Scared

Options
Darlene 53
Darlene 53 Member Posts: 4
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Found out I had bc in November 2009.When the doctor told me that it was cancer i thought i would die.It was the hardest thing that i every had to face.I cryed for at least 2 months and my husband cryed with me.It took 3 months before i had my surgery.I had surgery Feb 5 2010 doing good.Had both breast removed but i chose not to have any put back.I go back to the doctor monday to see when i start chemo.I am getting that scarey feeling again.And starting to cry again.Can't wait until this is over.
«1

Comments

  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #2
    Options
    Darlene,
    Don't be scared. I know it's easier said than done, but look how brave you are! All that you've been through so far. Everytime we start a new step - surgery, chemo, radiation - it starts out scary, but we rise to meet the challenge. I am glad you found this site. Wonderful, wise, warm women (and a few fellas) are here and we are all with you.

    Hugs & prayers for you,

    Sue
  • Christine Louise
    Christine Louise Member Posts: 426 Member
    #3
    Options
    Me too Darlene
    I had a bi-lateral mastectomy Jan. 25, 2010. We just scheduled my chemo to start March 23. I think crying is an appropriate response to what we're going through, Darlene! Crying is okay.

    Before my mastectomy, I felt horror and panic. Over all, however, I found the mastectomy to be easier than I expected -- less pain, faster healing, more mobility, quicker return to normal activities. So, I'm hoping the same will be true during chemo. I'm bummed out about getting the fatigue as much as anything. They say that the wiped-out feeling won't last all the way through every cycle, so I'm clinging to that hope. But, I'm prepared to just kick back and let the medicine do its work, knowing I'm doing all I can to eradicate the cancer.

    Might sound crazy, but I'm fighting my fear and depression about losing my hair by thinking about creative headcoverings. Designing scarves and hats, even if they never get made, may or may not keep me calm for long, but I am finding it distracting for now.

    Yes, I want it all to be over, too. It's just going to be a difficult year. I'm so glad you have a supportive husband, and I hope you have other helpers, as well. I'm with you Darlene -- scared and crying, but hopeful and confident that we'll beat this thing.
  • chipoo
    chipoo Member Posts: 32
    #4
    Options
    the unknown is what is scary
    Darlene, Everything about cancer and the treatment of it can be scary. I have had surgery (double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction) and just finished 6 rounds of chemo. I will be starting 33 treatments of radiation in 2 weeks.
    I have to say, so far, everything that I have gone through has been a lot easier than I expected. The scariest part of chemo. for me was not knowing what to expect. Have your oncologist explain to you exactly what is going to happen. Remember, there may be many possible side effects to chemo. but that does not mean you will experience them and there are medications available to help eliminate or ease them. I know this entire situation is difficult but you will soon be looking back on this as just a memory.
    Best wishes,
    Marjorie
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #5
    Options
    sbmly53 said:

    Darlene,
    Don't be scared. I know it's easier said than done, but look how brave you are! All that you've been through so far. Everytime we start a new step - surgery, chemo, radiation - it starts out scary, but we rise to meet the challenge. I am glad you found this site. Wonderful, wise, warm women (and a few fellas) are here and we are all with you.

    Hugs & prayers for you,

    Sue

    Good luck Darlene! Let us
    Good luck Darlene! Let us know what your oncologist says. We are here for you!
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #6
    Options
    Just remember that treatment
    Just remember that treatment is a set number of weeks and it's over. So some day you will be looking back on it and the farther away in time you get the harder it is to remember. I had treatment in 2003/2004 and have forgotten lots. So write down what you want to remember. Some people write a journal of their feelings. This act seems to help.
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #7
    Options
    Darlene my heart goes out to
    Darlene my heart goes out to you. Starting any new phase of treatment can be frightening, but I truly believe it's the fear of the unkown. I dont like to take medication unless its absolutely necessary. My onc nurse told me early on in my chemo to believe that in 6 months all this chemo will be over and I can throw all those pills away, the very pills which have helped me get thru chemo. I get my 7th infusion this coming Tuesday with one more to go. It's scary at first but it's doable and there are so many wonderful survivors on these boards to help you thru it.

    Cryin is good for the soul. Salty tears cleanse our bodies of those difficult emotions. You are doing well after your surgery and you will do well with the remaining treatment. There are good days and not so good days, but we get thru it and do come out at the other end of the tunnel. It will be over in time. If you can, take it one day at a time. Dont worry about yesterday and dont fret about tomorrow. Try to enjoy today as well as you can. (((Hugs)))
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #8
    Options
    natly15 said:

    Darlene my heart goes out to
    Darlene my heart goes out to you. Starting any new phase of treatment can be frightening, but I truly believe it's the fear of the unkown. I dont like to take medication unless its absolutely necessary. My onc nurse told me early on in my chemo to believe that in 6 months all this chemo will be over and I can throw all those pills away, the very pills which have helped me get thru chemo. I get my 7th infusion this coming Tuesday with one more to go. It's scary at first but it's doable and there are so many wonderful survivors on these boards to help you thru it.

    Cryin is good for the soul. Salty tears cleanse our bodies of those difficult emotions. You are doing well after your surgery and you will do well with the remaining treatment. There are good days and not so good days, but we get thru it and do come out at the other end of the tunnel. It will be over in time. If you can, take it one day at a time. Dont worry about yesterday and dont fret about tomorrow. Try to enjoy today as well as you can. (((Hugs)))

    Yeah, it's all so scary...I
    Yeah, it's all so scary...I was really scared of the first chemo..just wanted to run away...but it really wasn't so bad, and I never had bad nausea...radiation was easy for me..and now I'm getting ready for reconstruction...my cancerversary is this month and the worst is now behind me...This time next year it will be behind you too. Good luck..
    Dee
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #9
    Options
    Scary
    Try not to be scared. I know it is but there are many of us who have gotten through surgeries and chemo and you will too. We are here to help you through it. I used to have crying spells until I got on some anti-dressents. They help.

    Take care,

    P
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #10
    Options
    aztec45 said:

    Scary
    Try not to be scared. I know it is but there are many of us who have gotten through surgeries and chemo and you will too. We are here to help you through it. I used to have crying spells until I got on some anti-dressents. They help.

    Take care,

    P

    I'm so scared, too. I think we all are...
    but do you want to live the rest of your life being too scared to enjoy it, or just try to enjoy it? I've met so many women in worst condition than either of us who have survived! I want to be one of those, and I know you do, too. Either way, I want to enjoy what ever is left. We could die in a car accident tomorrow!
    Once again I have to say zanex has been a life saver for me. It eases the agony and ceases the tears. Not completely, but enough that I can sleep without sadness and fear. There are reasons for these meds and NOW is the time to use them.
    Meanwhile, God bless you and keep you safe in His loving arms. Amen.
  • susanleeann
    susanleeann Member Posts: 58
    #11
    Options
    sometimes i am so scared i
    sometimes i am so scared i feel like my insides are going to explode out of my skin. sometimes i feel like i am sleepwalking through each surgery and doctor visit. haven't started treatment yet but i'll probably sleepwalk thru that too. on the other hand i also feel that i am making good decisions, listening to the professionals advising me, praying for grace to praise God through it all, giving him all the glory. being afraid is being human in a frightening situation. it becomes easier but not easy when you find you are not alone.
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #12
    Options
    Mama G said:

    I'm so scared, too. I think we all are...
    but do you want to live the rest of your life being too scared to enjoy it, or just try to enjoy it? I've met so many women in worst condition than either of us who have survived! I want to be one of those, and I know you do, too. Either way, I want to enjoy what ever is left. We could die in a car accident tomorrow!
    Once again I have to say zanex has been a life saver for me. It eases the agony and ceases the tears. Not completely, but enough that I can sleep without sadness and fear. There are reasons for these meds and NOW is the time to use them.
    Meanwhile, God bless you and keep you safe in His loving arms. Amen.

    Hi Darlene, sorry that
    Hi Darlene, sorry that you're having to go thru all this but you're getting there and some of the worst is behind you. My journey started in Sept. 09 and I'm still waiting for a masectomy, radiation and whatever else I need to do. I'm not looking forward to any of it but I'm on hormone therapy now and hope to have my surgery in April. Meanwhile we're here for you and holding your hands tightly. So just squeeze tightly and hold on. You're stronger than you know and soon it will be in the past.
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #13
    Options
    aztec45 said:

    Scary
    Try not to be scared. I know it is but there are many of us who have gotten through surgeries and chemo and you will too. We are here to help you through it. I used to have crying spells until I got on some anti-dressents. They help.

    Take care,

    P

    Having bc is very scary. We
    Having bc is very scary. We all have been there and some of us still are. We will help you to get thru it. Post often and keep us updated. Good luck.

    Megan
  • Marlene_K
    Marlene_K Member Posts: 508
    #14
    Options
    Cyring is good, laughing is better!
    I was diagnosed in June 09 and didn't have surgery until Aug. 27th. I had times when I cried but always tried my hardest to stay positive. The time it would bother me the most is when my head hit the pillow at night... that's when my mind wouldn't stop. I would get panic attacks. I, too, was prescribed xanex and it helped A LOT! I have begun weening myself off, but there are still times when I can feel the anxiety starting to creep up on me and on those nights is when I take one. The idea of starting chemo I know is extremely overwhelming. I had so many thoughts run through my head and one of them was to walk out of the treatment center the morning of my first infusion. But I knew I had to fight and the only way possible is to do what we are told to do. My biggest complaint about chemo was the exhaustion I felt after my 4th treatment. I had my 6th and last treatment a month ago and am just beginning to get some energy, but I'll be starting radiation tomorrow, so I'm wondering how long this will last.

    As so many have already said, none of this is easy, but it is doable. Surely it's ok to cry once in a while... it cleanses our body & soul, but the best medicine is laughter. I hope you can bring more of that into your life and shed less & less tears, Darlene. Get good and ready to kick some BUTT! Good luck at the doctor today and let us know what's next.

    Hugs, Mar
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #15
    Options
    Darlene, you have received
    Darlene, you have received excellent advice from all my bc sisters. I would like to add that I am glad that you found this site. We will be there with you every step of the way and the best part is that "we get it". We've been through it and can completely understand the gamut of emotions. Let us help you and we'll do this together. Sending strength your way to fight the beast. Keep us posted on your progress. Take care.
  • Chrispea
    Chrispea Member Posts: 123 Member
    #16
    Options
    I know, I know... I've been
    I know, I know... I've been crying all day. Somedays are just better than others. I had my mini melt down this morning, and things are looking up. Somedays you just gotta cry.

    I found my BC in Aug. Started chemo on Sept. 30, and just finished that up on Mar. 3. Now I will have surgery. I wish like you, I could have had it first.

    I'm getting the scary feeling too. I think we've all gone thru it at some point.

    But, just think, you've got the surgery part done. You are on your way to wellness!
  • jackiejhm
    jackiejhm Member Posts: 169
    #17
    Options
    I'm here
    It is sooo scary. It's all I can do to occupy myself with tasks. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes researching your disease/treatments etc-on your own- on the internet- not the best use of time. Sort your sock drawer, draw something, hug someone, walk, try to laugh at something...It really does help. One itty bitty baby step at a time. That's all any of us can do, really. Oh- and cry whenever you want- you've earned that. We are all here- we all understand. Consider yourself hugged, my dear.
  • rrogers34
    rrogers34 Member Posts: 135
    #18
    Options
    Scared in Normal
    I too found out I had BC in November 2009. I've had a lumpectomy, and as of tomorrow will have my 4th out of six chemo treatments. May I have additional surgery because my margins were clear but close. I dont want close, I want them far away. LOL. Then on to Radiation.
    I get nervous with each Chemo. So far, it hasn't been to bad. None of us want to go through this, but it is doeable. Crying is good too. I've had a couple of melt downs. I cant wait until all of this over and I can have my life back. It will not be the same, because I am a stronger person. Jesus has given my a peace that I cannot explain. Strength that is not mine.
    We will beat this disease and come out better for it. We are here for you.

    Hugs and Prayers
    Becky
  • lizziejane
    lizziejane Member Posts: 69
    #19
    Options
    CHEMO
    I WAS SCARED TO DEATH BEFORE MY FIRST CHEMO--BUT, IT WENT REALLY WELL, I ONLY THREW UP ONE TIME AND THAT WAS MY OWN FAULT FOR GOING TO BURGER KING ON THE 6TH DAY AFTER CHEMO...DO YOU HAVE A PORT, THEY ARE A GOD-SEND....AND I FINISHED MY CHEMO ON JAN. 29TH, THEN A FRIEND OF MINE FROM THE TREATMENT CENTER TOLD ME ABOUT LIDOCAINE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, GET A PRESCRITION FOR IT FROM YOUR ONCOLOGIST. IT IS A CREAM THAT YOU PUT ON YOUR VEIN OR YOUR PORT ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE TREATMENT AND YOU DO NOT EVEN FEEL THE NEEDLE GOING IN, I WILL HAVE HERCEPTIN FOR ANOTHER 10 MONTHS, AND I'VE USED IT ONCE...DRINK A LOT OF WATER DURING YOUR TREATMENT, PLAN ON BEING TIRED A LOT, BUT, REMEMBER---YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I'LL SAY A PRAYER FOR YOU, I HAD MANY PEOPLE PRAYING FOR ME AND I THINK THATS WHY I DID SO WELL...
  • tally
    tally Member Posts: 48
    #20
    Options
    Crying with you
    I was diagnosed recently and had a lumpectomy 2/25/10. My daddy passed away Dec 30 and he and I were very close. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm crying because I miss him so much or if I'm just scared of all this. Maybe both. This is all so frightening. I had never had surgery but it wasn't bad at all. I think what makes me so angry is I never could have children because of low progesterone but I have enough estrogen to give me cancer and try to kill me. Cancer really is a horrible disease but we will get through it. We have to so we can help someone else who is scared of the unknown. I send hugs and prayers your way and I cry right along with you.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #21
    Options
    tally said:

    Crying with you
    I was diagnosed recently and had a lumpectomy 2/25/10. My daddy passed away Dec 30 and he and I were very close. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm crying because I miss him so much or if I'm just scared of all this. Maybe both. This is all so frightening. I had never had surgery but it wasn't bad at all. I think what makes me so angry is I never could have children because of low progesterone but I have enough estrogen to give me cancer and try to kill me. Cancer really is a horrible disease but we will get through it. We have to so we can help someone else who is scared of the unknown. I send hugs and prayers your way and I cry right along with you.

    me too..
    Tally,
    I was diagnosed 2/1 and have just lost my husband to cancer 9/25...I too am so confused if I am crying for me or for missing him so badly. I have been blessed with good health till now and so all my tests and surgery is a first for me. I thought I would have a meltdown with my MRI--I had watched my hubby so many times and suddenly now it was me and he wasn't even there. I too send hugs and prayers to you and I am crying with you too.
    mk

Discussion Boards