Breast Reconstruction and dating

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senabel
senabel Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am 48 yr old successful professsional, single mother and a breast cancer survivor. I had a double mastectomy in '97 and reconstruction. I a was a single mother then. Was dating someone for about 3 months, but he couldn't cope, so he left. I need to share the experience of men's reaction to fake breasts. Mine has been nothing but a long history of rejections. I would like to discuss with others with similar experience, what is the right thing to do. Tried the upfront approach, they ran, tried the "when you are sure he likes you but not madly in love" and they bolted too....what do you do?? I am told, I am a very attractive, athletic woman...what is a problem, do they want a person or just boobs??

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  • miraclemom
    miraclemom Member Posts: 41
    #2
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    Hello,I am 39 and a single mom again.I had a mastecetomy in feb2002 and then the expander procedure done then a implant put in.I've recently started dating again and I know what your going through.You dont want to tell them right away because you first want to see if they are worth telling and if you do will they run.You are not alone in this -it seems that some guys just cant handle the whole cancer thing or a woman who is less then perfect on their upper half.After what we have gone through we are more of a woman then anyone who has perfect breast-we are survivors.Please e-mail me if would like to,would love to hear from you.Lori
  • blossomtime
    blossomtime Member Posts: 98
    #3
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    I am glad to see this posted here. I was divorced 6 months before my diagnosis which was 16 months ago. I feel I have not allowed myself to get back in the dating scene partly because I havent wanted to deal with this issue. I just turned 50 and want to feel the comfort of someone special at some point. I am a professional also with good job and am told I dont look my age. I guess I am trying to say I am nothing to be ashamed of. It will be really interesting to me to see the responses you get. Hang in there, I am sure there is someone special for you.
  • senabel
    senabel Member Posts: 7
    #4
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    miraclemom said:

    Hello,I am 39 and a single mom again.I had a mastecetomy in feb2002 and then the expander procedure done then a implant put in.I've recently started dating again and I know what your going through.You dont want to tell them right away because you first want to see if they are worth telling and if you do will they run.You are not alone in this -it seems that some guys just cant handle the whole cancer thing or a woman who is less then perfect on their upper half.After what we have gone through we are more of a woman then anyone who has perfect breast-we are survivors.Please e-mail me if would like to,would love to hear from you.Lori

    Thanks Lori, I have had the same procedure and chemo. I don't understand it. I have dated for relatively very short periods of time, mostly bright successful men, with baggage too. But somehow, to them theirs is lighter than implants. Last episode of this sorry saga, is I dated this college professor, who was a widower, wife died of heart attack, 50yrs old, I waited to see what kind of person he was, I waited to make sure he really liked me, and I thought because he had lived thru one of life's nasty surprises, he would be more receptive, understanding, well maybe even appreciative...so, before things got serious I decided to tell him. Well, he took it very well right then and there, but then he became distant, no plans, evasive, so I confronted him, he said he needed time to think about it, and I never heard from him again, that was a week ago....So, I feel very discouraged, disappointed but not heartbroken. I think in the future I wil tell them right upfront: this is my story, you want to get to know me that's fine, otherwise, go find a perfect woman...hope your dating experience is happier. I would love to hear that not all men are like that! Mary
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #5
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    Better you should find out now than end up with someone who will run at the first sign of trouble throughout your relationship. Although the reactions you've encountered are disappointing and a sad commentary on some people's values, enjoy life; enjoy dating.
  • bunnie
    bunnie Member Posts: 233
    #6
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    Iam so sorry to hear about your stories.I too have had breast cancer and had a mastecomy in jan.Iam very fortuante that i have a great husband who love me for me and has stuck by me through all of this.Iam thinking of doing reconstruction.But i have thought of what you guys are going throuhg i think what if something happens too my husband would i beable too find another mam that loves me for who iam.Iam not sure why some men cant handle this my only answer is that they are shallow people who dont love women for who we are the love us for our body parts and men like that are not worth your gals time.Hope you all find happines.Amy

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