Sep 16, 2007 - 12:39 am
I dont have a partner with cancer, which is perhaps what this discussion topic was intended for. But I guess Im feeling especially lonely tonight and thought someone might be able to relate.
My dad was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer earlier this year. And sometimes, its really hard because I dont have that many people to talk to about it that really understand. I mean, I can start talking to my friends about it but all they say is yeah, thats tough.
I dont want to think of my dad as dying. I cringe when people respond and say I lost my __2 years ago to lung cancer. Because they think they can actually relate to me And they probably can but every time its a reminder of the probably outcome. And I really dont want to believe it.
And Im soo busy with school and work and then trying to deal with this. And I go home, and its so depressing. My dad has changed. I mean not in a bad way but just different. Along with always being tired and weak. And we never really do anything anymore. What can we do? He gets so tired so fast. And its not that Im not trying. Theres not much hope out there for lung cancer And thats why Im so frustrated with my ___ died last year of lung cancer posts. They are soooo depressing for me. (not saying they shouldnt be posted)
And there are a few with hope but it seems like the people that do contact me, contact EVERYONE if you know what I mean...Anyway .I found an alternative treatment website that has hope. THE FIRST IVE SEEN! Granted, it may not work. But what if it does??? I have lost so much faith in oncologists and chemotherapy and yes Ive half-way bought into the detoxification crap (whos to say if its crap) People have hope there. Its hope. And that is what I need right now. But I keep getting in these fights with my dad. Its like a constant battle .I dont want to be annoying or unsympathetic. But come ON.
He doesnt have a lot of time! And its so hard getting him to follow a schedule and eat and eat. And everyone tells you things change-its the nature of life, to enjoy each and every moment like its the last .but honestly, I dont think Ill ever get there. Its so hard living everyday not knowing if my dad will get through this and what course of action is the best. And whether or not its worth fighting with him. And what to push for and what to let go.
Anyway Im so tired. Hopefully this makes sense. .Thanks for listening.