Hello!
I hope I am still welcome back. I have been away dealing with some life difficulties but mostly dealing with a reincidence of fear (I can't bring myself to use the word recurrance). It was like I was ready to go out and enjoy life having ended treatment and then life soured (economy, husband's money worries, job probs etc.) I just wasn't strong enough to keep my chin up for awhile. But it's getting better, or I am getting stronger.
Anyway, my reconstruction (expanders after rads) has been ongoing. Sometimes I have a lot of pain after the weekly fills...more I think than most will because my shoulder blade seems to get a lot of tension. Natch, I thought it was bone mets...and then the fear comes back.
I did want to write a story of strength though, not just complain..and here goes.
The fight against the beast sometimes happens in weird places. I work at this lock up facility for teens. One of the probation officers is a young girl with BC all over her family and she knows that she needs to be tested and maybe consider preventative mas. Of course she is frightened. We don't know each other well but she seeks me for advice and info about mas. and recon. So the other day we crowded into a little cement women's bathroom (we ain't got a "lounge" at the jail) and I pulled up my shirt and showed her my scars and my progress towards reconstruction. I tried to gently show her not just war scars but hope, maybe take a little fear away.
All my life I have hoped to have a moment when I felt I was helping someone, passing on wisdom from my life. When I pictured this moment I was fastening a pearl necklace around my daughter's neck as she dressed for her wedding or so. Well, as I helped this young probation officer learn and face the future, I had my moment, in a little cement bathroom.
THink I will go buy the pearls now!
Love to you all, I have missed you all and look forward to some new friends,
Joyce
Comments
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Glad you are backMarcia527 said:I'm glad to see you are back
I'm glad to see you are back posting. It makes me more secure when the ones posting when I started are still posting. I can't tell you why. So you are helping me and don't even know it! Sending hugs your way.
Nice to see you again......you helped me a lot when I first found this site and it sounds like in your time off you have helped yet another. Thank you and great to hear from you, you have been missed. Jxxxxxxx0 -
Aww Joyce, you have no idea
Aww Joyce, you have no idea how much you've been missed. I am so sorry you've had some hard times but am glad you've overcome then and come back to the fold. You are always welcomed and know that you're an inspiration to everyone. Especially me. I remember when I was in that same funk and you and Claudia lifted me up and out of that moment. You've been on my mind all the time and I'm glad you're back. Lots of hugs and love going your way dear friend. Lili0 -
Its OK
As far as I am concerned, you are welcome even if you are in a "funk". Part of the greatness of this site is that we are among those who have been there and done that, both the good and the bad. I am happy that you had a chance to help someone face to face. That is a moving experience because you can have immediate feedback about the result of the help you offer. I would be surprised if you do not get another chance to do that somewhere some time. I think we all need time to focus on ourselves, but when that time is over, focusing on others can help us move on.
Thanks for feeling free to be you! seof0 -
Thank you for all the nice
Thank you for all the nice words. I am feeling so much better these days. Eileen, your new picture is adorable. My hair came in curly after it grew back, almost Shirley Temple but not quite as cute as yours. I hope all of you are doing well. love, Joyce0 -
So Happpy To See You
Joyce I am soooo happy to see you, I was hoping to see you before this coming Friday.
You mention that you hoped you would help someone in your life, well let me tell you that it is because of you and your posts regarding reconstruction that I had the courage to go to the surgeon and check into it. After visiting two surgeons I have decided to go for the simplest of procedures which is the expander implants to be followed by the permanent implants at a later date and nipple reconstruction. My surgery is set for this coming Friday and I so wanted to thank you for your help with this decision by providing the information you have. You are a caring, wonderful gal who has proven to be very helpful.
So glad yo are back, you have been missed. I will keep you posted on my progress.
My Best To You,
RE0 -
You have been missedRE said:So Happpy To See You
Joyce I am soooo happy to see you, I was hoping to see you before this coming Friday.
You mention that you hoped you would help someone in your life, well let me tell you that it is because of you and your posts regarding reconstruction that I had the courage to go to the surgeon and check into it. After visiting two surgeons I have decided to go for the simplest of procedures which is the expander implants to be followed by the permanent implants at a later date and nipple reconstruction. My surgery is set for this coming Friday and I so wanted to thank you for your help with this decision by providing the information you have. You are a caring, wonderful gal who has proven to be very helpful.
So glad yo are back, you have been missed. I will keep you posted on my progress.
My Best To You,
RE
I am so glad to see your post. Joyce you have encouraged me greatly when I faced questions about reconstruction. I have been wondering what you have been up to. Down days happen, we gotta keep pressing on, encouraging one another, keeping hope alive! Sharing our stories so we can make a difference.
Melanie0 -
Welcome Back!Derbygirl said:Life after breast cancer is
Life after breast cancer is very different and it appears that moments of being anxious or worried can recur at any time. Hope you're feeling stronger each day and can enjoy life after breast cancer.
Hi Joyce! So glad to see you back on the boards here. I've been thinking of you since you started the reconstruction. Like some others have said, I have always found your posts soo helpful. The truth is we never really know when that seed of good intention will blossom into someone else's "aha moment". You and I are in a similar line of work and we see that all the time. Hopefully you had enough time away from work before you went back. I also recall you liking yoga? Are you back to any practices? I'm getting ready to shed the expanders and get the implants in April. I'm excited yet very nervous about starting the healing thing all over again. We all struggle not to let fear stop us from doing what we know we need to do. Funk, the blues, the yukes are forces to be reconed with. We'll take you back any time, no matter what state your in. be well!0 -
Oh, RE, I certainly send youRE said:So Happpy To See You
Joyce I am soooo happy to see you, I was hoping to see you before this coming Friday.
You mention that you hoped you would help someone in your life, well let me tell you that it is because of you and your posts regarding reconstruction that I had the courage to go to the surgeon and check into it. After visiting two surgeons I have decided to go for the simplest of procedures which is the expander implants to be followed by the permanent implants at a later date and nipple reconstruction. My surgery is set for this coming Friday and I so wanted to thank you for your help with this decision by providing the information you have. You are a caring, wonderful gal who has proven to be very helpful.
So glad yo are back, you have been missed. I will keep you posted on my progress.
My Best To You,
RE
Oh, RE, I certainly send you every warm wish for success with the procedure. There will be some "discomfort", but if you need another expanded shoulder to lean on, consider us sisters. I have got this funny bump now for a breast that is too high and too hard, but for all that I feel like I have two. Do keep me posted. The very nicest thing about surgery is that they put you out. You don't even have to be brave. You just have to wake up and deal with it. Watch a little Oprah in the afternoons till you feel better. And this is one surgery that is for us, not taking more away. See you at Victoria's secret! LOVE, Joyce0 -
So true, Green eyes. ThanksGreeneyedGirl said:You have been missed
I am so glad to see your post. Joyce you have encouraged me greatly when I faced questions about reconstruction. I have been wondering what you have been up to. Down days happen, we gotta keep pressing on, encouraging one another, keeping hope alive! Sharing our stories so we can make a difference.
Melanie
So true, Green eyes. Thanks for the encouragement. You know, this reconstruction hasn't been all party, but when all is said and done it is fun. I guess it makes me feel in charge and that is a feeling I have come to appreciate after sitting still for a million needles and loosing my hair and and, well the list goes on. Like you say, keeping hope alive.
love, Joyce0 -
HOw wonderful! Getting adbs1673 said:Welcome Back!
Hi Joyce! So glad to see you back on the boards here. I've been thinking of you since you started the reconstruction. Like some others have said, I have always found your posts soo helpful. The truth is we never really know when that seed of good intention will blossom into someone else's "aha moment". You and I are in a similar line of work and we see that all the time. Hopefully you had enough time away from work before you went back. I also recall you liking yoga? Are you back to any practices? I'm getting ready to shed the expanders and get the implants in April. I'm excited yet very nervous about starting the healing thing all over again. We all struggle not to let fear stop us from doing what we know we need to do. Funk, the blues, the yukes are forces to be reconed with. We'll take you back any time, no matter what state your in. be well!
HOw wonderful! Getting a soft and squishy instead of a Barbie breast. I hope that you heal quickly and feel fabulous, let alone look fabulous. I am always impressed with us - willing to do so much, so much to settle for less, but still to keep trying to be the best we can. To me that is as or more beautiful than "natural" beauty. I guess we are just in a class with Pamela Anderson, hee hee.
Thanks for helping me through my funk. Do you do yoga too? The recon. has cut into my down dog, but I am working on my forward bends instead.
Love, Joyce0 -
Thanks Derby. I am indeedDerbygirl said:Life after breast cancer is
Life after breast cancer is very different and it appears that moments of being anxious or worried can recur at any time. Hope you're feeling stronger each day and can enjoy life after breast cancer.
Thanks Derby. I am indeed trying to enjoy life. And sometimes even using lessons that the beast taught me. Today I had a good time speaking up for myself at work. Sometimes I struggle with meekness, but after what we have been through, meek just doesn't describe us anymore. Thanks for writing, love, Joyce0 -
squishy squishy yes yesJoycelouise said:Thanks Derby. I am indeed
Thanks Derby. I am indeed trying to enjoy life. And sometimes even using lessons that the beast taught me. Today I had a good time speaking up for myself at work. Sometimes I struggle with meekness, but after what we have been through, meek just doesn't describe us anymore. Thanks for writing, love, Joyce
Joyce I currently have an expander in and am having my implant surgery the end of April. Yes, that babie is hard and high--but oh how the new girl is gonna look. Kinda like kickin a new tire on a car-wow look at those babies now! Lets get excited about what is to come, even if we get a few needles. And we will be asleep, wake up, watch movies--and nap all day.0 -
It is so good to see you!
Joyce, You are one of the first people I "met" on this site and I always found your posts so encouraging. I've missed you and I'm glad that you are back. I still haven't decided about reconstruction and have so many questions! Your journey inspires me. It is good to hear from you. Lynn0 -
ripened fruitlynn1950 said:It is so good to see you!
Joyce, You are one of the first people I "met" on this site and I always found your posts so encouraging. I've missed you and I'm glad that you are back. I still haven't decided about reconstruction and have so many questions! Your journey inspires me. It is good to hear from you. Lynn
From hard to squishy... or like ripening fruit...starts out hard and then just the right amount of softness to be sweet! Yes, Joyce these expanders can make some yoga movements tough. Overall, I've found yoga very helpful in getting my strength and range of motion back. The hardness makes for uncomfortable cobras or anything on my stomach. My real goal is to be able to lay on my stomach long enough to enjoy an hour hot rock massage!0 -
Part of the fun for me isGreeneyedGirl said:squishy squishy yes yes
Joyce I currently have an expander in and am having my implant surgery the end of April. Yes, that babie is hard and high--but oh how the new girl is gonna look. Kinda like kickin a new tire on a car-wow look at those babies now! Lets get excited about what is to come, even if we get a few needles. And we will be asleep, wake up, watch movies--and nap all day.
Part of the fun for me is that they are going to give a lift and some filler for the other one too. Let's get excited. I love that. love, Joyce0
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