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husband sent home to die

lakemtg
Posts: 11
Joined: Aug 2009

I need help. My husbands tumors are in the liver he has been through 6 chemos already not one of them worked. Today they told him they cannot do anything now. They told him to get a transplant but he is to risky to do so due to the clots in his portal vein.

Wow what can I say the emotions we are dealing with right now are really hard worse then when we found out he had cancer. For the first time this cancer has really shown a threat to our family we thought all this time there was hope we were positive and thought something good would happen now all hope was taken from me and him. He broke down and cried so hard and I never saw him like that he stated he was afraid, and worried, he has changed and it is the worst thing I have witnessed in anyone.

Can anyone out there help me give me advise what they went through, what I should do next, any suggestions that has helped them with the cancer? Anyone who was given the same advise from their doctor that is willing to tell me what my husband is going through. I am desperate for answers right now and how will I survive through this. The worst fear on both of us is the end and how badly it will be

any suggestions advise etc will help especially on what you think I can do to comfort him more? That is what I want to do more then anything.

Thanks
Kelly

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's new prognosis. Have the doctors nothing more that they can try, clinical trials he might qualitfy for? Anything?

I am an 18 year survivor of NHL and I am sure many people thought I wasn't going to make it many times but I did. I am not trying to give you false hope, only letting you know that hope never ends completely and you have to keep on praying and hoping. If you know of any prayer groups in churches let them put your husband's name on their prayer request lists - the power of group prayer is powerful indeed - from my experiences. You may also need to contact respite to see if they can offer you any suggestions on how to proceed from here on. I don't know if you can find a good grief counsellor through them or through your GP but they can really help you understand the processes your husband is going through and how best you can help him and yourself. Of course keep blogging on this site, anything you want to discuss about your sitatuion and I know many will respond as many have been there too.

I am glad you came to this site at a time like this, you will find much validation and support here. You talked about wanting to know what you can do for your husband and while the grief consellors can give you more detailed help with that I want to say that just you being there and loving your husband will be what he needs the most. I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight. Blessings, Bluerose

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Kelly, I am so very sorry about your husband's pronosis. I too would ask about clinical trials. My heart breaks for you both and you will be in my prayers. Eileen

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Kelly, I am so very sorry about your husband's pronosis. I too would ask about clinical trials. My heart breaks for you both and you will be in my prayers. Eileen

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Kelly, I am so very sorry about your husband's pronosis. I too would ask about clinical trials. My heart breaks for you both and you will be in my prayers. Eileen

shrevebud's picture
shrevebud
Posts: 106
Joined: Aug 2009

Hi Kelly:

Very sorry to hear about your husband's situation. I have stage IV colon cancer with extensive involvement in both lobes of my liver. I have undergone lots of chemotherapy over the past two and a half years and two chemoembolization procedures within the past year. Have they mentioned chemoembolization or rfa radio frequency ablation? You might ask about these procedures. I have not had RFA done but am looking into it. You could also check into Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Right now my doc thinks I need to do a trial somewhere. There are trials happening all over the place. I would ask about those too - some of them I think you can self-refer - not sure though. Don't give up. Wishing the best for you and your husband. Roy

MinnieMN
Posts: 47
Joined: Aug 2009

Hi Kelly,

I am so very sorry to hear about the prognosis. You, your husband, and your family are in my thoughts. There are plenty of people on this site to offer suggestions, so please never give up hope. Please let us know if you ever need someone to chat with. I'm usually around online, let me know if you just need an ear sometime. Also, try doing some research online about clinical trials. I don't know much, but there's lots of smart people on this site, keep posting!

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

kelly, don't know how long you and your husband have been battling this cancer. first, i will tell you that i hope you are going to a teaching hospital. it is your best chance for survival. if a liver transplant is your last chance what have you got to lose? look at what they are saying, that they can do nothing but the liver transplant or he will die, what is your choice? on the other hand, my husband was told nearly 10 yrs ago that they couldn't do anything for his brain tumor and we went to the nearest teaching hospital and he is still with us. we also had chemos that didn't work and finally went on a clinical trial which shrunk his tumor and gave him time until another approved chemo was available. i do not want to give you false hope but, check out these suggestions if they are applicable to you situation. as far as comforting him just hug, kiss and tell him what a great provider he has been, men seem to like to hear that. every day i tell my husband i love him and he thanks me for my care of him. that is all we can do and isn't it something everyone should learn before they get into these sorry situations, to thank each other for being our spouse, lover, partner, child or parent? my motto is never regret, do what you can today don't put it off until tomorrow because that may not come.

seanslove's picture
seanslove
Posts: 71
Joined: Jul 2009

Kelly,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have been down this road and lost my husband last week. What I can tell you is spend everyday like it's the last,be there for each other at all times,and never let go of each other. These last few days will be the one's you will cherish the most. TALK TALK TALK AND TALK SOME MORE!! EVen if it's the silliest things:Talk you will be glad you did! Again I am sooooo very sorry and I am here for you.

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