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The blues

Jennifer68
Posts: 12
Joined: Jul 2003

I had surgery 9/10/03, a total thyroidectomy and partcial neck dissection. I had a high dose of I131 the end of October and so far my thryoglobulin levels have decreased remarkably. I have seen the surgeon twice with another check up for May. I just saw the Endocrinologist around Christmas and everything looks good...or so they say. I shouldn't need another scan until 9/04 as long as everything keeps goining as well as it has been. I have tried to keep a real good outlook. I know this is 98% curable. BUT...I am so out of sorts. I have a hard time being motivated, I think I am depressed, I want to cry all the time. I keep my self going as best as I can for my children (I have four). The doctors say my TSH is at normal levels so my synthryoid is probably going to stay at the current level. I really don't want to see a psyc I don't want to be on anymore meds. I know in my head I should not feel this way but try telling my emotions is another story. Did anyone else have a hard time coping once the main surgery and treatment had finished? I don't think I am fearful of the cancer. I just feel like my life fell apart for a few months and I can't seem to pull it back together. I would love to stay in bed all day but with a family and a pt job I can't. Its a vicious circle I don't want to do anything and then I feel guilty and disgusted that I feel this way. Does anyone have any suggestions?

ConnieM
Posts: 9
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Jennifer:
You have gone through a lot, and you have to give yourself time to completely recover. It takes months to heal properly not just on the outside but inside. Also, don't forget, you had to face your own mortality for a little while, and it takes time to get back to normal. Don't just look at this difficult time as a negative, but see it as a turning point in your life. This can give you the opportunity to re-assess your priorities. Most of all be grateful that you have such a "good" cancer with such excellent chances of recovery. I have been battling ovarian cancer since 1999 and am still not done with it. But I have changed my outlook. I am grateful for every month and every year I have. Just get up in the morning, marvelling at the fact that the sun is shining, your kids are healthy,your husband loves you, etc. There is so much you have to look forward to!
And if you just can't get into a positive frame of mind, that's ok too! Just give yourself time! It will get better.
Lots of hugs,
ConnieM

CindyC
Posts: 27
Joined: Mar 2003

Jennifer, It is a hard thing to go through as it is Cancer. I had surgery in Nov.99. It turned out to be Papillary Carcinoma. When I went into surgery I did not know if I had Cancer. I am still dealing with this four years later. I have had two treatments now. The blood work is the best that it has ever been now. We all feel as you do as we walk in the same shoes. I have found fun positive things to dwell on. I lost weight and love the clothes plus I have improved my health with this and I go for manicures now and have beautiful nails. This makes you a stronger person and that helps to keep you feeliing good about yourself. It is better a long the way and life becomes normal again. Even just not seeing a Doctor every time you turn around is a GREAT feeling. Now it is a routine just as a yearly checkup.Get out and walk as that also is a great way to relieve the stress and walking is a good thing for our health. Relay for Life has become a very important time for me as this is a time to help others that have a worse Cancer. It is such a wonderful walk. Life is good and we do get back to being US once again. Come to this board as often as you need for support or get on Chat. Cindy

cherrie
Posts: 38
Joined: Oct 2003

I know exactly what you are going through,but the difference is that I had surgery on Aug.1988,I was only 18yrs old.I was 4 months pregnant and I was in surgery for more than 7hrs, but thank God my son is now 15yrs old and very healthy.In 1989 after the baby was born I had the I131 treatment and in 1993 I had another boy that is now going to be 11yrs, and is also very healthy.In 1994 I had another treatment and my last one was Feb.2003 and it was the strongest ever I131 of 152, I felt everything burn inside but I am here. I have to go for another body scan this year to see how everything is. I feel great but I always feel great.All I can tell you is that you have your kids that need Mami,and mami will try to get better and feel better for her kids.I always think of my kids and my family,I have to be the strong one instead of being the other way,I show courage and strenght.It is not easy but you can do it.Just make sure the synthroid your on is the right one and check to see if you need calcium.I take 300mg of synthroid,1200 of calcium and another vitamin D Rocaltrol 100mg daily cause my parathyroids were taken out so,my body does not absorb calcium.You will be fine trust me. Take one day at a time. Love,Cherrie

mandolinv
Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2004

Jennifer -
I'm 26, I had my surgery on October 28, 2003. I feel your pain. I know I'm depressed. It was really bad when I was figuring out my meds, but they are getting better and closer to where they should be. My energy levels are fine, I stopped gaining weight, but I am still just so sad. It's just like this little black cloud following you, you just want to sit and do nothing, or sleep. I keep hoping it's just winter blahs, but something tells me it's more than that. I don't know if it is going through so much or if it's trying to come to grips still with the fact that I had 'cancer' at such a young age. It's all very hard to deal with emotionally. My friends and family keep asking whats wrong with me. My mom always tells me to get my meds figured out, but they are...and it's just not fair the way everyone thinks you should be fine and pop right back into your normal self. I want to feel the same, but I just don't feel like me - emotionally. Anyway, if you ever want to exchange emails, feel free to email me. Today is my first day on the survivors network, and I already feel a little better just knowing I'm not alone. - thanks - mandolinv

cyfan2000
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2004

My wife has papillary thyroid cancer. The lump and her thyroid were removed about 3 weeks ago. She will have the radioactive iodine soon. Since this is a thread full of women talking about the blues...I have two questions.

1) How can the husband help?
2) My wife suddenly is convinced I'm cheating on her?!? Swear to God I'm not. (All I do is work and come home. Nothing different than the past 12 years we've been married.) Does this "blues" you experienced have any other psychological phenomenon? Paranoia, jealously, etc.

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