overhwelmed
why am I not on my knees....thankful for my darling husband, and the fact that I am alive.
what's wrong....with old teary miss here????
mags
Comments
-
nothings really wrong!!! tears are beautiful
I bet if you go along to your party and those tears sneak out you gets heaps
of great hugs.
my sincerest advice is to goto the party, smiling and crying is ok. You should hopefully get lots of care. I pray that you deal with your feelings and they get replaced with some nice positive warm feelings. Just like the ocean tides constantly change in front of my bedroom.
Don't worry about your house to much, some others are far worse, if you saw my home you'd be amazed, its a disaster from a clean and tidy persepctive.
Merry xmas
Pete0 -
Yep ! go to party ,I'm the same , don't want to go anywherepete43lost_at_sea said:nothings really wrong!!! tears are beautiful
I bet if you go along to your party and those tears sneak out you gets heaps
of great hugs.
my sincerest advice is to goto the party, smiling and crying is ok. You should hopefully get lots of care. I pray that you deal with your feelings and they get replaced with some nice positive warm feelings. Just like the ocean tides constantly change in front of my bedroom.
Don't worry about your house to much, some others are far worse, if you saw my home you'd be amazed, its a disaster from a clean and tidy persepctive.
Merry xmas
Pete
don't want to buy anything but once I obligate my self I forget about cancer and use to have a great time!.
Hugs and GO! Mags!0 -
thanks Petepete43lost_at_sea said:nothings really wrong!!! tears are beautiful
I bet if you go along to your party and those tears sneak out you gets heaps
of great hugs.
my sincerest advice is to goto the party, smiling and crying is ok. You should hopefully get lots of care. I pray that you deal with your feelings and they get replaced with some nice positive warm feelings. Just like the ocean tides constantly change in front of my bedroom.
Don't worry about your house to much, some others are far worse, if you saw my home you'd be amazed, its a disaster from a clean and tidy persepctive.
Merry xmas
Pete
maybe it is just jitters. Ever since cancers and surgery and chemoes I do feel more isolated and that is why i asked on Sat night if you are ever lonely??? that seems to have struck a chord with lots of folks.
for 6 years my poor hubby has been putting up with cancer. he is very outgoing...loves a party. I am very shy....hate to go to a party. I like classical music and staying home...he loves to go to a jazz club. Because of cancer we all know the bedroom communication breaks down a little so that is another source of guilt and worry for me...
blah blah blah...sorry....maybe I am lonely locked here in cancer world....
thank you all
maggie0 -
Mags
Dear Mags, you must have the same thing that I am having. In my case I am calling it abnormal anxiety. So much trauma and sadness has happened in the past 1 + year and it ain't stopped yet. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop or something. Now this week my best friend is in ICU dying way up in upstate New York and I can't be with her.My 12 yr old kitty has something that has been going on for 4 wks and still can't get a dx. He is dying too.I've taken to Ativan which scares the heck out of me but I want/I need so bad to be a normal 57 yr old woman.
Mags, let's both take a deep, deep cleansing breath and see if that helps.
{{{ HUGS }}}
-Pat0 -
hi patJaylo969 said:Mags
Dear Mags, you must have the same thing that I am having. In my case I am calling it abnormal anxiety. So much trauma and sadness has happened in the past 1 + year and it ain't stopped yet. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop or something. Now this week my best friend is in ICU dying way up in upstate New York and I can't be with her.My 12 yr old kitty has something that has been going on for 4 wks and still can't get a dx. He is dying too.I've taken to Ativan which scares the heck out of me but I want/I need so bad to be a normal 57 yr old woman.
Mags, let's both take a deep, deep cleansing breath and see if that helps.
{{{ HUGS }}}
-Pat
yes that sounds like it....sort of abnormal reaction to any stressor....life and death everywhere.
sorry about you friend and your kitty....it is sooooo hard
I too would like to be a normal 64 year old woman...i am sitting here in black gym tights getting ready to go to a stretch and breathing class at the Y....I feel like a sausage....hahah......ooommmm
thanks Pat0 -
Ah, dearheart....it's all good....
and normal. And yes, GET thee to that party!!!!!!!! And then go home, put your feet up, and sit snuggly by the fire....
(Otherwise, the beast has won....and you don't want that...right????)
It will be better, sweet soul, I promise!!! Just remember, even those lucky souls who have never had cancer have bad days!!!
You are beautiful. And caring. And talented. And DEFINATELY loved...
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Well imagine about me! Tote is 47 and very very littlemaglets said:thanks Pete
maybe it is just jitters. Ever since cancers and surgery and chemoes I do feel more isolated and that is why i asked on Sat night if you are ever lonely??? that seems to have struck a chord with lots of folks.
for 6 years my poor hubby has been putting up with cancer. he is very outgoing...loves a party. I am very shy....hate to go to a party. I like classical music and staying home...he loves to go to a jazz club. Because of cancer we all know the bedroom communication breaks down a little so that is another source of guilt and worry for me...
blah blah blah...sorry....maybe I am lonely locked here in cancer world....
thank you all
maggie
communication since all that crap started! So, after my surgery last December I had 3 terrible months , not fisically but my mind didn't work very well!,.Must tell you last year we had a very bad winter cold, rainy Almost every day even a week with big snow in BCN not very common in that amount!, but springtime arrived and everything changed, l started to go shopping ,walk, have every day tea in diferent places!.And we make a nice trip to Santiago de Compostela, (st jaques of compostelle or St James of copmostella as you wish, I recommend you google:" way of Santiago or st James" ) so I mean that may be you need a change of weather, or a nice trip,go south! North can be too melancholic in winter!.Otherwise wait for spring time it will arrive!.Hugs!.0 -
KathiKathiM said:Ah, dearheart....it's all good....
and normal. And yes, GET thee to that party!!!!!!!! And then go home, put your feet up, and sit snuggly by the fire....
(Otherwise, the beast has won....and you don't want that...right????)
It will be better, sweet soul, I promise!!! Just remember, even those lucky souls who have never had cancer have bad days!!!
You are beautiful. And caring. And talented. And DEFINATELY loved...
Hugs, Kathi
thank you Kathi....you are right....just a bad day....maybe a little string of them....it does sort of feel like post traumatic reaction....
hugs back
mags0 -
pepemaglets said:Kathi
thank you Kathi....you are right....just a bad day....maybe a little string of them....it does sort of feel like post traumatic reaction....
hugs back
mags
my daughter walked the way of St James last year from France all the way out to Compostela....I wear a shell from the church always...
it changed her life ....perhaps becoming a pilgrim would be a very good thing
thanks
maggie0 -
Mags
Some of what you are describing just sounds like pre-Christmas jitters when you are hosting the dinner. I suffereed from this for many years before my cancer diagnosis. Even though we are trying to "simplify" Christmas, I find those jitters creeping in. Now I have the additional worry of "how tired will I be"? One of the good things about having dinner here is I can disappear into our bedroom + rest if it becomes too much.
I can totally relate to the big party thing. We had two parties this past weekend - one was a small wine + cheese; we went + loved it. The other was a very large party. I was getting stressed just thinking about it - what will I wear, how exhausted will I be etc. We made an appetizer to take but at the last minute I said to my husband, "I don't think I can go - too loud etc." I thought he would be disappointed but he said he was just as happy to stay home + didn't know how many times he could answer the same questions, etc. That being said, my onc said I need to party more. I think the secret is finding your own comfort level, sometimes pushing yourself a little but not too much. I think that it is important to accept whatever decision you make on these things + not look back. Christmas is an emotional time, as joyful + beautiful as it is. Remind yourself that you have been through hell + give yourself the biggest hug. Here's one from me (((((((HUG))))))!0 -
when I think about dieing I cry. This happens when I am on my own. sometimes driving past the kids school sets me off or hearing the songs we sing as a family.maglets said:thanks Pete
maybe it is just jitters. Ever since cancers and surgery and chemoes I do feel more isolated and that is why i asked on Sat night if you are ever lonely??? that seems to have struck a chord with lots of folks.
for 6 years my poor hubby has been putting up with cancer. he is very outgoing...loves a party. I am very shy....hate to go to a party. I like classical music and staying home...he loves to go to a jazz club. Because of cancer we all know the bedroom communication breaks down a little so that is another source of guilt and worry for me...
blah blah blah...sorry....maybe I am lonely locked here in cancer world....
thank you all
maggie
got heaps of great friends, love eaating, chatting, sharing, walking.
if you feel down for to long just talk it over with some doctors and get some help.
try some happy pills if needed, I would if my onc recommended.
don't let cancer rob your happiness. remember every smile kills a cancer cell.
Its medically proven. I am serious about this. Be happy and smile when the little suckers die.
last thought just get all your bad thougths and put them in your mental rubbish bin, close the lid, spit the bin out your mouth. Now you have an empty mind fill it with warm positive thoughts and put some amazing classical music on.
love
Pete0 -
It's ok Mags. And it's just
It's ok Mags. And it's just for the moment. Take some time now to relax and think about you and how you feel. Look at all you have been doing, shopping, wrapping, preparing, cleaning....now it's time for you to just sit and breathe for awhile. Your husband knows you are thankful for him. I think it's us, as the receiver's feel so grateful to that special person that give's us care and support that there might not be a way to convey the deep deep love and gratitude. We can only show and tell them in the way's we can,not the unseen ways. Make sense? Hmm... I hope you go to the party. You will be beautiful! Why do you need to say anything clever, just say I am so happy to be here and smile.
A warm hug for you, Gail0 -
I did it last summer , was so nice , relaxing and reallymaglets said:pepe
my daughter walked the way of St James last year from France all the way out to Compostela....I wear a shell from the church always...
it changed her life ....perhaps becoming a pilgrim would be a very good thing
thanks
maggie
touching when you get to the cathedral after few weeks!, Martin sheen, which is originally Spanish from Compostela, just made a movie about "el camino"!, Really touching ! go to see it if you can , the name is " the way" look in Google for the trailer : " the way martin sheen trailer" .
How nice you know about "the way of Santiago"!0 -
Don't feel guilty
I feel just like you described, don't know if it is physical or emotional reaction to Christmas or any holiday, same way at Thanksgiving. Don't have the physical energy to do what I use to do, so guilt sets in, then some anger that I have to get things done, then I get my xanax. The whole thing is ridiculous to me, wish I could fight it off, so I feel better just knowing I am not alone in this funk. I have a wonderful family, my husband is at work at 70 with a stent, bless him. Just get done what I can, push ahead, think about what Christmas should be all about to me, the New Year is nearly here and then I can just sit around and do nothing again. Hang in there Christmas is nearly over and hopefully we will have survivived it. I just have to survive the two drives to WI on the 26th and lst and back on the 3rd. Keeping those xanax near. I wish I could get teary, I just get cranky.....thanks for the post, now I feel better. That is sick, I feel better because you feel bad too....wow, thanks for listening to my ramble......Pat0 -
Locked in my own head!
Hi Mags,
I'm feeling you! I had my second round of mop up chemo yesterday, not feeling to great today. I can identify with all those feelings your having. Christmas just isnt the same I feel like I wish it would go away. My bedroom activities are non existant and i have guilt over that. I am gratful for my recent surgury sucsess however am having a tough time feeling it this week. My girl is running around like crazy getting things ready for the holiday and its driving me crazy. I havnt done anything. It's weird for me i have never been a depressed person.
Tom0 -
Dear Mags
'Tis the season to get the blues, what with all the 'commercial happiness'...everyone with not a care in the world, everything just perfect, etc., etc. Kinda like all the commercial models who make the rest of us feel like we are blimps, no matter how good we look.
As for the party, I am with you...big parties are not my style...particularly when you can feel much more alone in a crowd than when alone.
Nothing wrong with you feeling the way you do, BUT you can only allow yourself just a little while to let it slow you down.
If you need to go to the party by all means do, but then get some falling down funny videos and get the laughter back in your life!
Hugs, love and prayers coming your way
Marie who loves kitties0 -
Oh Mags:
Heck I'm not the one with cancer yet I have had the weepies for a couple weeks, it has passed, but putting up the tree, decorating the mantle, heck just shopping, gave me the weepies. I think its that time of year when we are suppose to be happy, giddy, 24/7 but for so many there is that cloud hanging over the house. I kept thinking the what ifs, what if George is not here next year, what if the new chemo doesn't work, what if the cancer gets out of control, blah blah blah, can I remain his strong advocate but you know what he is here, it is Christmas, he is feeling pretty good, so I just stay focused on the postive. So you do the same thing.
Someone I don't like very much once said, what will you do if George doesn't make it, I almost fainted but just said I will cross that bridge when I get to it. What I wanted to say was when you go, I will be the first to dance on your grave. Not very nice, I know.
It will pass, its just that time of year. Well, thats all I got.
Hugs = Tina0 -
I hope you are feeling better soon
I certainly can relate to feeling overwhelmed. Wondering if we will be able to hold up to what is required of us, will we become a weeping ball of mush if somebody tells us how happy they are to see us there, knowing what we are going through. The holidays brings out the best in some people and sometimes they just don't understand that public displays can catch us at the wrong time!
I don't think the times we are feeling down take anything away from the fact that we are thankful to still be here. No amount of gratitude can change the crap we have gone through to get to where we are; the battle has been hard and we deserve some down time. I don't like big parties either, so many artificial people celebrating just a little too much, and you KNOW you'll be hearing them complaining about minor distractions and you just want to scream at them to get a CLUE already! Our bodies have let us down and it is hard sometimes to deal with the aftermath. Even the yummy foods can be treacherous and leave us feeling worse for wear when we should be able to enjoy the tastes and smells like everybody else! Just remember that no matter WHAT you wear to that party, if you go, there will be somebody better dressed, somebody worse dressed, but the majority of them will be wearing something like what you have on, something familiar and festive. I pray for some happy times for you this holiday season, girlfriend!
mary0 -
Awaaaaaaaaaaaaamsccolon said:I hope you are feeling better soon
I certainly can relate to feeling overwhelmed. Wondering if we will be able to hold up to what is required of us, will we become a weeping ball of mush if somebody tells us how happy they are to see us there, knowing what we are going through. The holidays brings out the best in some people and sometimes they just don't understand that public displays can catch us at the wrong time! I don't think the times we are feeling down take anything away from the fact that we are thankful to still be here. No amount of gratitude can change the crap we have gone through to get to where we are; the battle has been hard and we deserve some down time. I don't like big parties either, so many artificial people celebrating just a little too much, and you KNOW you'll be hearing them complaining about minor distractions and you just want to scream at them to get a CLUE already! Our bodies have let us down and it is hard sometimes to deal with the aftermath. Even the yummy foods can be treacherous and leave us feeling worse for wear when we should be able to enjoy the tastes and smells like everybody else! Just remember that no matter WHAT you wear to that party, if you go, there will be somebody better dressed, somebody worse dressed, but the majority of them will be wearing something like what you have on, something familiar and festive. I pray for some happy times for you this holiday season, girlfriend!
mary
maybe its the weather and thank you for my xmas card i feel icky too
michelle0 -
Merry Christmas
Hi Mags,
I'm feeling pretty unthankful myself. I have pulled away from all my friends, don't want to talk to anyone, haven't been volunteering at the chemo clinic, pretty much isolating myself from everyone except family. My family makes me smile and full of joy. They are the only ones I am comfortable around. What do I say when people ask how I am doing? They tell me how good I look. (don't feel like I look good - they should see me without my makeup ha ha.) I have so much to be thankful for and now I feel like I'm in a Pity Party. I don't even post here anymore. I check in everyday and pray for everyone and yet I don't feel like I have anything to offer. What a vicious circle. I know I will snap out of it sometime - Will be with all my loved ones for Christmas so that will make for a happy time. I think we all just go through different feelings at different times. They say I have PTS and I don't want to give into it.
I try to think of all my blessings and how thankful I am to be here. This to shall pass. I am praying for all of us, that we can have peace and comfort and look forward to life rather than be afraid of whats coming next. I have such admiration and respect for all of my colon cancer family. I pray that we all have a wonderful Christmas and that it carries over into the new year. This is usually where I push the delete button but I'm not going to this time.
Big Hugs and Prayers to all,
Debbie
(I'm not going to prrof read this as that is when I normally delete my posts. Ha Ha)0
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