sometimes i just feel like giving up...

You might be a paragon of virtue if you are ever sick but your partner is not.  Why she is not does not really matter, at this point.

You are very young to have to carry this.  

Wherever you are a student please see if the have support for you and check where your partner is getting treatments.  Where is her family and yours?  Are others helping with caregiving?  

Please do not postpone your education.  It is important.  

Breathe.  You are not responsible for your partner's happiness or peace of mind or sense of well being. She has ten years on you, sage.  You can't fix this and you can't mother her.

Sometimes love has to be tough: 

When you are on an airplane that is in trouble you are told when the oxygen mask drops down to put yours on first before you help others.  It is true when you are a caregiver too.

sage blue sky said:

Unpredictability of the cancer roller coaster

Thanks for the reply. 

It's a complicated situation,  her dad is busy being a caregiver for her mom.  Her mom has chronic illness as she's had multiple sclerosis for 20 years and is unable to work.  My family is scattered across the country.  As for friends.  Most friends don't really know how to help or are overwhelmed to help.  

We're trying our best.  I know I am.  

She just had her last surgery which lasted 6hrs was for backgrafting and reconstruction.  She's in ICU for the next few days and after that she will come home. .  The cancer experience is so crazy and unpredictable. 

One moment things are ok between us and she's optimistic and hopefully  then the next she's angry and full of rage,  the tamoxifen  sucks. So much mood swings Nd night sweats. Early menopause and menopause is highly underrated.  Humph.  

I will keep coming back here so I can connect with other caregivers and survivors.  The feelings,  unpredictability,  and the roller coaster seems universal.  

Right now I'm at the hospital. 

My partner didn't want to visit and that's putting it lightly.  

Hi Sage Blue Sky,

I am new to this community but I know how rough it can be.  My husband was diagnosed with brain cancer about 3 years ago and is currently in remission but it has been such a rollercoaster.  He didn't experience the mood swings but he certainly experienced plenty of bad days.  I can't tell you how to handle it but just to encourage you to hang in there.  You are definitely not alone and I can definitely relate in feeling overwhelmed and like the whole weight of the world is on your shoulders.  I am extremely grateful that my husband is much better but he's had so many complications after chemo and stem cell transplant that it seems like the medical issues are never ending.  My only advice is to take it one day at a time because if you start thinking about what's ahead or what you've been through, it will be overwhelming.  I hope your partner is doing well and having more good days than bad ones.