Maybe it's just me....

Options
Hissy_Fitz
Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
I have a friend - a lady a few years older than me, who calls/visits every few months. She is the same friend who, when I was in the hospital last year, unable to eat and vomiting uncontrollably, that told my husband I might be making myself throw up - an absolutely ludicrous notion.

Anyway, this friend came over yesterday to visit, but mostly to peddle some products she sells. One of the first things she said was, "Did you just have your wig styled, or is that a new one?" None of my other friends/family EVER calls attention to the fact that I wear a wig. This friend does it every single time we see one another.

My husband says I am over-reacting, but I think this is just a really unnecessary, bordering on cruel remark. Everyone else just refers to my hair...."your hair looks nice", or "I like your hair".

This woman has had breast cancer (no chemo and no hair loss), so you would think she, of all people, would be more sensitive.

Is it just me?

Carlene
«1

Comments

  • JoanC
    JoanC Member Posts: 231
    #2
    Options
    NO FRIEND
    Carlene,
    First of all, quit calling her a friend ...she is an acquaintance or someone you know at best. A friend would NEVER say those things.Any "friend" that would go behind my back to tell something like that to my husband would have been written off right then. Some people need to bring other people down to make themselves feel better. I guess we should feel sorry for them that their sel esteem is so low but it just makes me mad. Just be busy when she calls from now on and do not see her. You are a beautiful,funny, witty woman.
    ~Joan
  • lenjam
    lenjam Member Posts: 51
    #3
    Options
    JoanC said:

    NO FRIEND
    Carlene,
    First of all, quit calling her a friend ...she is an acquaintance or someone you know at best. A friend would NEVER say those things.Any "friend" that would go behind my back to tell something like that to my husband would have been written off right then. Some people need to bring other people down to make themselves feel better. I guess we should feel sorry for them that their sel esteem is so low but it just makes me mad. Just be busy when she calls from now on and do not see her. You are a beautiful,funny, witty woman.
    ~Joan

    Who needs a "friend" l
    I don't think anyone needs a "friend" like that.
    JoanC said it well.
  • lenjam
    lenjam Member Posts: 51
    #4
    Options
    JoanC said:

    NO FRIEND
    Carlene,
    First of all, quit calling her a friend ...she is an acquaintance or someone you know at best. A friend would NEVER say those things.Any "friend" that would go behind my back to tell something like that to my husband would have been written off right then. Some people need to bring other people down to make themselves feel better. I guess we should feel sorry for them that their sel esteem is so low but it just makes me mad. Just be busy when she calls from now on and do not see her. You are a beautiful,funny, witty woman.
    ~Joan

    Who needs a "friend" l
    I don't think anyone needs a "friend" like that.
    JoanC said it well.
  • Mum2bellaandwilliam
    Mum2bellaandwilliam Member Posts: 412
    #5
    Options
    Jealousy?
    I think this lady sounds jealous of you? You are a very attractive lady and it sounds a s though she is jealous of you and her only way to deal with that is by bitchy comments!
    Oh well move on , and just laugh at her, she is the one eaten up inside!
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #6
    Options
    You sure this isn't the same person...
    this could be my daughter-in-law's mother! She is just plain toxic to me and I stay away from her as much as possible. She ALWAYS comments about my wig, in a way that feels very cruel. AND she had pre-breast cancer (surgery, but she recieved breast implants, no chemo, no hair loss, no follow-up). She goes around telling evryone that she is a breast cancer survivor and knows JUST how you feel. It's not just you and I avoid these toxic types. If my "friend" lived in Texas, I would think they were one and the same. :)
    Maria
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #7
    Options
    I agree,
    she is very insensitive. Not what you need in your life right now. Take care of you, Carlene, and don't let her in the door.
    kathleen
  • srwruns
    srwruns Member Posts: 343
    #8
    Options
    Yeah...what everyone else
    Yeah...what everyone else said!
  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314
    #9
    Options
    Not just you!
    I tell my daughter: (15 in High School with all the teenage drama ) that you pick your friends based on how much of their BS you are willing to tolerate! If you can't tolerate their crap then don't associate with them. So this woman you call "friend" has WAY TO MUCH BS for you and what you are going through so ditch her. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and are helpful, encouraging and supportive. This woman's snarky commentary makes ME mad!
    Men are useless in these matters....their best friend can call them every foul name in the book then go have a beer together the next day.
    So she caught you by surprise and you didn't have a good come back.....just make sure you get the last word: buy a bunch of her products and stop payment on the check ;) you know: buyers remorse!
    I love a good drama...good luck keep us posted and how you terminate the relationship!
    Mary
  • joan60
    joan60 Member Posts: 89
    #10
    Options
    friend?
    With a friend like that who needs an enemy!?!
    Besides I'm sure you have an abundance of friends, my husband just said if a friend ever said that to me he would toss them out on their ear and tell them to never come back!!!
    Maybe you should ask her is she always this rude to sick people?


    Keep smiling,
    Joan
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #11
    Options
    "It's the same wig, but I have an excellent stylist who custom cut and styled it so it suits me, no matter what I do. I never have to worry about having a bad hair day! Bad hair days really suck,but you already know that, would you like the name of the wig and the stylist?"
  • kikiz
    kikiz Member Posts: 94
    #12
    Options
    leesag said:

    "It's the same wig, but I have an excellent stylist who custom cut and styled it so it suits me, no matter what I do. I never have to worry about having a bad hair day! Bad hair days really suck,but you already know that, would you like the name of the wig and the stylist?"

    I agree with all of the
    I agree with all of the above. To paraphase Winston Churchill, tell her "I can eventually grow my hair back or wear a wig but you can't do a d*#@ thing about your face except wear a bag over it.
    Lori
  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
    #13
    Options
    kikiz said:

    I agree with all of the
    I agree with all of the above. To paraphase Winston Churchill, tell her "I can eventually grow my hair back or wear a wig but you can't do a d*#@ thing about your face except wear a bag over it.
    Lori

    Oh well
    Some people cannot feel good about themselves unless they are putting other people down. They must really dislike themselves. I feel pity for them but I really don't want them in my life trying to make me feel bad.

    Karen
  • Sandy10
    Sandy10 Member Posts: 80
    #14
    Options
    I AGREE
    I agree with everything everyone said. Tell her to hit the road.........hard. :) you are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you any different!!!!! As for the vomiting, she is an idiot. let her go a few rounds with chemo and see if she can take it. You are STRONG and she is weak. she is not a friend. We love you!!!!!!

    Sandy
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #15
    Options
    maybe
    Maybe she just really is clueless. Sometimes I say things or ask questions that other people would feel funny asking. I, personally, have no problem talking about anything. I also tend to be the type to think if people don't ask me questions they don't care enough about it.

    Maybe she was sincerely paying you a compliment on how fabulous you hair looks!!
  • jloe
    jloe Member Posts: 174
    #16
    Options
    nancy591 said:

    maybe
    Maybe she just really is clueless. Sometimes I say things or ask questions that other people would feel funny asking. I, personally, have no problem talking about anything. I also tend to be the type to think if people don't ask me questions they don't care enough about it.

    Maybe she was sincerely paying you a compliment on how fabulous you hair looks!!

    Go with your gut feeling
    Charlene,
    By looking at your picture and your posts, you're obviously a beutiful, intelligent and articulate woman. These qualities would be a threat to any very jealous, self centered, thankless, B****! Having one disease is bad enough so why have 2? At least you can get rid of her.

    Sorry to sound so harsh but I am just having a bad OVCA day but having said this I feel much better now!
  • clamryn
    clamryn Member Posts: 508
    #17
    Options
    I feel the same way.
    Carlene, I feel the same way a lot of times. So, no it is not just you. She probably doesn't even know how she is coming across. I have bit one of my good friend's head off one night. It just rolled right off my tongue. I was out with a bunch of friends and she said she was so glad to see me out and about and she kept going on and on. And I said.... well I am not dead. At the time, I was felt so good to just get it off my chest. However, now I regret saying it. But you know, she is still my friend. I have come to accept that is just the way she is.

    I think all of us have a right to feel whatever it takes to get through all this stinking mess.

    Linda
  • kellyh33
    kellyh33 Member Posts: 287
    #18
    Options
    Friend
    She probably doesn't realize she is being insensitive but you should let her know how she makes you feel. If you can't then don't be available when she calls.
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #19
    Options
    kellyh33 said:

    Friend
    She probably doesn't realize she is being insensitive but you should let her know how she makes you feel. If you can't then don't be available when she calls.

    Some people think it is
    Some people think it is better to say anything as opposed to nothing. You are amazing, I was telling my sister about you this morning, I would be surprised to find many doctors that know as much as you do about ovarian cancer and you are the first one to share what you know with us.
    You have to ask yourself if being friends with her is worth it
    Colleen
  • Tina Brown
    Tina Brown Member Posts: 1,036 Member
    #20
    Options
    No friend
    After reading your post I get the feeling this person (I won't call her a friend) feels inferior to you. Maybe she is envious of the battle you have fought and come through which makes her own seem "less of a battle" You have coped with so much more than she has had to and in an attempt to ridicule you she has made herself look foolish.

    She is not worth worrying about. Much love Carlene - you have always been an inspiration to me as you are so open and give such good advise.

    Best wishes Tina x
  • vj1
    vj1 Member Posts: 150
    #21
    Options
    Tina Brown said:

    No friend
    After reading your post I get the feeling this person (I won't call her a friend) feels inferior to you. Maybe she is envious of the battle you have fought and come through which makes her own seem "less of a battle" You have coped with so much more than she has had to and in an attempt to ridicule you she has made herself look foolish.

    She is not worth worrying about. Much love Carlene - you have always been an inspiration to me as you are so open and give such good advise.

    Best wishes Tina x

    Carlene
    Wow---can't believe you allow someone that shallow to get to you---not worth the energy but easier said than done. sounds like a recent encounter I had---gave some teal toes card to my -----she said what do I want these for--I am not that old!
    can't kill her--she is in the family! Her loss not mine.
    don't let this diminish your spirit that we all love and need.

    smiles
    V

Discussion Boards