Hi...have not been here in a bit of awhile....I needed to let go of some of the grieving and get back to trying to establish my "new Normal"...
On the 11th of May Bill and I would have celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary...I started to panic the day before...went though all of my recent memories...trying yet again to see any holes in what I did or didn't do for Bill during his last days....wondering yet again if there was anything else I could have done to change the outcome...with the help of a dear friend...I finally got my head around it...there was nothing I could have done differently..the end was already carved in stone...and all of his wishes had been met...I got some comfort.
So on May 11th....I celebrated our marriage...not in the conventional way...but with his grand-daughters...we shopped a bit....acted silly...laughed alot..it was fun..it was as it should have been...this was us...Bill and I..silly...and lord knows he knew that to me shopping is a olympic sport.
I thought alot about him during the day...it was comforting.
I have reconnected with my religious background and have been attending Sunday services...today I had an odd thing while in church...out of no where I felt his presence...I could almost see him...it made me smile...I felt so at ease.
This is the first time since his passing that this has happened..wonder if it had to do with my being in church...it does not matter...I felt his essence...and if thats where he is choosing to connect with me..well I cannot wait until next Sunday.
I am really starting to enjoy the garden...I enjoy getting my hands in the dirt..guess thats because I know that this was his arena...and its really looking good.
I talk to him all the time...been writing a journal...its more like I am talking to him...sharing my thoughts and just the day to day stuff...I enjoy it!
Well thats it..just wanted to tell everyone that were so supportive that I am doing ok....it will never be the same....but it looks to me like it will be better.
Blessings to All.