Okay...here's me... shaking in my boots

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taleena
taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
in Breast Cancer #1
I went in for my appointment/treatment-injection.... on Thursday. Mamo came back clear THANK GOD... doing a happy dance will celebrate any victory I can get... however I don't get to say "dancing with NED" just yet.....

Thursday my onco said they were watching a lesion in my hip. He didn't elaborate and I didn't ask. He did tell me that the treatment I was receiving has played havoc on my spine and hip bones.... I already knew this from the pain I have been experiencing... It's so bad I'm not a candidtate for Bonevia but instead need to go in for a fusion of Reclast for osteoparosis... of my spine... and hips... He did say he wanted some x-rays of the hips so after I left him, off I went to imaging... after the x-ray I went about my business to treatment had my injection... and went home... feeling kinda puney now...but I'm okay...

Now today... get home from the office and guess what ...I do not like the roller coaster ride... and really, really, really, I want off!!!! Just received a call from Onco's office I need to get the cd of an mri I had several years ago... because there was more up take in the bone scan this time than the last time and the dr didn't like... they want to order another MRI and compare the one I had several years ago with the one they are ordering... I need to take it in with me next Thursday... Dr wants another MRI...seriously can I just stop..I dont like the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... they just ruined my friday! NEW RULE... 1) no calling a patient on Fridays... RULE #2) if you call a patient with a concern you MUST give an appointment within 24 hours......

hummm... what a pathetic mess I am... so many going through so very much...and here I sit petrified.... not wanting next week to come....duhhhhhhhh I wish I could just hit myself upside the head and say..."Knock it off".... but I can't seem to...so, will one of you do it for me???

Love & hugs,

~T
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Comments

  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #2
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    No knocks on the head
    I am not going to knock you up side the head. I would be scared to. I like your rules. I think you should tell your doctor about this rule. I wish I could make the time pass for you and make it easier. You do now that it could be nothing to worry about, but we will always go the other way right. I guess with us there is always something. I went in for a cough I have had for 8 weeks the other day. I figured its about time. Anyways, this doctor ask's me if my chest hurts with this and I make a fist and hold it to my chest and say ya it hurt at times and he says sort of breath and I say ya at times. Next thing I know I am getting an EKG and blood work up and he is looking up last years records on all the treatments. Now I am scared and he tell's me that I could be having heart problems that the chemo can cause this. I look at my husband and said what else.They said I was not having a heart attack and I could go home, but I need a stress test. So we leave and I am really stress now and I'm like BUT WHAT ABOUT MY COUGH. So it's always something and I hope yours is nothing. I hate the waiting, but you have been here before and you can do this. I wish you did not have to. Lot's of hugs, prayers and positive thoughts my friend.
    Kathy
  • jamiegww
    jamiegww Member Posts: 384
    #3
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    You are not a pathetic mess.
    I agree with your rule #1)no calling a patient of Fridays. I hope you can find something else to occupy your thoughts for a few days. Hopefully they are just being extra cautious and it will turn out to be nothing to worry about.

    Hugs!!!
    Jamie
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #4
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    Kat11 said:

    No knocks on the head
    I am not going to knock you up side the head. I would be scared to. I like your rules. I think you should tell your doctor about this rule. I wish I could make the time pass for you and make it easier. You do now that it could be nothing to worry about, but we will always go the other way right. I guess with us there is always something. I went in for a cough I have had for 8 weeks the other day. I figured its about time. Anyways, this doctor ask's me if my chest hurts with this and I make a fist and hold it to my chest and say ya it hurt at times and he says sort of breath and I say ya at times. Next thing I know I am getting an EKG and blood work up and he is looking up last years records on all the treatments. Now I am scared and he tell's me that I could be having heart problems that the chemo can cause this. I look at my husband and said what else.They said I was not having a heart attack and I could go home, but I need a stress test. So we leave and I am really stress now and I'm like BUT WHAT ABOUT MY COUGH. So it's always something and I hope yours is nothing. I hate the waiting, but you have been here before and you can do this. I wish you did not have to. Lot's of hugs, prayers and positive thoughts my friend.
    Kathy

    Of course
    you're scared. Any of us would be. To have no concerns is just not reasonable.

    And Friday phone calls need to be outlawed. They do no one any good.

    I'll wait with you. And you can say the same things over and over, things like maybe it's nothing, maybe they're just being careful, maybe there's something wrong with the machine that did the test -- that's how I wait. Mostly, though, I just fret and become really unpleasant to live with. Just ask my husband:)

    We're here.

    xoxo
    Victoria
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    #5
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    jamiegww said:

    You are not a pathetic mess.
    I agree with your rule #1)no calling a patient of Fridays. I hope you can find something else to occupy your thoughts for a few days. Hopefully they are just being extra cautious and it will turn out to be nothing to worry about.

    Hugs!!!
    Jamie

    Yeah, what she said. You are not a pathetic mess, T!
    I especially like the rule about no freaking out a patient unless you are willing to see that patient within the next 24 hours. And why the hell can't THEY get the copy of the freaking MRI to compare it? You have a right to be pi$$ed, so keep raging! And keep fighting, because you're gonna beat this bump in the road too, ok?
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #6
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    Oh T, I understand your fear
    Oh T, I understand your fear and the paralization that comes with it. Joe's right! Why can't they get the scans! There seems to be no thought to how you feel, the waiting, the gathering. I hope you can find something to take your mind off it for awhile and I really really hope it's all for nothing...
    hugs
    jan
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #7
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    Not going to knock you on
    Not going to knock you on the head, gonna hug you instead. this is a lot to absorb and I agree that potentially bad or scary news should not be given on a Friday, only good news. You have every right to be scared, concerned, angry, worried, nauseous from the roller coaster ride, etc. I think you are going through a lot right now so you should be asking us for prayers, comfort, and whatever else you need. I would be a pathetic mess if I got this news. It is good, though, that they are being so thorough. They need to find out if there are changes and deal with them accordingly. I will say to try not to worry (not easy, I know) and to distract yourself as much as you can. It won't help to worry or change the outcome. So until then, breath and do something fun and nice for yourself. Dinner out, a movie, a day with the family, just go do it. Then take your MRI on Thursday and see what is up. That's what I suggest you do. I will keep you in my prayers and good thoughts and beam positive energy to you. Oh, and big cyber hugs. But no knocks to the head ever.
    Stef
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #8
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    fauxma said:

    Not going to knock you on
    Not going to knock you on the head, gonna hug you instead. this is a lot to absorb and I agree that potentially bad or scary news should not be given on a Friday, only good news. You have every right to be scared, concerned, angry, worried, nauseous from the roller coaster ride, etc. I think you are going through a lot right now so you should be asking us for prayers, comfort, and whatever else you need. I would be a pathetic mess if I got this news. It is good, though, that they are being so thorough. They need to find out if there are changes and deal with them accordingly. I will say to try not to worry (not easy, I know) and to distract yourself as much as you can. It won't help to worry or change the outcome. So until then, breath and do something fun and nice for yourself. Dinner out, a movie, a day with the family, just go do it. Then take your MRI on Thursday and see what is up. That's what I suggest you do. I will keep you in my prayers and good thoughts and beam positive energy to you. Oh, and big cyber hugs. But no knocks to the head ever.
    Stef

    Hey T
    Of course you are
    Hey T
    Of course you are nervous...and I'm with Aortus, why do you have to get the old MRI?
    Seems like they would do that.
    Dee
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #9
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    dyaneb123 said:

    Hey T
    Of course you are
    Hey T
    Of course you are nervous...and I'm with Aortus, why do you have to get the old MRI?
    Seems like they would do that.
    Dee

    Gulp!
    Taleena, you're not pitiful, you're human. Of course, you're worried and want off the roller coaster. We'll just ride along with you until this gets resolved - even me and I hate roller coasters!

    Suzanne
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #10
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    T.........
    There is seemingly never any rest for the weary OR the fearful. Geez, it's like every time you pull yourself up and start to get on with life, here comes another issue.

    Impossible not to worry. So, how about if you give half of the worry to someone else to carry for awhile? I'll be your worry buddy. That way, you will only have to worry half as much.

    Meanwhile, prayers of course, and big warm hugs coming your way.
    CR
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #11
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    Ugh...that darn roller coaster!
    I never did like those things.

    Rule #3 - How about ONE MRI per year?

    We understand all the head spinning tests and the waiting...it's exhausting.

    I'm praying that everything will turn out okay.

    Sending my prayers and hugs,

    Sylvia
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #12
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    So sorry
    So sorry Girl. It seems that you just cannot catch a break. Try to enjoy your weekend and do something fun with your family to take your mind off of things. We will be here if you need to talk. Let's pray that the lesion is nothing and that the docs can address the bone density loss.

    You got my number if you need me.
  • PinkPearl
    PinkPearl Member Posts: 280
    #13
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    Ohhhh, don't we..
    Just wish we could knock out the worry our little minds keep creating for us. You have really had a couple of hard days with lots of questions being raised, no wonder you are a little stressed about now. Prayers and hugs to you.
  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    #14
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    Take a deep breathe and
    Take a deep breathe and breath. We are here for you. I will say prayers for you T. Bear hugs to you.
    BL
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #15
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    DAMMIT!!!
    If I could find the darned lever for the frickin' rollercoaster - I'd yank it for an emergency STOP!

    You are most certainly NOT pathetic. Nor a mess. Please, don't hit your head. It really needs to stay in place.

    Remember to breathe deeply, Sweet T. And try to take just one step at a time. I know it's hard. Over this weekend, I hope you can do something/whatever YOU want to do.

    We're here for ya, all the way. So many posts of support and encouragement.

    Sending HOPEFUL cyberhugs...

    Love, Susan xo
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #16
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    dyaneb123 said:

    Hey T
    Of course you are
    Hey T
    Of course you are nervous...and I'm with Aortus, why do you have to get the old MRI?
    Seems like they would do that.
    Dee

    I am sorry, you deserved to have a nice weekend
    Tallena,
    I am sorry. I wish the doc could be more thoughtful and wait until Monday. I am with you. I do not see my doctors on Thursdays and Fridays anymore because if additional tests are required you cannot schedule an appointment until Monday. It did happen to me once and our weekend was ruined. I have been following this rule ever since.

    AS you know I am off Arimidex for third month now. New paper presented at San Antonio Breast conference showed that efficacy of Zoladex is equal to Tamoxifen. I you are interested PM me your e-mail, I have an abstract, so you can discuss with your oncologist at your next visit.
    Good luck with your test. My bone density is scheduled for 2/17 (Thursday)
    Hugs
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #17
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    Christmas Girl said:

    DAMMIT!!!
    If I could find the darned lever for the frickin' rollercoaster - I'd yank it for an emergency STOP!

    You are most certainly NOT pathetic. Nor a mess. Please, don't hit your head. It really needs to stay in place.

    Remember to breathe deeply, Sweet T. And try to take just one step at a time. I know it's hard. Over this weekend, I hope you can do something/whatever YOU want to do.

    We're here for ya, all the way. So many posts of support and encouragement.

    Sending HOPEFUL cyberhugs...

    Love, Susan xo

    What were they thinking!?
    I am so sorry they are so insensitive and thoughtless as to call on a Friday. It always shocks me. Try not to get ahead of the results. Easier said than done. Hugs, hugs, hugs.

    Roseann
  • pitt
    pitt Member Posts: 387
    #18
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    You are absolutely allowed
    You are absolutely allowed to be nervous. I would doubt your sanity if you weren't. HOWEVER, if you want to get your mind off it, go start that exercise program you were talking about. Walking helps strengthen bones. Liftvweights. Do something! It will help get those endorphins moving ( natural Prozac) and you can stress a little less. Do what makes you happy and worry about tomorrow when it gets here! If that doesn't work, there is always vodka. No matter how long you've been good, sometimes the angel on your shoulder needs a drink! Good luck, Pitt
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #19
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    Aortus said:

    Yeah, what she said. You are not a pathetic mess, T!
    I especially like the rule about no freaking out a patient unless you are willing to see that patient within the next 24 hours. And why the hell can't THEY get the copy of the freaking MRI to compare it? You have a right to be pi$$ed, so keep raging! And keep fighting, because you're gonna beat this bump in the road too, ok?

    agreeing with Joe
    yes you have the right to be pi$$ed! they could do there job and get the copy to compare MRI's we are more than just a scan on a piece of papaer we are living breathing people with fear and anxiety...and we DO WORRY! keep fighting my sweet sister I love you to the moon!
    Jackie
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #20
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    Aortus said:

    Yeah, what she said. You are not a pathetic mess, T!
    I especially like the rule about no freaking out a patient unless you are willing to see that patient within the next 24 hours. And why the hell can't THEY get the copy of the freaking MRI to compare it? You have a right to be pi$$ed, so keep raging! And keep fighting, because you're gonna beat this bump in the road too, ok?

    agreeing with Joe
    yes you have the right to be pi$$ed! they could do there job and get the copy to compare MRI's we are more than just a scan on a piece of papaer we are living breathing people with fear and anxiety...and we DO WORRY! keep fighting my sweet sister I love you to the moon!
    Jackie
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #21
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    Gosh darn it, T. I think I
    Gosh darn it, T. I think I held my breath reading your whole post. Whew! Of course you're anxious, who wouldn't be...so don't beat yourself up about it. Do find some distractions to get you through and remember to take those deep breaths. I SO hope that they find that there's nothing to be concerned about. I think the main rule should be instantaneous results and plans....waiting is agony. Thank goodness they are watching you CLOSELY, even if it feels too close for comfort. Wishing you the best news next week. xoxoxo Lynn

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