Scared about my marriage
Comments
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I didn't know my husband had
I didn't know my husband had a brother! After my last chemo, on Sunday my crash day, when I was laying on the couch, hub said "Boy, the kitchen is really a mess." I said, "OK, I will get right on that" (sarcastically). Then he left to watch TV in the bedroom.
I just think that men, in general are fixers. They can't fix this so they avoid. Plus, I trust you were the main cook, cleaner, social director, and care taker, etc etc. Now, who's gonna do all this. They want things back to "normal."
I never, ever complained about how I was feeling throughout the years, except for the occasional cold and cramps. Hub would tell me about every gas pain, bruise, stubbed toe, mosquito bite and hangnail he had. So, on crash and nausea days, he assumed I was OK because I wasn't telling him how I felt. Big mistake.
Anyways, house is still a mess. I did manage to clean, but somehow got messy again. I will get to it when I get to it. Mess is my new normal for now.
Sorry, can't offer you any advise, just babbling (to early to make sense), but know that you are not alone in this kind of situation.
Take care, Cindy0 -
Hi Michelle
I know how you feel. I felt like my husband did the same thing. He would go out and mow the grass ALL day. Or anything else he could find to do to stay out of the house with me. But as time passed he came around. It was hard for him. And like you I am not a complainer. I have learned to tell him how I feel. And I have also told him on a regular bases what chemo does to your body. And I just cant do what I use to do and I need him to take care of me now. And you know what he is!! He just needed to be told what I needed and why. Men need things spelled out. Now he cooks does the dishes grocery shops does the laundry. I also had to let him know ( all in a nice way )that he couldn't mess it up to get out of it. Because he use to say I don't know how to do that, you do it. Now he will ask how I feel. Or he will ask if he can get me anything. I think he like being in charge. ( So he thinks ) LOL. But really use this to make your marriage stronger. Talk to him let him know what is happening to you inside and out. You have to tell him he cant see it. Men need to fix things let him feel like he is part of the fixing it for you. And if he still don't come around and step up kick his butt LOL. I hope I made sense to you. Take care Kay.0 -
There is a FREE cleaning service for you!!!!smalldoggroomer said:Hi Michelle
I know how you feel. I felt like my husband did the same thing. He would go out and mow the grass ALL day. Or anything else he could find to do to stay out of the house with me. But as time passed he came around. It was hard for him. And like you I am not a complainer. I have learned to tell him how I feel. And I have also told him on a regular bases what chemo does to your body. And I just cant do what I use to do and I need him to take care of me now. And you know what he is!! He just needed to be told what I needed and why. Men need things spelled out. Now he cooks does the dishes grocery shops does the laundry. I also had to let him know ( all in a nice way )that he couldn't mess it up to get out of it. Because he use to say I don't know how to do that, you do it. Now he will ask how I feel. Or he will ask if he can get me anything. I think he like being in charge. ( So he thinks ) LOL. But really use this to make your marriage stronger. Talk to him let him know what is happening to you inside and out. You have to tell him he cant see it. Men need to fix things let him feel like he is part of the fixing it for you. And if he still don't come around and step up kick his butt LOL. I hope I made sense to you. Take care Kay.
Someone help me out, I can't think of the name of it. Maybe if they come in and get him started he will be more likely to kick in and help. My husband started out a little like that but ended up being a lot more helpful after a few weeks. Maybe they need an adjustment period, too.0 -
I can certainly relate to
I can certainly relate to where you are right now. For the first half of my chemo treatments, I actually was alone. My husband had been sent to Kentucky for work (we ended up moving there) and the kids and I were in TX. When we did join up again, I felt like I had a lot of resentment on top of the feeling that my husband was avoiding me. We were like strangers living together. I think sometimes it's easier for them to do man stuff like checking football scores that sit in a room and cry. I am searching for that cleaning service name. Don't be afraid to let people help you...I have found through all of this that people offer to help because they really want to. Don't be afraid to ask a friend to help you do some cleaning up for you. As far as "who you are"...you're a strong woman who's concentrating on getting better.0 -
Agghh- my friggin computer -
Agghh- my friggin computer - I just hit "send comment" after sending you the most thoughtful little reply and i get "internet explorer cannot display the webpage...." grrr..
The points I wanted to be sure to tell you were: i'm with you sister. Sounds like you are reading my mind. I don't feel like "me" anymore. I dont look like me, i dont clean my house like me, i dont take care of my kids like me. I look like crap & i feel like crap.
The shaving your head thing -that sucks. No way to get around that. It was more traumatic for me to lose my hair than to lose my boobs. I overcompensate by wearing heavier makeup that I would ever wear normally. Always pretty lipgloss, heavy eyeliner, mascara, pink cheeks. It makes me feel better.
I dont think you are going to lose your marriage, I think your husband just needs to adjust to this new phase in your cancer fight. He sees you hurting and reall, he can't fix it. He can't do or say anything to make you feel better. Guys don't know what to do when they can't fix something.
The cleaning service is "Cleaning for a Reason" - you apply, theres paperwork you need signed by your doctor, and have to send that in. They're pretty quick. We don't have any participating cleaning services in my area so I couldn't take advantage of this awesome service they provide
You're not alone. We have this sisterhood of breast cancer fighters and survivors that is like nothing i've ever experienced. We'll get through this Michelle
*hugs hugs*
Heather0 -
I think it's a VERY Common Reaction!
Like anothe poster side, men are fixers. They don't know how to react or what to say or do when they feel so out of control and know they CAN'T "fix" you! I'm certain he still loves you dearly, but reality is probably settling in about how "real" your situation is and he just can't handle all the emotions that are bubbling below the surface.
When I went through my cancer diagnoses, we rarely talked about any of it. My husband didn't help me around the house either, or help with our 15 mo. son. That is until I ASKED. I remember feeling so angry because I shouldn't have to ask my own husband to help around OUR house! And I didn't understand how he couldn't "see" how much I was struggling! Hello??!!! But, looking back, it's not that he wasn't willing to help me. It just didn't (and STILL doesn't) come naturally to him. He's a GUY!:) I have to be very direct and just tell him "honey, I need you to do this for me"! And he is more than happy to help out.
My guess is your husband is just plain REALLY scared. And men revert back to being boys and watching football, when they don't know what to do or how to help.
Can you sit down with him and just tell him you may need some extra help around the house while your going through treatment? Or, like another poster mentioned, there are organizations that can help with housecleaning for free.
If you feel like things get way too out of control between the two of you, and you both are willing, it may be helpful to talk to a counselor. I know lots of people don't like the idea, but I think it can be very helpful, given both parties are willing. Most major cancer centers have several different counseling services available and they're usually free. If your husband isn't willing to go with you, then I'd consider going by yourself. They may have very wise insight and ideas about how to better communicate and "get along" with your husband
while your going through this difficult journey.
It wasn't until a good 3 or 4 years AFTER my cancer diagnoses that my husband was able and willing to talk about it. Come to found out, he was just flat out scared to death about me dying and having to raise our 15 month old son alone. He was basically plaining my funeral in his mind and trying figure out how he was going to move forward! I had NO CLUE that he was thinking such dreadful thoughts. After all, my prognosis was very good and I was only a Stage II! Believe me, that didn't matter at all in his mind. He just saw a very bald, sick wife who had CANCER! We now make jokes about it. When I complain or go to those dark places about every little ache or pain is "the cancer coming back", he jokes and says "well, give me some notice so I can start working on finding a new wife"! (some may think that is not funny, but I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor and laugh every time!)
Anyway, these are just some of my random thoughts. Hope at least one thing I said is of some use or help! LOL. Just know you are not alone in having your husband react the way he is. It will get better over time. He probably just needs space to process everything at the moment.
I'll be praying for you both!
Blessings,
Sally0 -
Hi Michelle,
Hang in there. Things will get better. I am sure your husband loves you very much. You have a beautiful family. I know my husband was really afraid at first. He was fine around me, but at work he would tell everyone how worried he was about me. When I would talk to them, they were surprised how well I sounded and how good I felt. He is definitely the worrier in the family. He is much better now. I couldn't have gotten through this without him. You are not alone, remember we are all here for you. Hugs, Jean0 -
Hi, Michelle!
I can only echo what everyone else has said. I am sorry you are having to go through this and I know where you are coming from. I went through a phase where I didn't feel like me, felt guilty for not being able to do everything I normally could do and I didn't want to have to ask for help - I just wanted help to be offered. It all got figured out eventually. I think part of it is that your husband sees you hurting, upset, not feeling like yourself and he is probably scared and upset, too. You both need to take care of yourselves and each other - give youselves a break if something is not critical and look to be involved in normal activities when you can. I found that I was wanting my husband to be able to tell how I was feeling and when I needed help because I did't want to have to keep bringing up cancer. That wasn't realistic in the beginning (although he did come to learn my chemo reactions/time table pretty well) - we had to talk about it. We had to figure out what had to be done, what we could let go and how to best get there. There were some days that treatment and work was all I could handle and that was OK. This doesn't last forever and it will get better!
Chris0 -
Not just husbandsgreyhoundluvr said:Hi, Michelle!
I can only echo what everyone else has said. I am sorry you are having to go through this and I know where you are coming from. I went through a phase where I didn't feel like me, felt guilty for not being able to do everything I normally could do and I didn't want to have to ask for help - I just wanted help to be offered. It all got figured out eventually. I think part of it is that your husband sees you hurting, upset, not feeling like yourself and he is probably scared and upset, too. You both need to take care of yourselves and each other - give youselves a break if something is not critical and look to be involved in normal activities when you can. I found that I was wanting my husband to be able to tell how I was feeling and when I needed help because I did't want to have to keep bringing up cancer. That wasn't realistic in the beginning (although he did come to learn my chemo reactions/time table pretty well) - we had to talk about it. We had to figure out what had to be done, what we could let go and how to best get there. There were some days that treatment and work was all I could handle and that was OK. This doesn't last forever and it will get better!
Chris
I just wanted you to know that reading these kinds of threads makes me realize how much more we are alike than different though our choice of partners is different. I just wanted you to know that even gay relationships we face the very same things with our partners for life.
I just had a melt down for the first time 14 years and actually for the first time in all these years since battling for my life I actually have her support something I wasn't sure of before.
I had my awaited MRIs but as it turned out they did not MRI my arm of lumps again though I was told the week prior that was what they were going to do and include my shoulder this time. Instead I got the shoulder MRI and they disregarded the lump that is growing once again. Oh right they think that there is no way this can be cancer after surviving all the treatments less than 14 years ago. I lost it and almost walked out because I was so upset and couldn't see crying in the MRI machine was going to do me any good.
Do you know for the first time in this new health problem I felt just like I did all those years ago just trying to get someone to believe that I was ill and the lumps were as painful as they were. Instead I had to move to be with my partner and get help and beg for someone there to do something. On Saturday it took all I had not to put my fist through a wall or window and the new sleep medication certainly wasn't taking the edge off of me, lololol
I managed to stay controled though I was told they would call security if I became more of a problem. Thanks for your help I said.
I cried for an hour while the tests were being done and truly wonder why I would put myself through all of this and know why people jump of bridges now.
I have written a letter to doctors who will be doing the consultation before next appointment so they know how I feel about not being able to work while the hands of medical time move slowly. I am a worker and everything I seem to do is to get me back to being a productive human being working to pay my way in this world.
Pissed off I truly am and no closer to the ansers necessary to move forward in this life of mine.
Hang in there nothing stays the same it seems and hopefully move in the direction you are looking for.
Tara0 -
Thanks for sharing this, Tara!24242 said:Not just husbands
I just wanted you to know that reading these kinds of threads makes me realize how much more we are alike than different though our choice of partners is different. I just wanted you to know that even gay relationships we face the very same things with our partners for life.
I just had a melt down for the first time 14 years and actually for the first time in all these years since battling for my life I actually have her support something I wasn't sure of before.
I had my awaited MRIs but as it turned out they did not MRI my arm of lumps again though I was told the week prior that was what they were going to do and include my shoulder this time. Instead I got the shoulder MRI and they disregarded the lump that is growing once again. Oh right they think that there is no way this can be cancer after surviving all the treatments less than 14 years ago. I lost it and almost walked out because I was so upset and couldn't see crying in the MRI machine was going to do me any good.
Do you know for the first time in this new health problem I felt just like I did all those years ago just trying to get someone to believe that I was ill and the lumps were as painful as they were. Instead I had to move to be with my partner and get help and beg for someone there to do something. On Saturday it took all I had not to put my fist through a wall or window and the new sleep medication certainly wasn't taking the edge off of me, lololol
I managed to stay controled though I was told they would call security if I became more of a problem. Thanks for your help I said.
I cried for an hour while the tests were being done and truly wonder why I would put myself through all of this and know why people jump of bridges now.
I have written a letter to doctors who will be doing the consultation before next appointment so they know how I feel about not being able to work while the hands of medical time move slowly. I am a worker and everything I seem to do is to get me back to being a productive human being working to pay my way in this world.
Pissed off I truly am and no closer to the ansers necessary to move forward in this life of mine.
Hang in there nothing stays the same it seems and hopefully move in the direction you are looking for.
Tara
I'm sorry to hear that the doctors are still jerking you around, but glad that this awful experience has brought you closer to your partner.
Fifteen years ago last Thanksgiving, our dear friend and co-worker Tom was diagnosed with a stage III brain tumor. Which was awful enough, of course, but he had just made some big and totally positive changes in his life. He had quit smoking, finally cut his abusive ex-partner completely out of his life, taken a new interest in work, and had settled into a relationship with a younger guy who was just all-around good for him. When Tom was diagnosed, Ron dropped out of his out-of-state Ph.D. program to move back in with Tom and tend to him for the time they had left together.
Sad to say, the time Tom and Ron had left together was five months. Their relationship was so amazing, though, that when all was said and done, even colleagues who (for religious and/or political reasons) are inclined to have issues with gay relationships - I hope I put that inoffensively - commented that Ron's love and care for Tom in his last months was a true gift of God.0 -
I have a whole totally different take on this husbands24242 said:Not just husbands
I just wanted you to know that reading these kinds of threads makes me realize how much more we are alike than different though our choice of partners is different. I just wanted you to know that even gay relationships we face the very same things with our partners for life.
I just had a melt down for the first time 14 years and actually for the first time in all these years since battling for my life I actually have her support something I wasn't sure of before.
I had my awaited MRIs but as it turned out they did not MRI my arm of lumps again though I was told the week prior that was what they were going to do and include my shoulder this time. Instead I got the shoulder MRI and they disregarded the lump that is growing once again. Oh right they think that there is no way this can be cancer after surviving all the treatments less than 14 years ago. I lost it and almost walked out because I was so upset and couldn't see crying in the MRI machine was going to do me any good.
Do you know for the first time in this new health problem I felt just like I did all those years ago just trying to get someone to believe that I was ill and the lumps were as painful as they were. Instead I had to move to be with my partner and get help and beg for someone there to do something. On Saturday it took all I had not to put my fist through a wall or window and the new sleep medication certainly wasn't taking the edge off of me, lololol
I managed to stay controled though I was told they would call security if I became more of a problem. Thanks for your help I said.
I cried for an hour while the tests were being done and truly wonder why I would put myself through all of this and know why people jump of bridges now.
I have written a letter to doctors who will be doing the consultation before next appointment so they know how I feel about not being able to work while the hands of medical time move slowly. I am a worker and everything I seem to do is to get me back to being a productive human being working to pay my way in this world.
Pissed off I truly am and no closer to the ansers necessary to move forward in this life of mine.
Hang in there nothing stays the same it seems and hopefully move in the direction you are looking for.
Tara
are "fixers" business. If they are such "fixers" they can start by cleaning up the dishes, washing the toilet etc. I suspect these guys were babied by their mothers and never had to lift a finger (my mother was like that) and then their wives do everything for them as well so they've never had to do anything and just expect things to go on as usual...and many women don't complain SO many men just think it's business as usual.
I say Nuts to That! They need to man-up and hold up the in sickness and health part of the vows. They're worried? What about us? I think all these fixer guys who are getting a pass need to spend a little quality time reading this website, maybe then they will have a clue as to what is really going on.
Of course we are our own worst enemies...who cares if the house is a mess, who cares if the dishes get done, when there are no more clean dishes someone will eventually do them. Who cares if a meal gets cooked...that's why there is take-out and frozen food. The family isn't going to starve to death for the few weeks we are in active treatment and are not up to these daily tasks. There is enough to worry about without piling on additional worries.
In all fairness to your husband, my husband would have been with the men watching the ballgame too, doesn't he always do that? And if he's good with the kids that is a blesssing! He's probably not avoiding you because he doesn't love you...you are probably the one setting up the barriers without even realizing it. If rolls were reversed, would you avoid him because he had lost his hair? Certainly not. Talk with him in a quiet moment. Cuddle. Let him know how you feel. He will probbly not share his feelings but you can bet he is miserable seeing you sick, you can bet he's just as worried about you as you are. It's horrible seeing a loved one so sick and the C word itself is so scry anyway.
Just take care of you and let the housework go, it will wait for you. If your husband does the dishes all wrong and puts stuff away in the wrong spot and doesn't do the laundry the way you woud...who cares? It's being done.
I was lucky, I didn't have any of those issues, Ralph had lost his Mom to bc when he was 11 yr and his first wife to bc over 40 years ago. And he was a bachelor for a while and was used to doing things around the house. Give yourself and your hubby a chance. Let him read this board, we have several caring husbands who are on the board, maybe they will jump in here and give you their point of view.
I hope you feel better soon, it's ok to feel awful, have a pity party and rant and rave, you've earned that right!
Hugs, Judy :-)0 -
Hello Michelle, as stated
Hello Michelle, as stated earlier there is a free cleaning service here is the link to the web page. CANCER CLEANING SERVICE Click on the "in the news" tab on the lower left area of the screen and it will take you to a page with more information. I do hope this service is available in your area.
My husband was quite helpful when I was sick but my dad was a real bugger during my mom's first cancer battle. Many have stated how men are fixer's and if they cannot fix it they ignore it, that can be true. Please know that even if it feels like you are growing apart that does not mean you do not have a future, you need to openly communicate with him how you are feeling. If you do not tell him you feel ill, exhausted, in pain he will not know and he will assume you are holding up well. My mom was the pillar of strength and when she hit bottom during chemo my dad did not know how to react so he distanced himself. It took open conversation between all of us (family meeting style) to get the point clearly across that my mom needed help and support and she needed it most from the man she loved more than any of us, my dad. He did come around and became the man my husband modeled himself after when I was struck with cancer. If push comes to shove and your husband does not understand the extent of how rough chemo can be then just let the clutter be, you can work on it when you feel better, for me that was usually 7 days after chemo. In regards to the nagging and you not being yourself I do not know if you are aware that some of the chemo drugs make us more aggressive and argumentive, please tell your onco about this as they may be able to help you. For me just knowing that it was not really my nature to act that way helped me to reason myself back to being less ornery. I am rambling so I will stop. I wish you well and hope this situation improves soon, by the way you are not ugly are a beautiful person who is fighting to beat an ugly foe which has no right to your happiness and health.
Hugs to you,
(¯`v´¯)
.`•.¸.•´
¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.•..•¨*RE0 -
Judy you hit the nail on theSkeezie said:I have a whole totally different take on this husbands
are "fixers" business. If they are such "fixers" they can start by cleaning up the dishes, washing the toilet etc. I suspect these guys were babied by their mothers and never had to lift a finger (my mother was like that) and then their wives do everything for them as well so they've never had to do anything and just expect things to go on as usual...and many women don't complain SO many men just think it's business as usual.
I say Nuts to That! They need to man-up and hold up the in sickness and health part of the vows. They're worried? What about us? I think all these fixer guys who are getting a pass need to spend a little quality time reading this website, maybe then they will have a clue as to what is really going on.
Of course we are our own worst enemies...who cares if the house is a mess, who cares if the dishes get done, when there are no more clean dishes someone will eventually do them. Who cares if a meal gets cooked...that's why there is take-out and frozen food. The family isn't going to starve to death for the few weeks we are in active treatment and are not up to these daily tasks. There is enough to worry about without piling on additional worries.
In all fairness to your husband, my husband would have been with the men watching the ballgame too, doesn't he always do that? And if he's good with the kids that is a blesssing! He's probably not avoiding you because he doesn't love you...you are probably the one setting up the barriers without even realizing it. If rolls were reversed, would you avoid him because he had lost his hair? Certainly not. Talk with him in a quiet moment. Cuddle. Let him know how you feel. He will probbly not share his feelings but you can bet he is miserable seeing you sick, you can bet he's just as worried about you as you are. It's horrible seeing a loved one so sick and the C word itself is so scry anyway.
Just take care of you and let the housework go, it will wait for you. If your husband does the dishes all wrong and puts stuff away in the wrong spot and doesn't do the laundry the way you woud...who cares? It's being done.
I was lucky, I didn't have any of those issues, Ralph had lost his Mom to bc when he was 11 yr and his first wife to bc over 40 years ago. And he was a bachelor for a while and was used to doing things around the house. Give yourself and your hubby a chance. Let him read this board, we have several caring husbands who are on the board, maybe they will jump in here and give you their point of view.
I hope you feel better soon, it's ok to feel awful, have a pity party and rant and rave, you've earned that right!
Hugs, Judy :-)
Judy you hit the nail on the head when you said their moms probably did everything for them. I think my MIL would've wiped his behind if she could have, or instructed me how to do it properly after we were married.
Cindy0 -
Many of us have spoiled our husbands and children.RE said:Hello Michelle, as stated
Hello Michelle, as stated earlier there is a free cleaning service here is the link to the web page. CANCER CLEANING SERVICE Click on the "in the news" tab on the lower left area of the screen and it will take you to a page with more information. I do hope this service is available in your area.
My husband was quite helpful when I was sick but my dad was a real bugger during my mom's first cancer battle. Many have stated how men are fixer's and if they cannot fix it they ignore it, that can be true. Please know that even if it feels like you are growing apart that does not mean you do not have a future, you need to openly communicate with him how you are feeling. If you do not tell him you feel ill, exhausted, in pain he will not know and he will assume you are holding up well. My mom was the pillar of strength and when she hit bottom during chemo my dad did not know how to react so he distanced himself. It took open conversation between all of us (family meeting style) to get the point clearly across that my mom needed help and support and she needed it most from the man she loved more than any of us, my dad. He did come around and became the man my husband modeled himself after when I was struck with cancer. If push comes to shove and your husband does not understand the extent of how rough chemo can be then just let the clutter be, you can work on it when you feel better, for me that was usually 7 days after chemo. In regards to the nagging and you not being yourself I do not know if you are aware that some of the chemo drugs make us more aggressive and argumentive, please tell your onco about this as they may be able to help you. For me just knowing that it was not really my nature to act that way helped me to reason myself back to being less ornery. I am rambling so I will stop. I wish you well and hope this situation improves soon, by the way you are not ugly are a beautiful person who is fighting to beat an ugly foe which has no right to your happiness and health.
Hugs to you,
(¯`v´¯)
.`•.¸.•´
¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.•..•¨*RE
We have done mor ethan our fair share of the housework and they like it that way. However, we teach people how to treat us. It's been a year now and the family dynamic is very different and my life works better. Once you are feeling better I would redistribute the work. We should get help even when we're healthy.
Roseann0 -
Thank youroseann4 said:Many of us have spoiled our husbands and children.
We have done mor ethan our fair share of the housework and they like it that way. However, we teach people how to treat us. It's been a year now and the family dynamic is very different and my life works better. Once you are feeling better I would redistribute the work. We should get help even when we're healthy.
Roseann
Thank you all for your responses. There is just something so horrible in feeling helpless and weak. I am truly blessed. My side effects from chemo tend to span bad taste in my mouth, fatigue for about 24-48 hours and a bit of nausea. Not too bad overall. It is just the ugliness of how you feel, sitting watching your children play and not even feeling up to moving your head to follow them, and wanted so badly to feel like yourself. I also think the head shaving thing has made me feel extremely unattractive. Plus today was my first day at work without hair. We are going to have a nice talk tonight about everything. Hopefully all will be fine. Thank you sisters for all the support. I am so glad I can come here for advice and understanding. Love to you all!0 -
bad tasteMomMichelle said:Thank you
Thank you all for your responses. There is just something so horrible in feeling helpless and weak. I am truly blessed. My side effects from chemo tend to span bad taste in my mouth, fatigue for about 24-48 hours and a bit of nausea. Not too bad overall. It is just the ugliness of how you feel, sitting watching your children play and not even feeling up to moving your head to follow them, and wanted so badly to feel like yourself. I also think the head shaving thing has made me feel extremely unattractive. Plus today was my first day at work without hair. We are going to have a nice talk tonight about everything. Hopefully all will be fine. Thank you sisters for all the support. I am so glad I can come here for advice and understanding. Love to you all!
Michelle in regards to the bad taste try using sturdy plastic utensils rather than metal ones it helped to ease the nasty taste for me. Remember this tiredness and inability to play with the children and enjoy them because you are exhausted is only temporary, it is something you are doing so that you can have many more years to play and enjoy your children. It is because you love your family so much that you are working so hard to get better for them and for yourself.
Take Care,
(¯`v´¯)
.`*.¸.*RE´0 -
I was relegated to my bed asRE said:bad taste
Michelle in regards to the bad taste try using sturdy plastic utensils rather than metal ones it helped to ease the nasty taste for me. Remember this tiredness and inability to play with the children and enjoy them because you are exhausted is only temporary, it is something you are doing so that you can have many more years to play and enjoy your children. It is because you love your family so much that you are working so hard to get better for them and for yourself.
Take Care,
(¯`v´¯)
.`*.¸.*RE´
I was relegated to my bed as I did not do too well with chemo and had numerous GI issues which resulted in anatomical GI issues. anyway, my husband drove our daughter around and did stuff around the house, but I found I was alone alot of the time. He would check on me but he just couldnt hang around, I was in a ton of pain and it was hard. It was pretty lonely sometimes, and I felt pretty isolated by the efects of the chemo. It did get better. no one goes through this perfectly. This is not a normal time for you and we dont act normal in these circumstances. get the house cleaners and know when you get past this better times are coming. How do I know this, I posted a similar thread when I was going through chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!! 0 -
My heart goes out to you.
Everything I want to say to you has already been said. I agree with what they say. I can't relate to the husband issue but I do undersant feeling ugly and not like myself. What I do is I have bought several hats on line. www.headcovers.com and I wear them to work every day. YOu wouldn't believe the compliments I get. These hats make me feel prettier. I even bought some hair that velcrose on the back so it looks like I have short hair. I haven't gone to work without them so the people that didn't know I am a chemo patient couldn't tell. Anyway, thats whay I do for myself. Also do what heatherbelle said - I wear more eye make up and lipstick.
I would try to talk to your husband though - tell him how you feel, tell him what you need and let him be honest with you. Just like everyone else said here - he is probably scared and doesn't know what to do.
You are not alone michelle - everyone here understands and we are here for you. They have been here for me.
My prayers are with you always.
Kelly0 -
Hang in there. I've been
Hang in there. I've been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks, but figure as one of the husbands on the site I'd chime in.
Donna's chemo crash days were (are) mentally draining on me. After a day at work, coming home and dealing with what ever is going on, constantly saying the wrong thing or touching when she doesn't want to touched, or not touching when she wants to be touched. I sometimes am just shell shocked and numb; paralized. And sometimes going into a social situation where the focus isn't cancer (ie talking about sports)is just a mental release; decompression. Donna started coming to me and saying she needed a hug; she needed to cuddle.
Tell him what you need and ask him to do specific tasks. This can bring you closer instead of tearing you apart. I'm sure he an emotional basket case but doesn't want to show that side to you.
Hugs
Bob0 -
Going thru treatments madeHubby said:Hang in there. I've been
Hang in there. I've been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks, but figure as one of the husbands on the site I'd chime in.
Donna's chemo crash days were (are) mentally draining on me. After a day at work, coming home and dealing with what ever is going on, constantly saying the wrong thing or touching when she doesn't want to touched, or not touching when she wants to be touched. I sometimes am just shell shocked and numb; paralized. And sometimes going into a social situation where the focus isn't cancer (ie talking about sports)is just a mental release; decompression. Donna started coming to me and saying she needed a hug; she needed to cuddle.
Tell him what you need and ask him to do specific tasks. This can bring you closer instead of tearing you apart. I'm sure he an emotional basket case but doesn't want to show that side to you.
Hugs
Bob
Going thru treatments made me realize how selfish my husband really is. I knew right away not to expect him to step-up, just wasn't going to happen. I looked for the women in my life to step-up, and they did. I was shocked and disappointed in his behavior, and words spoken. I didn't ask for much, but on a few occasions I told him what I needed him to do for me. He looked right at me, his answer was "no". I lost so much respect for him. He wasn't the man I thought him to be. I'm not going to leave, he isn't that bad. He isn't my knight in shining armor anymore.
Nowadays I do more for me. I have learned to put some of my needs before him. I quit trying to be the 'perfect wife' which is liberating. I'm happier,and more relaxed.
It will get better for you once the treatments have ended.0
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