Aug 10, 2010 - 2:14 pm
I was diagnosed with Stage I ER/PR neg, HER2 pos breast cancer in April 2010. Had a double mastectomy with the initial reconstruction surgery in late May and started chemo in late June. I am getting 6 rounds of Taxotere/Carboplatin every 3 weeks and Herceptin weekly. After chemo I will receive Herceptin every 3 weeks until next June. Each treatment seems to be getting progressively worse - more nausea, more intestinal issues, etc.
I started this process with a thankful attitude - thankful that I caught this early and I have an excellent prognosis. Thankful that I have good insurance, good doctors, a wonderful husband and kids. I still feel that way every day even when I feel horrible.
BUT, I am finding this to be a very lonely road. I am 49 yrs old and have no friends who have personally been through this and its difficult to talk with those that haven't. Even those that are closest to me have difficulty understanding the physical and emotional demands that are made on your body. Most shy away from even talking about it much, in fact, half the time I am the one telling the other person that everything will be ok - consoling them as their fears for themselves take over (which I totally understand). I've had lots of offers for help with shopping, meals, etc. but its the emotional toll, the not having anyone to talk to about this, that gets to me. I'll make it through this I know, my prognosis is great, but with each treatment I feel more and more alone. Its not depression, but that feeling of isolation, thats really getting to me!
I hate to sound like such a sap when I talk to anyone - unloading. Especially when I have such a good prognosis and I read so many stories that are so much worse than mine. I feel unbelievably guilty just admitting that I feel these things when my prognosis is so good.
Anyone else feel this way?