okay... seriously is anyone else having these problems with people....

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e_hope
e_hope Member Posts: 370
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Now today tops all the stupid things people have said/ or done to me... Today I get an email from a acquaintance of mine... and its an OBITUARY... of some 41 year old woman who has passed away from BREAST CANCER... I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE WOMAN... what was the point of sending this to me.. does she really think I need a reminder that this disease can take my life...


and for a laugh some of the other things said to me in the last day or so...

1.. I look like a little old man from the back (from a co-worker,I work at a nursing home)
2.. are you going to let your hair grow back.. ( oh yea.. love being bald at 36 )
3.. LOVE, your haircut
4.. what happened to your hair ( are you really that dumb)

all i can ask is WHY WHY WHY...
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  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #2
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    Oh Ho.........
    If you don't know what to say, open Mouth; Insert Foot!.......Wow you really took some punches! Good for you to be able to keep calm and not lay into them like some Tazmanian Devil!.. You Win!

    Hugs jxxxxxxxxxx
  • Taina
    Taina Member Posts: 166
    #3
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    OMG
    unreal all the things stupid people say to us...
    i just love lately since my hair is growing people are asking if i'm going to
    keep my hair short...let the hair grow and i will make my decision when is time...
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #4
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    Taina said:

    OMG
    unreal all the things stupid people say to us...
    i just love lately since my hair is growing people are asking if i'm going to
    keep my hair short...let the hair grow and i will make my decision when is time...

    Taina.. yea.. got that one
    Taina.. yea.. got that one too.. okay why do people care... when i had hair no one asked me if I was going to cut it or let it grow... UGH.....
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    #5
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    e_hope said:

    Taina.. yea.. got that one
    Taina.. yea.. got that one too.. okay why do people care... when i had hair no one asked me if I was going to cut it or let it grow... UGH.....

    I have gone through the same
    I have gone through the same thing!! Why such a facination with the hair, most of the questions are not about my breast or health, it is always about the hair. yikes
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #6
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    meena1 said:

    I have gone through the same
    I have gone through the same thing!! Why such a facination with the hair, most of the questions are not about my breast or health, it is always about the hair. yikes

    Unbelievable!
    I wonder if people think they have to say something, but don't know what so they just blab?

    I recently saw an acquaintance for the first time since just after my surgery in July. The first thing she said was "Oh wow! You look terrific. I'd have thought you'd have lost your hair by now." Uh...I'm not having chemo.

    For the thoughts I been athinkin,
    I could be another Lincoln...
    If I only had a brain.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #7
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    m_azingrace said:

    Unbelievable!
    I wonder if people think they have to say something, but don't know what so they just blab?

    I recently saw an acquaintance for the first time since just after my surgery in July. The first thing she said was "Oh wow! You look terrific. I'd have thought you'd have lost your hair by now." Uh...I'm not having chemo.

    For the thoughts I been athinkin,
    I could be another Lincoln...
    If I only had a brain.

    I would not accept or open
    I would not accept or open any more email from the person who sent you the obituary and I would ask her why she sent it. pretty ignorant. after awhile you learn to ignore people they dont matter only the good supportive ones, its not worth your energy and you shake your head.
    This is my second primary so ive had fifteen years of this. my first time I was more aware now I just turn it off. because the people who are awesome far outweight he idiots and I cant waste my energy. But like I said I could not resist wondering what that aquaintance was thinking.
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #8
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    I'm glad you said that woman
    I'm glad you said that woman was an acquaintance that sent you the obit, she certainly isn't a friend. Of course, sometimes even our friends slip up and stick their size 13's in their mouth of equal size. You handled this better than I would. I'd probably blasted back a reply on the same email asking "So, what's your point"? You seem to have a good sense of humor, E-Hope. By the way next time someone asks you "what happened to your hair?" just tell them you donated it to a cancer charity. Then ask them if they would like to donate theirs? Forgive me but I don't have too much patience with "stupid" people.
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #9
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    Sunrae said:

    I'm glad you said that woman
    I'm glad you said that woman was an acquaintance that sent you the obit, she certainly isn't a friend. Of course, sometimes even our friends slip up and stick their size 13's in their mouth of equal size. You handled this better than I would. I'd probably blasted back a reply on the same email asking "So, what's your point"? You seem to have a good sense of humor, E-Hope. By the way next time someone asks you "what happened to your hair?" just tell them you donated it to a cancer charity. Then ask them if they would like to donate theirs? Forgive me but I don't have too much patience with "stupid" people.

    Wow That was so insensitive
    Wow That was so insensitive of her. Sorry

    ♠♣ Susie ♠♣
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #10
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    Wow. Just wow.
    Ok there is something seriously wrong with that woman. I know that sometimes people who mean well say and do the wrong thing. I think we should generally be patient with these people. However, this is beyond that IMO. I really think you should ask her why she sent you that, because if it wasn't to be cruel, then why? I would be curious to hear her reply.
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #11
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    mimivac said:

    Wow. Just wow.
    Ok there is something seriously wrong with that woman. I know that sometimes people who mean well say and do the wrong thing. I think we should generally be patient with these people. However, this is beyond that IMO. I really think you should ask her why she sent you that, because if it wasn't to be cruel, then why? I would be curious to hear her reply.

    Friend... all I can say.. is
    Friend... all I can say.. is truly... unbelievable!!!! some people need to just stick their foot in their mouth as soon as they open it!! Too bad that can't apply to people sending email too!!!
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    #12
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    stupid
    stupid is as stupid does. think i would say thanks for the obituary but i can read and i dont have time to look at ob to busy living sorry this happen to you. have a great thankgiving .
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    #13
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    thats terrible, some people
    thats terrible, some people just don't think before they talk....sorry you had to deal with this on top of every thing else you are going thru take care xxxxxooooo.....Lisa
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #14
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    newbiefromcananda said:

    thats terrible, some people
    thats terrible, some people just don't think before they talk....sorry you had to deal with this on top of every thing else you are going thru take care xxxxxooooo.....Lisa

    send a reply
    Well I sent her a reply today...

    asked her why she sent me that... and asked if it was to remind me that breast cancer kill and told her I am very aware of that I live with that knowledge everyday...

    We'll see if she answers back


    and today when someone told me they like my haircut... I responded with oh thank you.. 5 months of chemo gave it to me... :-)
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #15
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    me, too!
    That has happened to me also, and I want to email my friend back and say take me out of your address book!! One thing I have learned......people can be so hurtful. They don't think.
  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
    #16
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    I had forgotten about this
    When my head was completely bald my brother said that it looked like a midget wrestler's butt.
    WTF???
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490 Member
    #17
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    I honestly feel ONLY people
    I honestly feel ONLY people who have HAD cancer should ask another cancer patient how she/he is doing and offer encouragement, otherwise those who haven't don't really know JACK how we feel or what we went through or are still going through, our hopes and fears,etc. So, why people can be so insensitive can be so STUPID! If you have to say to them "I see you have cancer, you better be able to follow up with you have or did also and offer words of encouragement, or just not say anything to do with cancer to them.

    Also, we don't want to hear about those who didn't make it, only the survivors, we aren't stupid, we know some of us will not live to be 100. Sheesh. I know many of both cases. Only one of my aquaintences passed away from Breast cancer, ALL my other friends or family members went on to have a long life.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #18
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    elm3544 said:

    I had forgotten about this
    When my head was completely bald my brother said that it looked like a midget wrestler's butt.
    WTF???

    When I was an all-knowing,
    When I was an all-knowing, can't teach me anything 14 year old, my dad said the perfume I was wearing made my bedroom smell like "A French W.h.orehouse" Being all wise, I asked him how he knew what such a house smelled like. I wonder , 40+ years later, why I want to ask your brother the same question~only about midget wrestler butts! :-)

    Chen♥
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #19
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    ladybug22 said:

    stupid
    stupid is as stupid does. think i would say thanks for the obituary but i can read and i dont have time to look at ob to busy living sorry this happen to you. have a great thankgiving .

    I'll say you don't have time
    I'll say you don't have time for foolishness! And, if you spend too much time with Maker's Mark, you won't care or even remember stupid remarks people make! LOL LOL

    Happy Turkey Day to you too!

    Hugs,
    C♥
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #20
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    lanie940 said:

    I honestly feel ONLY people
    I honestly feel ONLY people who have HAD cancer should ask another cancer patient how she/he is doing and offer encouragement, otherwise those who haven't don't really know JACK how we feel or what we went through or are still going through, our hopes and fears,etc. So, why people can be so insensitive can be so STUPID! If you have to say to them "I see you have cancer, you better be able to follow up with you have or did also and offer words of encouragement, or just not say anything to do with cancer to them.

    Also, we don't want to hear about those who didn't make it, only the survivors, we aren't stupid, we know some of us will not live to be 100. Sheesh. I know many of both cases. Only one of my aquaintences passed away from Breast cancer, ALL my other friends or family members went on to have a long life.

    You Can't Fix Stupid! LOL
    Of course people say stupid things to us; we could probably write volumes on the subject!
    Even knowing that, I would hate it if ONLY fellow warriors had the "right " to encourage me and ask me how I am doing! My friends/family who did not have cancer took me to my appointments and made dinner,etc. My hairdresser hugged me and encouraged me by telling me that she would be giving me my first post chemo re-growth haircut for free! At the Relay For Life, a local massage therapist gives free massages to anyone walking the laps. He is not a survivor, but indeed a kindred spirit.

    I believe that ignorant, insensitive people would be like that regardless of the subject. They would "one up" us if we had lost someone in a plane crash, their childbirth labor was worse than ours, or they would know someone's whos was, they had the worst case of whatever, they were treated badly at this place or the other, and of course, most everyone DIED! With many things, I find these people are to be pitied: They have to wake up everyday being them, and we get to be us! Isn't that a happier thought??!

    If nothing else, these clueless people have hopefully given us a tutorial in What Not To Say, and How Not To Act! And whereas none of us ever wanted to learn the Life Lesson our battle with the Beast has taught us, at least the we know who our friends are! LOL
    The rest I let go, and I try not to be unduly affected by the Muggles on the outside. To those of you who know Harry Potter~ We are the Magical Ones, and CSN is Hogwarts! The Muggles, those hapless family members/friends who are not magically inclined, well, they can't help it that they don't understand what it's like to be us! Good thing we have each other!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #21
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    chenheart said:

    You Can't Fix Stupid! LOL
    Of course people say stupid things to us; we could probably write volumes on the subject!
    Even knowing that, I would hate it if ONLY fellow warriors had the "right " to encourage me and ask me how I am doing! My friends/family who did not have cancer took me to my appointments and made dinner,etc. My hairdresser hugged me and encouraged me by telling me that she would be giving me my first post chemo re-growth haircut for free! At the Relay For Life, a local massage therapist gives free massages to anyone walking the laps. He is not a survivor, but indeed a kindred spirit.

    I believe that ignorant, insensitive people would be like that regardless of the subject. They would "one up" us if we had lost someone in a plane crash, their childbirth labor was worse than ours, or they would know someone's whos was, they had the worst case of whatever, they were treated badly at this place or the other, and of course, most everyone DIED! With many things, I find these people are to be pitied: They have to wake up everyday being them, and we get to be us! Isn't that a happier thought??!

    If nothing else, these clueless people have hopefully given us a tutorial in What Not To Say, and How Not To Act! And whereas none of us ever wanted to learn the Life Lesson our battle with the Beast has taught us, at least the we know who our friends are! LOL
    The rest I let go, and I try not to be unduly affected by the Muggles on the outside. To those of you who know Harry Potter~ We are the Magical Ones, and CSN is Hogwarts! The Muggles, those hapless family members/friends who are not magically inclined, well, they can't help it that they don't understand what it's like to be us! Good thing we have each other!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Smile...
    Well put Claudia! I agree....I love the part about waking up and getting to be ME! I just LOVE being me! Besides, everybody else is already taken! (chuckle) ♥Pammy

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