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Why did she leave me so early?

madhura
Posts: 21
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi all,

I never thought I would be posting on this board - always thought and assumed that my mom would be perfectly fine.

I have no idea how to cope with her going away.

It's been 3 months but my pain is getting worse. I can make out that my behaviour has changed and I am not nice as I used to be.

I just feel that Life is very unfair - people who are most needed and loved go away too soon.

I have pasted my earlier post from the Uterine cancer board to give a background of my case.

Rgds,
M

I wanted to inform everyone that I lost my mom on Sept 26. Grief of losing a mother and at a relatively young age is the most terrible thing.
She was a real fighter. Even if the doctor had recommended chemo when she was in the last and worst stage, she would have happily gone for it.

She had the most aggressive decease - Diagnosed in late May, had hysterectomy on June 2 (and it was stage 1A), chemo decision was to be taken after 3 weeks, but it spread in the lungs within 10 days of surgery. After 3 cycles of chemo, lungs were almost clear - we were relieved. However within 3 weeks she developed ascites, and within 3 more days she deteriorated and doctors said we cannot do anything further, as the cancer had obstructed her abdomen.

It was extremely shocking for us (more for me as I am the only child). She suffered a lot, especially in her last month (lot of aches and breathlessness which doctors said at the time were due to general & chemo weakness as the scan was very recent). After we took her to the hospital on Sept 22, I had never ever imagined that she would not return home.

I somewhat compromised with the situation and prayed that she should come home only if it's for a few days, and live a normal life, i.e., watch TV, read and play with my little daughter. But that did not happen.

I feed extremely sad for my 18 month little daughter, even if it's more than a month, there is not a single day when she does not remember her granny fondly.

Never once in her suffering did she talk about giving up, or about death. She was positive till the last minute. According to me that is a real win. Being a doctor herself, she definitely knew what was coming (even if I did not).

She was a single mother (lost my father when I was young) but she has loved me more than both parents would, given me all the right values and the best possible upbringing. I am very proud of her.

Even though I have lost her, I know that her teachings and upbringing will continue to guide me throughout my life and she will shower her love on me one way or the other.

Sorry for informing so late, but I could not get myself to type.
I want to thank everyone on the board for their continued guidance and sharing their experiences and for their prayers.

Last but not the least, I will be praying for everyone on the board for a quick recovery and to remain in remission forever.

Madhura

Noellesmom
Posts: 1271
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm sorry for your loss, Madhura. You seem to have a good grip on the reality of the loss and I empathize with your feelings of losing your mother too soon.

Time is a great healer and you have the blessing of your daughter.

Take care of yourself and your daughter.

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

but the pain has been to bad. I lost my mum on 30 July, its been 5 months and the pain is still so bad, I miss my mum all the time, I still dont believe its happened, when you are a kid and you think your parents are going to be around for ever, then when you found out about death, its makes you feel physically sick that your parents could die, and then it happens, omg no one can prepare you for the horrendous pain, you can feel your heart breaking and breathing is even hard to do, my heart has broken and I know it will never ever mend, a piece of my heart of my life went with my mum, the love a mum and daughter have is so special it can never die. I sorry I cant help you Madura but I know the love I felt for my mum was returned to me by my mum and she will never leave me, my mum never wanted to leave her husband my sister or myself, but she had to go, if she stayed her pain would have been unbearable, her sufferering would have been unbearable too. I honest believe their is a bigger picture and we will all be a family again, my mum promised to wait for me and she would come and get me when its my time, My mum never lied and I know she is still their for me but in a different way. The pain is not easier I still dont know how to live and survive, but being on this website does help, it makes you realise that we are not alone and our suffering is normal, and just talking and sharing is good xxxx

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

Wow. All I can sayis wow sounds like my life. Our mothers and fathers have gone. Your words were beatiful . I am in complete ahh, after 5 months I stubble on this post and now no longer feel alone!

radevaelena
Posts: 10
Joined: Nov 2011

Hi Madhura, I came across your post while I was looking online to see how others are coping with the loss of a mother...I just lost my mom to breast cancer on November 27....and I am totally lost...I have been living away from my family for the last 10 years and even though I talked to my mom all the time, the last time I saw her in person was 2 years ago....I did not even know that she was sick...she had been hiding her cancer from everyone because she did not want to worry us...I found out after she had already passed away...She had told my dad about it 3 days or so earlier and I guess they thought that she will be with us longer but she was not able to make it...I can not even imagine how she had silently suffered thru this and I was not there for her...I was moving back to Europe end of December so I can be with my family but my mom did not wait for me...I was also not able to make it to her funeral...I am now moving back in a couple of weeks but everything now seems so meaningless...The emptiness I feel, the guilt, and everything else is hard to describe...But I am glad that I found this forums where others have shared similar emotions...Love to all~

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