Cancer Survivors Network

Taina.. yea.. got that one too.. okay why do people care... when i had hair no one asked me if I was going to cut it or let it grow... UGH.....

I have gone through the same thing!! Why such a facination with the hair, most of the questions are not about my breast or health, it is always about the hair. yikes

I wonder if people think they have to say something, but don't know what so they just blab?

I recently saw an acquaintance for the first time since just after my surgery in July. The first thing she said was "Oh wow! You look terrific. I'd have thought you'd have lost your hair by now." Uh...I'm not having chemo.

For the thoughts I been athinkin,
I could be another Lincoln...
If I only had a brain.

I would not accept or open any more email from the person who sent you the obituary and I would ask her why she sent it. pretty ignorant. after awhile you learn to ignore people they dont matter only the good supportive ones, its not worth your energy and you shake your head.
This is my second primary so ive had fifteen years of this. my first time I was more aware now I just turn it off. because the people who are awesome far outweight he idiots and I cant waste my energy. But like I said I could not resist wondering what that aquaintance was thinking.

Wow That was so insensitive of her. Sorry

♠♣ Susie ♠♣

Friend... all I can say.. is truly... unbelievable!!!! some people need to just stick their foot in their mouth as soon as they open it!! Too bad that can't apply to people sending email too!!!

I'll say you don't have time for foolishness! And, if you spend too much time with Maker's Mark, you won't care or even remember stupid remarks people make! LOL LOL

Happy Turkey Day to you too!

Hugs,
C♥

Well I sent her a reply today...

asked her why she sent me that... and asked if it was to remind me that breast cancer kill and told her I am very aware of that I live with that knowledge everyday...

We'll see if she answers back

and today when someone told me they like my haircut... I responded with oh thank you.. 5 months of chemo gave it to me... :-)

When I was an all-knowing, can't teach me anything 14 year old, my dad said the perfume I was wearing made my bedroom smell like "A French W.h.orehouse" Being all wise, I asked him how he knew what such a house smelled like. I wonder , 40+ years later, why I want to ask your brother the same question~only about midget wrestler butts! :-)

Chen♥

LOL Chen!
I always wanted to ask that of people who have said that, too!
as for my brother, he and his wife had recently attended a match...first I'd ever heard of such an event.

My girlfriend's grandfather used to use the "you smell like a French W.h.orehouse" line, too.

Once, my girlfriend (being as much of a smart-a**, apparently, as you Claudia!) asked her grandfather how he would know....well, her grandfather had really been stationed in France during WWII....and she got a little more information about him than a girl wants to know about her grandpa!

So be careful what you ask!

:-) Traci

Of course people say stupid things to us; we could probably write volumes on the subject!
Even knowing that, I would hate it if ONLY fellow warriors had the "right " to encourage me and ask me how I am doing! My friends/family who did not have cancer took me to my appointments and made dinner,etc. My hairdresser hugged me and encouraged me by telling me that she would be giving me my first post chemo re-growth haircut for free! At the Relay For Life, a local massage therapist gives free massages to anyone walking the laps. He is not a survivor, but indeed a kindred spirit.

I believe that ignorant, insensitive people would be like that regardless of the subject. They would "one up" us if we had lost someone in a plane crash, their childbirth labor was worse than ours, or they would know someone's whos was, they had the worst case of whatever, they were treated badly at this place or the other, and of course, most everyone DIED! With many things, I find these people are to be pitied: They have to wake up everyday being them, and we get to be us! Isn't that a happier thought??!

If nothing else, these clueless people have hopefully given us a tutorial in What Not To Say, and How Not To Act! And whereas none of us ever wanted to learn the Life Lesson our battle with the Beast has taught us, at least the we know who our friends are! LOL
The rest I let go, and I try not to be unduly affected by the Muggles on the outside. To those of you who know Harry Potter~ We are the Magical Ones, and CSN is Hogwarts! The Muggles, those hapless family members/friends who are not magically inclined, well, they can't help it that they don't understand what it's like to be us! Good thing we have each other!

Hugs,
Chen♥

Well put Claudia! I agree....I love the part about waking up and getting to be ME! I just LOVE being me! Besides, everybody else is already taken! (chuckle) ♥Pammy

I think we should have pity on some of these people, too. There are several types of people who make insensitive comments. The ones who truly do mean well; the ones who shoot their mouths off without really thinking about it; and the ones who, for some reason, need to say something negative. This last group is the one who really deserves our pity because they must be so insecure or so injured by life that they can only offer more negativity. Sometimes, we need to educate these people; sometimes we need to confront them; sometimes ignore them. I think e_hope was right in asking what this person meant by sending the obit. Maybe there is an explanation (though I certainly can't think of one) and she will have a chance to explain. Or maybe there isn't one and she can know that her actions were hurtful. This can be valuable knowledge going forward. We can never know what someone was REALLY thinking, so I guess we could just think the best, speak up when we need to, ignore it when we don't, and, as Claudia says, be happy that we have each other here!

Mimi

Her response to my email questioning why she sent that to me was...... it was an accident...

and a sorry...

I really don't believe it was "an accident"

and at this point I don't care.. at least at the end of the day... she knows it upset me

Are you kidding me???? Just when you think you have heard/experienced it all someone tops it! My Reggie has beautiful silver LONG hair; mid back, which he wears in a ponytail or braid. A few times, when eating in a restaurant, with his back to the server, we have had one or two ask '"What can I get for you ladies?" When they then see he is most certainly a MAN, we all laugh and get numerous Excuse Me's etc etc. Never has anyone said anything like you heard. Especially that chemo is your problem. I am appalled at that reaction.

For the time being, I say you can rightly drop the letter U from your name and call yourself RAGE ~just for today, anyway! LOL Let us know if you get some positive results from the manager.

Hugs, beautiful SISTER!
Chen♥

I like the idea of dropping the U for today anyway. Actually it's the E that should really be dropped. Rague is my Appaloosa mare. That is her full registered name. Her momma was Red Tomatoe and she's red too so the person who named her thought of Ragu spaghetti sauce but there have to be at least 5 letters in a name for registry so the E from the end of her momma Tomatoe was added for the 5th letter.

Sorry for getting off topic!

Susan

Well, isn't it nice that you were easily distracted from the foolishness and mayhem in people's hearts, and were able to focus on Good things~ and we now also know the reason for your username! LOL I suppose, being that she's a mare, her name could have been (sorry in advance) Mare-a-nara! More than 5 letters, defines the gender of your horse, and when spoken is also a Red Tomato Sauce! We can all groan in unison now! :-)

Hugs,
C♥

Claudia, you are entirely too cleaver!! ♥Pammy

Ok, now you have me--not for the first time--laughing so hard I'm hurting. Rague, thanks for explaining your name. I like it. Hope that manager gets back to you and apologizes and gives you a free meal.

Isn't it funny how people just don't think before they let the words come out of their mouths? Having been through this I can say that I have heard so many that I could write a book...it should be called Talking to Cancer Survivors for Dummies. The best one I got was on Christmas Day last year. My sister told her male friend not to talk to me about my illness. So where is the dumb part? Here we go and be advised you must hang onto your shorts for this one...after she told him this he asked why and her response was because I was dead; I died the day I was diagnosed. Now just how stupid is that? I can tell you this, I have not spoken to her since then. People don't think; they talk and just pay no attention. They don't realize the actions of their words. However stupid or hurtful always remember that these are the people we look at and wonder...Really?

Hello, just wanted to tell you that I admire your attitude--it will serve you very well through your treatments. Anyone who is not going to let cancer "own" her is a strong person. I am sorry your family is going through so much, and at the same time. As for chemo, all of us who faced chemo had the same fears and nervousness. You will find answers to many questions here, and always support. My best to you.