Mar 12, 2002 - 3:13 pm
I will be going for more colon surgery tomorrow. When I had the bilateral in November I had three different surgeons (Breast, colon and gynocological. I saw a new specialist on March 1. I have been bleeding since the surgery in November. He determined that I needed to have further colon surgery. So I am scheduled to go in tomorrow. I feel good about it, because at least they are still willing to "tinker" with me. I look forward to hopefully being back online next week.
Special Request: Please keep my mother in your prayers. My mother remarried after my father died. Since then she has had minimal contact with my brother and me. My brother hasn't seen her since her wedding. Her husband doesn't want to accept that she had a family prior to marrying him. Over the past 12 years, I have learned to somehow deal with only seeing her at the most one time each year although she lives 20 minutes from us. I am lucky if I get to speak with her on the phone 1-2 times each year. He isolated her from everyone including her parents who died without seeing her in the last few years. They live in a closed community with security so I am not free to drive to see her. I have only seen my mother one time without my stepfather since their marriage. When I asked her to go with me to doctor's visits, hospital, etc. she told me that she couldn't go. So I really don't feel as if I have a mother. Part of it is my stepfather's fault, but she is an educated, intelligent woman who is also responsible for her own actions. I know that even if she can't call because it might show on a phone bill that she could by a phone card or send a card. This is turning into a long story. Right after my father died from colon cancer when I was seventeen, we discovered that my mother had breast cancer. It was stage 1 and she had a lumpectomy. She refused to do any other treatments. When she married she wouldn't even tell my stepfather. Through a revisionist history it is as if it never happened. This has always worried me, because even before she remarried she wouldn't go to doctors appointments or have regular mammograms. Well on Sunday, she called and when I asked how she was she said not well. She went for a colonoscopy and they found a blockage low in the colon. They couldn't remove it or get past it to see if there are any other problems. She is to see the surgeon today. She has been a diabetic since age 2 so that complicates everything. She will need a food tube for the surgery and will be hospitalized longer. I don't even know who her doctors are as they get their medical care on the other side of the state. I tried to call her back after she called me but they have had the phone off the hook since her call. So I sent her a letter with other thoughts that I have had since her phone call. That is the way it has been since her marriage. I am the puppet and she is the puppet master. I really don't know what to do for her. I was able to tell her about my own surgeries. Hopefully, it will just be a huge polyp. But I did try to encourage her that whatever the outcome, no matter what the doctors say she has to stay positive. I told her that we have found that the first doctor might not be the right one, and that you can never accept that the situation is hopeless. I said after all my original doctors refused surgery since they found my situation hopeless.
I don't know, I just didn't know what to do when I received the call. My mother has never known me as an adult. I don't think that she even realizes what Tom and I have been going through. I feel horrible because I will be out of commission in another hospital hours away and I can't be there for her. Although in reality, I can't imagine that my stepfather would let us be there. My husband has no sympathy, because he knows how much I have hurt since she hasn't been there for me. He is right that she has done nothing for me, but she is still my mother and no matter what she has done to me even after all of these years I love her. So the only things that I know to do is to send her cards and to please ask all of you to include her in your prayers. It was really a surreal experience to receive her call on Sunday knowing that I was scheduled for colon surgery this week.
I apologize for rambling! I hope that you all have a blessed week.
Love, Prayer and hugs,