Live-in Boyfriend breaking up with me and leaving me a week before my double mastectomy!!
Comments
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Hi Lauren
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, please understand if I call the jerk a jerk, that's what he is. You are hurt by his actions, you are scared from the dx, and confused trying to figure out what's going to happen next.
I feel if he runs out on you now than the jerk is showing you what he's made of, and do you really want that kind of a guy in your life that only wants to be involved with you if all is going well..........................HELL NO. You need a man who will stick with you through anything. That's the kind of person you should wait for. Let the jerk leave, lady you will come through this and see what a man of NO character he was.
Come back we are here to help you get through this, God Bless You in yourdays to follow.
Love Ronda0 -
Two of my friends got
Two of my friends got divorced during their treatments and surgery. Both women are happier about it now. One said that she realized it was easier going through it without him than with him, and the diagnosis was the impetus to ask him to leave what was already a troubled marriage. The other friend's husband couldn't deal with it so he left. Guess what? He has cancer now and no one to take care of him. Guess karma got him. (NOT that any of us got this due to karma! I'm not saying that at all. Just saying that in his case, well, you know...)
It may seem terribly painful now, but some day you will look back on his leaving as the blessing that it is. You will be free to meet a great man who truly deserves the strong and wonderful woman that you are!
Big hugs to you, my dear.0 -
Lauren -
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this - the cancer and the breakup. Even with loved ones by our side, the process we go through with this disease can make you feel alone. I know that right now this has to be overwhelming with everything else going on and the pending surgery. And I have seen many posts on this site from women that went through breakups during or after their treatment so you are not alone in this. I think what I'm trying to beat around the bush with is that as hard as this is right now, as alone as you now feel, I don't think it would be better to have someone there who wasn't really THERE for you. This disease is a test in many ways and if he is not going to support you, help you, listen to you and show his love for you regardless of this darned disease, then I think it would end up being more emotionally draining and difficult (and we have enough of that to deal with as it is). Do you have other friends and family close to you who can support you during this?? If so, lean on them, be kind to yourself and know that we will always be here for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers during your surgery and treatment - please let us know how you are doing.
Chris0 -
(((hugs)))
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But I agree with the others, you're better off without him. I'm a very quiet person not really one to shout out to others about my breast cancer, but this site...being hidden behind the computer
help me alot...because everyone here can relate. Talk to your friends and family members about your breast cancer. It's really sad, but you will realize how many others are going through or have gone through this. My hubby happened to mention it to one of my friends and she talks loud. :0 But she put me in touch with others that she knows who has gone/going through it as well. Another one of my friends that I finally had the guts to call...supported me and again put me in touch with another person who has cancer. There's others and us out here to help you get through this journey.
((hugs))
Patty0 -
he's a butt hole !!!!!!
ba bye, really ba bye....get a hold of your close friends and your family and let them know what you need...forget him and focus on you...pull yourself up and pray to the Lord and believe me he will give you strength....that's all that i prayed for just continue to give me strength and he did....i did it with a sister that came to visit for a week and by the help of the close friends...i'm 43 years old...i could do it without a significant other and so can you !!!!! God me strength....God give me strength...that'll do it !!
hugs and prayers...wendy0 -
worry about youwendybia said:he's a butt hole !!!!!!
ba bye, really ba bye....get a hold of your close friends and your family and let them know what you need...forget him and focus on you...pull yourself up and pray to the Lord and believe me he will give you strength....that's all that i prayed for just continue to give me strength and he did....i did it with a sister that came to visit for a week and by the help of the close friends...i'm 43 years old...i could do it without a significant other and so can you !!!!! God me strength....God give me strength...that'll do it !!
hugs and prayers...wendy
worry about yourself and focus on you. god will give you the strength to get through this. you half to put yourself first. i have went through 2 breast cancers pretty much alone and i have done it.
best of luck take care
teresa0 -
Nah,nah,nah,hey,hey,hey GOODBYE! & Good Riddance!!
OH MAN, that stinks. He didn't deserve you anyway. Set a date to walk by him in the future with your hot new boobs, a huge grin on your face, and a new and improved man. It WILL happen.
Now, as far as your surgery goes. OK deep breath. It's going to be okay. This is the first step of many but the other steps get easier and easier. Climb this first mountain and the rest is going to seem so, so tiny! I promise! I've done it and I've gone from Mount Everest, to the Rocky Mountains to a large hill and now I'm onto the speed bump stage.
Be patient, allow yourself to heal emotionally and physically. Sounds cliche but I tried to be SuperWoman and it back fired on me.
Reaching out to my "invisi-sisters" on this site was so huge for me.
Someone always reaches out to you so you never feel alone.
You can say anything here and everyone understands you.
Everything will heal-even this.
xxoo,
SamuraiMom0 -
YesSamuraiMom said:Nah,nah,nah,hey,hey,hey GOODBYE! & Good Riddance!!
OH MAN, that stinks. He didn't deserve you anyway. Set a date to walk by him in the future with your hot new boobs, a huge grin on your face, and a new and improved man. It WILL happen.
Now, as far as your surgery goes. OK deep breath. It's going to be okay. This is the first step of many but the other steps get easier and easier. Climb this first mountain and the rest is going to seem so, so tiny! I promise! I've done it and I've gone from Mount Everest, to the Rocky Mountains to a large hill and now I'm onto the speed bump stage.
Be patient, allow yourself to heal emotionally and physically. Sounds cliche but I tried to be SuperWoman and it back fired on me.
Reaching out to my "invisi-sisters" on this site was so huge for me.
Someone always reaches out to you so you never feel alone.
You can say anything here and everyone understands you.
Everything will heal-even this.
xxoo,
SamuraiMom
Yes, I have read on this site this happening to others. Hopefully they will see your post. I am sorry for what you are going through. Hugs0 -
Me too, sometimes they justKat11 said:Yes
Yes, I have read on this site this happening to others. Hopefully they will see your post. I am sorry for what you are going through. Hugs
Me too, sometimes they just cnat deal. but you need to focus on you and getting well. Do you have other people to help? Hugs and good wishes to you. I know other people will write in. Here we have no mercy for people like that!0 -
HiKat11 said:Yes
Yes, I have read on this site this happening to others. Hopefully they will see your post. I am sorry for what you are going through. Hugs
First of all, leaving a woman right after she has been diagnosed with cancer and is getting a mastectomy, there is really nothing honorable in that at all, so it may well be for the best that this person is not going to be a part of your life anymore. That being said, as the spouse of woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer, there is no question that this puts tremendous stress on a relationship, and not everyone will be able to cope with it equally well. I was only 30 years old when my wife (of only a few months) was diagnosed last year, and I never thought at that age I would have been dealing with the life and death issues surrounding a breast cancer diagnosis. Unlike many other couples going through this, we did not have decades and decades of marriage binding us together so solidly in such a crisis-my wife actually discovered the lump while we were only on our honeymoon. But I could never have imagined simply walking away from our relationship because of cancer. It was very important for me to be there for every doctor's appointment, every radiation treatment, every surgery. Of course there is always tremendous stress and perhaps especially in younger cancer patients a need to somehow rage against the world sometimes for this happening so early in their life, but hopefully your spouse, your partner, can let you get that out-sometimes even at him-and still be there for you afterward. I don't the details about your own situation, and maybe even this is all just stress coming to the surface and he is not coping with it very well at all, but whatever happens, and whoever you are with, it's never going to be easy for you or your partner. The best thing you can do now though is just focus on your treatment and getting well. Best of luck.0 -
God has blessed you with wisdom at an early ageJohn_32 said:Hi
First of all, leaving a woman right after she has been diagnosed with cancer and is getting a mastectomy, there is really nothing honorable in that at all, so it may well be for the best that this person is not going to be a part of your life anymore. That being said, as the spouse of woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer, there is no question that this puts tremendous stress on a relationship, and not everyone will be able to cope with it equally well. I was only 30 years old when my wife (of only a few months) was diagnosed last year, and I never thought at that age I would have been dealing with the life and death issues surrounding a breast cancer diagnosis. Unlike many other couples going through this, we did not have decades and decades of marriage binding us together so solidly in such a crisis-my wife actually discovered the lump while we were only on our honeymoon. But I could never have imagined simply walking away from our relationship because of cancer. It was very important for me to be there for every doctor's appointment, every radiation treatment, every surgery. Of course there is always tremendous stress and perhaps especially in younger cancer patients a need to somehow rage against the world sometimes for this happening so early in their life, but hopefully your spouse, your partner, can let you get that out-sometimes even at him-and still be there for you afterward. I don't the details about your own situation, and maybe even this is all just stress coming to the surface and he is not coping with it very well at all, but whatever happens, and whoever you are with, it's never going to be easy for you or your partner. The best thing you can do now though is just focus on your treatment and getting well. Best of luck.
You are wise beyond your years John as I see a full range and expression of your emotions during this painful time in your life..your wife and your mother, etc. Most men are not as well aware nor do they express their emotions so well and so freely as you have. I think that is the biggest frustration and what eventually causes the partner to leave and just feel they cannot deal. My husband of 21 years finally blew up 2 weeks after my last treatment. He was nice to me and bit his tongue (I guess) for the past 5 months since my diagnosis, surgery and chemo but just when I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, all his frustration came out and I thought he was ready to leave also...yes...even after 21 years of marriage. I guess he thought I had sat around and took it easy long enough and felt I should be doing more by now. This disease takes a tremendous toll on everyone involved and it is my conviction that without Christ in our lives to lead us and strengthen us, the ride is a whole lot more bumpy and lonely. There are no guarantees in life and for that reason I stand on the rock that is much higher than I and one that is unchanging. No matter what else comes and goes in my life, I know my Lord and Savior does not change. He is the same today, yesterday and forever and He promised to never leave or forsake me but to remain with me always and see me through lifes storms. God bless and hang in there. Sorrow is not for always. Mourning will last for a night but joy comes in the morning...
Lorrie0 -
Hi Lauren. I am so sorry2Floridiansisters said:Hi Lauren
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, please understand if I call the jerk a jerk, that's what he is. You are hurt by his actions, you are scared from the dx, and confused trying to figure out what's going to happen next.
I feel if he runs out on you now than the jerk is showing you what he's made of, and do you really want that kind of a guy in your life that only wants to be involved with you if all is going well..........................HELL NO. You need a man who will stick with you through anything. That's the kind of person you should wait for. Let the jerk leave, lady you will come through this and see what a man of NO character he was.
Come back we are here to help you get through this, God Bless You in yourdays to follow.
Love Ronda
Hi Lauren. I am so sorry that your bf left. But, you are better off without someone like that who won't stand with and beside you. If you love someone, you stay with them thru the good and the bad. Concentrate on yourself and being well. Good luck!0 -
I have to say what Wendywendybia said:he's a butt hole !!!!!!
ba bye, really ba bye....get a hold of your close friends and your family and let them know what you need...forget him and focus on you...pull yourself up and pray to the Lord and believe me he will give you strength....that's all that i prayed for just continue to give me strength and he did....i did it with a sister that came to visit for a week and by the help of the close friends...i'm 43 years old...i could do it without a significant other and so can you !!!!! God me strength....God give me strength...that'll do it !!
hugs and prayers...wendy
I have to say what Wendy said is so dead on. Say bye! You do not need a loser like that. You are number one now! Take care!
HUGS0 -
Balentine - So beautifully
Balentine - So beautifully said! Amen to that.
Lauren - It truly is best that he show his true colors now than later. God will send His provision over you...just trust in the one that will never leave you nor forsake you!
Hugs & Blessings...
sea600 -
I guess cancer makes us wise and matureBalentine said:God has blessed you with wisdom at an early age
You are wise beyond your years John as I see a full range and expression of your emotions during this painful time in your life..your wife and your mother, etc. Most men are not as well aware nor do they express their emotions so well and so freely as you have. I think that is the biggest frustration and what eventually causes the partner to leave and just feel they cannot deal. My husband of 21 years finally blew up 2 weeks after my last treatment. He was nice to me and bit his tongue (I guess) for the past 5 months since my diagnosis, surgery and chemo but just when I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, all his frustration came out and I thought he was ready to leave also...yes...even after 21 years of marriage. I guess he thought I had sat around and took it easy long enough and felt I should be doing more by now. This disease takes a tremendous toll on everyone involved and it is my conviction that without Christ in our lives to lead us and strengthen us, the ride is a whole lot more bumpy and lonely. There are no guarantees in life and for that reason I stand on the rock that is much higher than I and one that is unchanging. No matter what else comes and goes in my life, I know my Lord and Savior does not change. He is the same today, yesterday and forever and He promised to never leave or forsake me but to remain with me always and see me through lifes storms. God bless and hang in there. Sorrow is not for always. Mourning will last for a night but joy comes in the morning...
Lorrie
pretty quickly. John have said it very well. Lauren I am sorry and yes it has been happening and relationships have been tested by cancer.My heart goes out to you, still lease focus on yourself. You are young, have your whole life in front of you and will meet decent person. Please come and post, talk to us. We will help you to go through your treatment by emotional and practical support. I am looking forward to seeing your next post.
Hugs,
New Flower0 -
So sorry Lauren. As if yougreyhoundluvr said:Lauren -
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this - the cancer and the breakup. Even with loved ones by our side, the process we go through with this disease can make you feel alone. I know that right now this has to be overwhelming with everything else going on and the pending surgery. And I have seen many posts on this site from women that went through breakups during or after their treatment so you are not alone in this. I think what I'm trying to beat around the bush with is that as hard as this is right now, as alone as you now feel, I don't think it would be better to have someone there who wasn't really THERE for you. This disease is a test in many ways and if he is not going to support you, help you, listen to you and show his love for you regardless of this darned disease, then I think it would end up being more emotionally draining and difficult (and we have enough of that to deal with as it is). Do you have other friends and family close to you who can support you during this?? If so, lean on them, be kind to yourself and know that we will always be here for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers during your surgery and treatment - please let us know how you are doing.
Chris
So sorry Lauren. As if you don't have enough on your plate already. Please stay strong and let others that really love you help you thru this. Praying for you!0 -
HE OBVIOUSLY WASN'T Asea60 said:Balentine - So beautifully
Balentine - So beautifully said! Amen to that.
Lauren - It truly is best that he show his true colors now than later. God will send His provision over you...just trust in the one that will never leave you nor forsake you!
Hugs & Blessings...
sea60
HE OBVIOUSLY WASN'T A "KEEPER"!!
I know its a double whammy having the cancer dx and your partner leaving,but if he cannot even deal with the dx, there is no way he would have coped with the treatment and surgery! This would have caused more stress to you further into your treatment,so bad as it is,you were better to lose him NOW that part way thru.
At least now you can go into this wholly yourself and not have to worry about your partner stressing you out by not coping.
As John said,some people just don't cope well in these situations.It really does help talking to others~especially those that have beaten this disease~and you will find lots of those people on here and on http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91 .
Concentrate on yourself now. Focus on beating the cancer.It will make you a much stronger person in mind and body.
wishing you love and well wishes
Kay0 -
I too am sorrym-star said:HE OBVIOUSLY WASN'T A
HE OBVIOUSLY WASN'T A "KEEPER"!!
I know its a double whammy having the cancer dx and your partner leaving,but if he cannot even deal with the dx, there is no way he would have coped with the treatment and surgery! This would have caused more stress to you further into your treatment,so bad as it is,you were better to lose him NOW that part way thru.
At least now you can go into this wholly yourself and not have to worry about your partner stressing you out by not coping.
As John said,some people just don't cope well in these situations.It really does help talking to others~especially those that have beaten this disease~and you will find lots of those people on here and on http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91 .
Concentrate on yourself now. Focus on beating the cancer.It will make you a much stronger person in mind and body.
wishing you love and well wishes
Kay
Cancer does seem to take it toll on us all and often harder for the people in our lives. I am very fortunate to still have the same partner 14 years after my battle but that too has not been easy. Remember we all have hopes and dreams and cancer has a way of changing everything. Sounds like a song but oh so true.
I was just telling my doctor staying together has probably been the hardest thing we have done besides cancer because our lives have not turned out anything like we had hope and dreamed though we have both come to realize how lucky we are and that is where we all need to go. Some people cannot deal with pain and uncertainty and I have to wonder who they think will be there for them in their time of need.
Like the husband said we need people in our lives that are lifting us up not bringing us down and that you need to be #1 in your life now. This is ALL about you and support from LOVE is the greatest thing. I seemed to shed allot of those who couldn't bring that to my table.
Tara0 -
I am sorry to hear you now24242 said:I too am sorry
Cancer does seem to take it toll on us all and often harder for the people in our lives. I am very fortunate to still have the same partner 14 years after my battle but that too has not been easy. Remember we all have hopes and dreams and cancer has a way of changing everything. Sounds like a song but oh so true.
I was just telling my doctor staying together has probably been the hardest thing we have done besides cancer because our lives have not turned out anything like we had hope and dreamed though we have both come to realize how lucky we are and that is where we all need to go. Some people cannot deal with pain and uncertainty and I have to wonder who they think will be there for them in their time of need.
Like the husband said we need people in our lives that are lifting us up not bringing us down and that you need to be #1 in your life now. This is ALL about you and support from LOVE is the greatest thing. I seemed to shed allot of those who couldn't bring that to my table.
Tara
I am sorry to hear you now have to start the cancer journey. You have to focus on yourself, don't waste your time or energy on him. He was/is weak, and you don't need a weak man in your life. Surround yourself with encouragers. Take care you can and will do this.
Hugs 2 u
Jennifer0 -
I am so sad to read this.ms.sunshine said:I am sorry to hear you now
I am sorry to hear you now have to start the cancer journey. You have to focus on yourself, don't waste your time or energy on him. He was/is weak, and you don't need a weak man in your life. Surround yourself with encouragers. Take care you can and will do this.
Hugs 2 u
Jennifer
I am so sad to read this. But, focus on yourself and getting rid of the beast so that you can live a healthy and full life. He isn't worth even a minute of thinking about. Get support from your friends and other loved ones. Good luck!0
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