Just to clear things up....

pinkkari09
pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Apparently my post on "you've got good color" disturbed a couple of you and I just wanted to clear something up. I truly understand that it may be hard for the ones around me to come up with something to say, I don't look anything like I used too and it's got to be tough to be on the other end as well. Before I had cancer I didn't know what to say to those that did. If anything good comes of this beast it'll be me being able to share my experience, strength and hope with others, and I'll know what to say. I surely wasn't complaining and I was really shocked when a sister said "kwitcherb!tchin" it makes me really hesitant to post any feelings on here. It's hard enough to battle this beast, let alone have a support board say your complaining or to "kwitcherb!tchin". Anyhow, I was just posting what was on my mind, maybe I should have never done that, I will certainly hesitate in the future.
Sorry :(
Kari
«13

Comments

  • Lynda53
    Lynda53 Member Posts: 210
    #2
    kari no harm no foul on my end
    I clearly understood what you had said. Peace
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    #3
    Lynda53 said:

    kari no harm no foul on my end
    I clearly understood what you had said. Peace

    Kari
    Kari,
    This is a place to vent and I was not offended by what you said.
    Those who write things like that should think before writing just like people in our lives that we see face to face need to think before they speak.

    Hugs to you.
    Margo
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #4
    tommaseena said:

    Kari
    Kari,
    This is a place to vent and I was not offended by what you said.
    Those who write things like that should think before writing just like people in our lives that we see face to face need to think before they speak.

    Hugs to you.
    Margo

    KARIE AND MARGO, I'm in
    KARIE AND MARGO, I'm in total agreement. These boards are suppose to be our safe haven where we can vent so we can continue on in everyday life knowing that the sisters on this board are here to support us because they understand what we are going thru. I never expected anyone to JUDGE comments made here. This is suppose to be a support system where we are safe to say whats going on with us. :(
  • jk1952
    jk1952 Member Posts: 613
    #5
    natly15 said:

    KARIE AND MARGO, I'm in
    KARIE AND MARGO, I'm in total agreement. These boards are suppose to be our safe haven where we can vent so we can continue on in everyday life knowing that the sisters on this board are here to support us because they understand what we are going thru. I never expected anyone to JUDGE comments made here. This is suppose to be a support system where we are safe to say whats going on with us. :(

    Kari, please don't let the

    Kari, please don't let the rude post keep you from posting whatever you're feeling. You notice that she had only posted 22 times since July, so she's not really active. As Margo and Natly have said, the boards are supposed to be the safe house for survivors. By the way, we're thrilled that you are done with chemo and can now move on to the next stage.

    Stay strong.

    Joyce
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #6
    Kari , I have to say I
    Kari , I have to say I resented those couple of people who chastised you too. What sourpusses....we need to be free to say how we feel here without being chastised as whiners.Everywhere I go someone tell's me in amazement how good I look....(for someone with cancer..being the unspoken aside). It's ok...just awkward 'cause you know that's what they mean!
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #7
    dyaneb123 said:

    Kari , I have to say I
    Kari , I have to say I resented those couple of people who chastised you too. What sourpusses....we need to be free to say how we feel here without being chastised as whiners.Everywhere I go someone tell's me in amazement how good I look....(for someone with cancer..being the unspoken aside). It's ok...just awkward 'cause you know that's what they mean!

    please don't go away!
    I look forward to your posts every day!
  • Sher43009
    Sher43009 Member Posts: 602 Member
    #8
    I re-read your post and of
    I re-read your post and of all the supportive ones, there were only a couple of negative ones. Don't let a few sour apples (or is it grapes?) spoil this site for you. Not everyone is going to feel the same way as the one posting but I feel if you can't be supportive you shouldn't respond. I hope to keep seeing you post.
  • TLynn0102
    TLynn0102 Member Posts: 86
    #9
    Mama G said:

    please don't go away!
    I look forward to your posts every day!

    You did not offend me, heck
    You did not offend me, heck I was yellow through the entire process and never noticed it until I had a picture taken. I asked my best friend what she thought my 'color' looked like and she laid it on the line...I looked like a lemon. My husband told me while I was on Taxol that I seemed to be getting 'chunky', what do you expect when you are being pumped with steroids? Was I offended...at first but I got over it. It is all temporary. If you can't tell someone the truth then what good is the relationship? You are perfectly fine in my book, tell it like it is, don't wait. People act differently in situaitons like ours, they don't understand so they do the best they can. Reality is, you can't change what happened to you and others will not always know how to react. Take it as it is and ignore the negative, focus on the positive. Venting is good for the sole. Have an awesome day!
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
    #10
    Thank you Pinks.....I don't
    Thank you Pinks.....I don't know how I would have gotten this far without all the excellent advice on this site, your experience, strength and hope have brought me through chemo, I love each and every one of you...I don't belong to any support groups in my area, my Mom/Best friend have passed and my husband, well, I wont go there. So long story short, I NEED all of you :) I have some amazing friends but they don't understand like someone in my shoes does. BTW, I have been told several times that "for someone with cancer and going through chemo, you look amazing" those comments are precious, that tells me I'm doing ok.
    Peace and Love to ALL,
    ~Kari~
  • shortscake
    shortscake Member Posts: 228
    #11
    pinkkari09 said:

    Thank you Pinks.....I don't
    Thank you Pinks.....I don't know how I would have gotten this far without all the excellent advice on this site, your experience, strength and hope have brought me through chemo, I love each and every one of you...I don't belong to any support groups in my area, my Mom/Best friend have passed and my husband, well, I wont go there. So long story short, I NEED all of you :) I have some amazing friends but they don't understand like someone in my shoes does. BTW, I have been told several times that "for someone with cancer and going through chemo, you look amazing" those comments are precious, that tells me I'm doing ok.
    Peace and Love to ALL,
    ~Kari~

    maybe its me
    maybe its me but i didn't see anything wrong with your post, you ask a question and people gave there feedback on it.keep up the good work..girl power
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    #12
    Kari, your frustration was fine!
    What you said didn't disturb me either. I just always try to see both sides of a situation--at least when I'm not upset! (Actually, I *TRY* even when I'm upset, it's just that I'm not very good at seeing both sides then! LOL!) So I was trying to see/express the other side of this one, but that was definitely not intended as a "kwitcherbitchin" statement.

    There is one particular woman with whom I work (who is really quite nice in most ways but who occasionally sorta rubs me the wrong way) who says "You look great! You really look great!" in what comes across to me as an astonished tone. It really seems to me that she expected the cancer to make me look terrible as soon as it was diagnosed, as if just knowing about it would flip some switch in my body that would change the way I look. I know I couldn't say that to her, as it would hurt her feelings a great deal, and I know she really has no clue how she's coming across, AND I know that she really intends to be complimenting me. So all I can do is say "Thank you" and laugh it off later.

    I was once clueless as well--and I am so grateful for the people who are reaching out to me in support now despite how clueless about their needs I was before!

    Sandy
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #13
    LadyParvati said:

    Kari, your frustration was fine!
    What you said didn't disturb me either. I just always try to see both sides of a situation--at least when I'm not upset! (Actually, I *TRY* even when I'm upset, it's just that I'm not very good at seeing both sides then! LOL!) So I was trying to see/express the other side of this one, but that was definitely not intended as a "kwitcherbitchin" statement.

    There is one particular woman with whom I work (who is really quite nice in most ways but who occasionally sorta rubs me the wrong way) who says "You look great! You really look great!" in what comes across to me as an astonished tone. It really seems to me that she expected the cancer to make me look terrible as soon as it was diagnosed, as if just knowing about it would flip some switch in my body that would change the way I look. I know I couldn't say that to her, as it would hurt her feelings a great deal, and I know she really has no clue how she's coming across, AND I know that she really intends to be complimenting me. So all I can do is say "Thank you" and laugh it off later.

    I was once clueless as well--and I am so grateful for the people who are reaching out to me in support now despite how clueless about their needs I was before!

    Sandy

    please continue to voice
    please continue to voice yuor thoughts as you need to. This is a rough road to travel. and sometimes we complain here as we dont want to take it out on the people around us all the time. and no one understands it like we who are going through it. Like I said I dont want the sympathy but more understanding. and I think people believe what they see more than what they hear. iI find this even with my docs and it tis frustrating. I have to describe in great detail what is going on. I have lost 60 pds and i look great but does anyone think about what that does to person or how they got there. Dont get me wrong I needed to and hope to keep it off, but the docs will say "as long as you continue to eat...." and I have to say "I am not eating THIS is waht I eat all day " this is my activity level and what I am capable of. Because I worried about my nutrition. anyway please vent away. Sometimes the irony of it all gets you.
  • teresa41
    teresa41 Member Posts: 471
    #14
    carkris said:

    please continue to voice
    please continue to voice yuor thoughts as you need to. This is a rough road to travel. and sometimes we complain here as we dont want to take it out on the people around us all the time. and no one understands it like we who are going through it. Like I said I dont want the sympathy but more understanding. and I think people believe what they see more than what they hear. iI find this even with my docs and it tis frustrating. I have to describe in great detail what is going on. I have lost 60 pds and i look great but does anyone think about what that does to person or how they got there. Dont get me wrong I needed to and hope to keep it off, but the docs will say "as long as you continue to eat...." and I have to say "I am not eating THIS is waht I eat all day " this is my activity level and what I am capable of. Because I worried about my nutrition. anyway please vent away. Sometimes the irony of it all gets you.

    i seen them
    i seen a couple rude post and thats what they were rude! you keep sharing.



    :o) teresa
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #15
    No offense taken on my part
    No offense taken on my part either. This board is to share your feeling.....good ones and bad. I think the golden rule we learned in kindergarten is appropriate here....if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Keep posting, Kari.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #16
    Sorry Kari if I said
    Sorry Kari if I said something that offended you. I didn't mean to. Just stating my opinion. You should continue to state your mind also. Sometimes I say things and I'm misunderstood. Didn't mean anything negative to you. I reread what I wrote and tried to see how it could be taken wrong. Sorry.
  • scout5000
    scout5000 Member Posts: 94 Member
    #17
    I completely understood your
    I completely understood your post about "having good color". I don't know why someone thought that was b!tchen. If you can't talk about your cancer experiences here, I don't know where you could. I'm glad you brought up how you felt about those posts. Please keep posting your thoughts, I need to hear what people are really thinking. Thanks.
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #18
    Marcia527 said:

    Sorry Kari if I said
    Sorry Kari if I said something that offended you. I didn't mean to. Just stating my opinion. You should continue to state your mind also. Sometimes I say things and I'm misunderstood. Didn't mean anything negative to you. I reread what I wrote and tried to see how it could be taken wrong. Sorry.

    Kari
    Ditto to everything MyTurnNow wrote! You should vent here and it is welcomed! This is our safe haven to be able to do that. So, you just keep doing it, ok?

    Big hugs, Sue :)
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #19
    If I had the proverbial
    If I had the proverbial nickle for every time I have put my foot in my mouth here on the boards, or what I wrote simply wasn't read by others the way I thought it would be...OMG I would be able to take care of the national debt! When it is "simply" the written word, and no one can see me smiling, or making a goofy face or whatever, well, things are not always understood!

    So~if I seemed less than kind to you, ( which I hope NOT) I apologize to you, and I for one didn't think you were being unduly b.itchy at all! I concur, do not let this stop you from posting!!!

    And just to play devil's advocate, we also never know what our Kindred Spirits have gone through in their medical and personal lives on any given day. Maybe, just maybe a few were caught on a particularly bad day. I know that toward the end of my chemo, my exhaustion level had reached epic proportions and I had a major meltdown which I am still embarrassed to recall almost 7 years later!

    So~ don't hesitate to post! This is a safe place to land, and a safe place to vent!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #20
    chenheart said:

    If I had the proverbial
    If I had the proverbial nickle for every time I have put my foot in my mouth here on the boards, or what I wrote simply wasn't read by others the way I thought it would be...OMG I would be able to take care of the national debt! When it is "simply" the written word, and no one can see me smiling, or making a goofy face or whatever, well, things are not always understood!

    So~if I seemed less than kind to you, ( which I hope NOT) I apologize to you, and I for one didn't think you were being unduly b.itchy at all! I concur, do not let this stop you from posting!!!

    And just to play devil's advocate, we also never know what our Kindred Spirits have gone through in their medical and personal lives on any given day. Maybe, just maybe a few were caught on a particularly bad day. I know that toward the end of my chemo, my exhaustion level had reached epic proportions and I had a major meltdown which I am still embarrassed to recall almost 7 years later!

    So~ don't hesitate to post! This is a safe place to land, and a safe place to vent!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Kari
    Ditto to everything that MyTurnNow wrote! I couldn't write it any better! This is our safe place to come to to vent or write whatever we are feeling at the time. So, don't let anyone ever stop you from doing that. Please just ignore the rude comments and people. And, look at all of us that support you!

    Sue :)
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #21
    If I had the proverbial

    Double Post!

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