Why?
There is a lap for survivors, caretakers and another lap to acknowledge those who died. Where is the lap for those of us who are living with the disease?
The American Cancer Society Relay For Life is a life-changing event that gives everyone in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease.
The Keyword is have: to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer. Stage IV is battling cancer until cancer takes their lives. There is nothing to celebrate about stage IV.
Again from ACS Relay for Life: The Survivors Lap is an emotional example of how Relay participants are ensuring that more lives are saved each year - like those of each individual on the track.
Keyword “more lives are saved each year” Stage IV will die from their cancer. We are a group that is benefiting from the years of research, especially for breast cancer. We are living longer and yet ACS doesn't recognize this group of brave women and men.
Since 30% of all diagnose with breast cancer will eventually die from this disease, don't you think it's time that the group now living with the disease is acknowledge as such? I would appreciate every person's input on this question.
Do you think there should be a lap in those Relay for life for those living with metastasis cancer?
Sirod
Comments
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Sirod,
I think we all have different interpretations of the word "survivor."
For me personally, I was a survivor from the minute I heard the words "you have cancer." Every day I have after that -- whether I'm cancer-free or not -- makes me a survivor, because I'm still here!
Each of us uses the words that are meaningful to us, the words that feel right to our spirit, as it should be. I will proudly walk in the Relay's survivor's lap for the rest of my life, whether my cancer recurs, metastasizes, or not, because that word "survivor" to me just means that I'm still living, that cancer hasn't won yet.
Just my own feelings,
Traci0 -
WOW - how negative it would
WOW - how negative it would be to dedicate a lap for those "whofeel they are just waiting to die"! We're all battling the disease every day - at least those who don't just give up.
I am a SURVIVOR; became one the day I was DX'd and will be one til the day I die no matter what the cause of my death is. There is no cure (at this time) for cancer and because though there is no cancer known in my body at this time, I am a walking 'time bomb' in a way. My cancer (IBC) is a very aggressive type with not a good outlook in the future. But there is no way that I would walk in something dedicated to just waiting to die - I choose to live every day that my Heavenly Father gives me.
I won't dwell on how soon I'll die but rather rejoice in how long I will live and all that I can do until that day.0 -
I have the inside scoop on this...Rague said:WOW - how negative it would
WOW - how negative it would be to dedicate a lap for those "whofeel they are just waiting to die"! We're all battling the disease every day - at least those who don't just give up.
I am a SURVIVOR; became one the day I was DX'd and will be one til the day I die no matter what the cause of my death is. There is no cure (at this time) for cancer and because though there is no cancer known in my body at this time, I am a walking 'time bomb' in a way. My cancer (IBC) is a very aggressive type with not a good outlook in the future. But there is no way that I would walk in something dedicated to just waiting to die - I choose to live every day that my Heavenly Father gives me.
I won't dwell on how soon I'll die but rather rejoice in how long I will live and all that I can do until that day.
My sis in a radiation onc nurse...so she was my own private nurse from the moment I got the DX.
She was telling me about the Survivor's picnic, and surely I'd be there? I said "When do I get to be a survivor?" Truly, my feelings were hurt that I wasn't invited, as it implied to me that I wasn't a survivor. I'm a very goal oriented person, so I needed to know what I had to do to be a "survivor". She told me that a one becomes a survivor the minute they hear those awful words until one dies.
That made me feel very good. I don't wanna be the "cancer girl", I don't wanna be the one they talk about in hushed tones ("she has breast cancer, be nice, even if she is a witch!")...I wanna be the red cowboy boots ****-kickin me I've always been..only now I take a pill a day and am minus one breast.
Sirod, I think maybe the language needs to be made clearer. You ARE a survivor!!! Heck, you're a WARRIOR...it's much harder for you than those of us who (as far as I know for now, and that's all I need to know for now) just have yer garden variety of cancer.
You should have called me, I would have lent you my boots and my big mouth....you would have had a lap all to yourself!!!! And we would all have been standing on the track, whoopin' it up for you!!!0 -
Survivors
I took this from our Relay for Life site.
"A survivor is anyone who has ever heard the words “You have cancer”. And we invite all cancer survivors in the community to attend Relay For Life."
All of us are survivors no matter where in the process of fighting we are.0 -
SIROD
I've read your entry and the 4 that responded. All are valid and valued opinions. I am CURRENTLY BATTLING Stage IV breast cancer that has metastasized to my lymph nodes, liver, bones, and skin.
Each day that I wake, I know I'm a survivor. But...at the same time I know that my prognosis is not very good. February 10 this year was the day of my diagnosis with breast cancer and lymph node involvement. A battery of tests during the following week just gave me more bad results. Simultaneously, I felt depressed yet determined to fight.
I think some are missing the point. Though I certainly wouldn't want to take part in anything that is looked at as a group of people who are "waiting to die", I do think we feel a little different from someone who is cancer free. Perhaps there should be NO LABELS to separate any of us into different groups. After all, we have one huge thing in common - we've all been effected by this horrible disease. I truly do understand where you're coming from and wish you all the best. MM0 -
Survivor Lap
Sirod it is my understanding after attending several Relays For Life that the "survivor Lap" is for all who had had cancer as well as those who are currently in treatment for cancer. Everyone see's it a bit differently but if you are in treatment you are surviving which makes you a survivor. There are many folks in those laps who are quite obviously in treatment, some in wheel chairs, some bald others wearing bandana's and they obviously find it encouraging and empowering to walk the survivors lap being cheered on by loved ones and some who you have never met yet they are there to support you. I hope you will reconsider and perhaps just pop in on the event to see a survivor lap, it may help to clarify it a bit.
In regards to few statements made in your post: "Stage IV will die from their cancer", "Stage IV is battling cancer until cancer takes their lives. There is nothing to celebrate about stage IV." I want to state that not all stage 4 people will die of cancer, I was a stage 4 in 99 and I am very much alive and enjoying life today. It was a tough battle but I am still here as are others. That does not mean cancer won't eventually end my life but if it does it won't be from my second stage 4 battle. Please do not be offended I just want you and other's who read this to realize it is not always hopeless.
Still Surviving,
RE0 -
From another context:
Think about a soldier. One who is in the military for a very long time. Fought many battles. SURVIVED many battles...
It's that simple.
Also, I was a Legislative Ambassador for the American Cancer Society. One of the first things in our training was to reassure each and every warrior, whatever type of cancer that they are dealing with, that they become a survivor from the day they are diagnosed.
So, there it is. You are a survivor already!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Ditto for me. I became a
Ditto for me. I became a Survivor the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. June 1st marks my 1st Anniversary. Best of luck with your journey SIROD!
BL0 -
When I woke up from surgery
When I woke up from surgery I considered myself a survivor...I went under with a cancerous tumor and woke up without one! I survived the surgery and am living today and celebrate each day! I am not a Pollyanna by any means and I realize that any day I could have a recurrance, but as a Survivor, I am a staunch supporter of the Relay and most any Survivor activites. My tumor markers are elevated, and this month when I see my oncologist the news may not be so good...but who knows????
Many caregivers, spouses, partners do the opening lap with their loved ones...they consider that they have Survived so far together, be it a day, week, month, year. I did my first Relay 6 weeks post surgery~I had not started chemo or rads, yet in my mind, and in the hearts/minds of my family, I was, even then, a Survivor!!!! That was 7 years ago!
Many do the laps while they are in treatment,and with metastasis. It is not so much which laps any of us walk, it is more about being there to honor and support each other and do it until we don't need to. Not because we have died, but because cancer itself has....and we do indeed celebrate that eventuality. My oncologist wisely said that Stats don't count when our names are on them, but just in case your 30% statistic is right, I still chose to CHEER the 70% who will NOT die from it while supporting and loving those who, until the cure is found, may indeed lose their battle!
It is obviously subjective, and we all view it differently! I am more saddened you were discouraged by an event which most of us find uplifting and full of heart.
hugs,
Chen♥0 -
confusing
I was confused for a while until I read that as soon as you are diagnosed, you are considered a survivor. But I agree with you, there should be a term to acknowledge the
ones, like us, currently battling cancer. Survivor sounds definitely positive and maybe that is why they call us that from day one.0 -
I believe that when the ACS
I believe that when the ACS and others use the term "survivor" they are also referring to those battling the disease. After all, you are alive. You are fighting the disease and surviving day to day. Anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer and is not dead, IS SURVIVING.0 -
I agree with you!! We shouldRague said:WOW - how negative it would
WOW - how negative it would be to dedicate a lap for those "whofeel they are just waiting to die"! We're all battling the disease every day - at least those who don't just give up.
I am a SURVIVOR; became one the day I was DX'd and will be one til the day I die no matter what the cause of my death is. There is no cure (at this time) for cancer and because though there is no cancer known in my body at this time, I am a walking 'time bomb' in a way. My cancer (IBC) is a very aggressive type with not a good outlook in the future. But there is no way that I would walk in something dedicated to just waiting to die - I choose to live every day that my Heavenly Father gives me.
I won't dwell on how soon I'll die but rather rejoice in how long I will live and all that I can do until that day.
I agree with you!! We should try and be positive and appreciate the relay for what it is. The acs does after all do a lot as an advocate for those w/a cancer diagnosis.0 -
I agree with you!! We shouldRague said:WOW - how negative it would
WOW - how negative it would be to dedicate a lap for those "whofeel they are just waiting to die"! We're all battling the disease every day - at least those who don't just give up.
I am a SURVIVOR; became one the day I was DX'd and will be one til the day I die no matter what the cause of my death is. There is no cure (at this time) for cancer and because though there is no cancer known in my body at this time, I am a walking 'time bomb' in a way. My cancer (IBC) is a very aggressive type with not a good outlook in the future. But there is no way that I would walk in something dedicated to just waiting to die - I choose to live every day that my Heavenly Father gives me.
I won't dwell on how soon I'll die but rather rejoice in how long I will live and all that I can do until that day.
I agree with you!! We should try and be positive and appreciate the relay for what it is. The acs does after all do a lot as an advocate for those w/a cancer diagnosis.0 -
I feel your anger and
I feel your anger and frustration with this disease. I have Stage 4 too. I did walk with the survivors' group as I have never considered myself anything but a survivor. Everyone is different though. There was a tiny girl who walked with our group who appeared to also be Stage 4 (by how ill she appeared). Her spirit was such an inspiration to me. I am not sure that I would want there to be a separate metastasis group; I guess I'll have to think about it some. Survivor is not synonymous with in remission to me though. To me, survivor connotes a spirit, an inner light for all to see. I hope this helps. You are in my thoughts and prayers.0 -
You choose from the moment you are diagnosed
After the shock of the diagnosis, I think what wells up in most every woman (and man) is the tendency to fight this thing. Survive it. Beat the odds. There have been people who have been given weeks to live because they were at the end stages or their cancer had metastisized who are still alive now...Joel Olsteen's mother, Lance Armstrong and many more I'm sure. So I have to agree with those who have mentioned that the moment one decides to fight this, the survivorship has begun.
I'll tell you what word I have trouble with: REMISSION. For me personally, that word means you're in the "waiting" mode until it comes back. I never used that word and I don't think of myself as "in remission"...not in my vocabulary.
God bless you!!
sea600 -
Living Not Dying from Metastasis
In 1959, my aunt was diagnose with breast cancer, her treatments consisted of a Halsted mastectomy and cobalt treatments. Five years later in January of 1964, she was pronounced “Cured” by her primary doctor. In June, she saw her primary doctor after developing a cough. An x-ray showed that her breast cancer had metastasize to her lungs. Her doctor told her there were no treatments available. She also developed liver metastasis during the summer. In early September she died. An autopsy proved her cancer was widespread.
Thirty years later, I developed breast cancer. In June 2008, a ct, pet scans and VATS biopsy showed that I had widespread pulmonary and pleural metastasis. I began treatment in August and another ct scan to use as baseline. My cancer had double in size since June. In mid September, I had another ct scan that showed the cancer had stabilized.
My aunt would call this a miracle. Forty-Six years later, I would love to walk around a lap that states that I am living (not dying) of metastasis cancer. Drugs that I have been using since 1999 were not available when I began the journey in 1994. I would love to show the world that we are progressing, even if it is at a snail pace. Isn’t this the reason why money is being raised. If not the cure, then isn’t it better that so many are living longer?
To you ladies who are stage I, II, III, if you think the words “you have cancer” was hard to take, try to think how these words feel, “your cancer is treatable, but there is no cure for you”. When diagnose, you expect to see an end date for treatment that will allow you back into the normal world. For those of us who are stage IV, treatment ends when you enter hospice. That is when one is dying from metastasis breast cancer. You can’t understand until you are there.
I do appreciate your input and I thank you for it. I do wish the ladies who are stage IV that responded all the best. To those who are in stage I, II and III, may you never experience stage IV.
I won’t celebrate being a survivor in the manner that suggest that this is behind me. It is not, I live with the side effects from the treatments every day and will do so until I enter a hospice program. Since there won’t be any acknowledgment for those who are stage IV, living (not dying) of the disease, this relay isn’t for me.0 -
The best thing about thisSIROD said:Living Not Dying from Metastasis
In 1959, my aunt was diagnose with breast cancer, her treatments consisted of a Halsted mastectomy and cobalt treatments. Five years later in January of 1964, she was pronounced “Cured” by her primary doctor. In June, she saw her primary doctor after developing a cough. An x-ray showed that her breast cancer had metastasize to her lungs. Her doctor told her there were no treatments available. She also developed liver metastasis during the summer. In early September she died. An autopsy proved her cancer was widespread.
Thirty years later, I developed breast cancer. In June 2008, a ct, pet scans and VATS biopsy showed that I had widespread pulmonary and pleural metastasis. I began treatment in August and another ct scan to use as baseline. My cancer had double in size since June. In mid September, I had another ct scan that showed the cancer had stabilized.
My aunt would call this a miracle. Forty-Six years later, I would love to walk around a lap that states that I am living (not dying) of metastasis cancer. Drugs that I have been using since 1999 were not available when I began the journey in 1994. I would love to show the world that we are progressing, even if it is at a snail pace. Isn’t this the reason why money is being raised. If not the cure, then isn’t it better that so many are living longer?
To you ladies who are stage I, II, III, if you think the words “you have cancer” was hard to take, try to think how these words feel, “your cancer is treatable, but there is no cure for you”. When diagnose, you expect to see an end date for treatment that will allow you back into the normal world. For those of us who are stage IV, treatment ends when you enter hospice. That is when one is dying from metastasis breast cancer. You can’t understand until you are there.
I do appreciate your input and I thank you for it. I do wish the ladies who are stage IV that responded all the best. To those who are in stage I, II and III, may you never experience stage IV.
I won’t celebrate being a survivor in the manner that suggest that this is behind me. It is not, I live with the side effects from the treatments every day and will do so until I enter a hospice program. Since there won’t be any acknowledgment for those who are stage IV, living (not dying) of the disease, this relay isn’t for me.
The best thing about this group is that we are permitted to feel the way we feel and voice how we feel. Heck that's one of the first things I see when a newbie joins the group. The newbie typically talks about needs of the "others" in their lives and the group starts to nudge them down the path of thinking about what THEY need to do to deal with their reality with THE BEAST. I guess what I am trying to say Sirod is that you have a very valid point. And although I understand the "positive" and "encouraging" light that the Relay and it's supporters, and I am one, are trying to create, I totally get your view point. You are surviving and that should be celebrated, but there should be an option for your lap. I have had so many people tell me that "no one dies from Breast Cancer any more" and "with the right attitude you can beat this". I mean really, all my sister had to do was just be a little happier and positive and she wouldn't have passed away? Arghhhh! Your lap would spotlight that this disease has not been beaten yet! There has been marvelous headway and gains and God willing you will be here for years and years to push for your lap, but I think the public could use a glimpse of reality! Then the cancer community of survivors could have the option to walk in your lap, the survivor lap or both! Stay strong! Hugs and prayers of support to you!
Merle0 -
Attitude has not one thingMerleBee said:The best thing about this
The best thing about this group is that we are permitted to feel the way we feel and voice how we feel. Heck that's one of the first things I see when a newbie joins the group. The newbie typically talks about needs of the "others" in their lives and the group starts to nudge them down the path of thinking about what THEY need to do to deal with their reality with THE BEAST. I guess what I am trying to say Sirod is that you have a very valid point. And although I understand the "positive" and "encouraging" light that the Relay and it's supporters, and I am one, are trying to create, I totally get your view point. You are surviving and that should be celebrated, but there should be an option for your lap. I have had so many people tell me that "no one dies from Breast Cancer any more" and "with the right attitude you can beat this". I mean really, all my sister had to do was just be a little happier and positive and she wouldn't have passed away? Arghhhh! Your lap would spotlight that this disease has not been beaten yet! There has been marvelous headway and gains and God willing you will be here for years and years to push for your lap, but I think the public could use a glimpse of reality! Then the cancer community of survivors could have the option to walk in your lap, the survivor lap or both! Stay strong! Hugs and prayers of support to you!
Merle
Attitude has not one thing to do with cellular biology. Cancer is physiology. You are correct with the hype of Komen's Pink washing survivors, not acknowledging that 41,000 women still die of the disease each year, it's no wonder people believe we have a cure. We are a long ways from a cure. Komen's web site finally acknowledge advanced breast cancer, but there isn't much posting on it. I've read that those with Stage IV can not speak at these races.
I've been online in forums since 1997, every one of the ladies, I knew with stage IV died. One lady that helped me so much over the years died last September, but she was in her 33 year since diagnose. A slow growing cancer and not every women is blessed with that condition.
Good luck to you and thank you for acknowledging my point. I am living not dying with metastasis breast cancer.0 -
Unless I am misunderstandingSIROD said:Living Not Dying from Metastasis
In 1959, my aunt was diagnose with breast cancer, her treatments consisted of a Halsted mastectomy and cobalt treatments. Five years later in January of 1964, she was pronounced “Cured” by her primary doctor. In June, she saw her primary doctor after developing a cough. An x-ray showed that her breast cancer had metastasize to her lungs. Her doctor told her there were no treatments available. She also developed liver metastasis during the summer. In early September she died. An autopsy proved her cancer was widespread.
Thirty years later, I developed breast cancer. In June 2008, a ct, pet scans and VATS biopsy showed that I had widespread pulmonary and pleural metastasis. I began treatment in August and another ct scan to use as baseline. My cancer had double in size since June. In mid September, I had another ct scan that showed the cancer had stabilized.
My aunt would call this a miracle. Forty-Six years later, I would love to walk around a lap that states that I am living (not dying) of metastasis cancer. Drugs that I have been using since 1999 were not available when I began the journey in 1994. I would love to show the world that we are progressing, even if it is at a snail pace. Isn’t this the reason why money is being raised. If not the cure, then isn’t it better that so many are living longer?
To you ladies who are stage I, II, III, if you think the words “you have cancer” was hard to take, try to think how these words feel, “your cancer is treatable, but there is no cure for you”. When diagnose, you expect to see an end date for treatment that will allow you back into the normal world. For those of us who are stage IV, treatment ends when you enter hospice. That is when one is dying from metastasis breast cancer. You can’t understand until you are there.
I do appreciate your input and I thank you for it. I do wish the ladies who are stage IV that responded all the best. To those who are in stage I, II and III, may you never experience stage IV.
I won’t celebrate being a survivor in the manner that suggest that this is behind me. It is not, I live with the side effects from the treatments every day and will do so until I enter a hospice program. Since there won’t be any acknowledgment for those who are stage IV, living (not dying) of the disease, this relay isn’t for me.
Unless I am misunderstanding everyone's comments on the subject, I don't think that anyone here, or e the ACS, Komen, Making Strides Against Breast Cancer, etc is advocating "celebrating being a survivor in the manner that suggests that this is behind me" while ignoring or otherwise turning a blind eye to the mortality rate and devastating effects of this BC Beast. Even those of us not with metastasis at this point do not take for granted the life we are living at this moment in time. We live in fear of every pending Drs appointment, we hyperventilate thinking about our mammograms or lab draws, not to mention any "different" aches/pains which could spell a change in our status.
Of course you have every right to feel as you do~ far be it from me to say you are wrong! Feelings are neither right or wrong; they are simply what they are! I wish none of us had been diagnosed, but we have been. I wish there were no need for an ACS, or discussion boards, but there is. It is a safe haven for us to express our feelings, and the feedback, camaraderie and empathy cannot be underestimated. I have been part of this online community since my diagnosis in 2003, and I cannot imagine being a survivor without the amazing men and women I have some to know on this site. I have had the honor of meeting many of the Survivor-Warriors in person, and yes, some of them have lost their battle and I still grieve those losses.
The Relay For Life isn't exclusionary~ all of us there acknowledge that in whatever place we are, physically or emotionally, we are bonded in the commonality of doing battle with the beast, and paying tribute to the fallen Kindred Spirits. I hope, that if you desire to join with hundreds or thousands of like minded warriors that you can find a venue which your heart can feel good about.
This cancer is a damnable best to be sure~ thank you for posting such a thought-provoking subject and giving us things to consider.
Hugs,
Chen♥0
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