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Would you 'shave' your head -

Rague
Posts: 3261
Joined: Aug 2009

in support of a friend/family member?

Just wondering - there are some of us who have lost our hair to Chemo and some who haven't. So - would your be willing to 'shave'/clipper your hair in support of a friend/family member? Would you try to organize an event with several people participating? There is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer - we are each who we are and many other options.

Personally - I would have no problem having the clippers run over my head again but i would try to get others involved and turn it into a fund raising event.

Susan

aysemari's picture
aysemari
Posts: 1586
Joined: Dec 2009

I don't see how that helps support a person going through cancer. If anything
it makes the other person miserable too.. LOL

And at the risk of upsetting some people... at least for myself, I did not think
that bald was beautiful. It was convenient I admit but beautiful, no.

I would support a cancer patient by offering to clean their house, run errands,
cook for them. You know the daily stuff that really matters.

Hugs,
Ayse

Rague
Posts: 3261
Joined: Aug 2009

Different opinions are why I asked. There are so MANY different way that we all think and what will support others.

Granted the young men who shaved their heads when mine was were men but it made me feel good that they were thinking about me and to me it was a show of support/care. Over the years (before I had BC), I had heard of many groups supporting cancer patients this way. There are certainly many other way to support/give to those in need. Years ago, a very dear friend was going through some really hard times - I got her Hubby to give me the key to their house and while they were with family in another state over Christmas, I went to her house and totally cleaned it (as in a 'spring cleaning') so that when they came home she walked into a totally clean house. This past summer, I gave daily ride to Rads for someone who needed them.

If I thought that it would help someone fell better, yes I would shave my head again. That's just me - not what is right for anyone else.

Susan

sbmly53
Posts: 1459
Joined: Jan 2010

with cancer, but I wouldn't shave my head. I know that others wouldn't even blink an eye when asked, but I know I would be unable to do it. If it were long enough, I would consider a cut for Locks of Love.

Sue

carkris's picture
carkris
Posts: 4513
Joined: Aug 2009

no I would not shave my head unless asked to. but I would also do anything for anyone. My husband wanted to shave his head for me, but we all begged him not to as he has a very large head .LOL

Rague
Posts: 3261
Joined: Aug 2009

Well when I lost my hair, Sandy (Hubby) never said anything about 'shaving' his head but then it wouldn't have made any real difference with looking at him - he's quite bald (has been for years LOL) plus he's retired Navy so very short hair (what he still has) is norm for him. (Another funny - he has a 'pin head' wears a smaller hat than I do.)

Susan

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 3874
Joined: Oct 2009

If a loved one asked me I would do it, but, having lost all of my hair once, I'm not in a rush to lose it again.

fauxma's picture
fauxma
Posts: 3531
Joined: Dec 2008

I am going to answer this in reverse. If I had a friend or group that wanted to shave their head in support of me if I had to do chemo I would tell them no. I would be so upset and miserable if someone did that. Now cutting hair shorter to donate to locks of love would be fine. I had a neighbor when her sister had to do chemo that asked if I thought it would be supportive to her sister to shave her head. I told her that I thought cleaning, shopping, visiting, and being there was the best way. But I can see where some people might find this supportive just not me. And I think that there is a big difference in a man shaving his head and a woman. A woman's hair is a very big part of our feminine mystic. Whether we keep it short or long, it does define who we are. There are only a few brave souls who go against the grain and wear their hair shaved by choice. My daughter had a friend in college who shaved her head. She went from long, crazy curls to smooth as a pool ball and she was absolutely beautiful both ways.
So my answer is if someone asked me if they should shave their head in support of me I would say a Big No. I would like to think that if I was asked to do this to support someone else that I would but I am not so sure. I didn't do chemo but when it was considered I was not the least bit concerned about lossing my hair but to just shave it, I don't know. Hopefully I will never have to face either possibility.
Good subject and yes, there is no right or wrong just different reactions and thought.
Stef

Rague
Posts: 3261
Joined: Aug 2009

I was 'sans hair' for 8 months so to me it wouldn't be that hard to do it again. I didn't go without my scarfs, stocking caps or wigs during that time - it was FRIGID to put it mildly and I liked to not FREEZE.

jessiesmom1's picture
jessiesmom1
Posts: 708
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi Susan,

Your post really made me think, and I thank you for that. After having lost all of my hair everywhere including eyebrows and eyelashes I just do not think I could voluntarily shave off my hair again - even to support a fellow Pink Sister. While I had MANY side effects from chemo, the single worst one to me was the loss of my hair. It was the one thing that made it obvious to me and the rest of the world that I had cancer. I would take care of your kids, drive you to the doctor, clean your house, cook your meals, take your phone call at 3a.m. but the hair thing is just too much.

IRENE

mrs gadget
Posts: 118
Joined: Jul 2010

My husband finished his stem cell transplant treatment right around the time I was diagnosed with BC...to say the least, his hair was just starting to come back as mine was starting to fall out!! For a short time, we were truly the bald couple so there wasn't a choice in the head shaving. I have to admit we looked pretty funny and were truly each other's best friend during our treatments...

Rague
Posts: 3261
Joined: Aug 2009

As I said before, Sandy is quite bald (has been for years), he teased me all the time while I was sans hair (AKA totally BALD) the he finally had more hair than I had. My comeback was always the same - "But mine will grow back - yours won't!" Which it did!

Susan

LadyParvati's picture
LadyParvati
Posts: 328
Joined: Oct 2009

Yes, especially if it would raise money for cancer research or make her (or him) feel less alone on the treatment journey. What's the big deal? I went through it once, and it grows back pretty quickly.

Just MY opinion, though!

Hugs, Sandy

chenheart's picture
chenheart
Posts: 5182
Joined: Apr 2003

I am in Ayse's court on this one. Reggie has beautiful, thick, long hair and he wanted to shave it in support of me when I did chemo the first time. I was adamant that he NOT do that! For one, I love touching his hair; it gave me comfort, and two, losing my hair was not a choice for me, but would have been for him. It seemed completely an apples/oranges type situation to me.

The times I can see it, though,is when a school-age child is going through chemo and has to go to school bald. That time of life, as opposed to mine is so full of fear and peer pressure~ if most of the kids in the class looked like the "chemo-kid", I think the emotional playing field would be leveled, and a lot of childen, and perhaps adults alike could learn a valuable life lesson.

I have seen plenty of young adults at the Relay For Life having their long ponytails lopped off to donate to Locks Of Love, and I think that is wonderful! No head shaving necessary, just a short, kicky hair style, and a loving donation made.

You are right. there is absolutly no right or wrong on this one~thanks for the interesting post!

Hugs,
Chen♥

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2259
Joined: Jun 2010

I don't understand why anyone would want to call attention to themselves by shaving their head "in support" of a friend going through chemo. Seems like they're saying "look at me, I have a friend going through chemo and I did this, aren't I wonderful?" I don't see how someone shaving their hair is of any help to the person going through chemo. Their hair will grow back quickly.

If someone really wanted me to do it and could convince me it would mean so much to them, I probably would. I know some people do this in honor of the chemo patient, I just don't understand it. I don't think they're wrong for doing it, not at all, just don't understand. Did anyone experience this "tribute" to them losing their hair? How did it make you feel?

Suzanne

LadyParvati's picture
LadyParvati
Posts: 328
Joined: Oct 2009

I think that the person who voluntarily shaves his or her head when a friend or loved one is going through cancer is doing it to help that loved one feel less alone more than anything. Very few people will shave their heads as a "bragging" point. In fact, I'd bet *that* type of person is the last person who would shave their heads for someone else!

The one person I know whose family did this did it to help her feel better about losing her hair in the only way they could figure out. The whole family had a shaving party together, so she didn't lose her hair all by herself. She has very special memories of that time--showed me their shaving photos and photos of their bald heads leaned together with a lot of pride and love. She feels that her family was really "there" for her in many ways, shaving being one of them.

Hugs, Sandy

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5259
Joined: Oct 2010

family member going to lose her hair..so they had HAIR SHAVING party...(for real) the whole family participated!

joannstar
Posts: 346
Joined: Nov 2010

I don't see how that is supportive to another person. I would take them shopping for headcoverings and cook food or just be there. My hair is just coming in and I've uncovered it this week--can't image how my having my head shaved would help someone else. If anyone had asked me, I would not had let them--no need for 2 people to be bald, it was bad enough for just me.

JoAnn

weazer's picture
weazer
Posts: 440
Joined: Mar 2010

My sister did, when my hair started to fall out!
I was'nt aware of it until she told me.
I live in Colorado and she lives in Montana, and it was winter when she did it.
Brrrrrrrr, the winters there are very cold.
And a coworker of hers, they worked at a bar there and raised money and more attention to Breast cancer and many other cancers.
So yes I would : )

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5259
Joined: Oct 2010

so nice raised money as well...

ElizabethB's picture
ElizabethB
Posts: 89
Joined: Feb 2011

I had cut my hair and donated to locks of love. because I wanted to control this beast. I have two girls they have long hair. The next day they went down and had there hair cut for locks of love . I felt good that they thought so much of me to share.....when I first found out that I had cancer my two girls had a tattoo of a pink ribbon put on there wrist so that every time they see it they would think of me and say a prayer....My oldest does tattoos and she is very motivated. now because she donates 1/2 of what she gets for the tattoo pink ribbon to the .ACS so sweet and wonderful such a positive thing coming from my girls love you all you are all in my prayers

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5259
Joined: Oct 2010

That is great....! EVEN if I could My hair has been dyed so many times I wouldnt' be able to!

Also NICE on Tatto donation!

chenheart's picture
chenheart
Posts: 5182
Joined: Apr 2003

Very nice! As I mentioned, cutting off long hair to donate to Locks Of Love would be a no brainer for me ( if I had 10" of surplus hair, which I don't! LOL)

I know we are in the itsy-bitsy minority, but Reggie and I have no tattoos, and have never wanted any, but my niece has ..( too many in my opinion, but everything is subjective! ) She knows I love hummingbirds, and she had a hummingbird holding a pink ribbon put on her wrist. She has worked in places wher she had to hide her body-art, but she is In Your Face, almost daring someone to object to the one she had done in my honor! LOL I am almost surprised that Reggie does not have a tattoo; as a Native American there is so much symbolic Tribal art which I am sure would be meaningful to him. But so far, tattoos have not called his name. And I drew the line at him shaving his long braided hair in support of me~NO NO NO!! I would not have felt supported by that, only saddened.

Isn't it amazing how different we all are from one another? Thankfully, the non-important issues, such as tats and hair, do not color who we truly are: Kindred Spirits united in support of each other in doing battle with the Beast! Shave your heads, get tattoos! Or not! I love you all!

Rague
Posts: 3261
Joined: Aug 2009

You and Reggie are not alone - neither Sandy or I have any tattoos. (Well I do if you want to cound the radiation dots but I don't.) It is a bit surprising that he doesn't have any either as he spent 20 years in the Navy but does not have any.

I'm not anti tattoos if that's what 'you' want - I just don't want any myself

Susan

camul's picture
camul
Posts: 2005
Joined: Dec 2010

I was so glad that my boys didnt decide to shave thier heads to support me. For locks of love I would have cut my hair, but not shaved. When my nephew had cancer his brother shaved his head, and when another nephew had cancer his dad shaved his head, but males dont stand out so much with thier head shaved. But when I see a woman without hair, my first thought is, oh she must have cancer too!

However.... they are trying to decide on a mutual tatoo that they can both get that will always keep me close to thier hearts. I too love hummingbirds and couldn't stand the scars after my masectomy, so I had my right breast tatoo'd with a hummingbird and a beautiful hibiscus(pink of course). It is so beautiful that the tatoo artist uses it as the face of her business cards, of course no one knows that it is actually my breast:)

mwallace1325's picture
mwallace1325
Posts: 806
Joined: Apr 2009

My friend's daughter wanted to shave her head when I was diagnosed. She was in college at the time and I was totally against her doing that. The fact that she suggested doing it, in addition to a million other things she did, showed me her support, but I HATED being bald (having rac**** circles around my eyes didn't help either and no eye brows). I never would have wanted her to do that. My granddaughters offered (while pointing out that they were in high school) : ) and I didn't want them to do it either. Like many others, I'd have no problem helping in any other way or donating hair (if I had it) to Locks of Love (which my oldest granddaughter did) but shaving my head again, couldn't do it. It's probably one of my great fears about a recurrence (as dumb as I know that sounds), that and feeling like c**p again.

Besides, if someone had shaved their head for me, I might have been even sadder when their hair grew right back and mine didn't.

I know I sound spoiled and like a brat, but today i'm owning that.

Good question, Susan, thanks.

marge

chenheart's picture
chenheart
Posts: 5182
Joined: Apr 2003

When I was visited by the Recurrance Monster, my daughter Siobhan wanted to shave her head~ and she was in the running to be chosen to go to Europe with her culinary class in college at the time. Reggie and I discouraged her from doing that, and she (bless her heart) said:
"Well, maybe I will have it shaved off when I get to Paris!" I have to tell you that she and I both almost pee'd our pants when Reggie rolled his eyes at her and said, "Oh great, go to Europe as Siobhan, come back as Sinead!" It was so hilarious!!

laughs_a_lot's picture
laughs_a_lot
Posts: 1368
Joined: Mar 2011

I would probably do it. But in doing so I would hope that I had hair long enough to donate it for making wigs for those who are going through treatment. I have thick hair and when I grow it long it is so thick I look like I have a dark brown Christmas tree on my head. Therefore I have always kept it short for convenience sake.

MAJW
Posts: 2515
Joined: May 2009

I wouldn't ...been bald once....
Bald is beautiful.....on a baby!

Findingout
Posts: 132
Joined: Dec 2010

I'm not sure.. maybe if and when the situation arises I'll be able to answer that. As for right now, I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want anyone to do it for me.

Because, Why? That's what I'd think....enough that I have to be hairless and my nogan cold at night, plus who knows what else (hair protects us). So my immediate reaction is - no. (still have my hair but not for long)

I think it's a good 'food for thought' question though, that you brought up - it makes us think about it when we might not otherwise. Hope you're doing well and having a good weekend!

Hugs,
LynD

dancinonwater
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2011

I definitely depends on who you are doing it for. A girl at my dance studio has breast cancer (and she's only 23), and we are all strongly considering shaving our heads for her. She has the most beautiful hair you've ever seen, and it is so important to her, so losing it will be extremely difficult for her. In our case, shaving our heads would not only symbolize her not being alone, but also the fact that she is more important to us than our hair is. It would show her that we love her more than any number of French braids, which I know would really be beneficial for her. Maybe for some people it wouldn't help, but, like I said, it really depends. If she thinks it will help her, I will do in a second.

SlowRollin's picture
SlowRollin
Posts: 75
Joined: Nov 2011

Would I? I'd do anything for a family member or dear friend if it would benefit them. With that said, cutting what little hair I have left wouldn't be much of a sacrifice. I talked to my two sons about cutting their hair off when their mother had hers cut, and they would - reluctantly (5th and 10th graders). But I would never let them when so much of their ego at their age is focused on their appearance. Their mother felt the same way. Nice gesture, but not for them. My wife didn't want anyone to do anything that would resemble her exerience, but she was touched by the offer.
So, would I? You bet. But only if the person I was doing for was ok with this expression of support. In the military, we had experiences that no one else has. Things we never want to do again; but remember fondly, with pride that we survived. In cancer, you have yours as well. Excellent topic!

BetsyJane's picture
BetsyJane
Posts: 127
Joined: Aug 2011

That was and still is one of the most devastating side effects of cancer for me. I still do not like to look at myself in the mirror. Every time I look at myself (without my wig) I know I have cancer. I would never ask nor want anyone to shave their hair off for me. Although I did not ask him to, my beloved husband (of 32 years) shaved his "mustache" off for me after having one for about 35 years. He actually looks better and younger! (and he still has his full head of hair). I'd do almost anything else but I definitely could not shave my hair.

Texasgirl10's picture
Texasgirl10
Posts: 668
Joined: Nov 2010

I just don't think I could do it. My hair is finally coming back & I pray I never have to loose it again. I have missed my long, thick beautiful blonde hair daily for a year now. I have to agree with the ones that have said bald is beautiful but not on me. I would do anything for anyone but I will not shave my head unless it was a child going through it.

I think now that I've been through this I would show my support in other ways like fund raisers , cleaning, running errands , babysitting, etc. Those were the things that were the most helpful to me while I was going through chemo. It was bad enough that I lost my hair, & felt like a freak if nature I sure didn't want my friends & family to look like that too :)

Hugs,

Dawne

JuJuBeez's picture
JuJuBeez
Posts: 332
Joined: Apr 2010

I most definitely would for my little girl, if something happened to her. I wouldn't let her feel alone in that. I didn't have chemo, but Erin had said she would donate her hair so they could make a wig for me, if I needed her to.

Melaniedoingwell
Posts: 80
Joined: Nov 2011

I have had a very positive attitude throughout this ordeal of cancer. I voluntarily went and had my head shaved when I felt like I was at death's door every time I looked at my thinning hair. That felt empowering! I was doing it on MY terms.

So saying, I don't feel like ANY one's having shaved their head would have felt in any way supportive to me. I did not want any one to shave their head because I had to. Well, I didn't HAVE to, I chose to, regardless.....

I agree with so many others here - things that WERE helpful to me - sweet friends and family who cooked and cleaned and prayed for me, who came to visit and chat, who made me laugh.

Melaniedoingwell
Posts: 80
Joined: Nov 2011

In the photo of me herein with my two sons, my younger son has super short hair because of his military duty, not because I had mine shorter than his in this photo!!

Melaniedoingwell
Posts: 80
Joined: Nov 2011

In the photo of me herein with my two sons, my younger son has super short hair because of his military duty, not because I had mine shorter than his in this photo!!

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

Personally I wouldn't shave my head.I would wear a bracelet etc to support my friend but not shave my head.I have fine thin hair anyway and I don't want any of it gone for just a short time UNLESS I have to.

My friend was dx years ago.I went to hospital when she had surgery and got her some Pink Ribbon jewelry to wear.She wore that till after her treatments but then she seemed to slack off wearing anything pink.I am like her.I don't wear pink now and I was dx 2 years ago.I no longer want others to know of my situation even though I had Non Invasive DCIS Stage 0. I find people think it won't be longer. This year a tumor was found.I told people and before I knew it I wasn't doing well.People thought my cancer was back. It was thought before I even had the biopsy.It was benign but rumors spread.

I did meet a lady recently who was wearing a pink bracelet. it took me sometime to ask her but I finally did.Are you a Survivor??? She wasn't but was wearing her bracelet for her sister who passed away a year before. I thought that was nice of her.Even after her sisters passing she was wearing pink in her memory and for others. Her sister only lived a year after dx.

Lynn Smith

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