Brake Failure
Lately this experience with John's cancer is feeling just like that - like being in a car with no brakes that's gathering speed, only this time I'm in the back seat and can't steer. This time it feels like I sometimes inadvertently slam into people when I don't mean to. I feel like everything here is terra incognita and it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is.
Yesterday a dear friend stopped by with some home-made soup for us, and I'm afraid I misread the situation and offended her, which is the last thing I would want to do. Also afraid that I might have come off as "arrogant" in a different thread on this board, and I certainly don't want to do that either.
I usually have a much thicker skin and don't tend to go around with my emotions on my sleeve. The combined stress of John's cancer and the amount of work I'm missing because of it are hard, and I guess it's making me feel somewhat vulnerable.
So rather than ramble on feeling sorry for myself, I'm wondering if any of you have had similar experiences and how you've dealt with them.
Here's the soup situation:
Many of you know I'm self-employed which allows me the freedom to accompany John to most of his appointments (which have been numerous lately), but when I don't work I don't get paid, and money is tight. This week I'm going to miss 3 days of work for appointments and yesterday I had a dentist appointment of my own that took all morning. My friend called right after my appt. and asked if she could stop by to drop off some soup. I was eager to get into work as I have two projects with looming deadlines, but said sure, come on by. Once here, I got the impression that she was expecting to share the meal with me or us and have a much longer visit, and I felt like I bungled the situation when she left.
So my question is how do you handle the problem of needing to protect your time and still let people know how much you appreciate their love and concern? December we had lots of people coming by for visits, assuring us they'd "only stay an hour." Apparently thinking "who can't take an hour to visit with friends", but not realizing that when you get 6 or 8 of those in a week it really adds up and it's never "just for an hour." Some are better than others at taking hints, and some we can just tell "he really needs to get to bed now."
At the same time we really value their friendship - it's hard to navigate. When we've sent out email updates on John's health we've even mentioned how much we appreciate all their love and support but that he's just not up for visitors, and somehow they come anyway. Just wondering how others deal with it.
If you made it this far, thanks for letting me vent -
Adrian
Comments
-
Been There - Done That - Too Many Times
Well, Adrian
Unfortunately, there has been only one person in the last few years to even come over, and she stayed an hour with her husband and left, she saw I was tired. She brought bananana nut bread and visited. She was nice so I try and make room for her.
Nobody else in our family, any of what I thought were friends, or neighbors bothers with me - I guess they think we're so "strong" it's not needed. I think that is a good problem to have and wished people gave a little more than a hoot about us.
For time off of work, we can relate...Kim missed many hours weeks upon weeks of helping me at appointments, surgeries in the hospital etc.etc. She took FMLA to save her job, but it was UNPAID. Guess who picked up the slack? Yep, yours truly Craig - which placed an even bigger burden on me financially and otherwise. So, I understand.
I've been to SF and know how the streets are - that must have been terrifying.
For a snapshot of how we've "coped" with the last 10-years of a 'challenging' life, check out my post, "Lights, Camera and Action..." when you can and it will show you how we persevered and overcame. I know you're busy but check out the post when you can - all the instructions are on there and I've wanted to share it with the group.
I'd like you and John to see it too - might give you a little "boost."
But, the juggling act is hard, Adrian. I've always said CANCER is the easy part - it's what comes after that's difficult. It was the same with the tornado and the same with cancer. It's never the event itself, but what comes after.
Words to live by - hey that's a rant by me, OMGoodness - well, I feel better and hope you guys do too.
From TX to SF
-Craig0 -
Hi Adrian,
I have been to
Hi Adrian,
I have been to San Francisco (loved it!) & can't imagine having brakes fail on one of those roads! Cudos to you for getting out of there safely & withought injuring anyone,including yourself.
My husband & I own our own business too, & he comes to most medical appointments with me. We have employees, which helps keep the work moving, but employees come with their own challenges too & need to be managed. I work on the business too, mostly from home rather than in the office since I was diagnosed.
With regards to appointments, we are talking about having other people taking me to some non-key appointments, to ease the load off of him.
With regards to "well meaning" but misdirected friends, we have had to become more "honest" with them sometmes. For example, sometimes friends want me to go on "trips" for full days or overnight & I am not ready to do that, so I have had to tell them. They understood & we go out for a local lunch, etc. We haven't had too many people overstay their welocme, & if I get tired, I excuse myself & go lie down. One thing I have done to take a load off my husband is to order groceries online most weeks; I don't know if you have that service or not. I order, usually on a Thursday & have it delivered Saturday morning. It takes ~ 20 minutes to unload, compared to a ~ 2 hour outing. We have hired out some household chores which we normally have done ourselves; that way we can focus more time on the business.
I think it is important to consider the "reasonableness" of some people's help - in the case of the lady dropping off soup, if she expected to stay & have lunch/dinner with you, I think that is unreasonable without discussing it with you first. You may have even had other meal plans.
I have to say, most people in my orbit have been very helpful/respectful, etc. & I do know most people want to help but some don't know exactly how to do it. Sometimes they need a gentle push in the right direction. If you can harness this desire for them to help into things which would actually be helpful, you are going in the right direction.
Try not to be hard on yourself, you are trying to do the best you can for Adrian & yourself under difficult circumstances.
Best of luck with this issue it is a difficult & complex one!0 -
This comment has been removed by the ModeratorAnneCan said:Hi Adrian,
I have been to
Hi Adrian,
I have been to San Francisco (loved it!) & can't imagine having brakes fail on one of those roads! Cudos to you for getting out of there safely & withought injuring anyone,including yourself.
My husband & I own our own business too, & he comes to most medical appointments with me. We have employees, which helps keep the work moving, but employees come with their own challenges too & need to be managed. I work on the business too, mostly from home rather than in the office since I was diagnosed.
With regards to appointments, we are talking about having other people taking me to some non-key appointments, to ease the load off of him.
With regards to "well meaning" but misdirected friends, we have had to become more "honest" with them sometmes. For example, sometimes friends want me to go on "trips" for full days or overnight & I am not ready to do that, so I have had to tell them. They understood & we go out for a local lunch, etc. We haven't had too many people overstay their welocme, & if I get tired, I excuse myself & go lie down. One thing I have done to take a load off my husband is to order groceries online most weeks; I don't know if you have that service or not. I order, usually on a Thursday & have it delivered Saturday morning. It takes ~ 20 minutes to unload, compared to a ~ 2 hour outing. We have hired out some household chores which we normally have done ourselves; that way we can focus more time on the business.
I think it is important to consider the "reasonableness" of some people's help - in the case of the lady dropping off soup, if she expected to stay & have lunch/dinner with you, I think that is unreasonable without discussing it with you first. You may have even had other meal plans.
I have to say, most people in my orbit have been very helpful/respectful, etc. & I do know most people want to help but some don't know exactly how to do it. Sometimes they need a gentle push in the right direction. If you can harness this desire for them to help into things which would actually be helpful, you are going in the right direction.
Try not to be hard on yourself, you are trying to do the best you can for Adrian & yourself under difficult circumstances.
Best of luck with this issue it is a difficult & complex one!0 -
Too much of a good thing
A couple of thoughts for what they are worth:
As far as the lady with the soup, drop her an email or give her a call, and tell her what you told us. I am sure she will understand.
As far as visitor's are concerned, though they mean well, they don't necessarily understand. If someone calls ahead to see if they can come by, give them a time limit based on your needs, just make sure they understand the situation...he is not up to visits over 15 minutes or whatever...you have to get some doc appointment neglected work done, etc. If they are true friends they will understand. If they don't that becomes their problem, not yours.
Perhaps you can suggest that for a while, and you will say when it is over, cards and emails would be the best way for them to express their caring. Then you can be the one to make the invitations for short visits, as time and energy permit. They mean well, and like you don't know what else they can do. Who knows, perhaps one of them might actually offer some assistance to help you with that neglected work.
Don't be afraid of offending friends and loved ones with the truth.
The feeling of not being in control is one we all face from time to time. The only thing to do is take control of the things you can...like well meaning visitors.
Best wishes to you and hubby...wishing for better days for you both
Marie0 -
Hi Adrian
I'm sorry I didn't know John had reached the point he's at. I can't imagine how horrible this is for you. I can understand, however, the well-meaning friends that inadvertantly 'energy sap' from you. Some of them will never get it until you're brutally blunt with them, so what i do is i shut them down. I screen phone calls, and i don't answer the door if they come unexpectedly. When i do get confronted by them after that, i simply tell them that i've been busy, or haven't been feeling well. If they ask to come over, i agree that some time would be fine, but now isn't a good time.
You and John need the time to carry on with your lives the best you can under the circumstances. Entertaining friends isn't a priority, and you should never feel guilty about that. The stress you're both under right now would make a saint bitchy, so don't worry about that, either.
Hugs,
Krista0 -
Yup...
It's so wierd, it's like people don't listen when you say no. Even gently, and with love!!!!
I, too, am self-employed, so I can sympathize to the greatest extent. Of course, for me, I was the patient, so I got the 'cancer card' to play whenever I was tired. You, dear soul, as caregiver, don't get afforded that luxury...sigh...
The dutch have this grand tradition of just dropping in...but, if you are busy, there is no problem with saying so, and no one is offended...wouldn't THAT be grand? Save that, the one thing you could do is resort to humor. Make up a sign for the door that says 'Caregiver getting much needed rest. Oh, and the patient, too!'. Then don't answer the door. Or the phone. Let everything go to voice mail, then call the necessary ones back with 'Oh, I'm sorry I didn't pick up...both of us are exhausted from all the doctors, and treatments'.
Take care of YOU, too, my dear!!! And others be darned if they are so dense that they don't get the fact that you BOTH need a break!
As far as the soup...well, again...you are dutch...try the direct approach..."I REALLY appreciate the soup, and your caring, but I was just off for a nap...could we make a long visit for another time?"
BIG hugs, Kathi0 -
Oh, and I want you to know....KathiM said:Yup...
It's so wierd, it's like people don't listen when you say no. Even gently, and with love!!!!
I, too, am self-employed, so I can sympathize to the greatest extent. Of course, for me, I was the patient, so I got the 'cancer card' to play whenever I was tired. You, dear soul, as caregiver, don't get afforded that luxury...sigh...
The dutch have this grand tradition of just dropping in...but, if you are busy, there is no problem with saying so, and no one is offended...wouldn't THAT be grand? Save that, the one thing you could do is resort to humor. Make up a sign for the door that says 'Caregiver getting much needed rest. Oh, and the patient, too!'. Then don't answer the door. Or the phone. Let everything go to voice mail, then call the necessary ones back with 'Oh, I'm sorry I didn't pick up...both of us are exhausted from all the doctors, and treatments'.
Take care of YOU, too, my dear!!! And others be darned if they are so dense that they don't get the fact that you BOTH need a break!
As far as the soup...well, again...you are dutch...try the direct approach..."I REALLY appreciate the soup, and your caring, but I was just off for a nap...could we make a long visit for another time?"
BIG hugs, Kathi
I held my breath when I saw the title of your post....
That must have been soooooo scary! I'm glad you are ok!!!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Awww
Feel so bad for the situation that you just went through and when your brakes failed (you must have been terrified beyond comprehension). Your friend had all great intentions and you as well with the job situation. Sometimes people just don't understand that you are on a time schedule. You are such a wonderful caregiver and so supportive of John and all others on this board, so your friend has to know what a generous heart you have. Give it a little time and give your friend a call or take her out for a special cup of coffee or whatever. She knows how special you and John are and that's why she wanted to bring the soup. Maybe she is not as upset as you think. Hope it all goes well.
Kim0 -
well meaning visitors
I'd venture a guess that we've ALL been there! People really do want to help, but if they've never been around illness, they really have no idea how hard things can get, and some just don't want to hear it! The easiest out from a visitor that looks like they're ramping up for a much longer visit than is comfortable is to have the "patient" nod off! That's how I always handle it! Or, with us colon cancer survivors, take a necessary emergency trip to the restroom, with much pained expression on your face as you hobble off! Nobody even wants to THINK about what's going to happen in that bathroom once the door's closed, much less be there when you emerge!
Mary0 -
You're so sweet
You're such a caring person, Adrian. I doubt if your friend was as upset as you thought. And even if she was, I would bet that if you tell her what you told us, it would turn out okay.
I know the trip without brakes was very frightening, but I am sure watching someone you love suffer with this disease is even more scary. It's just a beast for everybody involved.
Keep guarding the time for you and John, and do what you can to take care of both of you.
*hugs*
Gail0 -
Boundaries
Hi Adrian,
Your analogy completely nails it.
I remember well what we did with my sister: we signed up for days so we didn't overwhelm her with visitors. Wednesdays were mine. She also laid some ground rules. We were only allowed to visit if we were upbeat--no long faces or gloom and doomers. My BIL also was self-employed working from home so they easily screened calls and maintained control. They did not have a problem with turning folks away because really this is about you two, not about the ones who are coming over. No matter how well-meaning they may be.
I surely wasn't offended by the boundaries that my sister and her partner laid down for the rest of us. It gave us parameters within which to work and gave us comfort that we knew the "rules" and weren't putting anyone out.
I have to say though that the folks who were allowed to come had to help in the caregiving which took some pressure off my BIL. A neighbor became my sister's primary massage giver, I bathed her and brushed her hair, my other sister took care of her baby, some church ladies kept food in the fridge. Being put to work gave us purpose so we didn't feel so much the brakeless downhill ride but felt like we could contribute in some small way. Is it ok with John that some of these visitors could be put to work like taking him to some of his appointments? Could more folks drop off soups rather than stick around when you need to be working? Can you hang a sign outside that says you are either not available for visits or available? You get to be the gatekeeper and make the rules. Guilt free.
I'm glad you came to vent. I think you're pretty awesome doing what you're doing. I truly think caregivers have it much harder than the receivers of that care. You get to protect your time. Really you do!
peace, emily0 -
even if you had hurt your
even if you had hurt your friends feelings- guessing she got over it and if she really didn't get it, well, sorry, but probably time she starts to understand. Cancer is a **** and the ripple effects, hell the waves from it, are not kind and pleasant. We can all try and be polite and everything, but being polite about it, probably isn't every helpful. I had a dear teacher friend of mine call me and want to come over, in the midst of the worse of the chemo experience. Before I could say no, she said, "I am thinking by now your bathroom and kitchen need a total cleaning. I will brring everything to clean- you plan on sleeping or laying down at least, I won't bother you in the least!" And she didn't. I slept most of the 3 hours she was here. Some people DO get it Adrian- and the rest of them, it is up to us to tell them. I vote for putting a sign on the door along the lines of, "taking visitors from 3-4 today" and screening your phone calls. 0 -
Huge hugs to you Adrian
You are not alone. If at any point in time you feel overwhelmed, stand up up and and yell blow it out your***** Directly to whom ever if you need to or when no one is around you would be surprised what a great adrenalin rush it is to just get it out. It clears your head, relaxes the soul and if anything the tension is gone at least for a short bit, so you can carve or see your way to the important stuff. Everyone has such good ideas and intentions. But face it, sometimes a good ole up yours and what the livin*** or whatever will release the load off the shoulders even if its just you in the back yard or work studio. This your life and those who are your true friends and that love you will be here long after the comotion settles. Lots of love, hugs and understanding your way.
Cass (Goofyladie)0 -
water off a duck's back
Hi Adrian,
When I open the door to an unannounced visitor I say, "Thank goodness you are here. My neuropathy is terrible toady and I can hardly move my fingers. Could you come in and change my colostomy bag? It's so full it's coming off and **** is getting everywhere." That usually does the trick.
Seriously - I can feel the pain and frustration in your voice and I hate it for you. As others have said, we've all been there. We don't want to offend friends but we have to take care of ourselves - and our business. Don't allow feelings like guilt to invade. Let those negative feelings run off you like water off a duck's back. The fact is, your friends are hurting and want to help, but it's not your job to teach them how. Do you have a caring bridge site? My site has allowed me to contact lots of people at once. It also allows folks to reach out to me. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/roger_fowler If having food provided for you is something that would like, assign a friend to coordinate through foodtidings.com. That really helped us last Fall. We specified likes, delivery times and instructions to leave the food in the cooler. If Kim or I felt up to it, we'd meet meet them at the door and visit for a minute - but there was no expectation.
What to do? Prioritize. I talk to or see my parents everyday. I try to reserve as much energy as possible for Kim and the kids. This community has also become a priority. Aside from these priorities I say. "I'll get to you when I get to you." Remember, 100% of your time is already taken up. Not 90 something %. All 100% of your time is taken up doing what you have and need to do to take care of John and yourself. Keep talking. We're here for you.
Peace,
Roger0 -
Thanks, Friends
You guys are great! When I wrote that I was having a particularly bad day and just needed to unload. This month has been tough, with 21 appointments or procedures so far, and that day was the worst in terms of dealing with it emotionally. I'm doing much better now and I think I'm going to print out all of your responses so I can refer back to them easily. There's so much good information in there - Thank You! I really appreciate it!
Yesterday we got some good news: the new rectal tumor isn't a tumor at all! It's a hyperplastic polyp and completely benign! Who'da thunk? Better yet, we don't have to do anything about it. Just leave it there. Tomorrow he'll go in for nerve blocking and we're optimistic that that will make a big difference in the pain levels. So it's been a tough month, but we're getting through it and feeling guardedly optimistic about what's in store. Life is good -
And just to clarify, the brake failure incident was over 20 years ago - it seemed like some people thought it had just happened. And, yes, it was terrifying. You wouldn't believe how many things can go through your head in seconds during something like that.
I came out of that fine and John and I will come out of this fine too.0 -
UnloadAceSFO said:Thanks, Friends
You guys are great! When I wrote that I was having a particularly bad day and just needed to unload. This month has been tough, with 21 appointments or procedures so far, and that day was the worst in terms of dealing with it emotionally. I'm doing much better now and I think I'm going to print out all of your responses so I can refer back to them easily. There's so much good information in there - Thank You! I really appreciate it!
Yesterday we got some good news: the new rectal tumor isn't a tumor at all! It's a hyperplastic polyp and completely benign! Who'da thunk? Better yet, we don't have to do anything about it. Just leave it there. Tomorrow he'll go in for nerve blocking and we're optimistic that that will make a big difference in the pain levels. So it's been a tough month, but we're getting through it and feeling guardedly optimistic about what's in store. Life is good -
And just to clarify, the brake failure incident was over 20 years ago - it seemed like some people thought it had just happened. And, yes, it was terrifying. You wouldn't believe how many things can go through your head in seconds during something like that.
I came out of that fine and John and I will come out of this fine too.
Oh Adrian, unload all you want that is what we are here for. We all have those days that seem overwhelming. This disease is truly a rollercoaster ride thats why we celebrate each and every tiny step forward. I'm so happy for the two of you that the rectal tumor was not a tumor at all, that in itself must be a big relief but waiting for that news must have had you crawling the walls. Take care Tina0 -
Adrian and John
An amazing brake failure story, and a great analogy. The part where you don't remember the what the movie was about but are still careening down the hills of San Fran is also analgalous to your current situation where you describe how you feel that you're not as thick-skinned, or that you're wearing emotions on your sleeve, or perhaps are coming across as arrogant, etc as the people around you do what they do (their movie), and it's not a part of your reality. You are having a normal response to a very stressful situation. I've sometimes thought that we cancer folks have a lot in common with returning vets from Iraq or Afhghanistan, especially those who return from one tour and then worry about having to go back for another tour. Their lives are on the line too.
I can relate. My girlfriend just spent last week in the hospital with multiple blood clots to her right leg of unknown etiology. One test, a abdominal CT scan, found 2 dermoid cysts on her ovaries. Very unlikely ovarian cancer but they will have to be removed (one is 11 cm). I could not go to work but had to work from home and reduce my hrs. because I was now in the caregiver role. (My husband is in Mexico working for the next two months.) I had thoughts that I was a being an a--hole at work, wasn't a good enough advocate or caregiver, and, oh, couldn't even care for the dog since she needed a walk too. But all I was was tired and scared. I was over stimulated and had to slow down. Thank goodness for my acupuncturist!
One insight I had while with my acupuncturist was about equanimity. I always added a component of 'suck it up and deal' to equanimity (or 'cowboy up!' as they say here in Wyomin'). However, I realized that only through adaptability would I experience equanimity. To embrace the slowing down, the not being perfect in the caregiving, to doing the work hours that I could under the circumstances…..My life as it is right now…
I agree with lots of the concrete suggestions such as a Caring Bridge site or I went through Lotsa Helping Hands with Lance Armstrong Foundation to manage the soup givers.
http://www.livestrong.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/604834/login/?logout#
My dad was born in Amsterdam and met my mother who was working at a seaman's club in Boston when he was in the Dutch Merchant marines. He was proud of being Dutch and would always say that the Dutch were the salt of the earth. I never knew exactly what he meant by that though.
all the best, Leslie0 -
Adrian,AceSFO said:Thanks, Friends
You guys are great! When I wrote that I was having a particularly bad day and just needed to unload. This month has been tough, with 21 appointments or procedures so far, and that day was the worst in terms of dealing with it emotionally. I'm doing much better now and I think I'm going to print out all of your responses so I can refer back to them easily. There's so much good information in there - Thank You! I really appreciate it!
Yesterday we got some good news: the new rectal tumor isn't a tumor at all! It's a hyperplastic polyp and completely benign! Who'da thunk? Better yet, we don't have to do anything about it. Just leave it there. Tomorrow he'll go in for nerve blocking and we're optimistic that that will make a big difference in the pain levels. So it's been a tough month, but we're getting through it and feeling guardedly optimistic about what's in store. Life is good -
And just to clarify, the brake failure incident was over 20 years ago - it seemed like some people thought it had just happened. And, yes, it was terrifying. You wouldn't believe how many things can go through your head in seconds during something like that.
I came out of that fine and John and I will come out of this fine too.
I am so happy for
Adrian,
I am so happy for you & John that the "tumour" wasn't a tumour! What a relief!0 -
Salt is a precious thing....always has been...lesvanb said:Adrian and John
An amazing brake failure story, and a great analogy. The part where you don't remember the what the movie was about but are still careening down the hills of San Fran is also analgalous to your current situation where you describe how you feel that you're not as thick-skinned, or that you're wearing emotions on your sleeve, or perhaps are coming across as arrogant, etc as the people around you do what they do (their movie), and it's not a part of your reality. You are having a normal response to a very stressful situation. I've sometimes thought that we cancer folks have a lot in common with returning vets from Iraq or Afhghanistan, especially those who return from one tour and then worry about having to go back for another tour. Their lives are on the line too.
I can relate. My girlfriend just spent last week in the hospital with multiple blood clots to her right leg of unknown etiology. One test, a abdominal CT scan, found 2 dermoid cysts on her ovaries. Very unlikely ovarian cancer but they will have to be removed (one is 11 cm). I could not go to work but had to work from home and reduce my hrs. because I was now in the caregiver role. (My husband is in Mexico working for the next two months.) I had thoughts that I was a being an a--hole at work, wasn't a good enough advocate or caregiver, and, oh, couldn't even care for the dog since she needed a walk too. But all I was was tired and scared. I was over stimulated and had to slow down. Thank goodness for my acupuncturist!
One insight I had while with my acupuncturist was about equanimity. I always added a component of 'suck it up and deal' to equanimity (or 'cowboy up!' as they say here in Wyomin'). However, I realized that only through adaptability would I experience equanimity. To embrace the slowing down, the not being perfect in the caregiving, to doing the work hours that I could under the circumstances…..My life as it is right now…
I agree with lots of the concrete suggestions such as a Caring Bridge site or I went through Lotsa Helping Hands with Lance Armstrong Foundation to manage the soup givers.
http://www.livestrong.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/604834/login/?logout#
My dad was born in Amsterdam and met my mother who was working at a seaman's club in Boston when he was in the Dutch Merchant marines. He was proud of being Dutch and would always say that the Dutch were the salt of the earth. I never knew exactly what he meant by that though.
all the best, Leslie
The spice route travelers thru Turkey would bring salt to other places.
It is a necessary, life-giving thing. Maybe that was what he meant...I know my beau of 18 years, who is full dutch, is all that and more to me...
We'll be in Amsterdam in 2 weeks...we go by train from our house near Zwolle, in the middle of the country. I will think of you and your dad, Leslie!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
I know how you feel....KathiM said:Salt is a precious thing....always has been...
The spice route travelers thru Turkey would bring salt to other places.
It is a necessary, life-giving thing. Maybe that was what he meant...I know my beau of 18 years, who is full dutch, is all that and more to me...
We'll be in Amsterdam in 2 weeks...we go by train from our house near Zwolle, in the middle of the country. I will think of you and your dad, Leslie!
Hugs, Kathi
Adrian,
It's ok...just take a deep breathe (learned that from Buzzard---and it's great advice)
Cancer is an emotional roller coaster. My husband has stage 4 rectal cancer
and some days I can forget and some days everything seems larger than life....
He will complete treatment #12 in Feb. This is month 8 for us.
Our house is on the corner and all the kids gather to play out front. One day he was
asleep and they were making so much noise it woke him up (day after he was unhooked
from pump) and I went outside and asked them to leave. Typically, I would never do
that but when he's not well it's easy to get out of sorts.
I will be thinking of you....0
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