Nov 21, 2008 - 8:38 pm
My husband was diagnosed w/ matasticised nsclc "adenocarcinoma w/ 3 brain mets" july 30 2008. he did 14 rounds of radiation and is just finishing up his 12th day of chemo, cisplatin / navelbine. I work fulltime, take care of our 2 children and tend to him and dr. appts and the house and all that goes with that. He is pushing through right now. At our last dr. visit he did mention giving up chemo for he was so tired of the side effects and it knocking him down for days on end. Dr told him ok if you wish to give up chemo it is your choice but we will need to call in hospice, he heard that and chose to continue with the chemo. He still is able to do some himself, he tries to help out around the house as much as he can. I do not ask for help at all I will let him do what he thinks he can do safely. He has had some memory loss not sure if it was the radiation, the chemo or just the brain mets themselves so he is watch closely doing things just in case he forgets. I call him 4 times a day from work just to remind him to take his medication and once just to chat over "lunch". He has been out of work since August 1 2008 and just roams around the house from boredom. I have tried to find things that might help keep him moving, whether it be models or something but he just says he doesn't want anything to do, but he pretty much stays in the house and chooses not to go anywhere but the dr's. My big thing is the guilt. I know as a caregiver and really in a sense only being mid way there for like i said he can still do a pretty good deal himself. I feel guilty if I go to a relatives house and he doesn't want to go, he is never home alone there is always someone here if I decide to go out for a cup of coffee, but when I do I sit there thinking I need to get home. We have a Christmas party coming up at work and some of the staff ask if I was attending and I decided not to go. I know he would have company here at the house, our daughter and him love to hang out and watch t.v., but I can't force myself to go. I know he can't go this year, he tires to easily and he doesn't like the cold, so he had no intentions on going but said for me to go. I have been told I need to take time for myself but how? I go out maybe once a month that doesn't consist of grocery stores, doctors or work to sit with a relative 4 blocks from my home long enough to choke down a cup of coffee then rush home for I feel guilty leaving. Is this normal? Should I be home all the time? I finally went and had my hair done after months of holding off and I just told my hair dresser to make it quick but even. Any suggestions would be helpful.