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anybody out there lost their life partner

leftbehind
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2007

Barbara and I were together for 9 years and she passed away three weeks ago. I took care of her for six months and the last day came unexpectedly. I knew it was going to come, just "not today" or that day. I have been taking care of things and running around to stay busy, but now I am tired of running and am just starting to deal with loosing her. Everyone is around in the beginning, but then you go through all your phone contacts and no one answers.

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

Hi!
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am not a surviving caregiver, but evey so often I just browse through the topics to see if any questions or posts are going unanswered. My name is Susan, I am a colorectal cancer survivor. I was just thinking that you should try posting on the "caregivers" discussion group since it is more active than this one. Also, you might consider posting in the "lesbians talk about cancer" section. Maybe someone there could help you out more. I hope you are feeling a little bit better now. I can't imagine what loosing someone like that would be like, but you are probably doing the best you can by trying to stay busy. Just remember to take the time you need to grieve. That amount of time is different for everyone.
Take care, I hope this helps,
Susan H.

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

My sincere sympathies on your loss. I am a caregiver, hubby stage IV just had what we hope is a successful liver resection for liver mets from colorectal cancer. It's such a roller coaster of emotions for us caregivers. I can only imagine what your going through. I don't know how I would react were I to lose my hubby of 32 years. You need to allow yourself time to grieve now and maybe join a support group of surviving caregivers in your area. Check with the American Cancer Society close to you. Know that your loved one is at peace now and there is no disease where she is . God Bless, keeping you in my prayers. Let us know how you are doing.
Diane

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Hello,
I am not an expert on your question, but wanted to say that someone has read your post and you have my sincere condolences for your loss.

I am a caregiver for 3 years of my husband with Stage IV colon cancer. I do know the feeling that you realize it may be in the future of losing your loved one, but "not today".
I lost my brother 17 years ago to lung cancer and my sister in a car accident when I was very young. I still miss them and still carry that "lost" feeling at times. I do know that when people say you "will get over it"--they are wrong. You never "get over it", you just learn "to get on with it". That probably does not help you at the moment though.
I hope you have found some peace with your loss.
I have been posting on the colon cancer site and I just learned this discussion board even existed. I am not sure why this is not included with the caregiver discussion board - maybe together the 2 boards could get more of a discussion board that would be there for all of us that need it. If you are reading this Dana (he is the CSN guy) -would that be possible?

You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
Mary Kay

oneagleswings
Posts: 425
Joined: Jan 2005

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife..my husband is in the end stage of terminal crc and although my head tells me it will be soon that I will loose him..my heart tells me not today...I hope you can find a support group that will help you work through this time of sorrow...you are in my prayers.
Bev

sue45
Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2007

think we need some one to talk to 24 7 when we lose our other half.the hurt never leaves

manna1qd's picture
manna1qd
Posts: 48
Joined: Dec 2007

I am sorry for your loss. My father died a number of years ago. I know it hit my mother very hard. It isn't possible to know how difficult it will be until it happens. She had some very good friends who stayed with her emotionally for the long haul. She went out whenever asked. I must admit I wasn't a big help to her due to my location and time of life but for me, it kept me going. For various reasons, some people just aren't around when you need them. I always recommend a communitiy of faith. There are usually support groups and generally, people available to lean on through your grief. Hugs.

PFitzUS
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2007

I lost my husband, the love of my life, just over 3 weeks ago. It doesn't seem real or imaginable that after 23 years he could be gone. He fought melanoma valiantly, always believing we could beat it. I miss him so much it literally hurts my heart. I understand the pain you feel. I only hope that as time passes we start to remember them with smiles instead of tears. They would never want us to hurt so much. My sympathies to you and to all the others who have lost their loved ones.

cblackwell
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2008

John left me 8 weeks ago from small cell lung cancer. We have been married 42 years. High school sweethearts. Five kids and three grandkids. I cry every day. I just wonder if it ever gets better? It seems so unfair. We just got our last kid raised a year ago and took a trip to Mexico and thought we would get to do plenty of fun stuff now that they were all grown. What will I ever do with myself? I just don't know. I guess I have no answere for you if I have none for myself. Peace and love in Christ. Carol in MO

arbrab's picture
arbrab
Posts: 55
Joined: Nov 2007

I know where you are coming from. I lost my husband of 34 years 1 year ago 2007 March 28. I didn't get to stay in our home, so I hope that you are lucky enough to at least do that. I tried the support groups at the Cancer Center. They weren't for me. Have to keep on track with the dicussion. I went to the Chat room here at CSN. They are angles with alot of help, and will help you with anything they can. Not everyone is a caregiver, but it doesn't matter. You need people to talk to about what you are going through. And you are right, all the friends that you thought that you had are gone. It happened to me to. If you have family close by be thankfull for that. Please don't let anyone talk you into anything you don't feel comfortable with. Getting rid of things you don't want to doesn't help with your greiving. I have a problem with remembering our life together. I don't know if that is denial, but be prepared for anything and everything. Nobody knows what you are going through but you. And everyone is different. All the sorry's in the world don't help your greif. I wish you the very best. And it does get better with time. But you have to keep busy, even if it's going through her things and crying. My husband Richard did the yard work, and when he passed I sat in the front yard doing what he was surposed to do and cryed all day long. Did it help? Well, I really don't know. I miss him so much everyday. You could also write in a journal, yell, scream, do whatever you need to do to get your feeling out. Take one day at a time, and remember that you had nine wonderful years.

sdloach
Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2008

I lost my husband 3 weeks ago today......we have a 13 year old daughter. i stay strong for her. i miss him more than life itself. he was my world, my life , my rock. he was only 55 yrs old. i am a 47 year old widow. we were marrid for 17 years. God why did you take him from me??? please help me deal with this...............

arbrab's picture
arbrab
Posts: 55
Joined: Nov 2007

My husband was also 55 when I lost him in 07, we had 34 years together and 5 grandchildren. The last 2 will never know what a grear grandpa he truely was. I ask the same question that you do, everyday. Why did he have to go when he was such a good man, did everything for everybody and never took credit for anything he did. My only answer is from a song long ago. Only the good die young. does it help, NO!! But he was needed elsewhere, that's what I beleive. My sister told me that I'm young enough to find someone else. Boy, I could have slapped her right then and there. I don't want anyone else. I want him back... So I know the heartbreak that your feeling. We did everything together, and maybe he wasn't Mr. Perfect, but he was mine. And I don't want someone else to replace him. Be strong for yourself too. Cry when you need to. Talk to your daughter about things if she wants to. You both need that more than you know. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is tired of me saying the same things over and over. But that's all I have left of him. Be strong, it does get easier with time.. I still have a hard time some days. but I'm trying

sandyjg
Posts: 71
Joined: Jun 2006

I read your post and feel for you. I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and feel so lost and lonely. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to have a young child to care for. The hardest part for me is getting over his actual "death". He had Stage IV for 3 years when he passed away and did well until the past year. The last 8 months were so very hard and sad. He developed pneumonia and was in the hospital 8 days and came for 17 hours on hospice. I have trouble remembering anything other than the last sad scary days. I was not at all prepared for the process of death. I am pretty angry that no one prepared me for this, I was totally in the dark and thought he would come home and we would go back to life as it was. I promised him that I would not let him suffer and was not able to do that.

cajundude71665
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2008

I know how you feel, I lost my father just 2 weeks ago. I took care of him for 4 years. He was diganosed on June 12 with a brain tumor and he passed on the 24th, four days before my birthday. So the running around I can understand

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