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NED

The1percen's picture
The1percen
Posts: 135
Joined: Jun 2009

Well Ladies,
Some of you have supported me and some wanted me gone. Thank you to those who have supported me. I certainly appreciate your prayers and good thoughts because IT WORKED! First they not only did a mammogram but also a sonagram. Then the radiologist came in and told me that there was NO "abnormal" breast tissue. I asked what I was feeling and he replied, that he found some "dense" tissue, but nothing unusual. He also explained that he saw was very likely due to meds. That more than likely explains the lumps in the Lymphs. He DID tell me to follow up with the surgeon. That leaves a very small degree of doubt, BUT I will take that over those 3 dreaded words. Now, please forgive me, I feel very stupid in some ways, and paranoid. I thank those of you that assured me it was very unlikely. To the small group who wanted me gone and thought I was a pervert just want to read about women's boobs. I can only say, you get your wish. I don't need to be here. I needed advice and understanding and I am so greatful to my friends. IF in some future it looks like I do have reason to fear, I will come back. For right now, I will leave this forum to those who very much need each other without the distraction of a paranoid pervert. I will continue to walk the Relay, as I do know it is like to think you may have it. It does give me an insight to the most widely feared disease in the world. I pray for all of you to beat the beast. I hope NED comes and lives with all of you. I will never forget some of you. Even though I am not deserving of membership, I will always consider myself a Daft Sod! May be more so than before. Take care, God Bless and Gentle Hugs!
Mike
aka MUD

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 678
Joined: Nov 2005

that you NEVER earn true membership in this forum.
BUT I have lots of friends who do not have cancer and now I count you among them.
And friendship is thicker than cancer cells. So please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
If you don't feel that you should post on the boards, at least pm some of us on a regular basis and just say hello.
Then we can pass the word among ourselves that 'our Mike' is still 'among' us.
God bless.

cats_toy's picture
cats_toy
Posts: 1463
Joined: Feb 2009

I am very glad for your news, I do not believe anything other than the fact that you were worried and came to us for help. Please take care and pray that you never get the disease.
anybody that wanted to look at womens boobs have many more interesting places to see them than here. Glad to hear you will continue with the relays.
take care
Cat

tommaseena's picture
tommaseena
Posts: 1771
Joined: Feb 2009

Mike,
I am glad everything worked out for you. And like said before you can always keep in touch with a PM every once in awhile to let us know that everything is ok.

Take care my friend and veteran,
Margo

jk1952's picture
jk1952
Posts: 613
Joined: May 2009

Although I've never posted on one of your threads, Mike, I wanted you to know that we'll miss our MUD, a charter member of the Daft Sod Club. Glad to hear about your test results and I wish you well!

Joyce

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Mike... fear is a powerful force...part of what this forum is for. I am so glad to hear that NED is living with you... May the two of you live a very long life together.

~T

Moopy23's picture
Moopy23
Posts: 1753
Joined: Jan 2009

Mike, I am very happy to hear your good news. I regret that you felt unwelcomed by some; you have my best wishes and gratitude for your prayers. May NED be with you, too, always.

mgm42
Posts: 494
Joined: Nov 2007

Hurray, hurray, hurray! Love to see that word, "NED." You anguished for quite some time. Now smile, be happy, and stay healthy. Great News. Hugs, Marilynn

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

so good to hear your news-that's wonderful!!
You don't have to leave here-who cares if you don't have cancer! This is not some exclusive stuffy club!The more the merrier.
The fact is that you did have a scare and had to have the mammogram and ultrasound like the rest of us have been through and been worried about!
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't leave because you feel we don't need you-you've been a great source of support!

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2048
Joined: Oct 2008

NED is just the greatest thing I could have heard from you (Well apart from: Hey I won the lottery, wanna elope?)

I will always consider you 'One of Us'....and a Daft Sod too. Please don't feel you have to leave us just because you are well or somebody gave you negative vibes.

Outdoor girl was right. You have been more than supportive and joined in with our daft posts.

If you leave now, you will be missed a lot. I hope we hear from you again and soon. Hugs Bro! Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

Mike, glad this day finally came for you and better yet... NED!! Thank you for continuing to walk in the relays because I know when you do it will be for all of us as well!! :) Pammy

The1percen's picture
The1percen
Posts: 135
Joined: Jun 2009

Hey Everybody,
After reading some of your posts and discussing it with Robin, I have decided NOT to cut all ties. I know I can provide support and there IS a very small area of commonality. I won't proclaim that I know what it is like to through what all of you have gone through, but I do have a little experience as a caregiver and I never will be "totally out of the woods" with my family history and risk factors. If anything, I need to be here just to remain vigilant Also I can't really leave JUST YET... I don't know the outcome of the surgeon appt. For all I know he will do a biopsy?!?! I AM relieved at this point, yet with a smidgen of doubt. After all I have read posts where things were missed. Thank you for the invitation and to my detractors... I promise to "behave myself"! I had talked to Gretta at ACS and she sugested I bolg my LONG vents and stories. SO if I feel the need to vent or describe something it will be in my blog. Thanks again!!!
HUGS,
Mike
AKA MUD!

Kat11's picture
Kat11
Posts: 1931
Joined: May 2009

Good news, Now you can move forward with peace of mind. But I have to ask after reading the posts here.Boobs is the story line here. Pervert hummmm What did I miss??

The1percen's picture
The1percen
Posts: 135
Joined: Jun 2009

That was aimed at a particular "few" and they know who they are. I really would rather not go into that any further. I still have my surgeon appt to go to, but things are ALOT LESS stressful now. I actually feel I can be MORE supportive now that I am NOT worried about me. I will let everyone know how that appt goes too. I can not begin to describe how much I appreciate the support that the majority of you wonderfull women (and guys) gave me when I was in my "hour of need" Take Care and God Bless Everyone,
Mike

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

You got flagged again,WHY?
Anyways,glad that you are sticking around! We've got your back!
Patty

The1percen's picture
The1percen
Posts: 135
Joined: Jun 2009

I guess since I wasn't "diagnosed" a certain person is upset that I decided to remain and support MY FRIENDS! I don't think I have to worry, I had already talked with Greta at ACS and as long as I 'behave myself' in regards to the posts that alledgedly offended this person than she has no problem with me. But to this person I am a "pervert" who is only here because of the discussion of women's breasts! I am so tempted to post her PMincluding her "name"... but I am ABOVE that petty behavior! Thank you for the head's up! Absolutely AMAZING!
I willnot be that easily bullied again!
Take Care... most of you are SO awesome that I feel privledged to call you FRIENDS!!!
Mike

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

Sorry that I brought it up-just ignore it(or try to)! Don't let the few who might have a problem make you do anything crazy and possibly get yourself kicked off! It's not worth it.

Jadie's picture
Jadie
Posts: 727
Joined: Mar 2004

I hope you live happly ever after.LOL

Jadie<3

ManWithaMission's picture
ManWithaMission
Posts: 497
Joined: Sep 2008

Let me start out by saying that I am a Male Breast Cancer survivor and I would also like for you to leave this site because you are a disruptive force here. As most of the ladies have said here,"You have not walked in our shoes!" Yes, I know you had a "scare" and wanted to talk about maybe having "IT", but now you know that you don't have "IT" and it has been suggested that you find a "support group" that deals with your situations. Which I understand is a caregiver to your father with prostate cancer. They have a very good Prostate cancer discussion board on this Cancer Survivor Network.(I think you should be more worried about getting that "beast" than this one.)

As for being a "disruptive force" here, these ladies have had a few "intrusions" before and they banded together to defend themselves from the disharmoney it caused. I know first hand of this because I had my "head handed to me" once on this board when I talked about cheating husbands.(I still love all you ladies who disagreed with me though.)You can not heal with disruptive forces at work here. Everyone has the right to disagree with something or someone every now and then,but it should not be so all consuming.Say your peace,deal with it in your own way and then MOVE ON! Don't dwell. I have been doing a lot of dwelling lateley, but that is another post.

As for "forceing people to leave" this site, I beleave that if it is disruptive or diturbing to the vast majority here that this person or persons SHOULD be asked politely to cease and desist or to move to another "more suitable" site for them. I do not think that someone should be "kicked off" a site because one or two people disagree with them. Afterall, this IS America and majority rules! I also don't belive that long time survivors should leave either. Why should you be "chased" away from the one thing you love and need more than them. Ladies, don't take everything on here to heart,it is way to easy to get that heart broken. Then it takes longer for you to trust someone new who may need your infinite knowlege,love and support. Good advice,"Learn to ignore it!"

I belive that everyone involved in this should take a step back,take a deep breath and shake it off before starting anew. I hope "The1percen" will do the right thing,the honest thing and move on. If he still wants to correspond with some ladies on here(or they with him),it has been suggested that thay do it by Private Messages or by e-mail. I think that is a very solid suggestion. I also strongly belive that what is sent in PM should stay in PM! That is the fastest way to loose anybody's trust,by betraying it! What is said on this site is honest,sensitive and vulnerable without unwritten loyalty and absolute trust on the part of the reader!

Well, I think I have put in enough of my thoughts and feelings into this post for now, ladies. I hope and pray that this situation gets resolved soon and things get back to normal love and support for others who are walking this path together.

Sincerely, Robert
One of The Real 1%!

CR1954's picture
CR1954
Posts: 1392
Joined: Jul 2008

Mike,

First of all, did someone here actually call you a pervert? Whether by PM, or in a post? Or is that something that you interpreted from some message?

Secondly, I think that some do not understand why you would seek out a breast cancer support board, long before you were even tested. And the same question remains as to why you would want to stay, even after being given the opinion of NED. (I am very relieved for you, btw) I know that you still have an appointment with a surgeon. And I don't know, but I suspect that he/she will probably go by the results of the mammogram and the sonogram that you have had. I would doubt that he/she will suggest a biopsy unless you insist upon it.

Thirdly, yes, your sister had breast cancer. And that may put you at a slightly higher risk of developing the disease. But if I were in your shoes, I would be far more concerned about developing prostate cancer, given your strong family history of it.
Also, being a caregiver for your father, I would think that you would gain much more information and support from others, who are in a like situation to yours. And you would be better able to support others who are going through what you have had to go through.

Frankly, I did not come to this board to have to deal with dissention and more stress than I already have while dealing with my cancer issues. And yet, almost every day, I am greeted with posts containing accusations and the attempt to pit some members against others.
These posts are not especially giving comfort and encouragement to me, and I suspect that others are not taking anything positive away from them either. And I am pretty sure that new members coming here, having been recently diagnosed, and in an already fragile state of mind are not comforted by what they are reading either.

I am not trying to cause any kind of trouble or add to the conflict which seems to have arisen already. I'm just stating things the way I see them. So I hope that nobody here takes this post that way.
I merely want to address this whole issue in a calm and intelligent manner in the hopes that there can be some kind of resolution.
Because honestly, I'm not sure that I want to stay here if this conflict continues.

CR

Christmas Girl's picture
Christmas Girl
Posts: 3654
Joined: Apr 2009

Thank you, very much, for your honest, thoughtfully written and calmly worded post - for all to read. And respond to, at their own choosing.

I assure you that you are most certainly not alone in your stated perspective.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.

Kind regards, Susan

bfbear's picture
bfbear
Posts: 381
Joined: Mar 2009

Thank you for your posts. I am in total agreement.

Mike, I feel that you are coming to the wrong place for support. This is a Breast Cancer discussion group, meant for bc survivors and their caregivers. I understand that you were concerned about your lumps, but they are not cancer. And I am glad for that. I am glad that you will not need surgery or chemo or radiation. You are not a 1%er, and that's super!!!

Your other self-stated problems, depression, PTSD, etc. can be supported in other places with people who understand your needs better than most. And there are many, many such places.

This is meant to be a place where people, 99% women, can come to find support, answers, and share expereinces about breast cancer. It is not a
general support group for anyone with any experience with any disease or a family with other diseases.

I know you have supporters here, and they are very kind and compassionate women whom I dearly love, but there are also many women who are fearful and disconcerted by your presence here -- it's not just one or two, it's many. If you need to talk to your friends here, would it be out of line to respectfully request that you do so by PM or personal emails?

As Cindy and Susan have said, this board is not a place to pit people against each other. Such behavior only leads to sadness, fear and anger -- three things that we really do not want to create here!!

I have not flagged your posts, and I have not PMed you. But I cannot say that I do not support those who have. For you to threaten to "out" someone from a PMed message is a terrible thing to do. Especially since they may choose to "out" the responses you PMed back, which is something I think would only cause further distress and disharmony here. PMing is just as it is stated by definition: Personal Messaging, i.e. it is for your eyes only.

Please consider all your options, and the greater good here.

Thank you, Mike.

Most sincerely,
Debi

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

CR..

I would like to thank you for having the fortitude to state what I am sure others are feeling and thinking... I have tried to shy away from this, because I sense an attempt to create distention among the members here, and the thought that someone who is going through the bc journey and needs support, or someone who has been there and can offer the newer members support and information from his or her own experience with the beast, would turn away from this site because of this garbage... is really disheartning to me...

And don't you dare go anywhere..

Hugs,

~T

Noel's picture
Noel
Posts: 3101
Joined: Apr 2009

I agree with CR, Susan, Debi, Taleena and many others that have messaged me. I think Mike would be better off on another site as CR stated. As we are glad that you do not have bc, your being here is causing too much dissention and uneasiness. And, the fact that you are causing many bc survivors and newcomers to feel uncomfortable and that we have long term bc survivors thinking of leaving, like CR and even myself, should send a strong message to you that you should go elsewhere.

And, as Teena said, don't you dare go anywhere CR!

dyaneb123's picture
dyaneb123
Posts: 951
Joined: May 2009

Amen CR! You stated that beautifully. Mike, you don't have breast cancer....find a forum that addresses your issues. We wish you well, but you need to find people who share your concerns.
Cheers,
Dee

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

I hate to be so blunt, but, as the others have stated, you don't have bc and you and your posts have been causing a lot of turmoil and making a lot of us feel very uneasy. I have also been quiet about this until I saw where CR, a long time bc supporter and survivor here, and some others, are thinking of leaving as a result of you. That is not fair. You don't have bc, and, I feel that some other board would serve your problems better, not this one. So, as I stated above, please leave Mike. Thank you!

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

I am still considered new here, but, I was finding great support and information here. But, I have to admit also, that 1percen makes me feel very uncomfortable and I also wish he would go to another site or something. I would hate to see the bc survivors who have been here so long and who have been helping me and others leave because of 1percen.

I have even written to the CSN feedback to have them help with this matter in asking 1percen to please leave. I would encourage anyone else to do the same.

And, please don't leave CR and any others that are considering it because of him.

tgf's picture
tgf
Posts: 955
Joined: Mar 2009

I agree fully with all comments regarding 1 percent going to another forum to discuss his issues. Mike is NOT among the 1 percent of males with breast cancer and he should be grateful. We are a group of survivors and caregivers of breast cancer and we have become family. We are comfortable with each other and can share our knoweledge, experiences and support with other survivors and caregivers. Mike has not walked in our shoes and has nothing to offer. He claims he wants to give us support ... but we get that from each other and really do not feel comfortable discussing our innermost feelings with someone who really does not understand ... no matter how hard he might try. Again ... he has not walked in our shoes.

I am sure we are all relieved that Mike does NOT have breast cancer ... and we wish him well as he addresses his other issues ... but those issues do not belong on the Breast Cancer survivor discussion board.

I too have flagged his posts and have also written CSN for assistance in this matter. We are a family of very vulnerable women and we do not need this stress and tension added to our fight against cancer. So ... Mike ... if you read this ... please be gracious enough to move on ... and let our family return to what it was before you began posting... a place of serenity and support where we all felt safe and secure. Please leave the Breast Cancer Board and find some place more appropriate for your needs. Mike ... you say you care about all of us on this site and want to offer your support. The best thing you can do for us is to move on to another site ... and do it in peace without threats or sad stories about how much you need us. If you want to communicate with people on the Breast Cancer board please be considerate enough to do it in your blogs or by using Personal Messages. Let the rest of us get back to what brought us together ... Fighting the fight against breast cancer.

teena

maya00i's picture
maya00i
Posts: 43
Joined: Jun 2009

I do believe that some people do not know that men can get breast cancer. My dear sweet brother lost his battle with Breast cancer.
Why would you want to be here for the breasts there are no pics.Some people just don't think. Hang in there.

Kylez's picture
Kylez
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

I think most know that men can get breast cancer. And, I am very sorry for your loss Maya. Anyone that has the diagnosis of breast cancer, if they didn't know, find out very quickly thru the research, knowledge and material they are given that men also can get breast cancer, very rare, but, it does happen.

The point is that Mike does not have breast cancer. So, my question is why would a 50 year old man want to be on here with women that DO have breast cancer, and, why when so many of us have expressed our not wanting him on the site? No offense, but, he has nothing to offer us. We need the support and encouragement and real life experiences from someone that has had the diagnosis. We need to feel comfortable telling our most intimate feelings and our physical problems. I, for one, do not feel comfortable with him and didn't right from the start.

So, I, as the others, am asking 1percen to go, so that we can have our comfortable, informative and bc site back to what it was before he logged on.

I also am writing to CSN feedback and requesting they ask him to leave too.

aurora2009's picture
aurora2009
Posts: 545
Joined: Jun 2009

I am new to this site but, But I have to say that I have never found confort in any of the posts from Mike, in fact if I didn't have faith that sooner or later, everything would come to a head on this matter, I would have left sooner.

I want to thank all of you who have finaly spoke up and voiced their opinions, while I did not flag him, I would of felt uncomfortable standing up on my own.

Aurora

P.S.
Mike you are not a BC surviver or caretaker of some one with BC, while I wish you the best of luck in finding the help you realy need. I am also asking you to please leave.
Aurora

dyaneb123's picture
dyaneb123
Posts: 951
Joined: May 2009

Maya we know that some men get breast cancer. We have a very wonderful male member named Bill who contributes his thoughts occasionally and we look forward to his posts. Mike does not have breast cancer. Nuff said.

phoenixrising's picture
phoenixrising
Posts: 1510
Joined: Feb 2007

I have never been more saddened and disheartened on this site than seeing this "feeding frenzy". We are better than this, we can do better than this.

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

I disagree with you phoenixrising. I see no feeding frenzy. All I see is a long time bc survivor, CR, possible leaving because of a man that does NOT have bc, and, who is making a lot of the bc survivors very uncomfortable. I, also see, several other longtime bc survivors who were relieved that CR spoke up first so that they could voice their disapproval in Mike staying on the site when he does NOT have bc. I think everyone has been very polite, but, to the point in their replies. Sorry you see it otherwise. I think all have been kind, but, just wanting an end to this finally!

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2048
Joined: Oct 2008

I have to totally agree with you! Well said and glad to see you back. This man came in here scared out of his mind......Does anyone know what THAT feels like? He was always nice and supportive.

OK, Maybe he was panicing prematurely (Like we do). OK He Vented...Like us. It took one brave man to come onto a Breast cancer site to try and get support. I am sorry it backfired on him, he's a good guy.

If a bloke wants to look at boobs, yes even deformed ones, he sure wouldn't be in here. There are a lot of twisted porn sites out there where 'Perverts' can get the sort of action they crave. (This site doesn't provide that service)

I am so upset that he was treated in this way. Phoenix---Feeding Frenzy describes it perfectly. And I refuse to join in with this persecusion of an 'Innocent until proven Guilty' person of either sex.

He was a part of our group because he THOUGHT he was a part of our group, How scary is that?......and especially for a man.

Just because he is a HE doesn't make him a threat to us women. I was very suprised by some of the reactions to his post.

Please, I know SOME people in here won't agree with me...BUT Please try to see things from a different angle. I think some of you have got it slightly wrong.

Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tommaseena's picture
tommaseena
Posts: 1771
Joined: Feb 2009

I agree with you "feeding frenzy". I just hope that when Mike does see the surgeon and if he has to have a biopsy and god forbid that it is bc because the radiologist gave his opinion as a radiologist that is was just "dense abnormal tissue." How will the others feel that they made someone go away?

I know that everyone has their own opinions and some of the things Mike said may have been inappropriate but he did seek the advice of someone at CSN who told him to write things like that on his blog.

I just hope everything goes smoothly for Mike.

I know there have been others who joined before they knew they had BC and everyone welcomed them with open arms.

I agree with you that Mike still may need our support. It is a scary thing to have the unknown hanging in the air like he does.

Your friend,
Margo

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2048
Joined: Oct 2008

Thank you......

This is just not right. People in a certain predicament ordering other people maybe of a certain predicament out of the room?

This is becoming the sort of site I really don't want to be associated with.

I wish I knew how to send an email in here............One would certainly be going out to Mike.......

I joined well after my treatments, I'm glad I did now.

Would everyone be so hurtful if he had been a woman?

Maybe I don't belong here either.........J

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

do. You know honestly,I never read anything in Mike's posts that made me nervous. Yeah,he's a guy,but Bill is a guy too and we've had no problem having him in our family.
What was it about Mike that made you all so nervous,and who thinks that he was on here just to see our boobs and how do you know that for a fact?!And what boobs have there been to see lately? I havn't seen any!
I value all of you guys and I really don't want to drop this board,but you know-what if Mike really does get diagnosed at some point with bc and/or what if he's been telling the truth all along? You know,I don't blame him for getting upset-I would have gotten upset too and just left here to try to find another board that would be more understanding!!
I just thought of something else too-when did it become our right to tell someone to get off of this board?What's to stop anyone from telling anyone to get off now?Even when we've had our differences in the past-we have still accepted each other as that was how we each were.

fauxma's picture
fauxma
Posts: 3542
Joined: Dec 2008

Yes, and I adore Bill. he has a slightly naughty but tremendously funny sense of humor and no one seems to have been offended by him. I love his humor, just as I love Tasha's, and Cat's. And others too. But maybe other's don't enjoy their humor. Who decides who is appropriately funny or supportive or anything. There are no boobs to see except those humorous ones that were posted and none of us were offended by that. This site would not fulfill any man's fantasy about boobs.
You are so right about when did we get to tell someone to get off.
Stef

fauxma's picture
fauxma
Posts: 3542
Joined: Dec 2008

I think that the comment that bothered me the most was the one that said, Why did he come on here when he didn't even know if he had cancer" Gosh, that must mean that so many of our other members shouldn't have come for support until after they were diagnosed. No being here unless you really have cancer and maybe we should ask for proof. Copies of paths please. I totally agree that this is a feeding frenzy. There were also comments made about it being weird that his mammo and diagnosis were taking so long. So did the tests for a friend of mine. The doctors just felt that it was unlikely to be cancer, he was too young, blah, blah, blah. They finally did a mammo and determined it wasn't likely to be cancer. Wrong, by the time they finally biopsied, it had spread to lymphnodes and to the liver. Treatment was done and my friend is doing well. His name was Bill (a different one from our Bill). I don't think that Mike (MUD) has done anything to warrant these personal attacks. And I know if these comments were made to me, I would consider them attacks. I agree with Tasha that this attitude is making this the sort of site I don't want to be a part of. I don't always agree with all the comments, suggestions, etc. but I am a big girl and I can ignore the ones that don't apply to me or that I don't care about.
Awhile back, Kathi mentioned about a huge women on the plane and Hans complaining to the staff because he couldn't recline his seat. It hurt me reading that because I am a large woman and airline seats are tight for me. But I am short legged so I wouldn't present a problem for leggy men sitting in front of me. But I know those looks regarding size. But I realized she was not directing this at me. It was just what happened on her flight. She wasn't being unkind just telling a story. Should I have overreacted to this?
We are often off topic because it helps us see we are more than our disease but if we are going to be so strict with the rules. Cancer Talk Only! Of course not, we love sharing our joys, sorrows, fears, courage. I love all you ladies, even the ones that I am disagreeing with. It's what I love about this board. We are normally so caring and sharing and this nastiness does not reflect well on us. Just my opinion also. I respect that everyone will have a different take on this. So now some want to leave because he is here and some want to leave because others are deciding who should be here. And what do we do. Maybe don't read posts from those we find offensive or that we don't find relevent. This makes me very sad. I have a sister that always says, If so and so is coming to your house, I won't come. My standard reply is you will be missed. I don't mean that I want anyone to leave, but isn't it a subtle blackmail to make those statements. Do we have a vote and decide who stays and leaves? I don't know, but it bothers me that this is going on and it takes more than one person to cause dissension.
Stef

ladybug22's picture
ladybug22
Posts: 647
Joined: Sep 2008

All i want to say is i dont have breast cancer anymore do i need to leave as well. hugs

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

you don't! I don't know all of the circumstances with Mike,but we are all trying to put this all behind us now. That's why no one is posting on this thread anymore.
I've been a cancer survivor of 2 years and I got on here after I had finished my treatments and was declared NED so yes,if I can stay on here-so can you!

Jeanne D's picture
Jeanne D
Posts: 1867
Joined: Mar 2009

say Mike should leave. And, I think that the main point, right now, is he does not have bc. Yes, Bill is welcomed here and we all like him. He has bc. But, Mike does not. If you want to stay in contact with him, please give him your email address and stay in touch with him that way. Why cause more of a rift in our members than this person already has. I might leave the site too, as, I never liked his postings. The breaking point was when he said he was going to kill his wife. Sorry people, but, I don't want to be associated with a wife killer, even in the concept of it. I am sure that will anger some of you, but, please, just read it and understand it before you jump on me.

Just do the right thing Mike, and, please leave and if you need help, please seek out a site suitable to you. And, if some of the bc survivors wish to stay in touch with you, please pm them and get their emails and stay in contact.

It would be so unjust to see CR, myself and several others leave this site as a result of him staying, considering he does NOT have bc!

Thank you CR for bringing up what many of us were thinking! I will be emailing CSN.

p.s. and for those that want his email, he posted it in one of his postings.

CR1954's picture
CR1954
Posts: 1392
Joined: Jul 2008

I truly find it very hard to believe that ANYONE on this board would call Mike a pervert or say that he is on this board to look at boobs. Whether in a post or by PM.

Those were Mike's words.

Honestly, can anyone here think of someone who would do that? And if they did, don't you think CSN would have taken action for something like that?

CR

mimivac's picture
mimivac
Posts: 2147
Joined: Dec 2008

Well, a lot of strong feeling have been expressed here. I don't believe that any feeding frenzy is going on. CR and others have been extremely respectful and honest in stating their discomfort with Mike's presence here. That's legitimate. As far as I can tell, no one called Mike a pervert or a liar. We are taking him at his word that he had a cancer scare and was subsequently found NED. The fact that his posts are offending many members here is another story and something to be addressed openly. Personally, I don't believe Mike is a good fit for this site. It's not about being a man or being NED. In my opinion, his posts create a lot of drama without being relevant to our mission here of supporting women with breast cancer. I also think he has issues that cannot be addressed in this group. I know people disagree and some find him supportive. I also don't believe that anyone is "ordering" him to leave. But expressions of discomfort with Mike's posts are perfectly legitimate without being nasty. Discussion and dissent are normal parts of any close group of people who care deeply about each other.

I sincerely hope that people on either side of this debate do not leave this family. That would indeed be a tragedy, because we all need each other. I would be devastated if Tasha, CR, Debi, Teena, Outdoor Girl, or anyone else in this debate left. Please don't do that. Let's have our discussion respectfully like we're doing and continue to support each other in the meantime.

I truly wish Mike well, as does everyone who here who has expressed an opinion. Being NED is a gift.

Mimi

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

Have you and Christmas Girl been taking "peacemaking classes"? You guys are very good at it!

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

all I can say is well said!! :) Pammy

Christmas Girl's picture
Christmas Girl
Posts: 3654
Joined: Apr 2009

First off, I hope your weekend - and whatever you did for enjoyment - lifted your spirits. We always look forward to your return on Mondays! :-)

Since outdoorgirl/Patty(*) has likened the two of us together as "peacemakers" - I feel compelled to post in wholehearted agreement with your wisely worded perspective. This is not a matter of female vs. male - Bill S., a BC survivor, is most welcome here. As is Aortus/Joe, our beloved Moopinator's primary caregiver. Both of them, in my humble opinion, have ALWAYS posted with an obvious tone of sensitive consideration for the legitimate reasons we are ALL here.

We are ALL here because this is the American CANCER Society (ACS) site: we are members of the CANCER SURVIVORS Network (CSN), and active participants on the BREAST CANCER Board. Mike was originally welcomed by many. By his own admission - now, he is neither a BC Survivor (thankfully, very fortunate for him), NOR has he ever been a BC primary caregiver (hopefully, he never will be). This is not a purely "social networking" site - to use it as such is extremely offensive, at least to me, because it trivializes the real reason we're here. Which is to seek from and provide to support and encouragement amongst those who "walk in our shoes"...

I speak next only for myself: I get lots of support - of a different type - from family and friends, for which I am truly grateful. However, amongst that beloved circle - not one of them is a breast cancer survivor. Which is exactly why I'm here. Again, for which I am truly grateful.

Over time, Mike has made it quite obvious - and unabashedly, seemingly without any sense of self-imposed boundaries - to all that he certainly has several serious issues to deal with, MOST of which are NOT cancer related. Some of those very issues have caused a great deal of discomfort, if not outright fear, amongst many members. There are many, MANY other options more appropriate and available to him - even here, within the ACS/CSN site, via other boards. (Another example: Facebook includes at least HUNDREDS of "networks"...)

Not long ago, when a few members (from another board, non-BC) "invaded" the BC board with questionable intent and harassed at least one other member via PMs to the point where the victim almost left the group - the vast majority rallied around her, and convinced her to stay. The few harassers have either left, or gone silent. (Thank goodness.) I simply don't understand why some see this differently. So very MANY are now uncomfortable with Mike's presence, how many may have ALREADY left no one knows - why the divisiveness? Why do some seem to feel it's OK for MANY to suffer or depart, because of ONE?

I just hope it all ends very soon, Yesterday wasn't soon enough. For me, personally, the entire situation has become so upsetting and emotionally draining that I have little - if anything - left for the real purpose I'm here... To support and encourage others, those in REAL need related to breast cancer. And I am so, so sorry to admit that...

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one (or, of the few).

Thank you, Mimi.

Kind regards, Susan

(*) P.S. to outdoorgirl/Patty: I'm not quite sure how to interpret your comment about Mimi and I "taking peacemaking classes"?!? I hope it is more of a compliment, if anything - and not intended as a criticism. I am simply honestly expressing my personal perspective.

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Susan...I am almost certainly positive that it was a compliment... I see in you both words of "calm wisdom and understanding".... that is a peacemaker.... and I believe that is what we need now... it would be nice to finally lay this issue to rest and use our time and energy to focus on what it is we "really need"...eachother...

Hugs, Love & Friendship,

~T

outdoorgirl's picture
outdoorgirl
Posts: 1569
Joined: Apr 2009

I thought about it after I typed it and wondered if you would take it as criticism. No,it wasn't. I only meant it as a compliment. We may have our disagreements(and I am starting to understand your points of views-though I still feel compassion for Mike),but first and foremost we are(I still hope)friends!Lets not let anything come between that!

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

Mimi, I wish that people would read all of the posts carefully. Noone was being mean or hateful, as you said. Everything was written calmly and quite admirably. Where the feeding frenzy comes in, I have no idea. It was just a lot of the bc suvivors who HAVE or HAD bc stating their discomfort and asking politely for a person who does NOT have bc to find a site more suitable to his needs. I agree with you Mimi that he is not a good fit for this site. As you said, his issues can be addressed better elsewhere. I don't understand why some can't see that if you read ALL of his posts. And, if you haven't read ALL of them, please do. Seriously, a man who has and is thinking of killing his wife does not fit on a breast cancer site. I find that very apalling and degrading at the least to women. I wish him the best, but, a breast cancer site for a man that does NOT have bc is not the place. It just seems odd...sorry! I hope everyone has a good day!

Kristin

ps: some say they don't see where he has had unacceptable behavior. so, wanting to kill your wife and posting about it on a breast cancer site is acceptable?

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