Good Morning Everyone, I've made a decision and will stick with it.
I realize that taking off both of my breasts will seem to me like one of those bad Halloween stupid movies or Friday the 13th slasher films and I have the starring role. I didn't ask for this sickness but I have no choice but to fight it and to do my part in decreasing the chance of it coming back.
I seriously don't know the odds of seeing reoccurring breast cancer, maybe I will be blessed and live a cancer-free life for the remainder of my days or maybe I won't be so lucky and I will see it return. uuurrrgghhhh I can't live with all this worry and anxeity and stress, call it whatever you will, this truly is the worst part of this whole mess.
If removing my breasts gives me a much better chance than I want to take it, however at the same time I know it could still return breasts or no breasts, because from what I've learned it can show up anywhere in my body........
I am fine with this decision, somehow in time I'll get over the pain, the loss and the acceptance of my new life and new look. I now pray that my husband won't see me as "ugly", I'm sure somewhere in all this there are marriages that fall apart. I don't want it to be mine. So far I've had a good 21 years with this man but he's only 46 and he's always been a boob man, either he'll learn to accept the new me or he won't and who knows what tomorrow will bring.I'll be alright without him if finding someone new is what he chooses.
Okay thanks for talking to me on this site, you've been a huge comfort to me when I sat here everyday and just felt this overwhelming fear. I'm ready for this surgery, I'll be seeing the surgeon on the 10th and that's when we get it scheduled. There's no turning back now because I've realized cancer is not something to monkey around with, you have to give it all you can in the fight and I've reached that point thanks to all of you.
I'm ready now, this boo hoo crying isn't getting me anywhere, I'm going to be strong and survive for many years.
Thanks for the guidance, the kind welcome and your wisdom. This time next year I'll try to do for a newbie what you have done for me.
Take care, stay strong and have a heck of a great day,
Love Ronda
Comments
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Hi Ronda, glad you made your
Hi Ronda, glad you made your decision. I know how tough it is but then again so are you! I had a bilateral in Feb. and have not ever questioned my decision. I hope the days until surgery go quick for you, the waiting is the worst! Take care Ronda0 -
Ronda..........
I only had one breast removed. HOWEVER, if I had known then what I know now, I would have had both removed. Not only because of the risk of recurrence in my remaining breast, but also aesthetically speaking.
I did not have reconstruction, did not want to go through more surgery, so I am...uneven. I would much prefer to be flat chested and even, than uneven.
I think...my opinion...that you are making a good decision. Both for your health, and if you do have reconstruction, I think it's easier to start fresh, as opposed to trying to match a remaining breast.
CR0 -
Same hereCR1954 said:Ronda..........
I only had one breast removed. HOWEVER, if I had known then what I know now, I would have had both removed. Not only because of the risk of recurrence in my remaining breast, but also aesthetically speaking.
I did not have reconstruction, did not want to go through more surgery, so I am...uneven. I would much prefer to be flat chested and even, than uneven.
I think...my opinion...that you are making a good decision. Both for your health, and if you do have reconstruction, I think it's easier to start fresh, as opposed to trying to match a remaining breast.
CR
I also had a single mastectomy and regret not going for the bilateral for the reasons CR stated. I am going thru reconstruction at this time, but will always have the worry of my remaining breast.
It is such a relief when you finally come to a decision! Hugs to you. I am sure your husband will be glad his wife is alive, we are not a total of our breasts! Best of luck as you continue on this journey.
-Carrie0 -
glad you made YOUR decision
good luck Ronda...glad you have made your decision and are comfortable with it. The fear state is behine you now, and the fighting Ronda has emerged (thanks to knowledge)! This has been a great site for me as well as I am still in the first half of my battle. You will do fine, and don't underestimate your husband. Good luck with your battle, and keep us posted as you go!0 -
I'm with youcavediver said:glad you made YOUR decision
good luck Ronda...glad you have made your decision and are comfortable with it. The fear state is behine you now, and the fighting Ronda has emerged (thanks to knowledge)! This has been a great site for me as well as I am still in the first half of my battle. You will do fine, and don't underestimate your husband. Good luck with your battle, and keep us posted as you go!
JUst had a bilaterial the 26th. Family and friends were shcoked that I wanted a bilaterial and no reconstruction. I don't want to go thru this again and I can handle no breast better than one breast. The reconsturction just doesn't make sense to me. Why put myself thru all that pain just to have fake boobs.0 -
I think making thesweetvickid said:I'm with you
JUst had a bilaterial the 26th. Family and friends were shcoked that I wanted a bilaterial and no reconstruction. I don't want to go thru this again and I can handle no breast better than one breast. The reconsturction just doesn't make sense to me. Why put myself thru all that pain just to have fake boobs.
I think making the decision's on what to do is the hardest. You are so very positive, and I think that in it's self is half the battle.0 -
It took a lot of courage tosweetvickid said:I'm with you
JUst had a bilaterial the 26th. Family and friends were shcoked that I wanted a bilaterial and no reconstruction. I don't want to go thru this again and I can handle no breast better than one breast. The reconsturction just doesn't make sense to me. Why put myself thru all that pain just to have fake boobs.
It took a lot of courage to make your decision. I only had one breast removed, my doctor said that i only needed 1 removed due to the type of cancer i have. I did have an expander put in at the time, but i have not gone for the final reconstruction. Hugs to you on your decision. Take care0 -
Thank you each and everyone of you.sweetvickid said:I'm with you
JUst had a bilaterial the 26th. Family and friends were shcoked that I wanted a bilaterial and no reconstruction. I don't want to go thru this again and I can handle no breast better than one breast. The reconsturction just doesn't make sense to me. Why put myself thru all that pain just to have fake boobs.
Thank you, all of you, I would only live in fear if I left my other breast, this is just an overwhelming desease that robs you of your sanity.
That's exactly how I feel sweetvickid, I do not have it in me to go through anything else. Reconstruction isn't anything I want, not today and not a year from today. I will contact whatever resources available out there to be fitted for the phony boobs, that won't bother me in the least bit, besides you only need them if you leave the house, at home it won't matter to me one bit if I'm flat looking. At least I won't have more pain to deal with.
What makes me feel so sad is exactly what someone else on here has said, it's just heartbreaking when these ladies are so young, the ones in their 30's and 40's, I even saw a lady say she was just 24 on one of my other threads. How can this be happeneing to so many women....
I think all of you fine women and the couple of husbands on here are the best people I have ever dealt with. Kind, compassionate and caring individuals, you are!
Have a great day, I'm heading out and taking my 16 year old son to the swimming pool. I'm living my life!
LOve Ronda0 -
A year ago I was in your shoes, girl!meena1 said:It took a lot of courage to
It took a lot of courage to make your decision. I only had one breast removed, my doctor said that i only needed 1 removed due to the type of cancer i have. I did have an expander put in at the time, but i have not gone for the final reconstruction. Hugs to you on your decision. Take care
Every word you said I could not agree more! I cried for 3 weeks!!! What a baby!!! Once I snapped out of it I've been a fighter and no looking back. I did choose to keep my one good boob, and now I know I actually could have kept the cancer one, too, had I known there would be no cancer cells found in it. However I agree with ^ someone up there about the "synchronicity" of the appearance. I hope that if this demon ever comes back that it is in my other breast so I can be balanced. If the doctor tells you to remove both DO IT!!! I look fine with my fake boob in, but as soon as I take off my bra it's like that HORROR MOVIE you're talking about!!! AHHHHH!!!!!0 -
Yay Rhonda! Congrats on your verymeena1 said:It took a lot of courage to
It took a lot of courage to make your decision. I only had one breast removed, my doctor said that i only needed 1 removed due to the type of cancer i have. I did have an expander put in at the time, but i have not gone for the final reconstruction. Hugs to you on your decision. Take care
difficult decision. I'll bet you feel better now. I had a single with no reconstruction (my fake boob looks and feels absolutely real) and I was shocked and pleased that there was not the pain I expected. The drain I had for a week or so was the worst part. You haven't been in denial, things have just drastically changed and improved during the past 20 years and you had no reason to know this.
Believe me when I say this is the worst, most stressful part of this journey...waiting for something to begin. The morning of my surgery I took a picture of myself (chest only) so I would remember what I looked like. It's funny but I was more upset over the big depression in my breast after my re-exision than I was after the mastecomy. I was happy to get rid of a diseased hunk of flesh. It only took me a couple of days (sneaking little peaks during that time) to look at myself in the mirrow. And you know what? It wasn't so bad.
I admire how you have educated yourself and made your decision. Have your discussed this with your husband? My guy is also a boob man but it doesn't make a bit of difference to him, he loves me not my missing boob. Put that out of your mind and concentrate on you. Pamper yourself...you deserve it.
I don't remember if you are getting reconstruction or not. But if not, visit the fake boob store beforehand and look at the boobs and bras. You'll be amazed how nice they are and the bras are very pretty and come in lots of styles.
Keep us posted on yur surgery date etc. We will all be thinking of you on 6-10!
Hugs, Judy :-)0 -
Ronda, I'm happy for you2Floridiansisters said:Thank you each and everyone of you.
Thank you, all of you, I would only live in fear if I left my other breast, this is just an overwhelming desease that robs you of your sanity.
That's exactly how I feel sweetvickid, I do not have it in me to go through anything else. Reconstruction isn't anything I want, not today and not a year from today. I will contact whatever resources available out there to be fitted for the phony boobs, that won't bother me in the least bit, besides you only need them if you leave the house, at home it won't matter to me one bit if I'm flat looking. At least I won't have more pain to deal with.
What makes me feel so sad is exactly what someone else on here has said, it's just heartbreaking when these ladies are so young, the ones in their 30's and 40's, I even saw a lady say she was just 24 on one of my other threads. How can this be happeneing to so many women....
I think all of you fine women and the couple of husbands on here are the best people I have ever dealt with. Kind, compassionate and caring individuals, you are!
Have a great day, I'm heading out and taking my 16 year old son to the swimming pool. I'm living my life!
LOve Ronda
Ronda, I'm happy for you that you've made a decision and that you have peace about it. It took me a while to decide to do both and not just the one, but it really was the right decision for me.
To date, I think that most of your questions have been related to lumpectomies, mastectomies, radiation and chemo. Although you've decided on no reconstruction, I would encourage you to do research about all of the types of reconstruction that are done today. (Your surgeon will likely tell you some things on the 10th). There are other reconstructions than expanders and implants, ones that use your own body parts and should be good for a lifetime. I had DIEP or muscle-sparing free TRAM flap at the time of the mastectomy, and it was so much easier for me to wake up with new boobs than it would have been without them. Granted the recovery period was longer (six to eight weeks compared to four to six weeks with just the mastectomy), but I think that I would have had a hard time adjusting to the prostheses which would be a constant reminder, to me, of the disease.
The above are my thoughts; but it's your decision, and you need to have peace about it. If you've done all the research that you need about reconstruction and know that you don't want it, then I'm behind you all the way.
Glad to hear you're headed out to enjoy your day.
Joyce0 -
Ronda,
It's such a difficult
Ronda,
It's such a difficult decision to make. In the end, it's your choice and you know, deep inside, what is best for you. Once you've had surgery, you'll eventually get a new set of girls! Just think of it, you'll be sporting the breasts of a teeny bopper! Best of luck with your recovery.
BL0 -
Hello Ronda
I am a true newbie on this site. Diagnosed April 26st 2010. In holding waiting for genetic testing to come back. To say I am terrified is a understatement. I have wore myself down so badly that I have had bronchitis 2 times since diagnosis. Never had it twice in years.I asked myself how the heck do I fight BC if I can't get rid of bronchitis? My lumpectomy was scheduled for 6/10. With radiation after healing done. But my daughter had genetic testing and hers just came back with a variation. Which threw us all into a tail spin. My genetic breast ca specialist said that it is more important to wait the extra time for surgery after finding out my results.Have surgery with a educated mind.Asking yourself what is best thing to do to live a long life. Then to go in do a lumpectomy then find out I have a genetic predispositon. My surgeon agreed with him. So now I wait. My genetics company have yet to touch my blood a fight between them and the insurance co and my doc trying to get me in a family trial. I have the same decision as you to make if it comes back postive. I am telling you this because you have inspired me and helped me find out answers by asking everything I was trying to figure out and could not put into words. Fear and paralysis robbed me of my sanity only briefly. I hope I can do what your doing with courage and strength if I am faced with a positve cancer genetics profile.. My husband is a breast man too. But he said that is not what makes him love me.He fell in love with me not my body. Let's hope all our men can be like him.Poor guy still feels helpless but at least admits it. Because they too can face a disfiguring illness too.All of us on this site would love them more and care for them more because we truly get it..
Thank You,
Cindy Ann0 -
breast removed
Hi, my daughter is the one with breast cancer, although I feel I have it with her. She was diagnosed with in it April. Although, she knew something was wrong long before. She is 38 years of age and has a daughter that is 3. My mother died of breast cancer and did not have both breast removed. My daughter elected to have both removed because of the disease and her age. Not only that, when you go for reconstruction, if you do that, they cannot match the two. She looked at herself the other day (it has been one week since the bilateral), and all she could see was nice skin. She said she doesn't even miss her boobs at this time. She just wants the cancer gone. Her husband has been by her side continously as we all have. The thing she is most worried about, believe it or not, is her hair falling out. She will get the max in chemo since she is a stage IIIA and her tumor was 6 cm and there was one tumor in her lymph node. Of course, everyone is different. She is looking forward to having perky breasts. It is your decision on what you want to do. I hope your husband does support you. I am sure he will. I have found out that after 43 years of marriage, men stay with you because they love you for who you are not really because of your figure. Of course, they like to look, but they love you for who you are or he would have left you a long time ago. Be open and frank with him and that will help you through. Good luck.0 -
Good for you!
Rhonda, Glad you made your decision. I made the same decision bilateral surgery with reconstruction at the same time. It will happen on July 12th. I'm scared but I know this is the best decision for me in the long run.
May peace fill your heart.
Genie0 -
Thank you GenieGenieM27 said:Good for you!
Rhonda, Glad you made your decision. I made the same decision bilateral surgery with reconstruction at the same time. It will happen on July 12th. I'm scared but I know this is the best decision for me in the long run.
May peace fill your heart.
Genie
May I ask why is your surgery in July? That seems kind of far off to me, does that seem okay to you?
And yes I do believe I've made about as much peace with this as I think I can. I just want to never hear, "your results are positive" ever again. I know to some I might be doing something drastic but fear is leading my decision and this is what I can live with.
God Bless You All, and may we all live long and wonderful lives.
Love Ronda0 -
Cindy Ann2Floridiansisters said:Thank you Genie
May I ask why is your surgery in July? That seems kind of far off to me, does that seem okay to you?
And yes I do believe I've made about as much peace with this as I think I can. I just want to never hear, "your results are positive" ever again. I know to some I might be doing something drastic but fear is leading my decision and this is what I can live with.
God Bless You All, and may we all live long and wonderful lives.
Love Ronda
All of us will remember you in our prayers, I am scared I won't lie about it and with a thousand prayers I will know in my heart I'll do fine in time.
Believe Cindy Ann that you're going to be fine! Okay
Stay strong, mentally and physically
Love Ronda0 -
Hi jk19522Floridiansisters said:Cindy Ann
All of us will remember you in our prayers, I am scared I won't lie about it and with a thousand prayers I will know in my heart I'll do fine in time.
Believe Cindy Ann that you're going to be fine! Okay
Stay strong, mentally and physically
Love Ronda
Thank you for always being here giving out such good advice, I will keep looking on the internet at everything I can learn about reconstruction, from images to videos on youtube but I know in my heart it's not something I want to do. I do believe my husband would prefer me to get new breasts cause he likes to look and fondle them like any normal man, but nope, this is my choice not his. He'll just have to learn to deal like I have to.
This cancer affects everyone in the family, not just the women. Life is unfair.
I'll have good days and bad days and right now I'm still fluctuating between the two, it has to get better, I mean seriously how can it get any worse?
Need to go back to my happy thoughts now...LOL... I'm trying
Smiles everyone, Love Ronda0 -
Thank You!2Floridiansisters said:Cindy Ann
All of us will remember you in our prayers, I am scared I won't lie about it and with a thousand prayers I will know in my heart I'll do fine in time.
Believe Cindy Ann that you're going to be fine! Okay
Stay strong, mentally and physically
Love Ronda
You will also be in my prayers. I know when I make my choice and go into surgery I will not be alone. This site has proven that. You won't be alone either. We all will be praying for you. Let us know your surgery date. Also may the white light of the Holy Spirit surround you as do our prayers..
Blessings and hugs,
Cindy Ann0
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