Should I make the suggestion?

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brobar
brobar Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

Hello all. First post here.

A little background:  My 36-year-old wife of 16 years was diagnosed last summer (at 35) with stage-4 colon cancer after giving birth to our second child. Actually she had to deliver two months early because of illness which we found out shortly after to be the cancer. Our first child passed away three years ago this December on her 5-month birthday due to an undetected heart defect known as dilated cardiomyopathy (essentially her heart was three times the size of normal and just gave out). So needless to say, my wife has been through the ringer these passed few years. 

I've done the research... I know the life expectancy numbers for this particular cancer. My wife and I haven't discussed THAT, though I know we will at some point. Our daughter, who is 16 months old now, obviously has no idea of what is going on. My wife's energy level is rarely at a point to where she can give our daughter the attention I'm sure she would love to give. 

I would like to do something for our daughter. Or rather, I would like my wife to do something for our daughter. I would like for her to record some audio of her speaking to our daughter. Specifically I thought it would be nice if she would read/record some bedtime stories for our daughter, and maybe just record her talking and saying whatever she would like. Tell some stories. I think it would be a great gift for our daughter to have some audio of her mother after her mother is gone. I know I would give anything today to have audio and/or video of my father talking to me... he passed away from lung cancer when I was really young, but at least I was old enough to remember him. I'm afraid our daughter may not remember her mom after she is gone. 

But I'm not sure how to be sensitive in approaching the request (or even if I should at all). I feel like doing so might bring the harsh reality to light at a time when I'm sure we both just want to think about her beating this. So why do things that ultimately suggest the end when you are fighting for there to not be an end (so soon)?

My guestion to you guys/gals is, do you think it is a good idea? And if so, how should I bring it up sensitvely? If not, what other suggestions could you offer. 

Thank you so much.

Comments

  • lisat5
    lisat5 Member Posts: 2
    #2
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    Yes, great idea

    I am so sorry you and your wife have to go through this, especially after losing a child. My heart goes out to you.

    I think that is a wonderful idea. I understand that bringing it up with your wife is going to be immensely difficult though. I've been through something similar with my mom this summer, and I think your wife would appreciate you being candid about what is invariably something on her mind, too. I think getting this out in the open will add a lot of richness to your relationship, beyond the act of recording her reading stories for your daughter, but I think that's a wonderful way to start the general dialog, also. Maybe one way to step into it is for you both to do some recordings together, just a thought. So it's less focused on what may be limited time with your wife, and something you could start doing together.

    Wishing you the best during these difficult times. Sounds like you're a wonderful support for your wife - remember to take care of yourself, as well. Thinking of you...

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
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    Hallmark recordable books

    When my husband developed throat cancer, he recorded Hallmark holidaying and a few others. Perfect. 

  • Catholic
    Catholic Member Posts: 86
    #4
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    Its a great idea.  I would

    Its a great idea.  I would take it a step further and record videos of all of you including your wife.  I wouldnt "approach the request" and instead just do it.  I put together photos and videos because its winter and the snow is falling or its fall and the leaves are turning color and both are beautiful events.  There are always good, positive excuses as to why you want to put together a photo or video collection and would just stick with those reasons.   

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