Celebrating b-day today with cancer

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GingerMay
GingerMay Member Posts: 134
in Emotional Support #1

Today is my husband's birthday.  He has cancer and we are celebrating his birthday tonight.  

For the first time ever, we did not make prior plans and are doing this last minute.  I am thankful he feels like going out and grateful he has reached this annual milestone.  Having a birthday is a gift, and I thank heaven.  Thank you, thank you.      

Of the two of us, I am the emotional one and am browsing these boards almost daily.  It helps me feel not so alone.  It gives me somewhere to be that feels OK to me.  I feel guilty that I am addressing my emotional needs, but I guess it is OK to express that here.  

Since his diagnosis I feel like a walking wound, functioning with PTSD, invisible.  I also feel like I'm in a major mid-life crisis.  I hate everyrhing about my life.  I hate my job, I don't like my house, I hate the furniture and I want to redecorate everything.  I want to move to another state.  I know in my husband's condition, he will not even think that minor renovations are needed, so I just keep these thoughts to myself.  I have had a recurring dream that I am pulling out of the driveway and watching our house burn down.  I return later and it is still standing, but is in shambles.  I don't need a psychologist to tell me the subliminal meanings.  

My husband who used to run marathons has trouble getting from the car to the door of the doctor's office.  I ache for what is lost.  He used to always have a smile on his face and it is gone.  The things that made "us" as a couple, aren't very apparent right now.  

There's dysfunction in the family, lack of involvment from some and too much hysteria from others.     

Through all this, we will celebrate his birthday tonight.  I wrapped his present, and I will smile and dress up.  On the outside, nobody will probably even notice what my hellish reality is.  I don't know that things will get better.  I think the reality is that I just need to deal with our new life and accept the uncertain future.    Birthdays are a blessing and I am thankful for today.      

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Comments

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,369 Member
    #2
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    GingerMay, I can't begin to

    GingerMay, I can't begin to imagine what my loved ones thought when they heard I had cancer.  Please know that no one who fights the beast does it alone, and we absolutely couldn't do it without the support of family and friends - as you see, not all can deal with it or know what to say.

    I hope it was a wonderful birthday with your husband and the two of you celebrated each other.

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
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    Yes

    You paint an accurate picture, Ginger.

    It is a tough road and I'm sorry the two of you are on it.

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #4
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    Thanks

    For the dear people replying to my post, thank you.  I am amazed at the wisdom and compassion.       

  • Scotgirl
    Scotgirl Member Posts: 31
    edited October 2016 #5
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    Your post is a great contribution to this community

    GingerMay, I am very new at posting but  your post brought tears to my eyes, I wish I could comfort you and say something that would be life changing but the truth is through your emotional pain you have helped me to realize that as a newly diagnosed cancer person who is feeling very angry and taking it out periodically on my loving husband of 42 years who is my best friend as well and now caretaker, I need to realize that although he does not have cancer, his journey will be life changing and difficult as well. My cancer diagnosis wasn't in his retirement plan after working his entire life he now has nothing but my care and worry about our future to look forward to for now. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in my thoughts.

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #6
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    Thanks, feel like 2 roads intertwined

    Thank you Scotgirl for your generous comments.  I will keep you and your husband in my good thoughts as well.  

    Nobody can ever know how they would react until something becomes a reality in their life.  We're going through this real-time, learning on the fly.  I am amazed how I have been impacted, and am grateful that I am able to be the wife he needs me to be.  That is all I wanted when this began.  

    I am looking for the grace in all of this, which is actually plentiful.  (Another surprise.)  Life will not be the same, but it can still be good.    

     

  • LindaWhitby
    LindaWhitby Member Posts: 3
    #7
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    Happy Birthday

    Though I am late to wish happy birthday to your husband whose birthday was  a month ago, I am motivated with what you wrote about.

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #8
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    LindaWhitby said:

    Happy Birthday

    Though I am late to wish happy birthday to your husband whose birthday was  a month ago, I am motivated with what you wrote about.

    Thank you for the good wishes

    I continue to be grateful for people on this site.  Most of the time I just read the boards, but occasionally it helps to comment too.  Many things said are what I could have said myself and it helps me feel not so alone.    

    Whatever has brought you to these boards, I hope you find comfort here and I also wish you well.  

     

             

     

         

  • hopelovefaith
    hopelovefaith Member Posts: 4
    #9
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    Hi GingerMay, my husband was

    Hi GingerMay, my husband was diagnose with stage 3C stomach cancer. I'm sooo scared of losing him. I tought I would make the most of each day that we are together. He will be celebrating his birthday on December. Im still thinking of ways to celebrate his bday.

    Hang in there!! stay positive :-) treasure the moments with him.

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #10
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    hopelovefaith said:

    Hi GingerMay, my husband was

    Hi GingerMay, my husband was diagnose with stage 3C stomach cancer. I'm sooo scared of losing him. I tought I would make the most of each day that we are together. He will be celebrating his birthday on December. Im still thinking of ways to celebrate his bday.

    Hang in there!! stay positive :-) treasure the moments with him.

    Hope you have a great day

    Whatever you choose to do for your husband's birthday, I hope you both have a great day.  

    I am sorry to hear of his diagnosis.  Yes, it is all very scarey.  I am finding a way to live with cancer being a part of our reality.  Our new normal.  One way is to celebrate events and do things we always enjoyed.  It is very different now, but having faith is helping as well as taking it one day at a time.  

    My prayers go out to you and your husband.       

  • hopelovefaith
    hopelovefaith Member Posts: 4
    #11
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    GingerMay said:

    Hope you have a great day

    Whatever you choose to do for your husband's birthday, I hope you both have a great day.  

    I am sorry to hear of his diagnosis.  Yes, it is all very scarey.  I am finding a way to live with cancer being a part of our reality.  Our new normal.  One way is to celebrate events and do things we always enjoyed.  It is very different now, but having faith is helping as well as taking it one day at a time.  

    My prayers go out to you and your husband.       

    Thank you! it so nice to have

    Thank you! it so nice to have a forum like this. your right, one day at a time :-)

    my prayers to you and your family. God bless

     

     

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