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This lonleness is killing me.......

survivor31's picture
survivor31
Posts: 72
Joined: Apr 2010

Hi all it is really hard for me as of now im extremly lonely my daughter was here with me but now she wants to go back to her nanny and papa my eighteen year old is there also my five year old is with his dad it seem as though once treatment ended everyone dissapeard when treatment ended they think all is well beecause I fought the pyhsical battle and came out ok its alright but now im fighting the mental battle alone even my aunt who was my nurse that stayed with me during my illness stays gone all the time and its just me my thought of roccurance and this big house the only comfort i find is in my bed looking out the window where as before I was a phyc student and a nurse and living my life im on antidepessants but to me all the antidpressants in the world will not fix the fact that I had cancer and im scared as hell it will come back and that I cant talk to my family about this because they think it is over suck it up and move on I might have won the battle but now im in the war

dogsrule's picture
dogsrule
Posts: 96
Joined: Apr 2010

Please try to stay positive. I know it's hard and not easy. Very scary stuff. It sounds like you were lucky to have your daughter with you for the physical battle and all of your other support. Try and focus on the positive things, like winning the battle and don't worry about reoccurance. We all can't change what has happened to us. We had no control. We do have control over how we try to move forward. The feelings you are feeling are perfectly normal. I have had those same feelings of depression and sadness. Who wouldn't after all we have been thru. Do something that nourishes your soul. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good. Anything. Go for a walk when it's warm and sunny. Pick some flowers and put them in a vase. Look at pictures of your family and good times. Remember the person that you are and don't let this disease take that away from you. Stay strong. I hope you find peace. It's going to be OK.

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

survivor, I'm so, so sorry that you are so sad. I definitely relate as I spent a lot of time worrying about it coming back. In fact, I still think about it but I've learned not to let it take up my entire day. I think we've all been where you are. And you are so right, most think that when the trmnts end so does the cancer. They have no idea that the trmnts were only the first half of the battle. I was alone much of the time also. My ex and granddauther live with me but they were out an about and enjoying life. I on the other hand was recovering from cancer and trying to find my life. That is as hard as the trmnts. I am getting better but I still have a long way to. And it isn't just the recovering it is also life's other hard knocks that get me down. But then I come here and read other's troubles and I feel extremely blessed. I don't know if you've read anything about chef but his life is a living hell right now. My heart breaks for him as it does you. I also understand that even tho someone else is worse off, it doesnt' ease the pain we are in. But maybe it can help put our pain in perspective. If I can do anything to hlep you, please let me know. In the meantime, I'll put you in my prayers.
God Bless,
Debbie

pattyanny's picture
pattyanny
Posts: 523
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry survivor31! You must miss them so much!
I can relate, my family was in the house when I went thru TX,but I had to crawl downstairs to get a drink of water because no one could be bothered. I spent many months in bed, alone, depressed and anxious. Yes, we made it thru the TX, but the following months are just as difficult. I made up my mind I would do it. I found a lot of comfort in prayer, and believe my faith got me thru. I almost wished I was alone in this big old house since any support was minimal. After my 6 mos PET scan was clear (Hooray!)my husband told me "Now you can get a job." =( I guess I am supposed to- as you said - suck it up and move on.
The big "C" made everyone uncomfortable. Poor them, huh?
Please try not to focus on a reoccurrance, stay positive and believe you are healed. The worry is robbing you of living your life. I do still have my pity party's, so please don't think I have a handle on this! Lol! One day at a time!
If you need to talk, this forum is the best place for answers and support. They are my second family. Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. We are all here for you!
Love & Prayers, Patty

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

Patty, I'm so sorry you are alone and your husband, well, he needs to realize that only the trmnts are complete which means now you are in the recover stage which takes a lot longer. I don't think family mean to be heartless, they just CANNOT understand what our bodies feel like and the hell they've been put thur. Please try not to take it personally when someone says, suck it up, they are just ignorant of what is going on with us. I was just as ignorant when my mom went thru this 30+ yrs ago. I absolutely had no idea and I'm sorry for my late mother that I had no idea. I am willing to give anyone my phone number that may want to talk to someone rather than read. So, please, send me a pm if you'd like my number. For both you and survivor, please hang in there and when you need someone to understand what you're feeling, you know you can come and and know that WE WILL UNDERSTAND!! We've either been there or are going thru it and will be there soon (I pray).

God Bless,
Debbie

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5881
Joined: Apr 2009

One of our problems are that people believe that once we are finish with treatment we are normal again and can get back to doing things the same as if the cancer never happened. After cancer nothing is the same we all have to adjust to our new normal. A lot of times like you depression can set in because the inside of your body is still healing and will do so for a very long long time. It is important that you talk to your doctor and get help if you need it, also here on CSN make it a daily stopping place where you can get help from others with cancer. There are a lot of Survivors here and we stay here to help each other get the support we all need, none of us are a rock but we can all be a friend, when one is down we are all down.

God bless and be with you.

fishingirl's picture
fishingirl
Posts: 188
Joined: Nov 2009

Oh boy! Can I EVER relate to how you are feeling!! It's been 7 months since my last treatment, and I still have feelings of depression. I agree with everyone who has commented so far. It is normal. And find something that gives you joy. Even a small thing. I know to you right now, doesn't sound possible. But trust me, you will come out of this too. This website is a wonderful thing to help you along. It's a Godsend at times:) Chin up! And one foot in front of the other:)

Cindy

Scambuster's picture
Scambuster
Posts: 975
Joined: Nov 2009

HI S31,

We all hear your pain. It's not nice but you need to understand this is not permanent. You will turn the corner and the horrible feelings will go away. Also, you are sick because of the 'treatment' - NOT the Cancer. Most lively the Cancer is dead and gone, so it's really the damage done by the treatment that is hurting you physically. Your body is amazing and it will heal for the most part and you will be able to live a normal life, even though there may be a few nuisance things, but they will be bearable.

I have you have the energy to try and get good food/nutrition into you as this will help the healing, and reduce the chances of recurrence so focus a lot on that and study up if you can.

I have mentioned before, that I read Lance Armstrong's powerful book -"It's not about the bike'. I recommend you get it as it shows you what you can do after cancer. I also used o watch old children's movies and I remember i downloaded and watched 'Pollyanna'. Sometimes going back in time to happier times can help restore the positive feelings.

Lastly - Survivor31- and yes you are a survivor -I want to you do me a favor. Repeat a positive affirmation every day, every hour and even 100 times in an hour. It's a bit like a Mantra and it is known to help plant the positive seeds back into your mind. I used the following couple and i know it help me turn the corner.

Repeat...

1. My mind is clear - my body is healthy.My mind is clear - my body is healthy, My mind is clear - my body is healthy......Say it over and over again whenever you can, all day, every day. Do this for 21 days.

Also 2. I used to sing the Beatles song "Getting so much better all the time...Again over and over again.

You can make up your own affirmation or go online and find some other good ones. Louise Hay - author of 'You Can Heal Your Life' - also has many you can find in her book or online.

You will get better S31, it will take a bit more time but have faith and know that the little tiny light you may not even see yet, is there at the end of the tunnel, and will start to grow and become brighter for you and you will come out into the glorious sunlight of life again.

XXX
Scambuster

wifeforlife
Posts: 189
Joined: Feb 2010

what a nice post!

Lena Rose
Posts: 73
Joined: Apr 2010

Scambuster-I think I'm in love with you but don't tell my husband! What a great encouraging post.

MarineE5
Posts: 760
Joined: Dec 2005

Survivor,

Your words echo through many halls that many of us have traveled. I was lucky on the support end as well as the emotional end by my spouse. But, like you and many others here, I had that nagging thought, "What if it comes back ?". Well, I found out the hard way. A little over one year after my base of tongue cancer, I got Melanoma. Had to have the same Surgeon operate on me and luckily he is also a Plastic Surgeon as well. He reconstructed my face to make me handsome again : )

If it comes back, you will do what you have already done once, Fight this beast and win. I see Hondo posting here and he has traveled this road 3 times. A true Road Warrior. And yes, we get into the rut of thinking too much about it and it can easily consume us,if we allow it to. We will never forget that we went through this, and it is a big part of our lives. We will have follow up visits with Doctors for years to come, so we can't brush it aside like some people think we should. We will look back over our shoulders, just try to make it a glimpse instead of a stare.

I look at it as another chance at making myself a better person. I was going along on the Highway of life and pretty much set myself on cruise control. Then in 2004, two of the wheels fell off and my life was put on hold. Made the repairs, physically and realized I needed my head on straight as well. We all have a choice each day to be happy or sad, friendly or nasty. When I get up and shave, I look in the mirror and ask myself if I can be a better person than I was yesterday. I try to do it, by simply smiling and enjoying each day that is given me.

I know it might sound a bit selfish, but do things that YOU enjoy. Allot of good advice was given by those that posted here. But only You can change how you feel. Our minds control how we feel, how we feel controls how we react to everything.

My Best to You and Everyone Here

Kent Cass's picture
Kent Cass
Posts: 1747
Joined: Nov 2009

To all that Hondo said.

I must add, though, a little something. Depression, post-treatment, can be very real. Whether it's our expectations, or the expectations of others, the fact that our lives have changed with the H&N C, and treatment, cannot be denied. The physical trauma of C&R, along with the lasting side-effects, are very real. The actual post-treatment change, though, is to the greater part physical- though this Chemo Brain thing still isn't known a lot about. Yes, the lasting side-effects do enter the mental, as we have to mentally deal with the loss of saliva, tooth and gum problems, nerve damage, etc.; but, like it or not- that's our new reality. Self-pity serves no positive purpose, other than being a crutch. To me, it's a simple matter of accepting the new physical reality of this 2nd-chance at life. Others may have problems with accepting, for instance, my new physical reality- but they are the one's having a problem with reality- not me.

Bottom-line: post-treatment we are regarded as being C-free, and expected to move forward with our lives as truly best we can. Of course, it's a gradual return for all of us, but we can each build a good new life for ourself. Yes, it's slow-going at first, but we must all move forward to live that 2nd-chance at life. HEY, WHAT WAS THAT BIGTIME BATTLE WITH C FOR, ANYWAY? Reckon I asked myself that question a few times in the past year. And, yes, the lasting side-effects are still a bit of a struggle, and I know the chances of another battle with C are greater than others who've never had C, and yes- I have had to ratchet-down my expectations for my life experience, but that's the new reality I accept, and live with, and am going forward with.

If one is having trouble moving forward, or struggling with Depression- that is what Counselors are for. The only problem with seeing a Counselor rests with the one who thinks there's something wrong with seeing a Counselor- especially post-C&R for H&N.

Believe

kcass

dennis318's picture
dennis318
Posts: 349
Joined: Feb 2010

I totally agree, not to chime in, i can be at the top of the world and crash the next, is it medication, the word cancer or what, you have a few people listen, then it's like your on your own. My family is 15 hours away, my wife and kids are like well he's got a trach, and spits alot, i want my old self back...I can't have it...trying one more supposedly a cure to heal my body, after that I don't know what I'll do. Your are not alone I think it has alot to do with the meds...are you taking anything for pain? Hang in there you are not alone! Dennis

cwcad's picture
cwcad
Posts: 117
Joined: Nov 2009

Be aware of the new normal is all I can say. I remember so well the day I finished chemo and radiation. I thought it was over and I would get well. The treatment was over but the recovery is still an on going thing for me. I am three years out of treatment and cancer free and still am recovering. Depression snuck in on me with out me even realizing it. The feelings you have are normal.( I know that does not help much does it?) Getting over it is the proper advise....BUT...it is easier said than done. IT actually made me more depressed. I could not understand why I did not want to get better. I didn't want to do anything. That made me feel even more guilty. Compounding the onset of the depression.
Seek out counseling. Use you meds appropriately and keep up the fight to get better. We all traavel the same road just at a different speed. As irritating as this may sound....You need to chose. I chose to be depressed for a while. Did not know why I wanted to be depressed. Now I have started to chose to be happy. Why ? Mostly because I did not like being depressed. Take little steps on the way to recovery. Choosing to be happy during recovery is a constant. I have to say that it becomes easier to chose the happier one becomes.

Until you chose I will be reading the threads and making comments to you and other people that have worries and situations that are out of control. Cancer is a nasty affair and no one should have to go through the treatments. Well... we have it.. and we have to deal with it... choice or not. Please keep coming back to the site. I cannot say what a difference the thoughts, prayers, and stories of others has done for my recovery from Stage IV tongue cancer, from depression caused by the treatments, and not feeling alone. I/We have been there and understand what you are going through... having traveled a similar road.

fishingirl's picture
fishingirl
Posts: 188
Joined: Nov 2009

I have to agree with you 100% cwcad!! I didn't know how to word how I felt or how I dealt with it. But you said it!! I think you do choose to be depressed. And why? I don't know. I am still up and down. Between feeling gratefull and happy to down and depressed. Everyday, I try and try to be upbeat and get a thrill out of the simple things in life. I think happy and moving forward is going to win! :D

Cindy

survivor31's picture
survivor31
Posts: 72
Joined: Apr 2010

it is so comforting knowing that there are people who have been in my shoes and can inspire me when I want to give up and just lay around and let the beast win but by reading everyone's post I think I need to try a bit harder to get up and enjoy life again and I need to accept that my life is not in my hands it is in Gods hands im only 31 and trufully im not ready to die but who is its strange how you hear cancer free but really are not free, this thing will be a part of me for the rest of my life but I hope that one day I will walk on the school campus and be able to be a psychology student again laugh with friends go out to dinner and make plans to travel and see things and places I have not seen with my kids right by my side and not even think about cancer and what it has left behind and when it dose pop up to thump it off my shoulders and smile on how I made it and keep on keeping on thanks everyone thank you for helping me try to find me I know she is somewhere in there I just have to search hard enough : )

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

survivor, you are so very welcome. I was there where you are. Many others have been too. It would be alot easier to stay in bed and let c completely rob us of everything, but then we remember, hey, look at all the people who have won the battle and are now enjoying life again. I'm 7 months post and I still have days here and there but like you, I come here and I'm reminded, I'm alive and need to act like it. When we stay in bed we hurt those who love us and we are robbing them of our company. We'll never be the same but we can certainly begin to enjoy life with our "new normal" us.
Take care and please continue to live and plan and travel and enjoy your family and friends. It will get better, I promise.
God Bless,
Debbie

sweetblood22's picture
sweetblood22
Posts: 3230
Joined: Jan 2010

I am glad that you found your way here. Happy that you seem to be a little better than when you first posted. I know that I really felt like I couldn't possibly take anymore trauma and rotten things in my life and then I was diagnosed with cancer. I have had a rough life, and I will tell you it never seems to get any easier, but I am still here and still kickin'. I guess there is some truth in what does not kill us makes us stronger.

My last three years have been par for the course in the story that is my life. Sept. 11th of 2007 I came home to find out my ex husband was cheating on me after 15 years of marriage. I left that night with the cloths on my back and had no clue where to go, but I went. I filed for divorce and my parents let me move back to their property, in a house they got for me gram. So I am stuck in one tiny room of her house. Then in January of 2008, my dog of 15 years died. It was horrible. I had to put her down, kidney failure. I started t get back on my feet and was saving for a house, put a deposit on one, and started dating someone. Then in october of 2008, the house fell thru and I found the lump in my neck which turned out to be stage 4 cancer with an unknown primary. I did not say anything to the guy I was seeing. I had it from 10-9-08 and it was getting bigger and bigger, and he was holding the sides of my face to kiss me, and it hurt. So I mentioned it to him, and that I had to have a CT Scan. I wasn't crying or freaking out mind you. Not inn front of him anyway. And that was it. He stopped seeing me as soon as he found out about that.

I had a modified radical neck dissection in Jan of 2009. I have been out of work since then. I started rads 4-6-09. I sought out three opinions to decide what to do since I also have been living with a genetic Blood Disorder, Fanconi Anemia which I was born with. My younger brother had it as well, he had a bone marrow transplant in 1992, but passed away in Jan of 93 just shy of his 21st birthday. Thank God I got a PEG before radiation. I ended up doing well thru treatment, but after lost 40 lbs because the radiation damaged my throat. Made it too narrow for me to swallow. I was down to 88lbs. I lived soley on that peg tube from april to sept-oct. I could not even drink. I have had my esophogus stretched twice. I don't know if I want to try it again. Things got very hairy during the proceedure and they almost lost me. I have to be put on a ventalator, and then have a hard time getting stuff down my throat. Not fun. I was pretty traumatized after the first time. Anyway.... I made it thru basically alone. It was the most painful thing I have endured, radiation. The only thing my step mom did do for me was drive me back and forth to radiation. I was too bad to drive myself. But I fed, washed, and had to do all my meds myself. There were many days that I was so bad with pain and lack of sleep that I had no clue what day it was, and I seriously could not think to figure it out. Like open my cell phone and look at the date. I can remember being so fatigued I could hardly get up to use the restroom or feed myself. It was awful.

But I am still here, and I seem to be making some progress even if it is inch by inch. For a while I was stupid and quit taking my Lexapro. I have been on it even before the cancer, back in 2006. But I am ever so slowly finding me somewhere in here. This group has been a big part of that. I wish you well and hope that you will find some comfort with those of us that truly know how HNC effects your life forever.

survivor31's picture
survivor31
Posts: 72
Joined: Apr 2010

WOW! sweetblood you have been through a lot so have I before cancer I was going through it also it seems when it rains it pours I know what you mean before I found out about the cancer I was diagnose with bipolar disorder and Ocd and maybe that makes the cancer situation a whole lot worser on me on the depressing part of this process two years prior thats when I decided to go to school for phsychology so I can help others like my self I exhaled in that to I was well on my way untill cancer struck and I had to withdraw and for now leaving my dream behind but when I hear stories like yours and the other warriors on here it makes me think, no, its makes me know that I can over come this and I will keep checking here daily so I can contintue to find strength through all of you warriors on here thanks again God bless

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

Survivor, that is an EXCELLENT attitude and just the one you need to get thru this and you will GET THRU THIS! As you said, there are many, many of us survivors here and still more to come, such as yourself. You have a lot of people praying for you who truly care about you and your battle. Come here anytime you need support or a reminder that you WILL make it!
God Bless,
Debbie

carolinagirl67's picture
carolinagirl67
Posts: 153
Joined: Jul 2009

Survivor,

You have been through HELL and you have made it. Go out TODAY and buy this book "It's your Time" by Joel Osteen. I promise it will help. It has helped me a lot. Take care. Donna

survivor31's picture
survivor31
Posts: 72
Joined: Apr 2010

thanks donna i will go to boarders and get thank you bless you

finz2lft
Posts: 43
Joined: Jun 2010

Where are yall from. I am from Eastern N C, as I saw the Carolinagirl67. Lonliness was not as big of an issue as ignorance people exhibit towards a cancer patient like me. Some people will not shake my hand or hug me. They think that I can give them cancer. I was taught by my old boss CW-5, that no matter how hard you try that you can't over come ignorance. You just can't do it, no matter what. But, that absolutely blows my mind that some think that I can give them Cancer. But, others are fantastic. I to Carolina East Hospital, or what ever the name is this month, in New Bern NC, and I have never met kinder,more emphathetic, upbeat or nicer people in my life-Mr. Ray Leggette(Pres of Hospital). My Primary-Dr Cho, and Dr Grady, and Dr. Papagikos are all the same, the Nurses, Reception, I can go on and on. But,everybody welcomes me with a smile, takes the effort to know my name, and just make me feel special. They are special people. I am so happy to be treated like this and alleviate the reality of my situation. They are all awesome people.

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

finz, I couldn't agree with you more. A good attitude from the nurse checking me in for surgery was always EXTREMELY important to me so when I was going for CANCER trmnts, it was even more important. I was already down knowing I had cancer and if the people giving my the trmnts weren't nice and called me by name, it sure would have made my treatments even harder. SO, you are right, the attitude of our caregivers really matters!
God Bless,
debbie

speek1
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2010

Hello
I am so sorry to hear about the pain and trauma you have had to endure, and then end up alone. It is strange how our family wants to help if there is a chance we may die but as soon as our health improves, they abandon us.
I am new to my condition and they say the cancer is gone, so I should be greatful. I struggle everyday with trying to understand why this has happened to me and why no can understand. I feel so alone, even when others try to understand me. I get so frustrated when they answer their own way, which will NOT relate to my comment.
My days feel like they are running together and my depression is out of control. The doctors try to prescribe more meds but they do not appear to help. Know you are not alone in spirit...

Irishgypsie's picture
Irishgypsie
Posts: 331
Joined: May 2010

I am single and fighting this disease! My mother lives in Florida but she would be more stress than help. I have friends that are near by but there is nothing they can really do or say! All i get is how are you doing; don't be so negative. But it's difficult when you don't know what is in store for you after this treatment. Will I ever eat again and enjoy it? eating is such a big part of our social lives. Will I ever find love again? not sure if someone will want to be with a cancer survivor who hacks and spits up mucus all day long! Will I ever be happy again? I am so tired of people asking how are you doing? What am I suppose to say JUST GREAT; LIFE IS JUST GREAT CAN"T WAIT FOR MY NEXT STOMACH FEEDING!!! I don't even want to be out in social settings. I don't want to be around people who are laughing, eating, drinking, and having a good time!!!

I feel like I'm 38 going on 58. I might as well get a Dog after this and sign up for AARP card! {No offense to to you older folks) But it is what it is..... this shouldn't be happening at this age....life is terribly ****ed uppp! :(

survivor31's picture
survivor31
Posts: 72
Joined: Apr 2010

I trully feel what both of you are saying I go through the same things daily people say we should be gratefull who said that we werent we are just voicecing how we feel the the hell we have had to endure no one will not undrstand unless they have walk in our shoes been were we been had to go through what we had to go through irish I often wonder the same thing like who will want to kiss someone that has all this mucus and stuff going on with the mouth and will I ever find love again but im glad I found this site were people have been were we have been and made it past were we are now and can inspire us and the eating part omg is so hard I went out for the first time since after treatmnt to eat with family and friends and it was a disaster it ended with tears streaming down my face from the frustration of me not being able to taste nothing but jello and knowing that I had to come home and my food was coming from a tube feeding irish you are right this is so messed up but hopefully oneday we will be able to enjoy food like we used to untill then we have to walk by faith and not by sight and pray for the best God bless you all

Scambuster's picture
Scambuster
Posts: 975
Joined: Nov 2009

It is a tough time you are all going through and you are dealing with a lot. The people around you can not understand what you're going through, but they mean well and also have their 'bags' to carry in life. Getting upset by their actions is futile. My new norm is much less stressed by outside forces I cannot really change.

I don't get road rage anymore, I don't get stressed too much when people push in front of me. Why let myself get upset ?? There is generally no point. Carry a good book with you always to fill in time well in case of delays. Just last Friday I was stuck in a traffic jam for five and a half hours on what should be a 2 hour trip from Vung Tau To Saigon (5 1/2 !!). No Sweat. Pre 'C' I would have been out screaming at the drivers to clear the road and getting acid reflux burning me up inside -- AAAAAAAARRRRRRRH !!!

For your friends and family - try to adopt an: " I'm getting along fine, and thanks for asking, and I really appreciate you coming around to see me..." attitude. Make is just standard, even if you sometime feel differently. Take some heat off. Use your energy to get better. That's what's important.

Words from a famous guy:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Scam

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

Scam - It's amazing how cancer can change us for the better. Pre-cancer I was always stressed out about something, always in a hurry and had NO patience. Post cancer I am a much better person, a lot of people I know laugh at how laid back I've become. It's probably because I have learned the hard way just how short life can be. I can't think of anything that is worth getting myself upset about, I prefer to let things slide and enjoy my remaining time - however long that may be.

Neither of my cancers are curable (NSCLC in left lung and SCC laryngeal cancer) but I am now in remission. It could be 5 months, 5 years or 10 years, there is no way of knowing so I intend to spend my life enjoying what I have been given - more time!!!

Life is definitely not the same as it was before cancer but at least I still have some life in me and I intend to enjoy it ;-)

My best to everyone - Glenna

survivor31's picture
survivor31
Posts: 72
Joined: Apr 2010

glenna you are an inspriration to have the attitude you have is awesome and will inspire me to try harder as I go through this recovery process thats why I said im glad I came here to meet people who have been there and done that and can inspire me to get to where they are im getting there slowly but surely thanks and scam i never said I was angry with my family I said they just dont understand thts why im here so i can speak to others in the HNC community such as you and the others that can help in ways my family cant thank you guys

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

I am so happy that I was able to help you. That's why I come to these forums everyday. It's a tough battle, some days are worse than others, but it is a battle we must fight and then enjoy the "rewards".

I know what you mean about your family not understanding. My husband, friends and family were terrific during my treatment and were always there to encourage me. When treatment stopped it was as if they thought - okay, she's fine now. Only cancer patients understand that it doesn't stop when the treatments end, the emotional part and the fears may be with us for the rest of our lives ;-( I have tried to explain to everyone how I feel and what I am thinking but they "don't get it" so I have stopped explaining and now just try to enjoy every moment I have with them.

You may still have bad days but you will soon find that most days are good. Just waking up each day is a sign that it's going to be a good day ;-)

My best to you and may you improve physically and emotionally every day - Glenna

Irishgypsie's picture
Irishgypsie
Posts: 331
Joined: May 2010

Hi Scam, I wanted to thank you and everyone else; I guess some days i let the negative emotions get the best of me. I'm doing better today; I find that I'm better during the week when I'm moving on with my treatments. Weekends are like limbo and everyone is out living life and having a great time; would rather just skip the weekends and continue with the treatments. I know that i have to stay positive and that there is a lot that I should be thankful for; it's just hard some times to stay so positive. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone! :)

Charles

Pumakitty's picture
Pumakitty
Posts: 653
Joined: Mar 2010

I think my dad is the same way. During the weekend he has too much time to think. He says he feels guilty watching me mow the yard and all the other things that he did before. During the week he is busy and seems to feel better. I always tell him that it is not hurting me to do some work. I would rather get a little tired and know that he is getting better.

I am glad that you are feeling better. Please contiue to have a positive attitude. Just remember that it will get better.

rozaroo
Posts: 667
Joined: Apr 2010

How your feeling is totally normal. I felt exctly the same way. Weekend's were long & very lonely. Once treatment was over I had withdrawl pains. Plus was very scared as contact with my cancer centre has ceased except for phone call's & appointment's. I felt so lonely, scared
& isolated. Now I am three month's post treatment & am doing so much better. Slowly getting some normalcy back in my life. Everything has a way of working itself out. At least you are not afraid to express your feeling's. That is such a good thing. I kept to myself & that was a mistake in itself. Now I think differently about opening upt to my friend's & family!

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

to all who feel friends and family don't understand, you're right, they don't unless they have traveled our road. But that's ok, they don't have to. In the end they still love us and want us to be better. And to all of us, it is normal and ok to have negative thoughts and wonder if we'll ever be loved again. It's ok to come here an complain or let us know that you are having a hard day, that's why we are all here. All the feelings are normal and most/if not all here have felt those. We will more than likely be negative again in the future even tho we know we are very blessed for winning this battle. We also know that we are more blessed than others. Don't beat yourselves up over negative thots, just remember that you must eventually get back to the positive thoughts. You must remember all you've come thru and that life is for living and it will get back to a new "norm" sooner or later. When you need understanding because you're having a rough day, come here and talk to people who have traveled the same road. Our family and friends can only do so much so let them do what they can and come here when you need more. I wish you all the very best and you are all in my prayers. I am glad that God blessed me with this site as it has helped me more than I could ever explain!!! People here truly understand and care and most times have the answers to any of my questions. Thank you all for caring and being there with an encouraging word! You're all AWESOME!
God Bless you friends,
Debbie

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