the whole thing and got a little toasty!
I don't think it is anyone's business what we eat!0 -
I usually have to take thecamul said:I am sure I would have
I am sure I would have raised an eyebrow and said, "Followed your own good advice, didn't you?" People are amazing. My sister came out, and 8 of us went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant, I ordered a Margarita before dinner, the waiter had a weird look on his face and asked if they let me drink during treatment, my sister didn't miss a beat, told him her treat, make it a double. He turned red and didn't say another word. My boys cracked up, I drank the whole thing and got a little toasty!
I don't think it is anyone's business what we eat!
I usually have to take the high road. If not I will have to suffer GUILT. I've got enough of that!! LOL! If I'm having a bad day I thank them for their concern and walk away. If Im feeling mischievous (since I am a Christian) I start to talk about the Bible and how I am (truly) looking forward to to a new earth when God will give me perfect boobs (and butt) and quote scripture about how there will be no more sickness, tears, or death etc. If they are interested I will happily keep witnessing, but usually if they were just being judgmental in the first place, they will make an amazingly quick exit when the words God or Bible are mentioned....LOL!!0 -
you're absolutely right ...camul said:I am sure I would have
I am sure I would have raised an eyebrow and said, "Followed your own good advice, didn't you?" People are amazing. My sister came out, and 8 of us went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant, I ordered a Margarita before dinner, the waiter had a weird look on his face and asked if they let me drink during treatment, my sister didn't miss a beat, told him her treat, make it a double. He turned red and didn't say another word. My boys cracked up, I drank the whole thing and got a little toasty!
I don't think it is anyone's business what we eat!
you're absolutely right ... it's nobody's business. My sister told me it was my own fault I got cancer because I was on hormones. I was speechless ... doesn't happen often either. Everyone else has been enormously supportive tho. I thank people for their concern when they offer the current 'cure' info and live my life to the fullest right now. Pity them for their fears, because that's where most of them are coming from. They simply hope it's not because of what you were or weren't eating that caused it because that's their diet too ... too sad ....0 -
You've hit the nail on the head, kumanakayakumanakaya said:you're absolutely right ...
you're absolutely right ... it's nobody's business. My sister told me it was my own fault I got cancer because I was on hormones. I was speechless ... doesn't happen often either. Everyone else has been enormously supportive tho. I thank people for their concern when they offer the current 'cure' info and live my life to the fullest right now. Pity them for their fears, because that's where most of them are coming from. They simply hope it's not because of what you were or weren't eating that caused it because that's their diet too ... too sad ....
I think the reason some people just insist it was because you drank Diet Coke, or ate Twinkies or bacon (I'm pretty sure bacon's what caused mine ;-), or took Vitameatavegamin, is just plain fear -- so they can then say to themselves, well, I don't drink Diet Coke, or eat Twinkies, or take Vitameatavegamin, so WHEW! -- I'm safe, dodged that bullet, I won't get breast cancer!
I don't have any snappy comebacks for this kind of naive belief that avoiding cancer is so simple....but it does help me feel sorry for them, instead of anger....SOME of the time, at least.
Traci0 -
I've..TraciInLA said:You've hit the nail on the head, kumanakaya
I think the reason some people just insist it was because you drank Diet Coke, or ate Twinkies or bacon (I'm pretty sure bacon's what caused mine ;-), or took Vitameatavegamin, is just plain fear -- so they can then say to themselves, well, I don't drink Diet Coke, or eat Twinkies, or take Vitameatavegamin, so WHEW! -- I'm safe, dodged that bullet, I won't get breast cancer!
I don't have any snappy comebacks for this kind of naive belief that avoiding cancer is so simple....but it does help me feel sorry for them, instead of anger....SOME of the time, at least.
Traci
I've posted this before....when I was undergoing chemo I have a dear friend, and I do love her, who is sooooooo into health foods, etc...and she was so good, kind, caring towards me...well, she was always bringing me "healthy stuff"...right down to organic shampoo...now remember, I was bald..lol
She brought me homemade muffins...little did I know they were flax seed muffins...need I tell you what they did to my "digestive system?". Well this went on for months...other than the muffins... I had to tell her NO MORE of those...anyway, she was always telling me I should eat this, eat that, do this, do that...I should NEVER put anything ON body that wasn't organic, eat organic as much as possible....on and on and on....well one day, I must admit I was having a downer day, she started again...I finally told her what I had been thinking about...she's so into health everything...but...
She gets Botox to prevent wrinkles!!!!!!!! I had to say..." How organic is BOTOX? " we both had a good laugh and she finally backed off....
But I understand the know it alls..this is the advice given to me by my surgeon..he said.."when people start telling you, do this do that, this caused it, this will prevent it, tell them thanks but I take my advice from my doctor...the guy with MD after his name!" I will be honest, this was my reply to some...
We live and learn....
Hugs,
Nancy0 -
Comebacks
I guess it depends on whether you need to continue to be in contact with the person. If not I think I'd ask, "What medical school did you graduate from?"
If I needed this person in my life sooner or later I'd say the following. "You know they do so many studies on causes and cures for cancer. There are even times when the experts might disagree. or find out later that it wasn't the best cure after all. I have such a hard time keeping track of it all. I just do the best I can do and pray that I am doing the right thing.
I also like the witnessing thing. I could easily see myself doing that one.
I also think it is a way of telling themselves "I won't get cancer" (even if they don;t follow thier own advice). It is a way of distancing themselves from the chance of getting the diagnosis. They are truly not trying to distance themselves from you. They mean to be helpful.0 -
I hate getting advice fromlaughs_a_lot said:Comebacks
I guess it depends on whether you need to continue to be in contact with the person. If not I think I'd ask, "What medical school did you graduate from?"
If I needed this person in my life sooner or later I'd say the following. "You know they do so many studies on causes and cures for cancer. There are even times when the experts might disagree. or find out later that it wasn't the best cure after all. I have such a hard time keeping track of it all. I just do the best I can do and pray that I am doing the right thing.
I also like the witnessing thing. I could easily see myself doing that one.
I also think it is a way of telling themselves "I won't get cancer" (even if they don;t follow thier own advice). It is a way of distancing themselves from the chance of getting the diagnosis. They are truly not trying to distance themselves from you. They mean to be helpful.
I hate getting advice from people who don't know crap about it! Sorry, but I DO!!!! I know I need to lose weight, but I do not think the weight I have on me caused my cancer! There are thousands of people way way WAY heavier than I am! The worst ever was my ex SIL who told me she saw some quack of a preacher on late night tv that said women get breast cancer because of unresolved issues in their life, that there are things we need to forgive! UMM really?!?!?! nut job!!! She actually wanted me to go to one of his services to be healed! (you had to buy tickets to get in lol)
I do wonder about eating differently after diagnosis, makes a difference???? I personally think it has alot to do with attitude, and how you deal with it. If you dwell on the negative all the time, you get negative results, if you relish on the positive, you get positive results!
I choose to RELISH!!!!
xoxo0 -
No snappy comeback
I don't have a snappy comeback but I have been eating mostly organic, natural foods. We have been trying to eat non processed food. I eat salad almost every day. We eliminated all the toxic cleaners in our home. We even go clay based paint when we repainted the inside of the house. We go hiking, have a garden, hang dry our clothes.
I work as a mammo tech. I have done the avon walk 3 time, I now do the susan komen race for the cure.
All of this was PRIOR to my diagnoses of breast cancer!
Cancer doesn't care what you ate, what you do for a living or what you look like.
During chemo I gave up the all natural mostly organic and ate what ever I could keep down. I am still working to maintain a healthy life style. It is all in moderation not deprivation.0 -
I am truly amazed to read
I am truly amazed to read some of these comments about what some people have to say to those of us with cancer. I haven't run across that yet since I am newly diagnosed. I hope I won't either. I wonder what these same people have to say to the little innocent children who get cancer. What did they eat that they shouldn't have eaten? I guess they should have eaten their Flinstones and played outside a little more, huh? People never cease to amaze me.0 -
my mantra: people in glass houses can cast the first stone...
I let it go....or am kind (RARE for me) and say "Well, yes, but then you should look at me as a warning...look at YOUR habits and search how YOU can change!"
Other times, I share that my gastric surgeon (I got the 2-fer...rectal cancer treated first, breast cancer at the same time treated after "I survived the treatment") said I was one of the healthiest sick people he had ever seen...
Or, just, "I hope you never have to hear yourself what you just said to me!"
People are wierd. Remember the advice that is given to pregnant ladies? And all the dire stories? I just shield myself from their ignorant remarks. It's not worth my time to get mad...they are just frightened/stupid/insenitive...
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Haven't had too much of thisKathiM said:my mantra: people in glass houses can cast the first stone...
I let it go....or am kind (RARE for me) and say "Well, yes, but then you should look at me as a warning...look at YOUR habits and search how YOU can change!"
Other times, I share that my gastric surgeon (I got the 2-fer...rectal cancer treated first, breast cancer at the same time treated after "I survived the treatment") said I was one of the healthiest sick people he had ever seen...
Or, just, "I hope you never have to hear yourself what you just said to me!"
People are wierd. Remember the advice that is given to pregnant ladies? And all the dire stories? I just shield myself from their ignorant remarks. It's not worth my time to get mad...they are just frightened/stupid/insenitive...
Hugs, Kathi
but I'm a pretty healthy eater, except for my potatoe chip addiction, but that doesn't really count does it?
My response has been that my doctor reviewed my diet and felt it was fine. He made a few additions (fiber suppliment and men's One-a-Day, and a red-skinned apple daily) and I'm following HIS advice. I have dropped the Ensure now that chemo is over and I discovered that it contains soy - a no-no for those E+ folks.
Guess we all have to deal with some wierd comments every once and a while.0 -
Oh Yes Soyskipper54 said:Haven't had too much of this
but I'm a pretty healthy eater, except for my potatoe chip addiction, but that doesn't really count does it?
My response has been that my doctor reviewed my diet and felt it was fine. He made a few additions (fiber suppliment and men's One-a-Day, and a red-skinned apple daily) and I'm following HIS advice. I have dropped the Ensure now that chemo is over and I discovered that it contains soy - a no-no for those E+ folks.
Guess we all have to deal with some wierd comments every once and a while.
Oh yes soy is a no no.i asked my oncologist about that when first dx but really it was just a curious thing because my husband and I make candles(well I did but now husband makes them).She said the candles are fine but Don't eat soy products.Of course reading alot I see soy is in everything.She then said no soy milk and other things that are HIGH in soy but those cookies etc contain very little.I had been drinking ENSURE because I wanted to gain 10 lbs.Now that is out.
I wonder about Tofu??? I don't eat it but know of a young lady who did.She was 27 when dx with bc. Her dx came just after mine and I remembered what my oncologist said and thought of her vegetarian lifestyle.I would like to talk to her about what her doctors say but haven't seen her in almost 2 years.Just heard from others she was dx.
I remember my friend did go on a strict diet.Eating healthy.No chocolate and caffeine free.I am caffeine free with pop but I do eat chocolate.Well the other day I asked her are you still being that healthy person and no chocloate?? She said she is craving choco lately and started eating it. She is a 16 year survivor and probably feels more comfortable than she did before.
I haven't heard comments from people but did hear someone told others I am sick. So far I haven't talked to her but will confront her when I see her.I wonder why some I hadn't talked to in years(and didn't care for) were calling me suddenly.I was very upbeat and never even mentioned my cancer.They were being nosey and I don't give out information to those kind of people. Those who THINK they know everything but don't. I feel things are my business and who I want to tell I will tell and the others I won't.
One thing I learned.After you are once dx never tell others you have to go in for tests for some other problem.They automatically think you have cancer.I keep all those things to myself now till after I get my good results.
Lynn Smith0 -
Why me, what caused it?Lynn Smith said:Oh Yes Soy
Oh yes soy is a no no.i asked my oncologist about that when first dx but really it was just a curious thing because my husband and I make candles(well I did but now husband makes them).She said the candles are fine but Don't eat soy products.Of course reading alot I see soy is in everything.She then said no soy milk and other things that are HIGH in soy but those cookies etc contain very little.I had been drinking ENSURE because I wanted to gain 10 lbs.Now that is out.
I wonder about Tofu??? I don't eat it but know of a young lady who did.She was 27 when dx with bc. Her dx came just after mine and I remembered what my oncologist said and thought of her vegetarian lifestyle.I would like to talk to her about what her doctors say but haven't seen her in almost 2 years.Just heard from others she was dx.
I remember my friend did go on a strict diet.Eating healthy.No chocolate and caffeine free.I am caffeine free with pop but I do eat chocolate.Well the other day I asked her are you still being that healthy person and no chocloate?? She said she is craving choco lately and started eating it. She is a 16 year survivor and probably feels more comfortable than she did before.
I haven't heard comments from people but did hear someone told others I am sick. So far I haven't talked to her but will confront her when I see her.I wonder why some I hadn't talked to in years(and didn't care for) were calling me suddenly.I was very upbeat and never even mentioned my cancer.They were being nosey and I don't give out information to those kind of people. Those who THINK they know everything but don't. I feel things are my business and who I want to tell I will tell and the others I won't.
One thing I learned.After you are once dx never tell others you have to go in for tests for some other problem.They automatically think you have cancer.I keep all those things to myself now till after I get my good results.
Lynn Smith
How many times have we asked ourselves that, too. Our friends are really just trying to help us hoping they're telling us some new information. Their comments are often really stupid tho. Everytime something is on Dr. Oz or the news, people grab onto that and make decisions based on little (if any) medical knowledge. These are the people who are most willing to parrot what they've heard or read and dish out the advice.
The media and health care industry are doing a great job in raising awareness about our diets. We'd have to really be living in a cave to not be tuned in to this. They're doing every bit as good a job as the pink ribbons have done for breast cancer.
Make mine a double!
Suzanne0 -
...Double Whammy said:Why me, what caused it?
How many times have we asked ourselves that, too. Our friends are really just trying to help us hoping they're telling us some new information. Their comments are often really stupid tho. Everytime something is on Dr. Oz or the news, people grab onto that and make decisions based on little (if any) medical knowledge. These are the people who are most willing to parrot what they've heard or read and dish out the advice.
The media and health care industry are doing a great job in raising awareness about our diets. We'd have to really be living in a cave to not be tuned in to this. They're doing every bit as good a job as the pink ribbons have done for breast cancer.
Make mine a double!
Suzanne
Sometimes no comeback is needed at all. Just silently stare back at them for as long as it takes for them to finally shut up? Now you might think this is impossible for someone like me..and usually, most usually, you'd be right.
But, just the other day I found myself in this very situation and for the life of me I don't know why but I got a half smile on my face, kinda' shook my head in a--wow, how lucky you are that Nigerian bank manager asked for your help--kind of way, and basically dismissed the person from my little sphere without saying a word.
Don't know if I could be so nice the next time around though!
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Chen wins the prize for snappy comebackjendrey said:...
Sometimes no comeback is needed at all. Just silently stare back at them for as long as it takes for them to finally shut up? Now you might think this is impossible for someone like me..and usually, most usually, you'd be right.
But, just the other day I found myself in this very situation and for the life of me I don't know why but I got a half smile on my face, kinda' shook my head in a--wow, how lucky you are that Nigerian bank manager asked for your help--kind of way, and basically dismissed the person from my little sphere without saying a word.
Don't know if I could be so nice the next time around though!
I laughed so hard, thanks for the laugh. I think I'm gonna develope selective hearing, but I'm not that old so I won't be able to get away with it.
This man works where my husband works that is how he knew I had cancer. First time I met the dude. He knows nothing about me, and wants to tell me of the herbs to take to cure cancer. Now this guys a diabetic, he has no cure for diabetes, but has the cure all for breast cancer.
I get a kick out of these people who think they are highly educated, but show their ignorance when trying to talk about cancer. Most people think there is one chemo drug, yep one size fits all, a little dab will do ya.0
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