May 13, 2010 - 3:38 pm
I have to go for surgery on Monday and I have been trying to handle everything ok considering that my husband hasn't really been home because he's been working late hours, and my 8 and 6 year old have been sick for the past week and a half. I went through anger, crying and then just trying not to think about the fact that I have cancer, but as the day gets closer I am feeling very scared. I'm tired of everyone saying "Well, if you are going to have cancer, it's the best one to have." I understand that and am grateful, but I am still scared and maybe still in denial. Today my son had a dizzy spell 'cause his fever was so high and it just started me on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm shaking and have been crying and my head can't stop thinking about 'worst case' scenarios. What if something goes wrong and I die? What about my kids? I don't want them to suffer. Maybe I'm just selfish but I'm just really, really scared and my husband, can't seem to understand that and just told me to watch a movie with the kids. Hence, I thought I could find a support group or someone to talk to who has gone through this. I've never been on a discussion board so I don't know if I'm doing this correctly.