Mastectomy in 5 Days - Having a Hard Time Coming to Terms/Accepting it Emotionally

hI christine!!
My surgery has not been scheduled as of this date, but will probably be next week. I have had all the test and am ready for the mastcetomy and reconstruction. I chose to have immediate reconstruction. I felt if it had been a double I probably would not have had reconstruction but with a single I chose reconstruction. I had a lumpectomy and lymp node extraction in 2004 and the cancer returned in the same breast last month. I had cemo and radition. This was such a surprise for my oncologist and myself after 6 years of no signs of the cancer returning. But, we do what we have to do.

I am so sorry about your condition. It does hurt to know we are losing a part of our body and to me I feel like this is a monster in my body that I despise and want gone!! I feel violated and out of control. I am a Christian and believe God will heal me and that is where I put my trust and that is where I draw my strength.

If I can be of any help to you please feel free to cry on my shoulder. We can get through this together!! please keep in touch and since our surgeries are so close together. We can talk each other through the rough times!!
LInda

Sensation
Christine,

I am four months out from my bilateral (no reconstruction) mastecomy and I am just starting to get back some of the feeling around my scars. The surgery damages a lot of nerves and it takes a while for them to figure out what they're doing and get set up again. I have not experienced the shooting pain you mentioned although I am currently dealing with tightness in my chest muscles.

What I did to prepare (mentally) for my surgery was to think about WHY I was having this done - to get rid of the cancer that could take my life away. Then I wrapped an ace bandage tight around my chest and looked at myself in the mirror for a while so I could try to get used to seeing myself flat chested (I was a 38DD). Finally I told myself that I would look great, feel better eventually, and not have to ever wear a bra again. The mental image of being able to go for a jog without having to wear a sports bra or having my breasts hurt when I was done is the thing that got me to a point of acceptance. My surgery went well and I am still happy with my decisions.

You are right, you will never be the same again. When you are done you will be new, improved and healthy.

Good luck with your surgery and take care of yourself!

Wolfi

Wolfi said:

Sensation
Christine,

I am four months out from my bilateral (no reconstruction) mastecomy and I am just starting to get back some of the feeling around my scars. The surgery damages a lot of nerves and it takes a while for them to figure out what they're doing and get set up again. I have not experienced the shooting pain you mentioned although I am currently dealing with tightness in my chest muscles.

What I did to prepare (mentally) for my surgery was to think about WHY I was having this done - to get rid of the cancer that could take my life away. Then I wrapped an ace bandage tight around my chest and looked at myself in the mirror for a while so I could try to get used to seeing myself flat chested (I was a 38DD). Finally I told myself that I would look great, feel better eventually, and not have to ever wear a bra again. The mental image of being able to go for a jog without having to wear a sports bra or having my breasts hurt when I was done is the thing that got me to a point of acceptance. My surgery went well and I am still happy with my decisions.

You are right, you will never be the same again. When you are done you will be new, improved and healthy.

Good luck with your surgery and take care of yourself!

Wolfi

Allow yourself to process it
this may mean crying, feeling terrified, but understand that this is just part of the big picture that is called survival.
I may be facing that decision, waiting for blood test results. And I have already made my peace with it. Of course I
went through all the motions, much like yourself - cried, was scared but this is the road to acceptance.

I am glad you found this. It helps me so much, I am on here pretty much every evening and I feel less alone.

Sending you hugs,
Ayse

carkris said:

I have had a bilateral
I have had a bilateral mastectomy. the first one 15 years ago and the july 09. I wanted the second mastectomy as I was tired of biopsies. just happened I had a lump prior to being able to schedula a propholactic mastectomy.
I think the first ime I was 34 and a deer in the headlights. I had dreams about it after and had thoughts about my femininity. but never one to be into "looks" helped. believe it or not I feel more symetrical now. I had one large remaining breast that was impossible to match with a prostheseis.and dressing was hard I had a reconstruction the first time but had to have it removed because of a local recurrance and radiation a year later. This time the radiation oncoloogist wants my expander removed. too complicated to deal with here. ANYWAY, have you consisdered reconstruction? is it because the tissue has been already radiated? I dont find it such a big deal. the surgery went well I was out of the hospital in 24 hours instead of 2 days had minimal pain, I dont have alot feeling but its not unpleanant and no real shooting pains. The tightness can be helped with stretching and moisturizing. I have to admit to feeling a little weird if I go out with womwn and they start talking about their boobs alot or bras. Sometimes reality hits and women dress more open these day and I think about what I have been through, but not too long, would I dress that way prob not I am pretty conservative. Not to minimize but it can be part of the battle. your mammmos will go quicker. anyway you are normal to feel this way, but you will be ok. Hugs to you and hoping your surgery goes well/

Hi
Hi Christine! I am sending you big hugs and lots of prayers!

Sue

Bilateral Mastectomy
Christine, I consider October 14 2009 the beginning of my breast cancer survivor timeline. It's when I had my bilateral mastectomy. The decision was easy for me as my type of cancer hid from radiology and was only found by biopsy. By the time I got to surgery, my tumor was 2.5 cm in diameter and it was miraculous that my lymph nodes were clean. I opted to have the other breast removed as well because I didn't want to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've had no shooting pains and slowly I've gotten a lot of the feeling back in my chest. Initially I had phantom pain (similar to what an amputee experiences at the loss of a body part). It felt to me like I was nursing again and my milk was always coming in. Over time that has gone away and I only experience it occasionally. I often would place my hands in front of me like a scale and weigh my options - breast conservation in one hand and life conservation in the other. Deciding that I wanted to be around for my husband and daughters and live to see the birth of grandchildren made the choice an easy one. There were moments of grieving the loss but you just cry a little bit, dry your eyes, and go on with your wonderfully healthy life! Goodbye Cancer! Hello Life! Each day then becomes a gift, wrapped up with a beautiful bow. Life takes on new meaning and nothing is ever the same again. It's been a journey of joy and goodness. I will pray for you specifically as you face your surgery on the 12th. (I'm halfway through my chemo now and sometimes lie awake at night. That's the time I pray for everybody on my list. You'll now be on that list.)
Blessings! Beth

DebbyM said:

I want to welcome you to our
I want to welcome you to our support group here Christine and to let you know that I am saying prayers for you. I didn't have the surgery that you are having, and, I know that this is very difficult for you. But, you have all of us here to support and encourage you al the way. Praying for you!

Debby

beth that was a beautiful
beth that was a beautiful way to put it. I'd love to copy that and remind myself. thanks for that!!!1

surgery in 5 days
i know how you feel i had two weeks to get the news make a decision on the mastectomy with all the lymph nodes removed and recustructive surgery . i choose not to wait to get this cancer out of me and yes somewhere inside i knew to wake up without a breast was going to be a struggle i dont feel the same about my body my husband is great about it its just with the surgery cemo hormone pills and rads you just dont feel like yourself . its a new you one who has fought for your life to keep it the breast we can replace im sure you have a family it the you that they cant replace you so dont be scared your saving your life and yes i now see a shrink for all my emotions so i may heal to get a new breast maybe not sure my surgery was on 9/11/2009 .my little sis was right by my side every step of the way from cemo to hell and back with me thank god for little sisters. my prayers are with you ill light a candle for all of us tonight as i always do .it wasnt to painful since the hospital here where i live and the doctors want you to use the pain med i fought them on it but in the end they where right why be in pain it stops you from healing . good luck all will be ok.joanne

Hi Chris !
Just want to add my 2 cents. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but at least you have found this board and all of us who can help and support you. I had a Mastectomy in 1998, had no one to talk to and was not aware of this board until much later, it was a great comfort to be able to talk to someone that had the same condition.
My surgery went well, I had hardly any pain, just some discomfort under my arm and numbness, my only regret was that I waited 1 year for the reconstruction ( Tram Flap) but I did not know it could be done at the same time. I find after all these years just the scars bother me somewhat sometimes, a little tight, so I stretch my arm and do some excercises, that works. They way you are feeling right now is OK, it is normal, but I assure you it will get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you for a smooth sailing through your surgery and a speedy recovery. Don't forget to keep us up to date. Hugs coming your way
em

BethInAz said:

Thanks - I'm glad you were blessed!
You're very welcome, new friend. I'm so glad you were blessed by my words. Question for you - what form did your local recurrence take? Since radiation isn't necessarily indicated for mastectomy, I assumed that the chemo would knock out anything at the surgery site. I do know that mastectomy isn't the "silver bullet" and we still have to be vigilant. I'm just curious as to whether a local recurrence would show up as another lump or a change in the skin. I suppose it looks like the old breast exam. Get to know your body and be alert to any changes at all?
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Beth

Sending you hugs and
Sending you hugs and encouragement Christine!