Moving on

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ripJoAn
ripJoAn Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I hope my story will help others to understand how to cope with a lost one with children. My wife was diagnose with breast cancer in 95, met to the bones in 99, then to the liver in late of 03. My wife JoAn lost the battle with cancer after 9 years of fighting, but my wife won the war against cancer because she is in a better place and pain free now. The biggest regret is that I have not making her life has fun as it should be. Even the cancer has limit her movement she still has energy to go out especially for our son. The one wish that she got before she passed away was that I, our son and her mother was present at the time of her passing. That wish came true, She wanted our son to experience death, and he did. At first he did not open up, nor want to talk about it. We had help from the hospice, which they gave a book about death for children. My wife and my son read the book together. He knows that every life there is a beginning and a ending, and he understand that his mommy is going to a better place. As for I, i'am a closed , tight person who holds everying inside. I have family, friends who gives me support, but I offen shut them out. Thats just the way I am. I grieve in a different way, and I am in alot of stress. I worried about me later, I have a 7 year old to worried about , he is now number 1 to watch/ take care of. My wife was 41 when she passed away, and that is too young in my book... For those who read this message please give your wife/ husband/ children the emotional support that they need. Sometime money is a big issue as it was for me, but I realized that money cannot bring her back..
Remember cancer has no cure and it take whoever it wants. Take the time with your love ones , make them feel like their in top of the world. I lost my chance, hope you don't make the same mistakes. As for me and my son, we are trying to move on with life with her memory in our heart. R.I.P. JoAn. this is for you......

Comments

  • inkblot
    inkblot Member Posts: 698 Member
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    Dear Moving On:

    Your story is so filled with love and tenderness.
    I can't begin to imagine your pain but thank you for sharing here the importance of giving every day the importance it deserves.

    I also want to tell you that we should not beat ourselves up for being human. We all have times in our lives when we wish we'd done things differently. The truth though is that most of us do the best we can at the time. Life is a journey of learning and growing, not being perfect. I'm sure that your beloved wife knew how much you loved and cared for her.

    My deepest sympathies for your loss and may you, together with your precious son find, beyond your grief, the joy and love you both so deserve.

    Love, light and laughter,
    Ink
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
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    How sad for all of you......a husband to lose a wife, a child of 7 to lose a mom, a mother to lose a child, and for a woman to die at 41.
    How wonderful you all were there for her. Oftentimes, men leave. Your presence and support were a blessing. Part of grieving is feeling guilty, even when it's not warranted.
    May you and your family feel joy again in the future;I know I would want that for my family.
  • Snookums
    Snookums Member Posts: 148
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    Thank you for sharing the really important issues in dealing with cancer- family! God bless you and your family- Candy
  • live42day
    live42day Member Posts: 64
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    Your story really hit home for me. My mother died at the young age of 45. She left a sixteen yr old daughter, and myself a 9 yr old. Our father devoted his whole life to raising his girls. He was not one to talk about his grief either. My advice would be to talk to your son about his loss. Through the years, let him know things about his mother like what her personality was like, what some of her favorite thing were. I'm 52 yrs old and I still tear up when I talk about losing my mother. There are so many things I will never know about her. I also would have loved for my father to find someone again, but he never wanted to. Take care of your son and also take care of your own life as well. My heart goes out to you both.
    Janet
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
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    live42day said:

    Your story really hit home for me. My mother died at the young age of 45. She left a sixteen yr old daughter, and myself a 9 yr old. Our father devoted his whole life to raising his girls. He was not one to talk about his grief either. My advice would be to talk to your son about his loss. Through the years, let him know things about his mother like what her personality was like, what some of her favorite thing were. I'm 52 yrs old and I still tear up when I talk about losing my mother. There are so many things I will never know about her. I also would have loved for my father to find someone again, but he never wanted to. Take care of your son and also take care of your own life as well. My heart goes out to you both.
    Janet

    Janet,my mom died when I was 13......not fun to grow up without a mom.....so I know where you're coming from. Sorry your dad never found anyone thoughout all these years. That seems so sad to me.
    Sue
  • judiek
    judiek Member Posts: 71
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    Dear Moving on,

    There are no words to express my sympathy to you and your son. JoAn sounded like a courageous person who gave life her all. I'm new to this site but I want you to know I'll keep you in my prayers. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. God Bless you

    Warm Regards

    Judie
  • bunnie
    bunnie Member Posts: 233
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    Hi moving on.Thanks for sharing with us.I was dignosed with cancer dec 23,02 had mastecomy to left breast in Jan 23 ,03 did chemo and was done with that in apirl 03.And know just last month they found the cancer back in the lungs so know iam back too taking chemo just had my second treatment Yesterday.so far all is going well i do have some spots on the rib cages also all i can hope for is that i beat this thing.I thank my lucky stars every day for the loving husband i have.He has taken this cancer thing the second time around much harder than he did the first time i dont know if it is becase with breast cancer they could remove the breast and where as it is in the lungs this time they cant we both relize that this is a very serous thing and i may not beat it but we are hoping i do and we are enjoying life to it's fullest.We are not going to work as much over time this summer so that we may enjoy what time we have left together becasue this stage of the game we never know when this nasty thing called cancer is going to take me so while iam on this earth iam going to fight with all my might.I wish you and Your son the best of luck on moving on i know how hard it is too loose a love one.but i could never imagin the lost that your felling over loosing your soul mate.Our wishes and with you.Bunnie