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elizarose
elizarose Member Posts: 124
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have a facebook account and that is usually where I post how I feel or what's going on inside me. Most times facebook is a very unsatisfactory place to vent so here goes... Tonight I am tired of this whole mess. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of hoping and waiting and I'm really tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of defending myself and my being sick. I'm tired of second guessing every decision I make. I'm tired of making decisions. I'm tired of being pulled and tugged in so many directions that my mind shuts down and I have to go on auto-pilot. I'm tired of having to be "on". I'm tired of people and I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of never having anyone to just hold me and let me be tired. I'm tired of feeling selfish because I can't always say yes. I'm tired of feeling guilty because I can't get my cancer to go away. I'm tired of cancer.

Matthew 11:28
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  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #2
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    Wow great Venting
    You are much better at this than me. I think you just spoke out what
    a lot of us have in mind on some days but you put in words and really
    well. The only consolation I have is that it is temporary and things will
    look up again soon.

    Hugs,
    Ayse
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    #3
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    im so sorry youre feeling
    im so sorry youre feeling this way tonight. i understand the feeling tired of it all, and needing to vent. sending you *hugs* tonight.
    heather
  • Dawne.Hope
    Dawne.Hope Member Posts: 823
    #4
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    you know
    Dear Elizarose,

    How beautifully written, but oh the heart from whence it came! We know. I'm so sorry. But you know the answer, you wrote it at the end. May you rest in his loving arms.

    Love you.

    Grace, mercy, peace to you my dear sister,
    dh
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    #5
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    Yep, I totally understand!
    It's absolutely ok to vent! Your feelings are real, and I'm glad you gave yourself permission to acknowledge them and to express them.

    Hang in there!
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #6
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    Eliza,
    I went to my Bible and looked up what you wrote, Matthew 11:28. I found that this verse was circled and dated on October 23, 2006. It was right in the midst of my Chemo. "Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden I give you is light."

    The anology here is farmers in ancient Israel used to train inexperienced ox by "yoking" it to an experienced one with a wooden harness. The straps around the older animal were tightly drawn. He "carried" the load. But the yoke around the younger animal was loose. He walked alongside the more mature ox, but his burden was lighter. In this verse Jesus is saying, "I walk alongside with you. We are yoked together. But I pull the weight and carry the burden."

    When we suffer and are in pain, how much MORE must He feel?

    Sending you a cyber {{hug}}, prayers and a shoulder to lean on.
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #7
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    sea60 said:

    Eliza,
    I went to my Bible and looked up what you wrote, Matthew 11:28. I found that this verse was circled and dated on October 23, 2006. It was right in the midst of my Chemo. "Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden I give you is light."

    The anology here is farmers in ancient Israel used to train inexperienced ox by "yoking" it to an experienced one with a wooden harness. The straps around the older animal were tightly drawn. He "carried" the load. But the yoke around the younger animal was loose. He walked alongside the more mature ox, but his burden was lighter. In this verse Jesus is saying, "I walk alongside with you. We are yoked together. But I pull the weight and carry the burden."

    When we suffer and are in pain, how much MORE must He feel?

    Sending you a cyber {{hug}}, prayers and a shoulder to lean on.

    Eliza beautifully written
    Eliza beautifully written and so true i think for most of us!
    I love that verse of Matthew!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #8
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    (((((((hugs)))))) I do
    (((((((hugs)))))) I do believe that you have written words that could have most of our names on it...at any given time we are up or down or scared or hopeful or faking it or in fight mode or dejected, and everything inbetween. We don't want to be done...but we want the damned Beast to be done and forever gone. We really get it~ you spoke for each of us, and our hearts are joined with yours.
    Even in here it isn't always easy to be 100% honest...we show a brave face when we are literally scared to death. But, that having been said, I send you all of the empathy and fellow feeling and strength I have. From the movie The Great Debaters I send you a favorite quote: "We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do."

    You are among Kindred Spirits...we walk with you sweet elizarose. We honestly do.

    Hugs and Peace to you,
    Chen♥
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #9
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    •♥•♥•♥•♥ BIG HUGS ♥•♥•♥•♥•♥•
    Dear Elizarose I so understand how you are feeling and what you have stated, I have walked in similar shoes. I am not alone but since no one can truly understand how and what we as cancer survivors deal with I have often felt alone. I see by the biblical notation that you are a woman of faith so I know you know that even in those most lonely moments you are never truly alone. I will be honored to lift you in prayer, I truly hope thing get brighter for you very soon!

    NUMBERS 6:24-26

    RE
  • shy violet
    shy violet Member Posts: 167
    #10
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    Dear Elizarose, I posted my
    Dear Elizarose, I posted my struggle with living or ending life in God Sent Me an Angel...I pray that God will send you a special angel, and that you will find peace with all this...thank you for trusting us with your most precious feelings...love, shy
  • MomMichelle
    MomMichelle Member Posts: 93
    #11
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    shy violet said:

    Dear Elizarose, I posted my
    Dear Elizarose, I posted my struggle with living or ending life in God Sent Me an Angel...I pray that God will send you a special angel, and that you will find peace with all this...thank you for trusting us with your most precious feelings...love, shy

    Elizarose,
    We all know how
    Elizarose,
    We all know how hard things can be and it takes everything we have some days just to get through. Hang in there and know that things will get better. Know that we are here to listen and support you in whatever way we can.
    Peace and rest to you,
    Michelle
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #12
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    Hi elizarose,
    Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way. Go ahead and vent pink sister. That's why we are here. I love that verse from Matthew.
  • pinkflutterby
    pinkflutterby Member Posts: 615 Member
    #13
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    Ditto 100%
    Could not have said it better myself!!!!!

    {{{{{hugggsss}}}}}
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #14
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    You said it well....
    In summary, I'm tired of being tired!!!

    BIG hugs to you!!!

    Kathi
  • waffle8
    waffle8 Member Posts: 234
    #15
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    KathiM said:

    You said it well....
    In summary, I'm tired of being tired!!!

    BIG hugs to you!!!

    Kathi

    tired???
    You took the words right out of my mouth....Blessings!!!
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #16
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    waffle8 said:

    tired???
    You took the words right out of my mouth....Blessings!!!

    Everyone is right, we do what
    Everyone is right, we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to. happiness is not fluid it is bits and pieces that make a whole. Moments in time. Life is a struggle sometimes. You are having a hard time right now and have a right to be tired, but tomorrow is another day. I find that when I have a bad day, the next is usually better and I hope this is the case for you .We are here for you. JoJo posted a thread asking where people were from, there were a few from NC I think!! Big Hugs
  • pinkflutterby
    pinkflutterby Member Posts: 615 Member
    #17
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    carkris said:

    Everyone is right, we do what
    Everyone is right, we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to. happiness is not fluid it is bits and pieces that make a whole. Moments in time. Life is a struggle sometimes. You are having a hard time right now and have a right to be tired, but tomorrow is another day. I find that when I have a bad day, the next is usually better and I hope this is the case for you .We are here for you. JoJo posted a thread asking where people were from, there were a few from NC I think!! Big Hugs

    Cancer just plain SUCKS!
    and Im tired of not having independence to do what I want when I want, even if that means just garage sales or walking around Target for an hour or so :( Cancer just plain SUCKS!
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #18
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    You said it
    for all of us. We have all felt that way at some point on this journey. The only way I could express it was to say that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. You said it so much better.

    Hugs
    Georgia
  • JuJuBeez
    JuJuBeez Member Posts: 332
    #19
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    ladyg said:

    You said it
    for all of us. We have all felt that way at some point on this journey. The only way I could express it was to say that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. You said it so much better.

    Hugs
    Georgia

    thank you!
    I'm right there with you!

    I haven't been acknowledging the pain and fatigue I've been feeling because we found out just two days after my rads were completed, that my father-in-law was dx stage iv lung cancer. I have felt, since 7/4/10, that I don't have the right to complain that I'm so tired I want to cry, or my left side aches, because I'm not fighting for my life like he was. Trying to ignore what I'm going through has made me feel depressed. Like I'm being selfish and a big baby because I'm 'just' tired.

    But how do we explain to everyone that just because we get up everyday and go to work, because we keep doing everything we did before, that we don't feel the same as we did before? And the same amount of activity may take twice as much energy? And some days I really would rather just stay home in bed and to he** with the day.

    How do you all keep going when you're so tired you're dizzy? (I'm on 20 mg Tamoxifen and 37.5 mg of Effexor... this could explain my fatigue and mood...) :-)

    Thanks, Ladies!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #20
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    JuJuBeez said:

    thank you!
    I'm right there with you!

    I haven't been acknowledging the pain and fatigue I've been feeling because we found out just two days after my rads were completed, that my father-in-law was dx stage iv lung cancer. I have felt, since 7/4/10, that I don't have the right to complain that I'm so tired I want to cry, or my left side aches, because I'm not fighting for my life like he was. Trying to ignore what I'm going through has made me feel depressed. Like I'm being selfish and a big baby because I'm 'just' tired.

    But how do we explain to everyone that just because we get up everyday and go to work, because we keep doing everything we did before, that we don't feel the same as we did before? And the same amount of activity may take twice as much energy? And some days I really would rather just stay home in bed and to he** with the day.

    How do you all keep going when you're so tired you're dizzy? (I'm on 20 mg Tamoxifen and 37.5 mg of Effexor... this could explain my fatigue and mood...) :-)

    Thanks, Ladies!

    One word: "no".......
    ...or, if it's someone that you care about, say "Im sorry, I am battling my own health issues right now, so I must say no...maybe I can help in the future, when I am back to 100%".

    Play the cancer card, girl....you deserve it just as much as your FIL...you, too, are battling a life-threatening disease!!!

    Hugs to a weary warrior!

    (BTW, I'm taking 20mg tamoxifen, too...and I still beat a 25 year old guy up 300 steps in the Duomo in Florence, Italy!)

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #21
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    KathiM said:

    One word: "no".......
    ...or, if it's someone that you care about, say "Im sorry, I am battling my own health issues right now, so I must say no...maybe I can help in the future, when I am back to 100%".

    Play the cancer card, girl....you deserve it just as much as your FIL...you, too, are battling a life-threatening disease!!!

    Hugs to a weary warrior!

    (BTW, I'm taking 20mg tamoxifen, too...and I still beat a 25 year old guy up 300 steps in the Duomo in Florence, Italy!)

    Hugs, Kathi

    You said it well. We all get
    You said it well. We all get it.

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