Aug 21, 2005 - 11:08 pm
Just for tonight, I'm going to be an ungreatful sister. Everytime my brother calls to see how my husband, 49, with side effects from colon cancer, chemo side effects and surgery screw-ups, (36 day hospital stay because of a leak and now scar tissue) is doing, he gives us a "positive attitude" speech if we tell him anything other than "it going great!"
Tonight I had to hear how greatful we should be that routine blood tests came back OK, especially when I expressed how those tests had little to do with the current neuropathy in my husband's feet and how discouraged he was.
I get "the lecture" any time I talk about the "real world" of cancer, the bills, our farm problems with the primary breadwinner sick, or anything else that is actually happening.
Don't people realize that there are times when we (caregivers and patients a like) don't want to hear how "thankful" we should be? Of course I'm glad my husband is still alive...dah! Of Course there are people who are worse off!...but not my brother at this point in time. I often tell him that pointing out to the man who just lost both arms that he is luckier than the man who lost both arms and a leg, doesn't do much to help the first poor guy.
My husband is angry at God right now, doing the best he can to cope with losing his past life style and scared to death. We know all about a "postive attitude" and try the best we can to keep one, but people who aren't living a major disease haven't a clue!
Does anyone else feel this way? What can I say to my brother to get the point across that we are not actors in a TV movie....positve attitude or not, things aren't going so good right now and I really don't want to hear about how fortunate I am. I realize that my brother is just trying to be nice and I'm glad he cares, but HE needs to get real sometimes. I know if the tables were turned, he would be the most depressed person in the world and the "positive attitude" speech would just make him mad...just like it does me.
Thanks for listening!