Stress is a 4 letter...wait....6 letter word

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Christie09
Christie09 Member Posts: 2
in Caregivers #1

So, I'm new to this....expressing myself in a Chatroom or Discussion Board.  My first emotional unloading may be too much for some to handle.  Hopefully, this will help me connect with others in my situation.  Caregiving is not for the faint of heart....those weak of constitution....persons of perpetual pesimistic views.....We are warriors....We are advocates....We are the thread that holds the whole thing together.

In 2009, I lost my father to cancer after a short 5 week illness.  Two months later, my maternal grandmother was diagnosed, sent home with hospice and died within 4 weeks.  Between Thanksgiving and Christmas of that same year, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer....not curable, but treatable....Stage 4.  In this same year, I lost my job of 23 years and had to move my familty to care for my surviving maternal grandfather and now diagnosed mother.  Whew!  Not the best of years....

Add to that, an ADHD husband who completely and totally freaked and decided this would be a great time to have a midlife crisis, and you can see why my eye twitches on occasion.  If it were not for Jesus and my girlfriends, I would have run far and away a long time ago.

Fast forward to 2016 and we find 3 generations living under the same roof with one bathroom the size of a telephone booth.  Multi-generational living is not for the weak....and in the midst, I find myself as cook, nurse, laundress, maid, mom, wife, daughter, neice, sister, banker, volunteer....Sigh....seems like I'm forgetting something.

 The long and short of the retoric is this.....I feel like I've been waiting for my mom to die for more than 5 years...Stress and anxiety are beginning to take its toll on this 48 year old mind and body....Anyone else experiencing physical manifestations of overload?  Quivering.....panicky thoughts....doom and gloom running through my head....?

Help me, Obi Wan.....let me know I'm not in this alone....and that I'm really not as crazy as I think I am  :)

 

Comments

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #2
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    You are not alone

    Wow!  You have had quite a journey!  I am profoundly sorry for your loss. 

     

    As many, I have had countless friends and family members fight cancer and some have lost.  5 1/2 years ago my husband was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer and has been on hormone therapy ever since that diagnosis.  His drugs are now being changed some because his body is still producing cancer and is becoming resistent to the hormone therapy.  He doesn't have the taditional 'look' of a cancer patient.  He has his hair, most days are good.  He has symptoms from the treatment which are most pronounced when he gets his shots.  You are so right that being a caregiver is not for the weak or faint of heart.  Like you I have stress on my levels.  I only have my husband in my home (and our cat and dog :) ), but the finance issues are real, trying to keep up with his appointments, prescriptions, moods, and trying to keep things real and finding time for us.....making memories!  There are so many ups and downs. 

    I joined the network a few short months ago after I had a meltdown after a Relay For Life meeting.  Our finances are my biggest stress.  My husband is unable to work due to his cancer, knee issues, blood pressure and heart concerns....so he retired.  I am the primary bread winner and we are struggling to keep up.  I honestly have only survived through my Faith and by the grace of God and the love and support of my family and friends. I talk to God alot and try to fill my spirit everyday. 

    You are not alone!  You are not crazy, but you do need to find some time to re-energize yourself and decompress.  There are several that can probably give you more...I am not as eloquent, but I do mean well and I hope that just being here and posting from time to time helps in a small way.

    God Bless 

     

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
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    Not crazy

    Although my story of caregiving involves my brother, my mother, my daughter and now my husband, I can identify.  A month ago a retina specialist told me I have a hole in my retina and the only way to sustain that kind of injury is extreme emotional stress and would I please tell him what kind of stress I have in my life?  Sure, buddy, pull up a chair.

    So the lesson is we should take care of ourselves or at least say a prayer for one another.  Will add you to my prayer list.  And, by the way, you aren't crazy.  Crazy might give us a little relief!  : )

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
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    HOPE610 said:

    You are not alone

    Wow!  You have had quite a journey!  I am profoundly sorry for your loss. 

     

    As many, I have had countless friends and family members fight cancer and some have lost.  5 1/2 years ago my husband was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer and has been on hormone therapy ever since that diagnosis.  His drugs are now being changed some because his body is still producing cancer and is becoming resistent to the hormone therapy.  He doesn't have the taditional 'look' of a cancer patient.  He has his hair, most days are good.  He has symptoms from the treatment which are most pronounced when he gets his shots.  You are so right that being a caregiver is not for the weak or faint of heart.  Like you I have stress on my levels.  I only have my husband in my home (and our cat and dog :) ), but the finance issues are real, trying to keep up with his appointments, prescriptions, moods, and trying to keep things real and finding time for us.....making memories!  There are so many ups and downs. 

    I joined the network a few short months ago after I had a meltdown after a Relay For Life meeting.  Our finances are my biggest stress.  My husband is unable to work due to his cancer, knee issues, blood pressure and heart concerns....so he retired.  I am the primary bread winner and we are struggling to keep up.  I honestly have only survived through my Faith and by the grace of God and the love and support of my family and friends. I talk to God alot and try to fill my spirit everyday. 

    You are not alone!  You are not crazy, but you do need to find some time to re-energize yourself and decompress.  There are several that can probably give you more...I am not as eloquent, but I do mean well and I hope that just being here and posting from time to time helps in a small way.

    God Bless 

     

    Eloquence

    I think you are more than eloquent, Hope.

    As with your husband, my husband does not look the part of a typical cancer patient.  Jim is a cancer survivor and a victim of successful treatment.  The chemoradiation that killed the cancer so well has caused many systemic issues among which is dysautonomia which has led to DNR bracelets twice over the last year.

    Money.  Struggling to make a path I think I can follow if I lose Jim.

    Have you looked into disability for your husband?  I surely would.

  • Christie09
    Christie09 Member Posts: 2
    #5
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    Thank you...to the moon and back

    Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and comraderie.....I feel so very welcomed and relieved to know I have companions in this same walk we are on....

  • SpTeach
    SpTeach Member Posts: 32
    #6
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    Christie09 said:

    Thank you...to the moon and back

    Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and comraderie.....I feel so very welcomed and relieved to know I have companions in this same walk we are on....

    Wow

    All I can say is wow!  I am/was a caregiver for my wife.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013.  After 17 rounds of chemo, a double mastectomy and another 14 rounds of herceptin things are looking up.  My wife was a rock, although there were some emotional difficulties, she did well.  During this time my Mother-in-law came out to "help".  She refused to cook or clean and decided she didn't want to go to appointments.  She then was hospitalized for a broken foot and had to have a carotid artery cleaned out.  I ran between treatment rooms for a week.  I went to every appointment, every treatment and was there to change her drains and tubing during her mastectomy.  I felt as though I was doing well to help out.  You humble me, I can't imagine the stress that everything together has caused.  I can relate to the financial hardship.  We lost our home, cancer and loss of income, according to our mortgage company, is not a hardship.  God has been good to us, faith is and has been my greatest help.  I feel bad now for thining i had done well......you blow me out of the water, everyone who's posted here.  God Bless and please forgive my whining!

     

     

  • HOPE610
    HOPE610 Member Posts: 28
    #7
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    Christie09 said:

    Thank you...to the moon and back

    Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and comraderie.....I feel so very welcomed and relieved to know I have companions in this same walk we are on....

    I would like to say thank you

    I would like to say thank you to all of you as well!  It feels good to read all of your stories and whether or not the comments are directed to me they all help!  I am glad that I joined this network.  Keep posing everyone....the encouragement renews my Faith.  Stay strong everyone.

    Prayers!

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #8
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    SpTeach said:

    Wow

    All I can say is wow!  I am/was a caregiver for my wife.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013.  After 17 rounds of chemo, a double mastectomy and another 14 rounds of herceptin things are looking up.  My wife was a rock, although there were some emotional difficulties, she did well.  During this time my Mother-in-law came out to "help".  She refused to cook or clean and decided she didn't want to go to appointments.  She then was hospitalized for a broken foot and had to have a carotid artery cleaned out.  I ran between treatment rooms for a week.  I went to every appointment, every treatment and was there to change her drains and tubing during her mastectomy.  I felt as though I was doing well to help out.  You humble me, I can't imagine the stress that everything together has caused.  I can relate to the financial hardship.  We lost our home, cancer and loss of income, according to our mortgage company, is not a hardship.  God has been good to us, faith is and has been my greatest help.  I feel bad now for thining i had done well......you blow me out of the water, everyone who's posted here.  God Bless and please forgive my whining!

     

     

    You are not whining

    You have had a rough go of it, too.

    Caregiving is hard work emotionally, physically and mentally.

    Praying all is well now with you and your wife.

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