Jan 15, 2010 - 4:53 am
My mum passed away on 5/12/09 as a result of cancer going from her bowel to her liver/lungs and finally her brain over 2 years and after 1 bowel op and two liver ops.
We were told that she would probably not last 2 weeks. She died at home 6 days after being admitted to hospital (3 days after coming home) and 36 hours after palliative care connected her to morphine pump.
I have read all the documents about stages of grief and I have hit the anger and guilt stage. Anger at the hospital for not picking up the brain cancer earlier (the docs and the official reply from the hospital is that bowel cancer doesn't normally end up in the brain so we did not look for it... officially the hospital is happy that the processes of the hospital have been followed with due regard.)
Please forgive my terminology if it is not correct but one of the 5 tumors was 95cms (nearly 4 inches) Surely this didn't grow over night!
I am angry at the stories about people who beat cancer cause they had a strong will to live. My mum wanted to live! Please donot get me wrong I am not angry at the survivors themselves exactly the opposite I am very happy for them I just understand what is meant by the will to live.
Angry at the catholic Church for thinking of making Mary Mackillop a saint because she has performed 2 miracles in 100 years, the latest was a miracle cure for a Aussie lady with brain cancer. What about all those that prayed and she didn't cure?
I feel guilty for allowing Mm to be connected to a morphine pump.
Today I picked up my mums ashes she is on the shelf in my back room with those of her second husband (my step father)